Wednesday Palm Madness

I got off the fence. A few weeks ago I made an appointment for a reading. For the first time ever, I feel as though I know a little too much. It was a lot of information to process. But I definitely got the direction I was seeking because quite honestly lately I have been feeling a bit lost in terms of the big picture.

Over the years, I have realized it is important to document these readings; years later it generally makes sense. I scheduled a private reading ~ not fair stuff where there are distactions abound.

I made the trek to her place. It was a scenic drive and just long enough to make me question why the hell I was doing this. The view was breathtaking.

Funny thing is - toxic Montana Man is first on the menu. I was given explicit directions on how to rid myself of him. The lesson to learn is for me and not him. I have to stand up to him. In a past life, rather than deal with him, I threw myself off a bridge. Since I took the jumper route as opposed to dealing with him, I am forced to deal with him now. With zero help from me, she nailed the amount of money he owes as well as how much I have been paid to date. Also interesting was that she mentioned his desired "friends" arrangement.

Next up, my moving. She stated I'd move to a city that started with either a "C" or an "N" - however not "Chicago". Wheels turned in my head and I shared with her the location that I thought those letters represented becuase the distinction was undeniable - The Southern Gentleman's realm.

We spend time on The Southern Gentleman. It is him. Marriage will occur between 1 1/4 and 1 3/4 years from now. She said she kept seeing a gaugue like a gas tank gauge swinging between 1 1/4 and 1 3/4. She said she sees us walking by a river (same as the SuperFly Palm lady). The river. She tells me we'll have two children - a boy and a girl and it appears there will be a surprise third - a little boy becuase he is hiding behind the legs of his older brother. The first son will tell us he wants a little brother. She then asks me if The Southern Gentleman is Asian or of some ethnic descent that would cause the first boy to have dark skin. I confirmed that it is The Southern Gentleman. She breathed a sign of relief due to my pastey whitness. She said the girl will favor my fair complexion. She further went on to say that I will be pregnant shortly after we get married, possibly just before we get married. Wackiness is that SuperFly said the same thing "you guys will hit it and you'll be preggo right after getting married." Yikes!

My great love of children was discussed even though my childhood was not ideal. I had an aunt who showed me great love - yes. I travel for work and pleasure, meshing the two - yes - and I will continue that throughout my life. I will want to move in June but in reality it will be mid- July/August. Wedding by the ocean; a honeymoon involving a boat (maybe a cruise) becuase she saw a ship's wake. One side of The Southern Gentleman's family is quite large becuase they turn a corner and she cannot see them all. She asks if I sketch - no - she then asks if The Southern Gentleman does - and he does as he always draws little things in the cards he sends me. He will do some sort of little sketching for my book. Yes, the writing came up. The fact that I am dabbling now. Writing, cooking, and "something with push pins" - could not figure out the push pin thing. I will start new things.

For work, I sepnd a lot of time on the phone - bingo! I will be done with work sooner than I think. Starting own business and it will branch into two, but one will be more successful than the other. She described that The Southern Gentleman favors one side when he walks - and he does. He enjoys my independence. We discussed how he has always wanted to help solve my various problem and that his "big brother"ness is due to the fact that we were siblings in a past life. Although I will not work for the same company, my life will continue to have a level of work stress, however due it being my own (our) business, the stress will be manageable as even with the option to be a stay-at-home mother, I will not go that route. I need to put forth my feelings for The Southern Gentleman.

There was a diagonal line through my right hand that shows The Southern Gentleman coming into my life and intersecting all levels of my life. She asked which of us was "the lucky one" - actually both of us are, for our ages we've both done quite well - how this star-on-top-of-star is on my hand, together we will have this powerful synergy.

Our conversation spanned two hours, with only 50 minutes of reading she charged me for. I was bowled over by the three children - that was a little to much information - but at least I know that was is in my heart is correct, that whole trust my intution thing. Maybe she is a fake, maybe she isn't. Whatever it is, I feel more confident in being open with The Southern Gentleman and maybe that is all that matters.

House Guest

I had a house guest this past weekend. It was good to see my buddy as I have been out of town during her previous visits of late. We shopped. Ate. Drank. Smoked. Laughed. Talked. All those good girlie things.


It was also good to have her here so that I would not focus on my reading. Yes. I went to see the palm reader last week. As I have been on the fence regarding whether to go, I decided to make an appointment as I needed to know how to proceed with The Southern Gentleman. I needed the bit of direction that this woman could provide.

I will write more on that later. After having a few days to digest, I am ready to share my session.

2007 / 2008 ~ back / forward

I have been contemplating my 2007. While there was a lot of goodness, there is still room for improvement, my dear 2008.

2007 helped to usher in the return of the new and improved Patsy. I want to keep that whole "new and improved" ball rolling in 2008. My self awareness has continued to grow as well as seeing the signs much quicker.

I instituted the must have list for a partner because I learned without being brutally honest with myself, I go off on random, unnecessary man tangents.

While I felt the twinge for a companion, I made so many wonderful friends this year that made my man-twinge go away. For the first time in my life, I made fabulous women friends. My time - thus far in SxSW land - has opened so many doors for me. Doors that I always hoped for but never knew existed. I have a great circle of friends out there. I have a life out there. So many dreams came true in SxSW land of all places. I would have never guessed it in a million years.

With all those things going for me, 2008 is beginning with a huge level of uncertainty. The playing field that initially brought me out there is changing ~ dramatically, drastically. I do not know how much time I will feasibly have out there. There is a big part of me that is saying move out there any way, but the other part of me says no for practical reasons. Hopefully sorting through this uncertainty will be over with quickly. I am ready to embrace the adventure of SxSWland as my home. If only we lived in a black-and-white world where a decision like this would be cake.

Somehow, I feel if I can sort out living/working situation, then the man will follow. After all, at the end of the day, it is all about me.

Sunday ~ thinking and resting

Sunday already. This weekend has flown by. I am officially ready for my break next weekend.

The mail man was a huge disappointment for me yesterday. The Southern Gentleman's card was not in my mailbox. And tomorrow ~ Monday ~ oh yeah, a fucking holiday! Yet another day I must wait before I find his card in my box.

Lately though, I have found myself wondering about whether or not I should move. Do I give The Southern Gentleman a little more time or do I go on ahead with my plans to head southeast to SxSWland? Do I seriously alter the landscape of the universe, my universe if I jump in, with both feet, by moving to SxSW? Do I change the future or am I merely (and unknowingly) following my destiny?

The Super Fly Palm woman has made me really think about this move. You see, she was pretty convinced the Mystery Meat dwells just north of my Mile High home, in The Republic. But yet The Republic and SxSWland are always compared to being very similar to each other. I was shocked by some of the things Super Fly was telling me. I point blank asked her if I was moving to SxSWland and she told me "No, why would you move there when he is in The Republic."

However, several of the things she described about the Republic Mystery Meat, occurred when The Southern Gentleman came to see me. Welcome to quandary time!

I will keep going as I see fit. I cannot dictate my life by the words Super Fly shared with me. But y'all, this is so much more complicated than I feel like getting into right now. The Southern Gentleman's visit ~ from six weeks ago ~ still has me in somewhat of a tailspin. I.... I... I think, I feel, within the depths of my soul, that The Southern Gentleman is the man that Super Fly described (even though the geography got her confused), also that my first palmist described.

I don't know. Life is never easy, at least not mine. I am sure I will delve into The Southern Gentleman some more as the month progresses. Because he has been on my brain. Off to see a movie and enjoy the devil popcorn! ta ta

"The Letter"

As I frantically try to tie up loose ends and clean prior to my departure tamale, I have to look at (code word for analyze) The Southern Gentleman's "letter."

Before I share the contents with you, I must preface that I see a difference in "a letter" and "a thank you card". The letter I received is some weird hybrid mix of male thinking.

It is a beautiful, simple handcrafted card from this overseas trip prior to coming to see me. Without further adieu, "the letter" (picture it ~ in male chicken scratchish handwriting):

10-1-07

Hey Wanderlust Gyrl,

I wanted to thank you again for the wonderful weekend in SxSW land. I had a great time catching up and taking in SxSW land with a "local". Very nice place (WG: he underlined twice!) I am so glad you have survived the last few years. Much, so much, life to live. Be safe, stay sweet, and don't change. Hope to see you again soon in SxSW land, Mile High, or the South.

Cheer, the Southern Gentleman :-) xoxoxo

So what do y'all think about that??

Then a few days later I stumble across the Southern Gentleman printed handwriting on the back - yes! the BACK of the card! You see, the card had some foreign characters on the front.

IF YOU COULD NOT GUESS....
"THIS MOMENT IS THE PRESENT" IN specific foreign language.
ENJOY... -SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN

So what do y'all think now??

Not quite a profession of love. But still, I have not gotten a card like that before. As if to be a man writing out a blank card.

I need your input!! Talk to me peeps!

Oh I wish I were an Oscar Myer Weener...

I feel like I am such a whiner here.

Here in my little corner of wanderlust land.

I cried and whined about Montana Man. The good, the bad, the ugly, the crying, the heartbreak, the denial, the denial, the denial.

Harry Goldenblatt was a small bump in the road.

The Questionable Italian was an even more minuscule bump in the road.

Now The Southern Gentleman is on the scene. And I feel like I am in whiny mode again. Because I have no patience and want The Southern Gentleman. NoW!

I don't want to be whiny. But y'all get what is bubbling at the surface of my brain. And on my brain - straight up - is my future, my life and how that all relates to The Southern Gentleman.

However, Montana Man called this afternoon. Keep in mind that last Sunday night he pinged me with the following -

MM: Hey, you dont return phone calls. geee you must have a man
MM: LOL
WG: hola. I am a busy girl :)
MM: with who? lol
WG: Remember - I had company this weekend. My poor liver.
MM: the guy from alanta
WG: Yes, my pal from the South. We drank our way thru SxSW-land
MM: cool

And on Friday, this is what he said:

MM: i thought you left prom queen (inside joke)
WG: i am home - nibbling on dinner. trying to figure out my night
MM: lol so many places and mmmmm guys. lol. go girl. i am sooo proud of you. you really have made so many great steps in your life
WG: overall, i am not impressed with the men here
MM: so what you will find one. you have a lot of good friends there. sooooo that is most of it silly
WG: honestly the good friends is all that matters to me
MM: and you got some last weeekend sooo you are good for a while
WG: nope - he was a total gentleman
MM: you should have silly
WG: not with him
MM: lol. ok
WG: maybe one day but not now
MM: lol

Fast forward to today...

Montana Man tells me at the end of our phone call, "It was really good to catch up today." Because I could not resist, I inquire "What do you mean?" Montana Man responds "Because we hardly talk anymore. Not like we used to."

I did not go where I could have. I mean after all we did break up - you broke up with me - duh! And I laugh because he is trying to make me jealous that he is going out on dates. His mediocre date on Tuesday has since turned into something fun to do since then - why? - because I am not showing signs of jealousy. I think it is funny.

While I'd love to be able to discuss the Southern Gentleman with Montana Man for a true male point of view - I don't think we are there yet. As evidenced by the above messenger exchange, I honestly do not believe that Montana Man is ready to hear about the next phase in my life.

In other news, no Sunday phone call from The Southern Gentleman. I did not think he would call. But still, secretly in my heart of hearts, I was hoping he would.

Pondering

A quiet weekend.

Thoughts of "this time last week" running through my mind.

Feeling a wee bit sad because time goes by so quickly some days.

1,200 miles separates us right now.

Need to figure out my weekend. Thinking a little happy hour would be good.

Enjoy my time here. Make the most of it.

Southern Gentleman's Weekend

The Southern Gentleman is en route back to his home in the south. Honestly, I am sad he left. I had such a fabulous time and it was only getting better. He is even more amazing than I remembered. Ahh... The Southern Gentleman is simply wonderful.

Let's start at the beginning. Getting dressed for work Friday morning, I had to make the critical decision of what to wear since I would be heading straight to the airport from work. I went with the black and white Steve Madden:

(I hang on the edge of the bath tub for you internet! that's what I call love!)

The day crept by until suddenly it was time for me to leave. I feared I would be late because, well, I left late. Luckily, I arrived on time, was able to park, and be there at baggage claim when he came down the escalator.

He saw me first. I had forgotten or maybe even never realized how tall The Southern Gentleman is. Even in my high heels, he still towers over me. 6' 4" is one tall drink of water.

Off to the car, let the adventure begin! We went downtown and the booze started flowing along with the conversation. We spent time at the Cuban place, then headed off to bbq dinner, back downtown for more cocktails and finally home. At home, he settled into his room. We each got ready for bed in our respective bathrooms and The Southern Gentleman requested I tuck him in. Now kids, take your minds out of the gutter - no horizontal polka ensued. He asked if I was seeing anyone. I replied no and he said he wasn't either. We both remained clothed and seriously nothing happened and I mean nothing. The Southern Gentleman simply held me. During the middle of the night, he did kiss me once in between my shoulder blades, which melted me with its tenderness and delicateness.

We slept in and that felt great. Then yesterday, we had yummy Mexican food for lunch. Did a bit of shopping. Got The Southern Gentleman some burnt orange since last night was a home football game. Along with his new shirt, he picked up some suds and we went home where we lounged around watching telly and chatting. I could lay around chatting and watching football (which I'd never ever do) with this man and be eternally happy. He explained football to me.

We got all burnt orange'd up and headed downtown. Went to a nice bar and enjoyed cocktails while watching the game along with talking life. Talking life in general terms such as second marriage, children and then he asked a few questions about my marriage to the Leech and it was good that I didn't feel the need to rehash it in gory detail - I am healing from that hell. The Southern Gentleman suggested I come to his southern home for a month to see where he lives and see him on his turf.

We proceeded to the next place for dinner. It was marvelous - tapas and homemade sangria. Then we saw my favorite 80's cover band - fab time. I stopped drinking because I felt no pain but seeing as The Southern Gentleman has almost a foot on me, he was able to continue drinking. We danced, sang, smiled big, smoked a few ciggies, held hands, he took gentlemanly care of me as I too looked out for him, and with each passing hour since he landed, I realized more and more about just how happy I could be with this man.

Got home at 2 AM again, watched a bit of telly. I fell asleep at some point and he put me to bed. I awoke early this morning and I patted down the hall where we cuddled. It simply felt nice to be there beside a wonderful man, to feel his strong arms around me, his warmth, his breath. aahhh...

We had lunch today and went to Chinatown. Then it was off to the airport. I was sad to take him. I would have liked another day. The Southern Gentleman said he'd like to come back down again and that would make me very happy.

Since you made it through my poorly structured weekend account, I leave you with this final photo that best sums up our weekend: