Tired.
Otherwise described as exhausted, weary, overworked, pooped out, taxed, and worn out.
These various synonyms of tired have taken over my existence. Working on a high profile project with an ominous deadline has consumed my life. Hopefully this schedule will cease within a month because I cannot take much more. But I am hungry and this demanding project has already and will continue to plunge me into the limelight. I want to shine, I need to shine.
My drive, my ambition have risen to the forefront of my being. This is my moment to take a leap forward. And I have to seize it. So even though I am tired, I will continue to work 70 hours a week for another month because I want to say that I have completed what others before me have not been able to do. Because one day I want the big corner office too.
30 January 2010
25 December 2009
merry christmas
Christmas. A day of quiet filled with bubbly, hound lovin', and BBC.
This Christmas day lies in stark contrast to last year. A year ago today I was frantically getting ready for The Southern Gentleman's visit. Anticipation and hope were overflowing in my little corner of the Austin city limits. The Southern Gentleman's presence in my life has been reduced to the Bela Fleck holiday CD that arrived via the post last week. Quite the change.
But change is welcome here. I'd much rather be tossed about in a sea of change than trapped in the desert of stagnation.
So today amidst the bubbles and BBC, I look forward to the many changes, full of giggling excitement, lurking right around the corner.
This Christmas day lies in stark contrast to last year. A year ago today I was frantically getting ready for The Southern Gentleman's visit. Anticipation and hope were overflowing in my little corner of the Austin city limits. The Southern Gentleman's presence in my life has been reduced to the Bela Fleck holiday CD that arrived via the post last week. Quite the change.
But change is welcome here. I'd much rather be tossed about in a sea of change than trapped in the desert of stagnation.
So today amidst the bubbles and BBC, I look forward to the many changes, full of giggling excitement, lurking right around the corner.
20 December 2009
christmas card greetings
I live for mail that is not of the bill variety. Good, old school Christmas cards is the only Christmas-y thing I do for the holiday; other than that, I am the Grinch.
Today, I had a small collection of cards awaiting me. As I shuffled through the envelopes, I notice an oddly addressed one. Odd due to the names inscribed on the envelope - The Leech and Patsy - as if to be the ex-husband's name. To see that name; it looks so foreign, especially so near my own name.
Of course, it is the first card I open. My morbid curiosity is clearly steering the ship today. Christmas greetings from his aunt and uncle wishing us happiness and stating "would love to hear from you, it's been awhile." Duh!
In August, it was 4 years our divorce was final; in February, it will be 5 years that I moved him out of my home. That is an awful long time. Clearly, The Leech still hasn't informed his family that we are done.
Seriously?! A significant amount of time has passed; our divorce is no longer fresh. In fact, we have been divorced longer than we were ever married. So, why does The Leech continue to keep our divorce a secret from his family? Divorce was not an unusual event in his family as even his own parents were divorced. Why continue living under the veil of secrecy?
Since we split, I have maintained it is The Leech's responsibility to inform his family of our demise. However, that time has come to an end as I want to be free from these random surprises once and for all. I will be sending his aunt and uncle a proper Emily Post-esque note stating that they have not heard from us because there has not been an 'us' for quite some time. One less of Ghost of Christmas Past to stumble across in my future.
Today, I had a small collection of cards awaiting me. As I shuffled through the envelopes, I notice an oddly addressed one. Odd due to the names inscribed on the envelope - The Leech and Patsy - as if to be the ex-husband's name. To see that name; it looks so foreign, especially so near my own name.
Of course, it is the first card I open. My morbid curiosity is clearly steering the ship today. Christmas greetings from his aunt and uncle wishing us happiness and stating "would love to hear from you, it's been awhile." Duh!
In August, it was 4 years our divorce was final; in February, it will be 5 years that I moved him out of my home. That is an awful long time. Clearly, The Leech still hasn't informed his family that we are done.
Seriously?! A significant amount of time has passed; our divorce is no longer fresh. In fact, we have been divorced longer than we were ever married. So, why does The Leech continue to keep our divorce a secret from his family? Divorce was not an unusual event in his family as even his own parents were divorced. Why continue living under the veil of secrecy?
Since we split, I have maintained it is The Leech's responsibility to inform his family of our demise. However, that time has come to an end as I want to be free from these random surprises once and for all. I will be sending his aunt and uncle a proper Emily Post-esque note stating that they have not heard from us because there has not been an 'us' for quite some time. One less of Ghost of Christmas Past to stumble across in my future.
08 December 2009
the wrong kind of thinning
It is official.
My tough thick hot mountain blood has thinned due to my continual presence the ATX. I am cold! The thermostat is set at a constant 70 degrees F and I am still a popsicle!
I suppose it had to happen; after all, this is my third winter in TX. But that doesn't mean I have to like it! I want the fat resident on my arse to thin in the same manner!
If only Lulu would snuggle her warm bony canine next me at night, it may be bearable. Alas, I am on my own as she wants nothing with bed sharing or spooning. Silly dog, she doesn't know what she's missing!
Okay, am very punchy. Time to say good night !
My tough thick hot mountain blood has thinned due to my continual presence the ATX. I am cold! The thermostat is set at a constant 70 degrees F and I am still a popsicle!
I suppose it had to happen; after all, this is my third winter in TX. But that doesn't mean I have to like it! I want the fat resident on my arse to thin in the same manner!
If only Lulu would snuggle her warm bony canine next me at night, it may be bearable. Alas, I am on my own as she wants nothing with bed sharing or spooning. Silly dog, she doesn't know what she's missing!
Okay, am very punchy. Time to say good night !
07 December 2009
too
Long hours lead to long days. I see no end in sight.
Too much work.
Too little time.
Caring too much.
Wanting much more.
Driven to shine.
I hope one day soon, in some fashion, all these hours I put in (from before sun up until well after sun down) pays off in a spectacular way!
Too much work.
Too little time.
Caring too much.
Wanting much more.
Driven to shine.
I hope one day soon, in some fashion, all these hours I put in (from before sun up until well after sun down) pays off in a spectacular way!
04 December 2009
are men like wine?
The Day Job has become all-consuming leaving me time or energy for much else.
My flying date for early November was canceled due to our friend, Mother Nature ensure a storm surrounded the city; instrument flying only. We all know what happened when JFK, Jr. decided to do a little instrument flying. The jaunt was rescheduled for mid-December.
Clearly, the planets are aligned such that I am an older man magnet. The pilot is a member of the older man club and it appears there is a second older man interested in my world. This second man, Trotter, is handsome and does not look as old as he is. I have decided to overlook the decade-plus difference in our ages and encourage his advances. I am sure this older man fandango will give me a fair amount of writing material.
My flying date for early November was canceled due to our friend, Mother Nature ensure a storm surrounded the city; instrument flying only. We all know what happened when JFK, Jr. decided to do a little instrument flying. The jaunt was rescheduled for mid-December.
Clearly, the planets are aligned such that I am an older man magnet. The pilot is a member of the older man club and it appears there is a second older man interested in my world. This second man, Trotter, is handsome and does not look as old as he is. I have decided to overlook the decade-plus difference in our ages and encourage his advances. I am sure this older man fandango will give me a fair amount of writing material.
24 November 2009
insights from the universe
One day it will all be a distant memory, Pats, yet I can tell you now, with the supreme confidence of someone who's gone ahead in time to know, that you'll look back on this life and be so flush with love and admiration for yourself, your journey, and who it made you, that you'll wonder, as I do now, how it could possibly have escaped you then.
Maybe this will help.
Your greater-self,
The Universe
Maybe this will help.
Your greater-self,
The Universe
13 November 2009
Day 13: Friday Looking Forward
Tomorrow I am having lunch with a work colleague. I rarely socialize with fellow worker bees. I have drawn a very clear black line between work-Patsy and rest-of-waking-hours-Patsy.
On top of this, it is a male colleague. Cue huge red def-con five lights as any situation like this tends to be a big no-no in my books. However, I agreed to meet him.
He is flying down here as he is a pilot. As if to be the one flying the plane down here himself. Yeah. We are going to have lunch and then he is going to take me flying. How crazy is that?!
Sure he is older than me - probably by a lot more than I'd like to imagine; but it is an innocent afternoon. And I get to go flying in some level of crop-duster!
Maybe I should bring the baby bottles of airline booze with me so I can channel my inner air hostess?
On top of this, it is a male colleague. Cue huge red def-con five lights as any situation like this tends to be a big no-no in my books. However, I agreed to meet him.
He is flying down here as he is a pilot. As if to be the one flying the plane down here himself. Yeah. We are going to have lunch and then he is going to take me flying. How crazy is that?!
Sure he is older than me - probably by a lot more than I'd like to imagine; but it is an innocent afternoon. And I get to go flying in some level of crop-duster!
Maybe I should bring the baby bottles of airline booze with me so I can channel my inner air hostess?
12 November 2009
Day 12: Remembering
Prior to heading out on holiday, you might remember a post about The Queen and her terminal diagnosis. I had planned to head out to see her once I returned. However, similar to her and my traveling companion, Helen last year, The Queen died while I was away.
Of course, I was told while in Amman and felt very helpless. The Queen and Helen spoke so highly of Egypt and Jordan and I thought of their stories often throughout. So in that respect, the many stories they shared with me will always be with me as I travel.
I had so looked forward to talking about my holiday with The Queen upon my return; comparing notes and stories. These two very special old ladies left me way too soon.
Of course, I was told while in Amman and felt very helpless. The Queen and Helen spoke so highly of Egypt and Jordan and I thought of their stories often throughout. So in that respect, the many stories they shared with me will always be with me as I travel.
I had so looked forward to talking about my holiday with The Queen upon my return; comparing notes and stories. These two very special old ladies left me way too soon.
11 November 2009
Day 11: Resurrection
Last week The Southern Gentleman began attempting a resurrection. It started with a phone call on Thursday evening. As Alexander and I were en route to dinner, I did not answer my mobile.
On Saturday evening at 8:02 PM, I received the following text message from him: "What z up in Austin 2nite?"
To which I replied at 8:34 PM: "In a hot dress celebrating my bday waiting for the spazmatics to start playing."
Then at 8:43 PM he followed up with this: "Sounds like the beginning of a rockin bday time! Wish I was there 2 celebr8 n enjoy ur sexiness. Drink water every other beverage. B safe n enjoy the 80s tunes!"
Upon my resulting silence as I was too busy having fun, The Southern Gentleman proceeded to call me at 10:42 PM.
A man on a mission, he called again on Sunday afternoon. Alexander and I were watching a movie, so The Southern Gentleman spent more quality time with my voicemail.
On Monday night, I decided to return his call. For a man who has explained to me on several occasions that a) he will only call someone - be it friend, girlfriend, total stranger - only once; if the person does not return his call, he will not continue calling and b) he does not like talking on the phone.
Let's do the math, shall we? He called me 3 times and only after 3 times over 5 days did I return his call. Our phone call went for 1 hour 15 minutes and I was the one who tried to several times and ultimately did end the phone call. The Southern Gentleman asked a lot of questions and was genuinely interested. Highlights of our conversation included:
TSG: I didn't remember it was your birthday, but that must have been why I felt such a strong urge to call you.
TSG: I should have started my business in the mid-90s.
Patsy: But then you would have never met me, Just think of how sad and boring your life would be without me in it.
TSG: You do have a point there.
TSG: Spring would be a wonderful time for me to make a trip to Austin. I was there about this time last year, right?
Patsy: Not really. You arrived the day after Christmas.
TSG: Wow, I sure got you a nice Christmas present last year then.
Patsy: You never heard any complaints from me.
After more than an hour, I finally ended our conversation. My heart isn't in it any more; it hasn't been for awhile. His eagerness is only momentary. Maybe he is in between girls right now, so thoughts of me bubble to surface. Maybe it is something else. It doesn't matter though because I don't have time for The Southern Gentleman's reindeer games.
On Saturday evening at 8:02 PM, I received the following text message from him: "What z up in Austin 2nite?"
To which I replied at 8:34 PM: "In a hot dress celebrating my bday waiting for the spazmatics to start playing."
Then at 8:43 PM he followed up with this: "Sounds like the beginning of a rockin bday time! Wish I was there 2 celebr8 n enjoy ur sexiness. Drink water every other beverage. B safe n enjoy the 80s tunes!"
Upon my resulting silence as I was too busy having fun, The Southern Gentleman proceeded to call me at 10:42 PM.
A man on a mission, he called again on Sunday afternoon. Alexander and I were watching a movie, so The Southern Gentleman spent more quality time with my voicemail.
On Monday night, I decided to return his call. For a man who has explained to me on several occasions that a) he will only call someone - be it friend, girlfriend, total stranger - only once; if the person does not return his call, he will not continue calling and b) he does not like talking on the phone.
Let's do the math, shall we? He called me 3 times and only after 3 times over 5 days did I return his call. Our phone call went for 1 hour 15 minutes and I was the one who tried to several times and ultimately did end the phone call. The Southern Gentleman asked a lot of questions and was genuinely interested. Highlights of our conversation included:
TSG: I didn't remember it was your birthday, but that must have been why I felt such a strong urge to call you.
TSG: I should have started my business in the mid-90s.
Patsy: But then you would have never met me, Just think of how sad and boring your life would be without me in it.
TSG: You do have a point there.
TSG: Spring would be a wonderful time for me to make a trip to Austin. I was there about this time last year, right?
Patsy: Not really. You arrived the day after Christmas.
TSG: Wow, I sure got you a nice Christmas present last year then.
Patsy: You never heard any complaints from me.
After more than an hour, I finally ended our conversation. My heart isn't in it any more; it hasn't been for awhile. His eagerness is only momentary. Maybe he is in between girls right now, so thoughts of me bubble to surface. Maybe it is something else. It doesn't matter though because I don't have time for The Southern Gentleman's reindeer games.
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