I should have said something last night when he grabbed my ass. But I was mortified. The world slowed and time stopped. The only thought circling in my little pea brain was "did he really just do that".
I had never thought in a million years a manager would do that, any employee at all for that matter. never. ever.
I am immune to the old men talking shit about me. Talk is exactly that ~ talk. But laying a hand on me is another situation entirely.
Of course, he is everywhere I am today. I am not my usual friendly self toward him. He thinks he is a ladies man.
Now I do not prance around the office in short skirts or low cut tops. I dress professionally and try to look good for myself every day. I do not flirt or encourage any level of inappropriate behavior. I work with a bunch of old men, whom I used to see as harmless. I do not look at them like that anymore.
I am not some beautiful supermodel kind of gorgeous. I am pretty, take decent care of myself. I did not deserve to have that manager violate me. The shock is gone, leaving me with anger. It must be visible because a co-worker mentioned that I look haggard and frazzled.
urgh.
29 November 2007
28 November 2007
never ok
this is gonna be short, kids. i am upset. upset does not do justice to how i feel right now.
i was at a non-sanctioned work function tonight. sanctioned or not, it was still all work peeps all the time. as i was exiting the function, a manager told me good night. said manager hugged me. while hugging me, he proceeded to grab my ass. not once, but twice.
shocked. mortified. disgusted. pissed off. disappointed.
i was at a non-sanctioned work function tonight. sanctioned or not, it was still all work peeps all the time. as i was exiting the function, a manager told me good night. said manager hugged me. while hugging me, he proceeded to grab my ass. not once, but twice.
shocked. mortified. disgusted. pissed off. disappointed.
27 November 2007
caught off guard
yesterday was a weird one. monday... a monday i am not sure to forget simply because of my being utterly and completely caught off guard.
cue a ping by montana man. conversation develops as i am not leaving town until the evening, whereas, he'd thought i was already gone. i sarcastically apologize for an innocent statement. the zinger hits ~ "i'll have to come over and spank you good" says montana man.
excuse me? i do not play along. he is dating someone else. i am done with him. he does not give up. he keeps sexually slated speak going. as if to tell me he is hard sitting there at his cubicle. he wants us to have sex "for closure." i keep typing no. i use his words against him ~ "you're a taken man" "this is called cheating" "you were upset when you found out your ex had cheated on you when you were married" "no"
montana man had this perfectly reasoned in his head. to him, this proposition would not be cheating. he would not tell her anything. it was only about us. he did not see anything wrong with the fact that he is dating another woman but is hard at his desk thinking about me.
something is rotten in the state of his current relationship.
i finally conceded but not for the reasons you may think. there is an outstanding loan for a considerable amount of cash. he has dodged signing the promissory note for some time now. i conceded knowing he'd be in my home and i'd finally be able to get the piece of paper signed.
some days, a gyrl has to do what a gyrl has to do. yesterday was one of those days. i got that piece of paper signed with more ease that i thought possible.
funny thing was that after we had sex, he did not leave. he stayed and talked for like two hours. i think he missed more than our intense physical connection, he misses our conversations too.
my observations about his new sex life: lacking oral, roll your eyes orgasms, lights are never on. he was eating up the oral portion of the program, even more so than usual. he was not displaying the level of control that he once commanded. his eyes were trained on mine the entire time. he did not blink, he did not look around, his eyes were locked on my eyes the entire time and then some. it was rather unnerving. he talked about the tingle in his toes that he had forgotten about.
this was not like our past fcuk buddy encounters of long ago. this was on par with our fresh days of new relationship sex. it was weird. there were his passionate kisses the nanosecond he entered the door. savoring and caressing my body as clothing slowly came off. he held me long and tight post-coitus. all these things tell me something is not right with his current relationship.
but i do not want to venture down relationship road with montana man again. the mid-morning rendezvous was exactly that - a mid-morning rendezvous where i got a completed legal document with the much needed signature.
i was shocked that after all his expounding of happiness that montana man came looking for sex. i never anticipated this happening. after a break up ~ yes. not during a relationship though.
i am sure there was some or all sorts of motivation, games running though his mind, fueling this entire encounter. i have no time to dissect it nor do i care. i am merely keeping a record to file under wacky things that only happen to me.
cue a ping by montana man. conversation develops as i am not leaving town until the evening, whereas, he'd thought i was already gone. i sarcastically apologize for an innocent statement. the zinger hits ~ "i'll have to come over and spank you good" says montana man.
excuse me? i do not play along. he is dating someone else. i am done with him. he does not give up. he keeps sexually slated speak going. as if to tell me he is hard sitting there at his cubicle. he wants us to have sex "for closure." i keep typing no. i use his words against him ~ "you're a taken man" "this is called cheating" "you were upset when you found out your ex had cheated on you when you were married" "no"
montana man had this perfectly reasoned in his head. to him, this proposition would not be cheating. he would not tell her anything. it was only about us. he did not see anything wrong with the fact that he is dating another woman but is hard at his desk thinking about me.
something is rotten in the state of his current relationship.
i finally conceded but not for the reasons you may think. there is an outstanding loan for a considerable amount of cash. he has dodged signing the promissory note for some time now. i conceded knowing he'd be in my home and i'd finally be able to get the piece of paper signed.
some days, a gyrl has to do what a gyrl has to do. yesterday was one of those days. i got that piece of paper signed with more ease that i thought possible.
funny thing was that after we had sex, he did not leave. he stayed and talked for like two hours. i think he missed more than our intense physical connection, he misses our conversations too.
my observations about his new sex life: lacking oral, roll your eyes orgasms, lights are never on. he was eating up the oral portion of the program, even more so than usual. he was not displaying the level of control that he once commanded. his eyes were trained on mine the entire time. he did not blink, he did not look around, his eyes were locked on my eyes the entire time and then some. it was rather unnerving. he talked about the tingle in his toes that he had forgotten about.
this was not like our past fcuk buddy encounters of long ago. this was on par with our fresh days of new relationship sex. it was weird. there were his passionate kisses the nanosecond he entered the door. savoring and caressing my body as clothing slowly came off. he held me long and tight post-coitus. all these things tell me something is not right with his current relationship.
but i do not want to venture down relationship road with montana man again. the mid-morning rendezvous was exactly that - a mid-morning rendezvous where i got a completed legal document with the much needed signature.
i was shocked that after all his expounding of happiness that montana man came looking for sex. i never anticipated this happening. after a break up ~ yes. not during a relationship though.
i am sure there was some or all sorts of motivation, games running though his mind, fueling this entire encounter. i have no time to dissect it nor do i care. i am merely keeping a record to file under wacky things that only happen to me.
26 November 2007
Tagged
I gots tagged by KE
The Easy Peasy Rules
Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
Share 7 facts about yourself.
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
7 Random Facts
The Easy Peasy Rules
Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
Share 7 facts about yourself.
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
7 Random Facts
- My jaw is ever so slightly crooked
- I did not attend my senior prom
- Getting divorced was the best thing I ever did for myself. I am proud of my strength to through with it.
- Late bloomer. I only lost my virginity after graduating from college
- Vueve is my favorite champagne
- I hate my thighs
- Vacuuming. I detest it.
The 7 Victims
25 November 2007
Sunday Phone Call
True to his word, The Southern Gentleman did call me this evening.
Honestly based on his rubber band behavior, I was prepared for him not to call (while we all know I was secretly hoping and praying he would). We spoke for 22 minutes. He filled me in on his weekend and things on his list for the coming week. He asked about some of my statements from my e-mail relating to things I am currently facing ~ cha-cha-changes a la work related.
He said he was hung over today after his fun Saturday. The fact that he likes to have fun, live life is very important to me; however, equally important is that he believes work is important and actually does it too.
Today, the Southern Gentleman sounded like his old self, the same man who used to call me every Sunday like clock work. Hearing that familiar tone made me very happy and also provided me the reassurance I needed that I am not simply making all this up. A la Stuart Smally: He does dig me ~ honestly and truly.
Besides, to ease things in my over analyzing mind, the proverbial 34 is rapidly approaching. I am excited to see what happens when the chime finally rings in early February. Will the tides begin to turn as others have spoken about? A little over 2 months away, I can learn to be patient ~ after all the finish line is so close now ~ finally.
Honestly based on his rubber band behavior, I was prepared for him not to call (while we all know I was secretly hoping and praying he would). We spoke for 22 minutes. He filled me in on his weekend and things on his list for the coming week. He asked about some of my statements from my e-mail relating to things I am currently facing ~ cha-cha-changes a la work related.
He said he was hung over today after his fun Saturday. The fact that he likes to have fun, live life is very important to me; however, equally important is that he believes work is important and actually does it too.
Today, the Southern Gentleman sounded like his old self, the same man who used to call me every Sunday like clock work. Hearing that familiar tone made me very happy and also provided me the reassurance I needed that I am not simply making all this up. A la Stuart Smally: He does dig me ~ honestly and truly.
Besides, to ease things in my over analyzing mind, the proverbial 34 is rapidly approaching. I am excited to see what happens when the chime finally rings in early February. Will the tides begin to turn as others have spoken about? A little over 2 months away, I can learn to be patient ~ after all the finish line is so close now ~ finally.
24 November 2007
A little disappointed...
The Phone Call
"So yes, The Southern Gentleman called me on Turkey Day," she says all giddy with excitement.
I had heard the phone ring whilst at my parents but did not bother to see who it was. You know how it is when you try to speak to someone when at your parents' home. Mom is all ears trying to hear every word while pretending to watch HGTV. Dad comes through and his stumbling around in the background is audible ~ simply chaos and constant potential for disaster for this gyrl.
Later in the evening, I finally checked my mobile only to the missed call was indeed The Southern Gentleman. I am immediately intoxicated with happiness and listen to his voicemail. And it was quite the voicemail. He sounded a little tipsy. He apologized for being MIA for awhile, wished me a happy turkey day, he's had a few drinks tonight, he'd been out of pocket with his father, finally home, got my email, sounds like the birthday was rockin', his schedule is looking better for a December visit, he looks forward to speaking with me. I was jumping out of my skin! The Rubber Band effect is on its way back in!!
I did call him back when I got home. His voice lit up when I said hello. Again more apologies. I told him it was freezing here; in fact, I'd been making my little dog sleep with me. To which he replied, "Well how about I come out there and keep you warm." YIPPEE!! More jumping out of my skin!! He filled me in about what he's been doing. We spoke for 40 minutes. He said he'd call me on Saturday or Sunday. It could be next Sunday and I wouldn't care because the rubber band is coming back toward me; just like the book said it would happen.
Patience. That is all I need. Because once his mind is made up, The Southern Gentleman will move at high speed. I simply know it.
I found my notebook from readings with my beloved psychic. The man she always spoke of is The Southern Gentleman. The references fit ~ not because I am forcing the puzzle pieces ~ but because it actually makes sense now. The small references, things I never understood, make perfect sense now.
Should I be saying this out loud? When I am honest with myself, truly honest, about my feelings for this man all these years, I do not need a psychic or anyone else to tell me this man is the "one". My heart has always known it was him. And being that brutally honest with myself has been difficult. I live surrounded by a brick wall that protects my heart from further damage. But I have always wanted to share my heart with him and he with me. Being honest with myself was the first step. Once day, I will be honest with him too. The point is I look forward to being honest with him about my feelings ~ and I am a gyrl who never tells a man how I feel ~ but this time is different, so very different.
It is all there. It is merely a matter of time. I've waited for a very long time. I will have to learn to wait just a little longer.
I had heard the phone ring whilst at my parents but did not bother to see who it was. You know how it is when you try to speak to someone when at your parents' home. Mom is all ears trying to hear every word while pretending to watch HGTV. Dad comes through and his stumbling around in the background is audible ~ simply chaos and constant potential for disaster for this gyrl.
Later in the evening, I finally checked my mobile only to the missed call was indeed The Southern Gentleman. I am immediately intoxicated with happiness and listen to his voicemail. And it was quite the voicemail. He sounded a little tipsy. He apologized for being MIA for awhile, wished me a happy turkey day, he's had a few drinks tonight, he'd been out of pocket with his father, finally home, got my email, sounds like the birthday was rockin', his schedule is looking better for a December visit, he looks forward to speaking with me. I was jumping out of my skin! The Rubber Band effect is on its way back in!!
I did call him back when I got home. His voice lit up when I said hello. Again more apologies. I told him it was freezing here; in fact, I'd been making my little dog sleep with me. To which he replied, "Well how about I come out there and keep you warm." YIPPEE!! More jumping out of my skin!! He filled me in about what he's been doing. We spoke for 40 minutes. He said he'd call me on Saturday or Sunday. It could be next Sunday and I wouldn't care because the rubber band is coming back toward me; just like the book said it would happen.
Patience. That is all I need. Because once his mind is made up, The Southern Gentleman will move at high speed. I simply know it.
I found my notebook from readings with my beloved psychic. The man she always spoke of is The Southern Gentleman. The references fit ~ not because I am forcing the puzzle pieces ~ but because it actually makes sense now. The small references, things I never understood, make perfect sense now.
Should I be saying this out loud? When I am honest with myself, truly honest, about my feelings for this man all these years, I do not need a psychic or anyone else to tell me this man is the "one". My heart has always known it was him. And being that brutally honest with myself has been difficult. I live surrounded by a brick wall that protects my heart from further damage. But I have always wanted to share my heart with him and he with me. Being honest with myself was the first step. Once day, I will be honest with him too. The point is I look forward to being honest with him about my feelings ~ and I am a gyrl who never tells a man how I feel ~ but this time is different, so very different.
It is all there. It is merely a matter of time. I've waited for a very long time. I will have to learn to wait just a little longer.
Black Friday
It was another cold, cold day here at the ranch. I am tired of being so cold.
Did not do any after-Thanksgiving shopping. Shopping holds no excitement for me here. Did go to the new TJ Maxx and the entire time I kept thinking about all the good shopping I was missing out on in SxSW. I have been jaded toward the shopping here after spending a considerable amount of time in the Bay area and NYC. But when even a town as "small" as SxSW compared to the Mile Hi has hands-down better shopping, it simply leaves my little heart yearning for all things SxSW.
I am still in the dewy mist of speaking to The Southern Gentleman last night. But more on that tomorrow because this gyrl has got to sleep!
Did not do any after-Thanksgiving shopping. Shopping holds no excitement for me here. Did go to the new TJ Maxx and the entire time I kept thinking about all the good shopping I was missing out on in SxSW. I have been jaded toward the shopping here after spending a considerable amount of time in the Bay area and NYC. But when even a town as "small" as SxSW compared to the Mile Hi has hands-down better shopping, it simply leaves my little heart yearning for all things SxSW.
I am still in the dewy mist of speaking to The Southern Gentleman last night. But more on that tomorrow because this gyrl has got to sleep!
22 November 2007
21 November 2007
Blah Wednesday
Nothing hot and spicy happened last night. In fact, happy hour was quite, well, I suppose "dead" would be the proper word.
Today has been snow central. My blood has thinned. I have the furnace cranked and am wearing a jacket inside. I have become such a wimp.
I just sent The Southern Gentleman an email. Thanked him for the birthday card. We'll see what our Southern Rubber Band Man is up to.
Montana Man got on my very last nerve today. My patience is wearing thin with him. I look forward to the day when the books are relatively balanced and I can be free of him. Once. And. For. All. His resistance has been so draining on me. I am tired of his shite. So. Tired. I guess that comes with seeing clearly through all his smoke and mirrors. At least I can see through now.
Woo hoo! I get to sleep in tomorrow! I think that calls for a quiet evening of catching up on Pushing Daisies online and a bit of knitting as Christmas is winging its way toward us.
Today has been snow central. My blood has thinned. I have the furnace cranked and am wearing a jacket inside. I have become such a wimp.
I just sent The Southern Gentleman an email. Thanked him for the birthday card. We'll see what our Southern Rubber Band Man is up to.
Montana Man got on my very last nerve today. My patience is wearing thin with him. I look forward to the day when the books are relatively balanced and I can be free of him. Once. And. For. All. His resistance has been so draining on me. I am tired of his shite. So. Tired. I guess that comes with seeing clearly through all his smoke and mirrors. At least I can see through now.
Woo hoo! I get to sleep in tomorrow! I think that calls for a quiet evening of catching up on Pushing Daisies online and a bit of knitting as Christmas is winging its way toward us.
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