a holiday to see old faithful

Guess who has reappeared?! 

The Southern Gentleman.

A few months ago, he started calling a bit. I ignored the calls as I am very tired of this merry-go-round. A post card here and there. A birthday card that I found insulting but in dumb man world he believed it "witty". The birthday card contained another hint about a trip to Denver to see me. The card also contained many other clues that made it clear that The Southern Gentleman needs his ego bolstered by "Old Faithful" - that's my new name for myself in this situation; only thing is I am done with being Old Faithful. 

Whether it is a geyser or a dog, I am done (and have been for quite some time now) with being the fall-back chick in his world, the girl he can always count on to be there when the chips are down. He no longer gets all the benefits, while he doesn't reciprocate. I go back to this spring when I had the opportunity to work in practically his backyard and he was an utterly indifferent arse about the prospect. 

So when I returned his Thanksgiving Day call on  Friday, The Southern Gentleman eased into end of the year holiday talk. I happily let him flounder for awhile with talk of Vegas and Santa Fe, then I said the words he had been fishing for: you know, you are always welcome here. 

With those words, The Southern Gentleman's pent up ideas and plans came spewing forth at lightening speed. Needless to say, he purchased his ticket early the next morning and immediately forwarded the itinerary. Sunday was a phone call to make sure I received the air itinerary along with talk of what we can do while he is here. 

After listening to one too many episodes of Sex and the City this weekend while painting (that is a whole other story for another day), my dim little light bulb flickered on. The Southern Gentleman and I are Mr. Big and Carrie. The years and years of Big and Carrie's roller coaster relationship sounded acutely familiar. Big can be with whomever he wants but wants to keep Carrie to himself rang through my being as I realized this is us. The only differences are neither of us is as vocal about "our relationship" and we've never had sex. 

The Southern Gentleman has been looming in my universe for 12 years with the last 7 of those years having both of us single at the same time. After years of skirting around "us", I think in my nicest southern way I am finally going to broach the topic because regardless of the outcome Old Faithful needs to get off our merry-go-round ride. 

when you're having fun

Fleeting. 

That is the only way I can describe the month of November. Feels like only yesterday it was Halloween and I was anticipating my birthday with great joy... and poof! now the month is virtually over. 

I spent my birthday in Austin surrounded by my wonderful friends. It was truly special. You see, the past three years I haven't celebrated my birthday. Two and three years ago, I was abroad in some exotic land for my birthday. Last year, Lulu was fighting bravely against cancer, so all I wanted was to spend every moment with her, my birthday forgotten because my love for Lulu was so greater. And so to get off the plane and head directly to a group of people who love me for who I am (flaws and all) made my 38th birthday amazing.

I still look at that number, 38, not realizing it is affixed to me now. Knocking on 40's door step. Thinking back to a time when I thought 40 was "old". I certainly don't physically feel old and remind myself regularly that I just ran a half marathon. I look at how much I blossomed in Austin and feel that I am finally comfortable in my skin, so the only was I can go is up! 

I cried a lot around my birthday too. Not for myself but because my dear Lulu left this earth just six days after my birthday last year. My poor darling baby girl. I still miss her so very much. I travel back in time to those roller coaster months and I find myself in awe. If I ever doubted the existence of God, those three months taught me more about the spiritual world than I ever believed possible. 

Now I try to focus on all the wonderful memories of Lulu. To be thankful every day that I had that beautiful little hound girl in my life for over eight years. Remembering the unwavering love we shared. 

While November has moved rapidly, it has been filled with goodness and healing. 

not the only one

The Halloween party was fun. Rather intimidating walking into a room full of people I hardly know dressed in my Jersey Shore Jwoww finery; being eyeballed by strangers is not something I tolerate well. However upon immediately spying a friend, I breathed a sigh of relief and she did too.

Met a few friendly people as the night wore on. In fact, two of which have true friend prospects. I need to make sure that I nurture those connections. 

Another gal was there who didn't know anyone. We met her upon her arrival, greeted her and spoke with her at length. Later in the evening she came up to me and reported that my friend and I were the only friendly people she met. She was a non-threatening plain Jane, the polar opposite of me, and even she could not easily break through the various cliques. At least my physical appearance was not my sole enemy; these people just aren't friendly. A revelation that has helped my psyche immensely. 

My costume turned out fabulous! My hot pink skin tight dress. My dark self-tanner stained skin. The obnoxious fake tattoo. Hooker heels. Make up. I was quite proud of myself. 

as the world turns

Life has been rather full throttle here at sleepy suburbia cottage land.

Hence a few bullet points to catch up:

• Mr. Manners is no more. He went away and I was gone upon his arrival back. Few text messages exchanged but all Mr. Manners' previous positive follow-through fell off. 
• Went on a few trips to Atlanta. Saw Super Dad, who proceeded to act like an immature 16 year old as opposed to the 50-something grown man that he is. I am not up for being on the receiving end of his punishment. Case closed.
• Did not train for half marathon while in Atlanta (unless walking the aisles at Trader Joe's counts).
• Got fairly sick upon return from Atlanta. Out of commission for nearly two weeks; meanwhile the half marathon rapidly approaches. 
• Decide to give okcupid a try. Not holding my breath but attempting. After all, it's free.
• Survived the first snow fall. Yes, there was lots of cursing as Austin was in the 80s during that time.
• Successfully ran a 5k every day the week of the half marathon. 
• Procured snappy race outfit as I knew my typical gear would not suffice in San Francisco.
• Suffered massive stroke the morning I was due to head out to San Fran when the airline called informing me that my evening flight had been cancelled. Luckily, I was able to out earlier that same day. Massive stroke immediately adverted and rewarded with wine.
• Had a grand time carb loading even though my body thoroughly revolted by desperately holding on to each and every carb.
• Enjoyed spending time with both of my bestest gay friends. Made some new wonderful gay friends and fell madly in love with a three pound short hair chocolate brown chihuahua.
• Ran my very first half marathon ever. I finished strong. I am beyond proud of myself.
• Spent the weekend in Austin. Made me feel very home sick this time. 
• Still trying to learn new job. Frustrated with myself but have to stop being so hard on me. 
• Met an okcupid date. He had previously neglected to mention that he was separated. Homie don't play that. 
• Trying to branch out and make new friends. Tough to do out here where people are not very open or friendly. Especially since I am used to everyone in Austin being the polar opposite.
• Getting ready for Halloween. The costume party won't be like Austin but I will be dressed up any way. 
• Hoping things calm down a bit so I can continue settling in out here in the frozen tundra.

grill on

Monday night has long passed and I still find myself in a rather dizzy place. The electricity between us is crazy. From the moment Mr. Manners and I first locked eyes that special instantaneous feeling, inkling I've only ever felt with The Southern Gentleman made its presence very much known, teetering on palpable. 

When he arrived at my threshold, Mr. Manners was dressed casual chic in his jeans and button down with flip flops and aviators. Oh the man can dress. I asked if he'd like a glass of wine before heading off to the store. He immediately said yes as he'd had a crazy day. Following me into the kitchen, Mr. Manners commented that he could see why I wanted to remodel my kitchen. We talked through my plans as the wine opened. I then took him on the grand tour of the house. 

We settled on the couch and he moved to be closer to me. Getting caught up on both of our busy weekends was fun. Off we went to the grocery store to pick up dinner. A few beef kabobs, chicken kabobs, green and red bell peppers, onion, avocados, and ice cream. The man opened the car door for me when we left the grocery. 

Back at my place, I peeled and prepped the avocados as a snack with a bit of sea salt sprinkled on top. He watched me intently. As I had suspected, this date contained several test elements for him. Of course, my poor little single gal's grill was a bit of a disappointment to him as there is no top rack. We worked well together. I like that I don't feel forced to make an effort. Everything simply flows. At least for me, my days of "being on my best behavior" are over; my philosophy is here I am, no surprises, take me or leave me but I am going to just be me. Throughout dinner preparation, Mr. Manners could occasional come over and kiss me. Oh la la. 

We enjoyed dinner al fresco under the stars. Just as we finished, rain began to fall so we went inside where he sat close to me on the couch and we finished our wine. 

We talked about so much the entire evening and I honestly find it scary at how on par we are with each other. Too many of my must haves on my proverbial list have been marked off with Mr. Manners. I find myself conflicted - too early to be bouncing off the walls but trying to keep the harsh cynic contained. Yet another fine line to delicately walk. 

I walked him out to his car where we kissed on the sidewalk like teenagers with raging hormones. The look in his eyes was so sincere the entire evening.  

Afterwards, I spoke with a good friend and she stated that the fact he didn't try to get in my pants demonstrates that he really likes me. When I think about it, I don't remember a man not trying to get it on after one date. We giggled at yet another reason why he truly is Mr. Manners.

oh! my! God!

Because I am so thoroughly excited, I cannot wait until morning.

Mr. Manners and I just finished date numero tres and oh, kiddos, another doozie.

And we were fully clothed!

He likes British television. He can cook. Loves his wine. He knows a Mercedes is called a Merc.

Honestly (thus far), Mr. Manners is everything I've ever dreamed for in a man. Kinda freaks me out to think that he was actually in my kitchen.

Only up from here, kids.  Only up.

Mas elaboration tomorrow. When I've had a chance to breathe.

another fab date night

Last night. 

It was fabulous. 

Absolutely fabulous. 

I truly do like Mr. Manners. We have so much in common. Conversation is easy and fun. There is definitely a big bright spark between us. 

Of course, try as I might to be on time, I wasn't. Only about 15 minutes late and there he was sitting at the bar in a suit. Whoa, baby! Mr. Manners was quite the sight. Suit = hot. 

We quickly jumped in to getting caught up on our very eventful day. Oh, the way that man looks at me. Not in a gross sort of undressing me way; his gaze is intent as he takes in all the details. I have never had a man look at me like that before. I could get very used to it. 

As the evening progressed, we touched on some deep subjects. He is passionate about things and I find that so very refreshing. He has dimensions. Again, Mr. Manners was such a gentleman. 

At the end of the evening, he walked me to my car; putting his arm around me. Ah, bliss. Since I parked far away (due to being frazzled when I got there), I drove him back to his car. Oh, the man kissed me goodbye. Several times. Several times. 

Mr. Manners is busy making plans for future time together and I cannot wait. 

voicemail

Mr. Manners is living up to his moniker. He is so polite, respectful, courteous.

I saw that I missed two calls from Mr. Manners this evening and there was a voicemail waiting for me. Immediately (and wrongly) I assumed the worst: he is cancelling tomorrow night.

I listened to the message and was delighted that he was merely letting me know he may be a bit late tomorrow night. Nothing serious. Simply being a courteous man.

I called him back and got his voicemail but he called back shortly. We spoke for about a half hour about the fun and games we have going on during the day tomorrow before we meet up. Since August is really busy for both of us, Mr. Manners was already inquiring about my schedule for next week. Woo hoo!!

While I was already excited for tomorrow night, tonight's turn of events have me looking forward to 5 PM even more.

suck it up

A weekend free of Mr. Manners contact and as such, I was a bit hesitant to contact him today (but way deep down, I knew I needed to). If there is one thing I have come to know about me, it is that I am not encouraging to the male species.

And so I sucked up my courage and sent Mr. Manners a text. Immediate response. Immediate. A little tip-toeing back and forth and then once again, sucked up more courage to press 'send' on "anything exciting this week?" The flood gates opened, with he has his guys trip coming up this weekend followed by "want to try and get together?"

Amen! Wednesday we are seeing each other again. We'll see how things go a second time. For once, I am actually excited. Now, what to wear?!

i hope you dance

Let's play a bit of catch up...

Potential Suitor #2. He was even more of a pushy, stick-up-his-arse man than I anticipated. He didn't know how to play bingo but he sure knew how to point all the numbers out on my card. Irritated, oh yes I was indeed! He didn't even tell me he was leaving (I thought he was on another smoke break, which I wasn't too excited about anyway). I found a twenty folded in half under his water glass. Classy, kids, classy.

Now Potential Suitor #3 has been in the wings for awhile. We finally made a date to meet this past Wednesday. 

In the meantime, there was a Potential Suitor #4. He was all about text messages and not meeting. Seriously, a girl simply cannot waste that much energy on text messages. Grow a pair and let's meet. So, I haven't heard from him since Monday and I am okay with it. 

Back to Potential Suitor #3. Wednesday night was such a truly pleasant surprise. I psyched myself for one drink filled with graciousness and out the door. He was there when I arrived and when he motioned at me, I almost died because he was better looking in person (and his photos were nice already). He definitely drank me in and filled me in on his online switcho-changeo experiences, e.g., the person looks nothing like her photos. He was perceptive and inquired as to what perfume I was wearing. My obscure French perfume continues to work her magic on men. So we had a drink and split a dozen oysters and he asked if I'd like to join him for dinner. 

We had a lovely dinner at a steak place. Enjoyed wine, talked, laughed. I really did enjoy him. He was also very gentleman old school style. Not only did he open door, he made sure he walked on the traffic side of the sidewalk as we traversed downtown. He thought my slight Texas accent was cute. He walked me to my car, asking me to send him a quick text when I got home; he prefaced this request with "Now I know this is going to sound very old-fashioned but would you please,". And then kids, Mr. Manners kissed me. Oh baby! Oh baby! He said he wanted to see me again too and made that statement several times. 

I did send him a quick message when I got home. He immediately responded and reiterated that he wanted to arrange a second date. 

Yesterday, Mr. Manners sent me a message after work. We exchanged a few but no second date planned. 

Today I didn't hear from him. I should have sent him a message but I was on the fence all afternoon so I didn't.... don't want to appear too pushy. Dating is such a delicate dance. And I have two left feet.