oh be still my beating liberal heart

The world has turned upside down here in America.  I think about the pretense of this country - a land of possibility that did not discriminate. 

                                  "Give me your tired, your poor, 

                        Your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free, 

                          The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, 

                       Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, 

                             I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

Everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone faces struggle. Big or small to those of us casually peering in from the outside, an individual's struggle is still that of her own. It is a place where she is challenged, forced out of her comfort zone. Pushed to the limits and beyond into uncharted territory. 

I believe we are all created equal and should have access to all those basic things like education, civil rights and liberties. I believe that we all have a struggle we are working our way through. I believe we are all more alike than we are different. We are human beings and as such our greatest capacity and our greatest goal should be love. Singularly. Pure. Simple. Love. Love. Love.

Today I had an interesting conversation with my mother. I certainly hope that "interesting" reads so laden with sarcasm that the letters literally drip down your screen. 

I drop the dogs off to Fox News and I, the bleeding heart liberal, balk at Trump's Muslim ban. I face a woman known as my mother informing me that it is a good thing. I stand in horror. Absolute, palpable horror. 

Blood pressure through the ceiling, in the calmest manner I can I ask why? After listening to the babble, I can only respond that it has to be an all or nothing as singular group of people is not responsible for all ill as I cite Timothy McVeigh as a perfect example of a non-Muslim who murdered Americans. My mother is not deterred. As such, I pull out the big guns as I say, "your future son-in-law is Muslim so he can never set foot on American soil." That stops her in her tracks and her eventual response is "that's different" although I remind her that in the eyes of The Idiot my Director is Muslim and that is the differentiating factor. 

Here I spend my time contemplating the discrimination I will face one day in India but even through my rose-coloured glasses, the struggle is here too. Discrimination is everywhere. It is too prevalent. 

Tonight I am disappointed in the humans that do not see that we are only here to love. Tonight I am disappointed that my mother, whose grandparents were immigrants to this country during the early 20th century can so easily forget that pertinent fact. Will she love her future Indian-American grandchildren? Will she love me when I follow my heart and soul to India? How did I come from such closed-mindedness?

skydiving lessons

As I diligently cleaned the house today, I pondered the fact that I have never really fit in anywhere. Austin was the exception. There we are a rag-tag group of misfits who love each other dearly and will fight to the death for each other. But Austin is a quiet little utopia of love and happiness for me. Elsewhere, I have never fit in. 

Throughout school, I was always odd girl out due to my love of clothes, my intelligence, painful shyness, less than athletic, naturally curly hair, and any myriad of silly things I have long forgotten. 

Then came university where I was a poor kid in a rich kid's world. I simply wanted out, to be making money, to be free. I left university without any close friends. 

My career has been marked by being the young kid working with people old enough to be my parents. Recently that has changed, but my love of dresses and attempting to look crisp on a daily basis can still be polarizing. 

Why do these thoughts swirl around in my brain? Because as much as I am ready to pack my bags and get myself to Jaipur, I realize I won't fit in at all. I am not ignoring that it won't be easy. There is language, culture, the color of my skin, not to mention prejudice and a million other things I have yet to think of. 

However, my life to date has gifted me with the resilience that has prepared me for this situation. I have no fear as I have faced this challenge for many days that have accumulated into many years. There will always be naysayers, dirty looks, and mean girls no matter where I live. 

I have always followed the tune of my own drummer. Hopefully, I always will because my life has been nothing short of amazing. The people who do love me and accept me for who I truly am will be with me no matter where I reside. My tribe may be small but we are mighty. 

I am surprised at my bravery and stand in awe at it simultaneously. The certainty that courses through my veins is astounding. It is as if I am 30,000 feet in the air standing at the plane door waiting anxiously to jump out with my parachute. I haven't checked my parachute or verified where I should land, but I am dead certain and overflowing in faith that everything is safe and taken care of. I simply need to jump when the door opens. I am ready and waiting. 

demonetization, first impressions, and sweet memories

Thanks to the Indian demonetization, rupees would be difficult to obtain while in India at the beginning of December. My travel abroad always includes some level of local economy stimulation and I must have cold, hard cash in my hands to successfully execute that mission. This girl must bargain and shop for unusual treasures.

Prior to heading off to Delhi, Tour Director and I traded emails about the best way to accomplish acquiring rupees. Tour Director told me to exchange money at the Delhi airport. Easy enough. Since I was sitting at the bulk head in the beginning of the Boeing 777's economy plus section, I was off the plane and through customs in a jiffy. Rather than wait for luggage, I hit up the Thomas Cook money exchange. After waiting in line, I could only exchange $40 USD. I was aghast in horror. So I retrieved my luggage and stood in line at the Punjabi National Bank. Again the line was long and slow but I successfully acquired $80 USD worth of rupees.

Off to exit the airport to meet the company representative to get my well-traveled bum to the hotel. A young Indian kid in his early twenties, yells "Ms. Stone" with the telltale yellow sign beckoning me. We exited and were waiting for a taxi. The air was warm at 11 PM but the distinct and ever present smell of burning was not present in the air as it had been fifteen years ago when I last found myself in Delhi.

The drive to the hotel was lackluster. None of the wild driving as folks stood in their respective driving lanes on the highway. The excessive use of car horns and flashing brights that marked my memories were gone along with the roadside cows and old cars. Everything was new, flashy and orderly.

Arriving at the hotel, I was checked in and ushered to my room. I could see the Cotton Tops from my flight and who would serve as my travel companions sitting in another section of the lobby chatting away.

We were to meet at a hotel conference room at 10 AM the next morning. I had assumed I would sleep well as I had very little restful sleep on the airplane, but my body had other plans and I was wide awake at 5 AM just like any other day when I head into the office.

I headed down to the restaurant for breakfast as I was in dire need of coffee. Restaurant staff is always a little odd about seating the solo woman traveler but I found myself a nice little table for two situated at the back center of the restaurant with an amazing view of everything and everyone. The staff was wonderfully attentive and my coffee cup was always full. Indeed, I was a happy girl.

I truly enjoyed my leisurely breakfast and it was certainly leisurely because I had basically an entire morning to myself - just me and the coffee. At the appointed hour, I headed up to the conference room and saw the group of Cotton Tops congregating. Each chair had an envelope with a name on it. Of course mine was front and center - first row, first chair on the left. The tour director's back was to us as he fiddled with his visual board but he was a tall, fit man. All the Cotton Tops were staring at me and it was very unnerving. Then the tour director turned around and I was surprised by how good looking he was. His smile was simply amazing. Then he spoke and I swear the words danced out of his mouth to my ears. I was not prepared for the Tour Director.

I tell you this short story of our first encounter because it was the first time I laid eyes on the Tour Director; however, he had seen me earlier at breakfast.

While we were in Jaipur on our super secret extended trip, Tour Director shared with me the first time he saw me. It was that same morning but at the restaurant. He said he walked into the restaurant and I was the very first thing he saw and he thought I was so very beautiful. He was trying to find me because I was the only person the trip he hadn't met yet. He wandered around the restaurant looking for a 42 year old American woman. He asked a few women whom he thought fit the profile if their name was Patsy Stone. None were. All the while I was there and he never guessed it was me. He told me I was not at all what he thought because I look much younger than my actual age. He was delighted when he first saw me upstairs at the get-acquainted/introduction lecture.

Why did I tell you all of that? Because Tour Director has started a new tour and we had our little waltz down memory lane while he was on the bus Delhi bound. He asked what my thoughts were when we first met. I shared I was surprised he was my age as I thought he'd be older. that he was very handsome, and all business; I'd never guessed that we'd click so amazingly. In my honest vulnerability that only he elicits, I went on to tell Tour Director that I can't wait to see his fabulous smile again. See him looking into my blue eyes. Falling asleep in his arms. To which he replied, "We gotta figure out something".

My heart danced with joy. I couldn't fall asleep because happy excitement shot adrenaline through my entire body. And we are that much closer to starting our life together.

present and future

The week ended oddly. Unnecessary work drama abound. I hate drama and work drama is the worst.

Earlier this week, I was informed by my manager that the client complained to my VP about me. More importantly, the conversation ended with a statement about my manager being unsure if the VP would do something irrational. Reading between the lines I knew that meant I could very well be fired next week when the VP is onsite.

Pre-India Patsy would have gone haywire calling HR and preparing my legal case, basically bat-shit crazy, worked up and climbing the ceiling. However, we are dealing with post-India Patsy, who was eerily calm and didn't have a single ruffled feather. Sure, I was not pleased at the idea, but I was more concerned that my future-living-in-India fund's growth would be prematurely stifled .

I spoke to my manager later in the day and he assured me that nothing would happen to me. Honestly, I simply want to be able to take my leave of absence when the time is right. All I want is to be living in Jaipur with Tour Director, building our life together. I want to be back in the C-Scheme condo waking up together, making our morning tea, and reading the paper before work. While Tour Director is at the office, I see myself very clearly sitting at the dining room table writing away as the peacocks squawk outside the balcony. Tour Director comes home around 3:30 PM and I greet him with a kiss at the door unless I am absorbed in a crucial story point. We make our afternoon tea and share our day's stories on the burgundy couch. I can see it all so clearly and feel it down to the depth of my very being.

I have never felt this way. Ever. I have never felt so strongly, so certain. I honestly believe our paths crossed for a reason and it is a bigger reason. It is the reason I have been searching for for years upon years. I finally found my mate.

truly

Peace, true peace became a part of my daily existence from the moment I touched down in India. Since my return, each day, several times a day, I find myself sitting and pondering who the hell have I become. I have never been so calm, so unfazed by day-to-day pettiness. Truly, I have returned from India transformed.

The whole situation at the office is nothing short of a hot mess. Before December 2nd, I would have been twisted up over the hot mess oozing through; today, I go in, do what I can, and leave. I don't participate in the drama; I have no interest. I actually leave and leave in a timely fashion. This is such a huge shift and I barely recognize myself.

But this shift is for my highest good. My thoughts, my ideas, my beliefs have changed for the better. I see new possibilities and I have complete faith and trust in all those amazing things materializing. I cannot express how much I am truly enjoying this new found freedom. I feel lighter and quite frankly unstoppable. The new lens I view the world through is magnificent.

When I booked my Indian holiday at the beginning of November, I had no idea that this would be more than a "burn my PTO" holiday. This holiday was fate, pure and simple. This holiday was the catalyst of change that has placed me on a new trajectory.

Unfortunately I am tired tonight, so I will cut this entry short. The pups need some quality love time with me and I need to go to bed at a decent hour.

central park revelations

Jaipur Journal Flashback from Thursday 22 December 2016....

Listening to the afternoon call to prayer in the distance, I sit on the ground in Jaipur Central Park connected to the earth under the Indian flag that is moving ever so subtly in the warm sun soaked air. 

This 4 kilometers have served as a walking meditation of my time here. From the moment I landed on Indian soil, I have been washed in a constant stream of peace and calm and serenity. A tranquility I have never known and serves now as my new normal. 

Enter Tour Director stage right. Such a kind, caring man. I never met anyone like him. Smart, ambitious, honest, funny. Even though we are from opposite sides of the world, I would never notice. Leave it to me - meet the most amazing man ever and he's literally on the other side of the world. 

But that's the strange part. I don't feel like an outsider here. I roam the streets and feel at home. The peace I have felt pouring over me and through me has only intensified during this unplanned third week. 

And so revealed to me on this walk is the fact that I have worked like a dog for the past 20 years seeking money and freedoms it brings. While I've enjoyed it, that part of my life is over. I'll always work, make money but not in the same way, not as a simple cog in a wheel. The past two years have taught me that I know much more than I ever realized. I can spread my wings and soar. I choose happiness now. I am so willing to uproot my life to be here in Jaipur. The way I feel with Tour Director is something I've never known. My walk revealed a sabbatical is the way to go. I'll have to discuss with Tour Director. 

It's Thursday and it pains my heart to think I'll have to leave soon. I don't want to think about not feeling Tour Director take me tightly in his arms. Look into his incredible eyes that wander deep into my soul. Wholeheartedly laugh together at the antics of Rocket. 

Just as my additional week here was gifted with ease. I have the utmost faith in God that the path I'm supposed to travel will be revealed as the time is correct. 

surprises in the taj mahal tea leaves

Yesterday through the never ending leftovers of the yucky snow accumulation, I ventured in a northwesterly direction to Boulder in hunt of a well stocked Indian grocer. Tucked away in a sleepy little strip mall, I stumbled onto a little taste of India complete with the heavenly aromas that haunts my memories.

I slowly wandered the aisles seeking out the items on my list while being washed over with memories of that magical time, overcome with yearning to return to the arms of the Tour Director, to return home. The Edward Sharpe and Magnetic Zeros' song "Home is Wherever There is You"overtakes my being as I write this.

Tea was a central component of our daily life in Jaipur; our ritual of sorts. Once Tour Director taught me how to make it, each morning either one of us would whip up the masala tea or we would make it together. Together was always the best - we'd tag team the simple steps.

At the back of a corner, there was the tea selection. Joy overcame me as I spotted the iconic blue box of Taj Mahal tea. I quickly snatched up a box even though the bright orange price tag read $11.49. That simple box of tea serves as our connection.

This morning, I got up and made the tea just as I was taught and done so many times with Tour Director. That first sip that I'd assume would bring me joy through my memories remembering and cherishing those inconsequential yet sacred moments we shared did not act as predicted. Instead I felt immense sadness that Tour Director was not here, that we were not together; the pangs of missing him were intense. So much so that I found myself crying in the face of the chasm that physically separates us. Never have I felt this way about a man. Never.

But I continue to sip my tea through my tears focusing on the fact that one day we will be reunited again inshallah.

inshallah

I look down at my left hand to carefully examine my palm. Only ever so faint traces of the henna are still barely detectable near the heel of my hand. The beautiful, delicate henna design has served as my measure of time since I can physically watch time slip away with the pigment placed on my skin.

My heart aches at the faintness of the art, the mark of love that once adorned my palm. Sadness sinks in when I realize that in a few short days all traces will be gone; however, the marks on my heart, the etching on my soul will never be removed.

It has been three weeks since the henna was applied to my left palm. It was a portion of what Tour Director had asked the gal to do. While he was angry that the artist hadn't done everything he asked, I was flattered that he cared that much about what the art looked like; the fact that it meant something to him too beyond my simple request to have "henna on my hands". I can still hear Tour Director in my ear telling me that the quality and amount of henna applied to a woman prior to her wedding is an important gauge of how the bride's mother-in-law feels about the bride.

Earlier that day, I had been the model for the group when we were at an amazing silk weaving business and the sales man was showing us the sari fabric. Of course, I was volunteered to go up on the platform to have the sari draped on me. The magical silk fabric was Texas orange and this man folded and whipped this delicious fabric around me in a whirlwind similar to Cinderella being dressed for the ball. Everyone ooh'd and awed. I felt so beautiful. I could not look at the back of the room where Tour Director was casually leaning against the checkout counter, his long body being held up by his bent left arm. I knew that if I looked at him I would give us away as the entire group would see my happiness radiating toward him. Summoning everything in my power to keep my eyes from him because in my heart I felt this overwhelming sensation that one day I'd be in a wedding sari with Tour Director looking deep into my soul by my side.

Later when we were alone, Tour Director asked my why I wouldn't look at him when I had the sari on and I shared my fear that we'd be exposed because I was so terribly giddy. He proceeded to tell me that I looked amazing in the dress and he so badly wanted to blow me a kiss while I was in it. I told him that if he had done that I would have for sure been overcome and poof! our situation would have been revealed.

So sitting in my dining room here today surrounded by snow, I find myself pondering what life has in store for me as well as me and Tour Director together. He and I spoke this morning. I hear his voice and all I want to do is get on a plane back to India - the world be damned! We truly miss each other as that yearning is palpable both over the phone as well as SMS. Everything is good with the exception that Tour Director is 9,000 miles/14,600 kilometers away. Not exactly conducive a quick weekend away.

I remind myself regularly that God did not place this amazing man in my path without a plan. I have my things to do and so does Tour Director. Doors will open when they are supposed to, not when I demand the doors to open. As the Tour Director and I SMS'd on New Year's Day, he'd slept through midnight as all parties were couple oriented. I told him that next year would be different and his response was "Inshallah". My reply was that "I hope Allah dropped me in your tour group for a reason". Tour Director immediately replied "Of course what do you think. He has a plan."

And so my new mantra has become "Inshallah".

incredible india

It's been awhile since I have visited this little corner of the universe.

Ballroom has been out of my life for over a year. Life has basically consisted of working way to much. However, my international travel has picked back up this year and my passport has been getting exercised.

Sunday I returned from a holiday in northern India. I booked the two week trip at the beginning of November, about a month before departure.

I have never experienced such an intense spiritual time. My world truly changed during my time overseas. There were fourteen travelers and as usual I am the youngest by a mile. The tour director is around my age; a very attractive Indian Muslim with a fabulous funny personality. For the first week, we were all business. In Jaipur, we had an afternoon free and I tried to get him to do something with me but he didn't bite. So I assumed he wasn't in to me.

The days continued. We had a lunch at a women's textile co-op and so myself and a pair of divorced sisters in their 60s sat with this Indian woman who was 43 and looked oh so older and married for 30 years. We were trying to talk but us white girls don't speak Hindi and this lady didn't speak English. We got a few things across but I yelled for the tour director to join us so he could act as translator. The woman was mortified that the three of us women were unmarried and without children. She posed the question, "what's the point of your life if you don't have children?" I relayed to her that I had wasted many years on a Punjabi man (a.k.a. the Southern Gentleman) in a relationship that went nowhere. Well that opened the proverbial can of worms. Since I was then open to Indian men, then Rajasthan men were hands down better. We bantered on about the fact that all her husband's brothers were married and if only there were one left for me. We laughed and the women's co-op was out to find me a suitable husband.

That night at the luxury camping site, we then played cricket and I discovered I was really good at cricket despite the fact I was always dreadful at baseball in school. The day had been full of me being the star as the tour director pulled me out to carry water on my head, make tea, and of course the cricket game star player. Before dinner, there was happy hour and the tour director sat next to me and we talked. Honestly, he went from not really paying attention to me to being earnestly interested in me - I chalk it up to my Punbaji confession earlier in the day. We continued on at dinner together. Tour Director and I just clicked.

That night we had a local musical group come out to sing traditional songs around the fire. A few of the men danced and of course made me come up and dance. My Bollywood dance lessons paid off and I had a great time. Never before have I been so confident and so all in, especially in the dancing space. I had such an amazing time.

Tour Director continued to pursue me. At our next stop, I was asked to his room after hours to have a drink; he doesn't drink but he'd make me rum and cokes. We talked and talked and continued to discover how very much we have in common.

At the next stop, Tour Director and I spent time after the dinner and night activities talking in his room; at the end of our evening, he hugged me. Lord, I swooned in that man's arms. Never before have I been held with such intensity, such strength, and such care. My heart leapt in my chest and I never wanted to leave his arms. The following evening we went out for the evening to a small film festival. Again we had a great time. Afterwards we went back to his room and talked. Time would simply fly and it would be later before either of us realized it. That night when I left we hugged and after ending our embrace he looked at me. The air was still, the silence palpable. Tour Director asked if he could kiss me and I said yes. OH MY! was that a kiss. A kiss that took my breath away. and it would be the first of many that would change my world.

The night before I was scheduled to return home, we decided to see how much it would cost if I extended my ticket one week. It wasn't expensive, so we did it. I would extend my trip a week and spend it with him. Never have I done anything that impulsive, without a care for consequence. All I knew was that he and I were having a marvelous time and I needed to see where this was heading.

We spent the week together and it only confirmed what I felt from the beginning - this is the man I am supposed to be with. I know it and he knows it too. I have never felt so open and fearless in telling a man how I feel; answering his questions. He and I have led the same life only on opposite sides of the world.

Leaving was so incredibly difficult. Our last night together, he held me so tightly the entire night, refusing to let me go. The past few days have been tough. Tour Director and I have been open about the gaping hole we both feel.

I'll be exploring my holiday more in the following days.

last thing i expected

March 31st was my last day at The Ranch. 

On Tuesday April 1, I awoke feeling free. Not the feeling I expected at all. Since then, I have been watchful, awaiting fear and panic to knock on my door. Neither has shown up. In fact, only torrents of relief, happy anticipation, and calmness are my frequent visitors. I welcome them with open arms even though I have completely surprised myself. 

I am enjoying getting my long to-do lists done, peace being brought into my life with each of my actions. Interviews are starting up. Realizations that I am so beyond qualified, have unique skills has made my confidence rise. I am and truly believe I am a rock star. 

I know like I know like I know that only goodness is going to come from all of this. More life balance, fewer overtime hours, more happiness, more money, more growth. More of everything that makes my heart sing and puts the wind in my sails. 

I cannot wait to see how amazing my next step is going to be!

and you're not gonna reach my telephone

What a weird week with the holiday plopped right smack dab in the middle. While my pea brain tells me it is Friday, somehow it feels more like a Tuesday or Wednesday to me. Let's simply blame the altitude for it all, shall we?

Things continue on in the realm of internet dating. One guy has proven to be annoying with his texting me to tell me he is calling from his land line. At that time, I was out and away from the phone. He left a voice message; however, he proceeded to follow up shortly there after with a text asking if I was around. Seriously, if I had been around don't you think I would have picked up the phone. That behavior right there has totally turned me off.

I am meeting a man on Monday evening. He writes well, has a good sense of humor, or more accurately a sense of humor that aligns with mine. The banter has been quite fun and I have been surprised at how much I have enjoyed being creative while corresponding with him. Of course, the cynic in me is creeping around the corner because on Monday is he going to look anything like his photos or being anything like what he's presented?? Gotta take the plunge, right!

Here's hoping I have positive things to report to y'all on Tuesday!

disappointment has a name

Within the confines of my current company, I had two choices: Southern Gentleman or exile.

I have struggled with this decision. Struggled greatly. Needless to say, everything moved into high gear when my 2-to-3 week prescribed (and typically longer) wait was trumped with a job offer last Friday. Interview on Tuesday. Job offer on Friday. My head is still swimming.

My choice of jobs - Work-from-home or Southern Gentleman-ville. A difficult choice. Career versus life/love. A phone call with the Southern Gentleman this morning made the answer very clear and simple.

I chose work-from-home. Better for my career path, and clearly from Southern Gentleman's lack of enthusiasm, the choice of choices. My career takes precedence over the Southern Gentleman's forgetfulness of telling me the distance to his city as opposed to extolling the distances of Asheville, Charlotte, and Atlanta. There was no "it would be great to see you more often"; no pleasantries afforded a platonic, casual friend. So easily, my career and long-term success takes the lead.

I did not press or cajole.I don't want to try to force the Southern Gentleman into anything. My days of bright-eyed, blind hope are dead; his jacked-up perception has closed our delicate dance.My months of clarity have obviously been confirmed with gigantic bold exclamation marks.

I chose reality and my happiness over trying to make someone else happy. It looks like I have learned a thing or two.

how do you measure a year

March marked five years since my Austin odyssey began. Of course, I have been overly sentimental about the entire contract-coming-to-an-end ordeal. However, I look back at the past five years and I can't help but feel utter and pure awe.

I grew up in Austin. I grew up, learned who I am as well as who I am not. I tested my limits learning where I excel and where I have no business going. For the first time in my life, I made true friends. Friends I could call when Lulu drama was in full swing and those friends would drop everything to help me. Friends who picked up the pieces when I couldn't. Friends who tried. I also learned the difference between friend and frienemy. I learned what I was capable of. The depth of love and unwavering strength that dwells within me. I learned to conquer my fears, to be okay with me. I look in the mirror and I actually love who I see.

Life has changed a lot here as well. People changed, I changed. But the common denominator, if it existed, has made sure our bonds remained strong and intact. While I stay alone, others have married, had babies and yet as life changes radically, our common denominator has remained constant. Friendships growing and changing in a healthy way and oh, how that makes my heart sing!

Thank you, Austin. You gave me a home unlike any other. I found myself here. I learned about me and how wonderful my world truly is. Thank you for both the overflowing joy and the heartbreak that taught me about my capabilities and the capabilities of others. Love. Unconditional. Unbreakable. Pure. Thank you.

Whatever the future holds, I will be ready and able to handle it because Austin gave me the tools I need. 

it's here

Reality hit me square in the face Wednesday evening.

The reality being that the mythical end of the month is here.

The end of May felt so far away and now my departure is imminent. 

My heart is sinking at leaving my friends. I decided I can remedy this by coming home for a long weekend once a quarter.

I am actually ok leaving my job assignment and the contract. My interview yesterday with the other company taking over the contract was terribly painful and I would never work for the man. An hour and half interview where the hiring manager grandstanded about himself and was rather condescending. Half way through, I found myself trying to figure out how to end the interview politely. I know he won't hire me as I have too much experience because he is interviewing people who don't have resumes. But I am glad I endured the "interview" because I have no regrets.

Then we have the other two interview I had this week where both hiring managers told me point-blank that I have a very impressive resume. I am rather excited at the thought of those two possibilities, even though each means leaving Austin.

Maybe it is time for new scenery. Maybe this will simply be a little break from Austin. Whatever it is, I hold tight to the intent that it will be for my higher good.

well i guess it would be nice

Tick tock. The days are flying by. I continue to live in denial. 

Well, that's not entirely true. 

I have seriously stepped up my bid to find a job down here. Attacking LinkedIn and actually completing my work history on there. Making sure everyone knows that I don't have my next assignment yet. Chatting up everyone I meet and inquiring about positions. Applying is my new middle name, Aggressively Applying.

My new vision is that I will return to Austin this fall. I will not be gone for long, unless some other completely undreamed up fantastic plan presents itself before then. Yes, I have gone from despair to openness. I have always landed exactly where I was meant to be. This time will be no different. As George Michael sang, " 'Cause I gotta have faith. "

put your right foot in

Here's hoping that today's note from the universe goes down as some excellent foreshadowing....

It's been so long, Pats, I'm quite sure you've forgotten our secret handshake, haven't you?

Hmmmm...

How about our code for saying, "I love you"?

Dang...

Then I doubt you'll recall my solemn promise to let you know once you began approaching exactly the right time and exactly the right place, with enough life lessons under your belt to enable you to finally stop struggling, start soaring, and begin living the life of your wildest dreams?

Well, if not, the following might not make much sense:

"You're getting hot! Steaming hot! Really HOT!! Ouch, you're so hot! Smoking, red-hot-chili-pepper, volcano, extremely, DOUBLE-HOT! HOT! HOT! NOW, Pats, NOW-W-W-W-W-W-W!"

I $l%o^v1e you,
    The Universe

question and answer

Today I made it to the ranch before 7:30 AM. Quite a feat as I have been working from home in the mornings to avoid participating in rush hour traffic. Also, getting up in the dark is not one of my favorite activities. No, I am not a morning person. 

Tomorrow I have yet another interview with the prospective nouveau company. This will be interview nombre trios. While there is goodness swirling around with my name, I certainly hope this will be the final interview. I want the offer to be made, negotiated, and finalized. 

Change is scary. Leaving the ranch after fifteen years is going to be difficult. But by the same token, I will be going to a pond a fourth of the size of the ranch. A smaller pond where I can shine bigger and brighter. I am banking on it being a land of greater opportunity. 

I have learned so much over my tenure at the ranch. I am ready to leave the nest and finally soar.

don't cry for me, argentina

Oh kids! So much is going on and I am mentally/emotionally fried. I am so tired of living in limbo in EVERY aspect of my life.

My living situation, my physical location, my job, they are all in flux without any definitive answers yet. However, time keeps on moving forward. Hopefully next month, there will be more answers than questions.

Closing down two lives, starting a new one. It is such a tiring business being surrounded and breathing nothing but uncertainty.

Need to get back to preparing Stepford for house guests. Even in Stepford's final days, guests are pouring in. I am certainly looking forward to the arrival of much needed guests.

test and dev environment

I missed Super Dad terribly when he left Texas last May. But since he came and went a few short weeks ago, I miss him even more. Contrary to my typical behavior pattern, I have freely told Super Dad that I miss him. No holding back, no games, no fear; just like my martinis: straight up.

Long ago, Super Dad coined a term for being under my spell; he calls it being "patsyized".  So below is a text message exchange from the other day.

Me: Is this what it is like to be patsyized? I miss you too much.
Super Dad:  Darling, Patsyized has been around for hundreds of years. It has affected many people especially me. I love you. Being SuperDadized is only a theory. Not in production yet. Miss you baby.

I cannot wait until test and development are over and we move on into full-blown production.

flying into love

"All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt...if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard."

Compliments of Douglas Adams'  The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy... ah, the insights on flying are pretty grand.