19 December 2012

full sail ahead

A week from tomorrow The Southern Gentleman arrives.

A week.


The house is in a shambles. The kitchen cabinets are in but I am desperately awaiting the counter top installation. I never knew how very much I would miss water and a sink. But - on a side note - I now have amazingly beautiful new kitchen cabinets!

I need to say something to The Southern Gentleman while he is here. Living this life in limbo patiently waiting for him is stifling me. Quite frankly, I can no longer give him that power over me.

The chemistry between us has always been amazing. Nothing I have ever shared with another man. But I worry that I compare every man I encounter to him. Hence the need to finally push the issue... to free myself regardless the outcome.

The Southern Gentleman always swoops in for a few days, we each get our taste of sublime togetherness bliss, then he promptly drops off the radar as the feelings are too intense for him.

It is coming up on 8 years that we have both been single. Almost 13 years that we first met. I still remember the chemistry from our first meeting in May 2000. Somehow I can say that the initial spark still hasn't diminished for either of us. All this time, so many years, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends... and "us" still feels new and alive with potential.

Maybe it is a case of wanting what I cannot have. Maybe while he is in my bed and I whisper that he confuses me. At that moment, decisions will be made by words or the lack thereof. But I need to free myself even if he chooses never to go down that path. No matter what, the bedtime whispers will happen and I will set my course accordingly.