it's here

Reality hit me square in the face Wednesday evening.

The reality being that the mythical end of the month is here.

The end of May felt so far away and now my departure is imminent. 

My heart is sinking at leaving my friends. I decided I can remedy this by coming home for a long weekend once a quarter.

I am actually ok leaving my job assignment and the contract. My interview yesterday with the other company taking over the contract was terribly painful and I would never work for the man. An hour and half interview where the hiring manager grandstanded about himself and was rather condescending. Half way through, I found myself trying to figure out how to end the interview politely. I know he won't hire me as I have too much experience because he is interviewing people who don't have resumes. But I am glad I endured the "interview" because I have no regrets.

Then we have the other two interview I had this week where both hiring managers told me point-blank that I have a very impressive resume. I am rather excited at the thought of those two possibilities, even though each means leaving Austin.

Maybe it is time for new scenery. Maybe this will simply be a little break from Austin. Whatever it is, I hold tight to the intent that it will be for my higher good.

yet another option

And today the Universe throws yet another wrench into my plans of Austin-stay-puttedness.

A random internal job interview for a gig in the Carolinas. Of all places, a job I didn't apply for but obviously a result of a VP contacted a long time ago. The Carolinas. The land of none other than the infamous Southern Gentleman.

Years ago, I would have KILLED for a Carolina assignment. Now, it is merely a thought providing pure entertainment value. In actuality the job itself was right up my alley and one of my top two right now.

This could get very interesting...

where the day takes you

Some days the Universe absolutely amazes me.

Action is key, even if you don't realize you are doing the action that gets the ball rolling... as to keep the laws of motion, well, frankly in motion.

A leisurely glass of wine at the hotel reception tonight meant running into a run-in.

Said run-in resulted in a two hour conversation, which will most likely turn into an Austin based job.

The magic of Austin never ceases to amaze me. 

the doctor is in

1:20

An hour and twenty minutes is an awful long time to be on the phone for a Southern Gentleman who proclaims he hates talking on said phone. 

But alas yet again, he yammered on and on and on. As if to be told I was his confidant regarding an email he received from his ex-wife. Well, don't I feel special? I listened, offered my insight, my ideas. What I should have done was sent him a bill for psychiatric services rendered.

At first I thought Southern  Gentleman's ex-wife's reaching out was the product of her spending some quality time with a shrink of her own. But as the tale continued to unfold, I really believe she is angling to get back with him. While Southern Gentleman told me he'd not entertain a reconciliation, I have my doubts. Serious doubts. 

I feel that we should place bets on the Southern Gentleman's future. I'm going all in on the following notion: ex-wife dumps current husband (the man she originally cheated with and dumped Southern Gentleman for) and gets back on the Southern Gentleman train in nine months time. 

As they say, time will tell, but I am certain I have a winning bet.

another suitcase in another hall

Adjusting to hotel living has been difficult.

"Really?" you ask.

It is when you move from Stepford into a small studio hotel room with the complete knowledge that this is the end of the Austin road. Of course, the associated downsizing of clothes, shoes, and accessory options does not help my clothes horse heart. Limited choices has truly damped my heart.

No oven and two burners. My ability to cook has been robbed and I miss it. Powered eggs have replaced my organic, free-range brown eggs. Oven roasted vegetables are but a memory.  My days of clean, minimally processed eating are hampered.

I cannot run outside on the street as I am by a major shopping complex; crazy drivers are everywhere and I am very fond of living unmaimed. I tried a lesser road, but the sidewalk stopped half way through the route, so I had to trample through brush. I was leery because brush in Texas piques my great fear of snakes. As a result I have been reduced to learning how to run on the treadmill. I am coping with being attached to the machine, but I certainly do miss communing with nature on my outdoor runs.

On the plus side, I don't have to make coffee in the morning. I just put on some shorts and simply run down three flights of stairs to fetch my morning must. At least the coffee is strong. Sadly that is the only plus.

And another day on the countdown continues...

the bus at a crossroads

Yesterday as I drove down the highway, I grew melancholy as I passed the exit for RR620. That particular exit, that particular road is where I took Lulu for her internal medicine doctor, the man who saved her life and gave us six more weeks together.

Upon being taken back, I started talking to my Lulu. Telling her how much I missed her. Specifically naming the things she did that I so dearly miss. Lulu sticking her head against my knees while I took my first morning pee. Her waking me up at 4 AM and on the weekends at 7 AM too; there was never any sleeping in with my happy snappy morning hound girl. Knocking her nose on the door to command me to open it. Those big beautiful eyes. Her huge loving heart. My baby girl.

A few exits down, I got off the highway to head back to the dreaded hotel. On the side of the road stopped was a greyhound bus. There in unmissable technicolor was a greyhound. A message from my little girl. Of course, I cried until I reached my destination. My girl remains with me.

well i guess it would be nice

Tick tock. The days are flying by. I continue to live in denial. 

Well, that's not entirely true. 

I have seriously stepped up my bid to find a job down here. Attacking LinkedIn and actually completing my work history on there. Making sure everyone knows that I don't have my next assignment yet. Chatting up everyone I meet and inquiring about positions. Applying is my new middle name, Aggressively Applying.

My new vision is that I will return to Austin this fall. I will not be gone for long, unless some other completely undreamed up fantastic plan presents itself before then. Yes, I have gone from despair to openness. I have always landed exactly where I was meant to be. This time will be no different. As George Michael sang, " 'Cause I gotta have faith. "

rejection at its finest

Yesterday I finally heard back from nouveau company.

A simple email stating my skills were not a good match.

Cue intense blood pressure spike.

So off the mark. The last interviewer didn't like me, plain and simple. He judged me on some other criteria but my skill set. To be blunt, my name is synonymous with the job I applied for. It is a unique role for which very few people can do it. The Life Sucking Vampire project proved I am elite in my field. The skill set excuse is not valid.

Upon receipt of the rejection, I did send a love note to nouveau company's HR director about the line crossing interview. I may not have gotten the job but the inappropriate interviewer has also been turned in.

At least I was not the only one side swiped by this man's poor decision making skills. There were a lot of angry people yesterday. But I do remain disappointed. I don't want to leave Austin; however, it appears the time has finally come. My heart is heavy at all the things I am going to miss down here. My life is here. 

pins and needles

My third and final interview was two weeks ago Thursday. Since then, I have not heard a single word from nouveau company. Last Friday, I placed a call to them which has gone unanswered. Today, I gave up and sent an email inquiring if they are still interested. I am so tired of not knowing a single thing. Being kept in the dark may be good for mushrooms, but it is starting to break me.

We'll see what I hear back. The third interview did not go well as the interviewer took the conversation to unusual places. Overall, it was a stark contrast to the previous two. I know I am letting my doubt take over because honestly, they'd be silly not to want me. I have been patient long enough, so today I went with action.

critters

In ten days, my rental home will be packed, loaded onto a truck, and headed back to the Mile High City. Each day, my dread of the end here grows. I find myself concentrating and connecting with the little things that make Stepford special such as:

• The geckos that I was once absolutely terrified of but now have a mutual understanding with as we coexist on this little piece of property.
• The blue jays that spend an excessive amount of time in my yard. Those birds never fail to bring a smile to my face.
• The hummingbirds who love the red plants in the side yard. I was disappointed when I realized I wouldn't see the hummingbirds before I left; however, this morning, I did see the long, slender hummingbird nectar hunting. It made my heart sing. 
• The squirrels. Particularly the young squirrel with the thin bottle brush tail who loved playing with Lulu. His tail is unusual and I have watched him since he was a baby. He quickly learned to play with Lulu - more like taunt her so she'd chase him along the fence line. One time she actually tried to follow him up the oak tree - it was quite a sight, this long dog with ears at attention and long front legs stretched up the tree carefully balancing on her hind legs. Oh the routine those two had worked out. The little squirrel would come to the French doors so Lulu would see him and poof, let the fun begin. They both loved it. The little squirrel continues their routine, still flicking his tail toward the window as he hangs down from the tree and comes to the door a few times a week looking for his playmate. For a rodent, he is pretty brilliant. 

I have spent three years here at Stepford. I have never been one to get attached to a house, but Stepford is different. For all the fun I poke at Stepford, these brick walls and concrete floors have been my home and helped to form me, to heal me, to grow me. I never thought I would be this emotional. I remind myself of all the goodness that was born here, the wonderful memories that will sustain me.