As if to have arrived via SMS yesterday afternoon:
The Southern Gentleman - "Not a big Zombie fan, but World War Z film was pretty sweet. Thought it was way better than Man of Steel. Have a happy & sale Fourth of July! Happy B-day USA?"
Showing posts with label Southern Gentleman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Southern Gentleman. Show all posts
05 July 2013
12 June 2013
a chapter closed
When last we spoke many months ago, I was super excited about the glowing prospects of The Southern Gentleman finally coming around.
Well, my excitement was short lived as by mid-February, he promptly stuck his head back in the ground. The Southern Gentleman went from genuinely trying in January to utter silence in February. I had sent him small presents for his birthday and Valentine's Day. He called me several days post birthday to thank me for the birthday present. This was not his typical behavior as generally he would have called the moment he received the package. I never heard from him regarding the Valentine's Day package.
It was his disregard and neglecting his usual southern good manners that slapped me across the face. And with that I was done. Done being patient, done encouraging, done waiting, hoping. Done.
And so I moved on.
Yes, he has called, sent a few emails, and a text or two; however, I have not responded or even acknowledged. I am done.
I needed to do this. Sever the connection, freeing myself of his spell.
To be cliche, I closed the door, so I could open the window for the new to come pouring in.
Well, my excitement was short lived as by mid-February, he promptly stuck his head back in the ground. The Southern Gentleman went from genuinely trying in January to utter silence in February. I had sent him small presents for his birthday and Valentine's Day. He called me several days post birthday to thank me for the birthday present. This was not his typical behavior as generally he would have called the moment he received the package. I never heard from him regarding the Valentine's Day package.
It was his disregard and neglecting his usual southern good manners that slapped me across the face. And with that I was done. Done being patient, done encouraging, done waiting, hoping. Done.
And so I moved on.
Yes, he has called, sent a few emails, and a text or two; however, I have not responded or even acknowledged. I am done.
I needed to do this. Sever the connection, freeing myself of his spell.
To be cliche, I closed the door, so I could open the window for the new to come pouring in.
28 January 2013
traveling into uncharted waters
As February is rapidly approaching and my schedule has been nutty, I decided to purchase The Southern Gentleman's birthday and Valentine's Day cards over the weekend. Much time was spent wandering Hallmark trying to find the appropriate sentiments.
There is a fine line between "you're the love of my life!" and "glad we're friends". I read millions of cards but finally came across the right one for each occasion. I made a conscious effort to select cards that were outside my safety zone. Ringing true with more emotion and a lot more vulnerability than I am accustom to.
Vulnerable is my new middle name. Deep down I know I need to wade in the pool of exposing myself. I need to reassure The Southern Gentleman of everything we discussed during his visit. The time has come for me to be brave and that bravery demands I leap outside my comfort zone. With The Southern Gentleman, I have learned gentle encouragement is key as opposed to a full-on assault.
Next step in Operation Vulnerability & Bravery, signing and dropping in the post.
18 January 2013
swimming against the abyss
Much to my surprise, The Southern Gentleman has been keeping in touch weekly via text message. While he has never really employed text messages in the past as he has always been a phone call guy, I think it is movement in the right direction.
Normally at this stage of post-trip, he would be completely, utterly silent. But The Southern Gentleman appears to have heard what I said, "you're the one who always goes into deep hiding after our encounters." I truly feel sending texts is his way of showing me that he is not disappearing into the abyss this time. Baby steps, kids, baby steps.
I continue repeating my mantra: patience. I am giving him his space to sort this all out, over-analyze every inch of our time together last month and over the past million years. I will not push him or bully him; I will continue encouraging him in small ways.
Normally at this stage of post-trip, he would be completely, utterly silent. But The Southern Gentleman appears to have heard what I said, "you're the one who always goes into deep hiding after our encounters." I truly feel sending texts is his way of showing me that he is not disappearing into the abyss this time. Baby steps, kids, baby steps.
I continue repeating my mantra: patience. I am giving him his space to sort this all out, over-analyze every inch of our time together last month and over the past million years. I will not push him or bully him; I will continue encouraging him in small ways.
06 January 2013
crossing thank yous
Yesterday was all sorts of Southern Gentleman interaction.
First, I wrote my thank you card to him. After a few drafts and few conversations with my girls, I transformed my traditional Emily Post thank you to a more suggestive thank you. Upon completion, I promptly dropped it in the post box so there would be no turning back.
Mid-afternoon I received a text message from The Southern Gentleman. I was surprised and delighted. I quickly responded and he replied. Very exciting. The messages weren't steamy or thrilling; it is simply that he is maintaining contact.
In the evening, I went to the post box and there on top was a postcard. Clearly, The Southern Gentleman wasted no time in getting it in the mail. Here it is:
Pats, Thanks so much for the great time in CO. I needed a vacation and you made a fine host. I enjoyed the meals, tea tour, Django movie, and talks. I hope you had a great time too! That last meal with your neighbors was fun, but almost made me miss my flight!! It was also fun to visit so many [specific] stores and get your thoughts on some of the styles and pieces. One day my dream of a showroom will come true!! You take good care and I hope you have a wonderful new year. You are a true friend and I cherish our relationship. Take care and be safe.
XXXOOO
- The Southern Gentleman :)
I am highly amused that both of our final sentences contain the verb "cherish".
And there you have the latest.
First, I wrote my thank you card to him. After a few drafts and few conversations with my girls, I transformed my traditional Emily Post thank you to a more suggestive thank you. Upon completion, I promptly dropped it in the post box so there would be no turning back.
Mid-afternoon I received a text message from The Southern Gentleman. I was surprised and delighted. I quickly responded and he replied. Very exciting. The messages weren't steamy or thrilling; it is simply that he is maintaining contact.
In the evening, I went to the post box and there on top was a postcard. Clearly, The Southern Gentleman wasted no time in getting it in the mail. Here it is:
Pats, Thanks so much for the great time in CO. I needed a vacation and you made a fine host. I enjoyed the meals, tea tour, Django movie, and talks. I hope you had a great time too! That last meal with your neighbors was fun, but almost made me miss my flight!! It was also fun to visit so many [specific] stores and get your thoughts on some of the styles and pieces. One day my dream of a showroom will come true!! You take good care and I hope you have a wonderful new year. You are a true friend and I cherish our relationship. Take care and be safe.
XXXOOO
- The Southern Gentleman :)
I am highly amused that both of our final sentences contain the verb "cherish".
And there you have the latest.
04 January 2013
weekend holiday recap part three
Sunday morning was the appointed time for us to make the pilgrimage to view Django Unchained. The Southern Gentleman was very excited to see this film. (I purposely wore a dress as this is important later). He paid for the tickets, I picked up the popcorn and soda. Unlike previous times when we have seen movies together, I noticed he sat very close to me. The film wasn't painful as I had anticipated and I actually found myself immersed in the story line.
Since the film was so long, a mid-movie pee break was required. As I sat in the stall, I reminded myself that I needed to find the right time today to speak with The Southern Gentleman about our weird relationship. Post film, we ran a quick errand to pick up some wine that was on deep discount and from there were headed home.
The Southern Gentleman sat on the couch and I went to the kitchen to pour him a cocktail and a wine for me. We talked about the film. I poured him a second cocktail and then he poured himself a third. Upon returning from making his drink, The Southern Gentleman takes a sip and says, "we have to talk about you and me." I was speechless as I honestly never thought I would hear those words out of his mouth, not after all this time. He went on to say that he thinks about what would happen if he and I dated and he is afraid that he would lose me if we broke up and he doesn't want to lose me from his life so we should probably stay friends. To this, I informed him that we have never been friends of a platonic sort. There has always been this undeniable spark and chemistry that "friends" don't have. He asked about any other male friends who come visit me and I told him that he is the only man that visits me besides the gays and of that group he is the only one who sleeps in bed with me because the gays always use the guest rooms. Funny enough, he reminded me that I came into his guest room the second night of his first trip. He has kept close track of all details. I took ownership that I am slow to pick up on stuff like this but that I recently figured out that back in the day (almost 13 years ago now) he liked because we used to go to exercise class together regularly... and what man goes to exercise class?! I told him that he shouldn't be afraid of losing me because by being afraid, we could be missing out on the best thing ever. I also relayed a story about a cousin that would drive the point home. He took the information in.
The Southern Gentleman also made some assertions about expectations on visits and phone calls, to which I made it clear that I was not to be lumped in with his last few girlfriends especially in light of the fact that the past 8 years I have made zero demands of him and his time. He talked about the various times we almost collided in the past and the constant theme was fear of losing me. I continued to reassure him after all we've been though in almost 13 years, if he was going to lose me, it would have been a long time ago. I told him it is up to us to determine what works for us an no one else. Also in response, I called him out on the fact that he is the one who goes into deep hiding after our little holidays together. He then told me "this is what you do to me" as he placed my hand on his crotch. He continued to say he had been remiss in telling me how nice I have looked every day, including today in the dress and boots. He went on to say that he doesn't want to have sex for the sake of having sex. He spoke of wanting to enjoy Valentine's Day again. The conversation continued down less meaty topics like my recent non-existent sexual past (call me the born again virgin!). I spoke of the first day we met and he walked down memory lane with me. I pulled out last year's New Year's Eve dress stating "look what you're missing out on because you are leaving tomorrow at dawn." He stated "we should have had this talk a few years ago" but I assured him I wasn't ready for it until now.
We made salads for dinner. Just as we finished my neighbors showed up on my doorstep and so they checked out the kitchen and we drank wine and talked. We ended up going to their house for dinner... and honestly after that point I have swiss cheese memories. I do remember sitting very close to The Southern Gentleman on the couch. I don't remember going home but I do remember being at my front door and opening it.
Monday morning at the crack of dawn I awoke face down in bed with only my undies on. He was completely naked. We didn't have sex but he enveloped me and held me for the brief remaining time before the alarm clock was to sound. He had an early morning flight. We were both fairly quiet on the drive. Half way to the airport I reached for his hand and he held my hand for the rest of the ride. At the departure sidewalk, The Southern Gentleman got his bag, thanked me, hugged me and then bent down kissing me on the lips. And then he disappeared thought the glass doors. And my heart felt empty already missing him.
The Southern Gentleman called that night to let me know he was home; there was still some lovey-ness in his voice. On New Year's Day he sent a text message and another the following day.
Now to sit back and give him the time and space to think about our conversation and our time together.
Since the film was so long, a mid-movie pee break was required. As I sat in the stall, I reminded myself that I needed to find the right time today to speak with The Southern Gentleman about our weird relationship. Post film, we ran a quick errand to pick up some wine that was on deep discount and from there were headed home.
The Southern Gentleman sat on the couch and I went to the kitchen to pour him a cocktail and a wine for me. We talked about the film. I poured him a second cocktail and then he poured himself a third. Upon returning from making his drink, The Southern Gentleman takes a sip and says, "we have to talk about you and me." I was speechless as I honestly never thought I would hear those words out of his mouth, not after all this time. He went on to say that he thinks about what would happen if he and I dated and he is afraid that he would lose me if we broke up and he doesn't want to lose me from his life so we should probably stay friends. To this, I informed him that we have never been friends of a platonic sort. There has always been this undeniable spark and chemistry that "friends" don't have. He asked about any other male friends who come visit me and I told him that he is the only man that visits me besides the gays and of that group he is the only one who sleeps in bed with me because the gays always use the guest rooms. Funny enough, he reminded me that I came into his guest room the second night of his first trip. He has kept close track of all details. I took ownership that I am slow to pick up on stuff like this but that I recently figured out that back in the day (almost 13 years ago now) he liked because we used to go to exercise class together regularly... and what man goes to exercise class?! I told him that he shouldn't be afraid of losing me because by being afraid, we could be missing out on the best thing ever. I also relayed a story about a cousin that would drive the point home. He took the information in.
The Southern Gentleman also made some assertions about expectations on visits and phone calls, to which I made it clear that I was not to be lumped in with his last few girlfriends especially in light of the fact that the past 8 years I have made zero demands of him and his time. He talked about the various times we almost collided in the past and the constant theme was fear of losing me. I continued to reassure him after all we've been though in almost 13 years, if he was going to lose me, it would have been a long time ago. I told him it is up to us to determine what works for us an no one else. Also in response, I called him out on the fact that he is the one who goes into deep hiding after our little holidays together. He then told me "this is what you do to me" as he placed my hand on his crotch. He continued to say he had been remiss in telling me how nice I have looked every day, including today in the dress and boots. He went on to say that he doesn't want to have sex for the sake of having sex. He spoke of wanting to enjoy Valentine's Day again. The conversation continued down less meaty topics like my recent non-existent sexual past (call me the born again virgin!). I spoke of the first day we met and he walked down memory lane with me. I pulled out last year's New Year's Eve dress stating "look what you're missing out on because you are leaving tomorrow at dawn." He stated "we should have had this talk a few years ago" but I assured him I wasn't ready for it until now.
We made salads for dinner. Just as we finished my neighbors showed up on my doorstep and so they checked out the kitchen and we drank wine and talked. We ended up going to their house for dinner... and honestly after that point I have swiss cheese memories. I do remember sitting very close to The Southern Gentleman on the couch. I don't remember going home but I do remember being at my front door and opening it.
Monday morning at the crack of dawn I awoke face down in bed with only my undies on. He was completely naked. We didn't have sex but he enveloped me and held me for the brief remaining time before the alarm clock was to sound. He had an early morning flight. We were both fairly quiet on the drive. Half way to the airport I reached for his hand and he held my hand for the rest of the ride. At the departure sidewalk, The Southern Gentleman got his bag, thanked me, hugged me and then bent down kissing me on the lips. And then he disappeared thought the glass doors. And my heart felt empty already missing him.
The Southern Gentleman called that night to let me know he was home; there was still some lovey-ness in his voice. On New Year's Day he sent a text message and another the following day.
Now to sit back and give him the time and space to think about our conversation and our time together.
03 January 2013
weekend holiday recap part two
After an evening cocktail, we headed down south for dinner. Luckily the restaurant was quiet and we had a secluded booth to ourselves. The Southern Gentleman was delighted when I agreed to split a bottle of sake. He was adorable pouring our little glasses and rattling off various 'cheers' phrases in various Asian languages. Midway through dinner, His father called and The Southern Gentleman spoke to him briefly. Upon hanging up, I asked him if his father questioned him about coming out to see me. In true Southern Gentleman style, he answered that his father did indeed have questions about me but not as many as his good friend did. I didn't press the issue but thought that an interesting tidbit.
Dinner was amazing. We paid and left. Once we got home, he was lying on the couch and I went downstairs to find something on Netflix that we'd discussed at dinner. He was giggly and didn't want to come downstairs at first but then did. At some point he went upstairs, I had watched the part I was interested in due to The Southern Gentleman's story and proceeded upstairs. I didn't see him so assumed he was out having a cigarette. In my room, I am getting ready for bed and I notice the bed pillows are cockeyed. Thinking nothing of it, I continue undressing and then it dawns on me... he is hiding under the covers. I creep closer to the bed and like a little kid he has ruffled the bedspread and positioned the pillows to camouflage himself complete with a small mouth air hole. I laughed and poked at him. He whispered back "let me show you my moves" from his air hole. I climbed into bed next to him and he pulled me even closer. We both fell asleep. I was awoken from my dead sleep to him pawing at me and in the blink of my sleepy mind, he had both our underwear off and was trying to get the party started. Needless to say, his alcohol consumption made the situation pointless but he was certainly determined to try.
Saturday morning The Southern Gentleman declared he was hungover and swore there'd be little to no drinking today. We eventually headed down to the upscale shopping district, where we wandered in and out of shops. The ease of our relationship always amazes me, especially because we don't see each other on a regular basis.I was wearing a vintage coat with a mink trim collar and of course we had to walk in front of the animal rights activists. I was afraid my collar might be assaulted so The Southern Gentleman became my human shield. Of course, my human shield ends up speaking with the ringleader about a place for lunch; all the while I am hiding behind him and refusing to make eye contact with the activists. After lunch because it was getting cold, we went into the indoor mall and checked out a few shops. Heading home, we drove around an up and coming area of town to see if anything sounded good for dinner later.
At home, his back was hurting and so he was on the couch popping ibuprofen. The pain had started at lunch and he said he didn't know what would have caused it. I politely informed him that he was bucking around in bed last night "showing me in moves" and that was most likely the cause. He asked a few questions because he didn't really remember anything from the time we got home Friday night. I got him comfortable with the heating pad, fed him beer and let him rest. Dinner was a quiet affair with a quick trip to a sandwich shop. In bed that night, he kept himself in check as did I but throughout the night he would take my hand and hold it in his as we both slept.
Sunday morning was....
Dinner was amazing. We paid and left. Once we got home, he was lying on the couch and I went downstairs to find something on Netflix that we'd discussed at dinner. He was giggly and didn't want to come downstairs at first but then did. At some point he went upstairs, I had watched the part I was interested in due to The Southern Gentleman's story and proceeded upstairs. I didn't see him so assumed he was out having a cigarette. In my room, I am getting ready for bed and I notice the bed pillows are cockeyed. Thinking nothing of it, I continue undressing and then it dawns on me... he is hiding under the covers. I creep closer to the bed and like a little kid he has ruffled the bedspread and positioned the pillows to camouflage himself complete with a small mouth air hole. I laughed and poked at him. He whispered back "let me show you my moves" from his air hole. I climbed into bed next to him and he pulled me even closer. We both fell asleep. I was awoken from my dead sleep to him pawing at me and in the blink of my sleepy mind, he had both our underwear off and was trying to get the party started. Needless to say, his alcohol consumption made the situation pointless but he was certainly determined to try.
Saturday morning The Southern Gentleman declared he was hungover and swore there'd be little to no drinking today. We eventually headed down to the upscale shopping district, where we wandered in and out of shops. The ease of our relationship always amazes me, especially because we don't see each other on a regular basis.I was wearing a vintage coat with a mink trim collar and of course we had to walk in front of the animal rights activists. I was afraid my collar might be assaulted so The Southern Gentleman became my human shield. Of course, my human shield ends up speaking with the ringleader about a place for lunch; all the while I am hiding behind him and refusing to make eye contact with the activists. After lunch because it was getting cold, we went into the indoor mall and checked out a few shops. Heading home, we drove around an up and coming area of town to see if anything sounded good for dinner later.
At home, his back was hurting and so he was on the couch popping ibuprofen. The pain had started at lunch and he said he didn't know what would have caused it. I politely informed him that he was bucking around in bed last night "showing me in moves" and that was most likely the cause. He asked a few questions because he didn't really remember anything from the time we got home Friday night. I got him comfortable with the heating pad, fed him beer and let him rest. Dinner was a quiet affair with a quick trip to a sandwich shop. In bed that night, he kept himself in check as did I but throughout the night he would take my hand and hold it in his as we both slept.
Sunday morning was....
02 January 2013
weekend holiday recap part one
I need to document The Southern Gentleman's holiday. Especially as I have documented all of his trips with the exception of one in May 2010.
This holiday was a doozy. He was making some sort of almost daily effort to be in touch with me the weeks prior. Whether it was an email, text, or phone call, he made a very concerted effort.
I was a crazy woman getting the house and myself ready for his Thursday evening arrival. It would be the first time he was at the Colorado cottage as all previous visits were made to Texas. Around the time of his departure, I sent him a quick "on the plane?" text to which he replied with a phone call saying he had been upgraded to first.
The flight was about 30 minutes late but my timing to pick him up was excellent. There he was on the airport sidewalk looking as handsome as ever. He got in the car, gave me a big hug and small kiss on the cheek. From the moment I saw him, the rush of emotion was back as powerful as ever; as if it hadn't been 2.5 years since we last saw each other.
We headed back toward the cottage with plans to get The Southern Gentleman a late dinner. Juju came with me and she immediately planted herself in his lap falling promptly to sleep. My front headlight had just gone out before leaving to pick him up.
We stopped at Quaker Steak and Lube, where I had a few red wines and The Southern Gentleman enjoyed a few beers and a sandwich. Then we ventured home where he put his bags in the loft and we went on the grand tour. I had no idea he was fairly drunk at the time. The Southern Gentleman pulled a clear glass Christmas tree out of his bag. The glass was hollow and filled with chocolate candies and a small pouch. I took it and thanked him. Stupid me, I didn't really zero in on the pouch to which he told me to open it. Much to my surprise, there was a beautiful pair of silver earrings in the bag from one of my favorite jewelery designers. He has given me small inconsequential presents before, but never jewelry. We packed off to bed and as anticipated, The Southern Gentleman crawled into bed with me. As I was drifting off, I was surprisingly awakened by his hand gliding down my back making stops to caress my bum and thighs. In all these years, he has never attempted anything of the sort and honestly I was quite shocked. Some touchy feely ensued and then he abruptly stopped. I asked if I was the in-between girl to which he replied "I don't know what you are, Pats."
Friday morning I got up before him. I putzed around the kitchen making coffee, briefly checking in with my best girlfriends online. We got dressed and headed up to Boulder. First stop was Celestial Seasonings. On the ride, The Southern Gentleman was rather quiet. I prattled away as a good tour guide does. He thoroughly enjoyed the Celestial Seasonings tour as he said so numerous times. From there we went into Boulder proper strolling down Pearl Street until stumbling on a place for lunch. We enjoyed a few hours of going in and out of shops. At a few shops, he did not correct the sales staff if we were referred to as married.
Ran various errands on the route home. Stopped in at the liquor store to get some beer, into Walmart for much needed windshield fluid and various food items for his visit and a dinner he wanted to make on Sunday. He promptly filled the windshield fluid when we reached the car. Amen! The magnificence of seeing out the windshield! Then on to our final stop, the auto store to pick up a headlight. Since the auto store guy told us that we needed to remove the battery to replace the light, The Southern Gentleman was nervous and I was reduced to calling my dad to come lead the charge. However when my father arrived, The Southern Gentleman made sure he did most of the work. I think he just wanted the backup in case anything car wise went wrong. However, in replacing the burn out one, the other one went out so back to the shop we ran and he easily replaced the headlight in the parking lot.
This holiday was a doozy. He was making some sort of almost daily effort to be in touch with me the weeks prior. Whether it was an email, text, or phone call, he made a very concerted effort.
I was a crazy woman getting the house and myself ready for his Thursday evening arrival. It would be the first time he was at the Colorado cottage as all previous visits were made to Texas. Around the time of his departure, I sent him a quick "on the plane?" text to which he replied with a phone call saying he had been upgraded to first.
The flight was about 30 minutes late but my timing to pick him up was excellent. There he was on the airport sidewalk looking as handsome as ever. He got in the car, gave me a big hug and small kiss on the cheek. From the moment I saw him, the rush of emotion was back as powerful as ever; as if it hadn't been 2.5 years since we last saw each other.
We headed back toward the cottage with plans to get The Southern Gentleman a late dinner. Juju came with me and she immediately planted herself in his lap falling promptly to sleep. My front headlight had just gone out before leaving to pick him up.
We stopped at Quaker Steak and Lube, where I had a few red wines and The Southern Gentleman enjoyed a few beers and a sandwich. Then we ventured home where he put his bags in the loft and we went on the grand tour. I had no idea he was fairly drunk at the time. The Southern Gentleman pulled a clear glass Christmas tree out of his bag. The glass was hollow and filled with chocolate candies and a small pouch. I took it and thanked him. Stupid me, I didn't really zero in on the pouch to which he told me to open it. Much to my surprise, there was a beautiful pair of silver earrings in the bag from one of my favorite jewelery designers. He has given me small inconsequential presents before, but never jewelry. We packed off to bed and as anticipated, The Southern Gentleman crawled into bed with me. As I was drifting off, I was surprisingly awakened by his hand gliding down my back making stops to caress my bum and thighs. In all these years, he has never attempted anything of the sort and honestly I was quite shocked. Some touchy feely ensued and then he abruptly stopped. I asked if I was the in-between girl to which he replied "I don't know what you are, Pats."
Friday morning I got up before him. I putzed around the kitchen making coffee, briefly checking in with my best girlfriends online. We got dressed and headed up to Boulder. First stop was Celestial Seasonings. On the ride, The Southern Gentleman was rather quiet. I prattled away as a good tour guide does. He thoroughly enjoyed the Celestial Seasonings tour as he said so numerous times. From there we went into Boulder proper strolling down Pearl Street until stumbling on a place for lunch. We enjoyed a few hours of going in and out of shops. At a few shops, he did not correct the sales staff if we were referred to as married.
Ran various errands on the route home. Stopped in at the liquor store to get some beer, into Walmart for much needed windshield fluid and various food items for his visit and a dinner he wanted to make on Sunday. He promptly filled the windshield fluid when we reached the car. Amen! The magnificence of seeing out the windshield! Then on to our final stop, the auto store to pick up a headlight. Since the auto store guy told us that we needed to remove the battery to replace the light, The Southern Gentleman was nervous and I was reduced to calling my dad to come lead the charge. However when my father arrived, The Southern Gentleman made sure he did most of the work. I think he just wanted the backup in case anything car wise went wrong. However, in replacing the burn out one, the other one went out so back to the shop we ran and he easily replaced the headlight in the parking lot.
01 January 2013
that's the story of, that's the glory of love
The Southern Gentleman left early yesterday morning.
Now the cottage is quiet.
The sound of his laugh no longer fills the crisp cold air.
The crooning of his voice has ceased to envelope me.
He isn't stretched out on the couch, just a small touch away.
Nor is he next to me in bed; his hand holding mine as we slept.
His leaving is always like this.
I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out.
I miss him terribly.
Now the cottage is quiet.
The sound of his laugh no longer fills the crisp cold air.
The crooning of his voice has ceased to envelope me.
He isn't stretched out on the couch, just a small touch away.
Nor is he next to me in bed; his hand holding mine as we slept.
His leaving is always like this.
I feel like a piece of me has been ripped out.
I miss him terribly.
19 December 2012
full sail ahead
A week from tomorrow The Southern Gentleman arrives.
A week.
Ugh.
The house is in a shambles. The kitchen cabinets are in but I am desperately awaiting the counter top installation. I never knew how very much I would miss water and a sink. But - on a side note - I now have amazingly beautiful new kitchen cabinets!
I need to say something to The Southern Gentleman while he is here. Living this life in limbo patiently waiting for him is stifling me. Quite frankly, I can no longer give him that power over me.
The chemistry between us has always been amazing. Nothing I have ever shared with another man. But I worry that I compare every man I encounter to him. Hence the need to finally push the issue... to free myself regardless the outcome.
The Southern Gentleman always swoops in for a few days, we each get our taste of sublime togetherness bliss, then he promptly drops off the radar as the feelings are too intense for him.
It is coming up on 8 years that we have both been single. Almost 13 years that we first met. I still remember the chemistry from our first meeting in May 2000. Somehow I can say that the initial spark still hasn't diminished for either of us. All this time, so many years, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends... and "us" still feels new and alive with potential.
Maybe it is a case of wanting what I cannot have. Maybe while he is in my bed and I whisper that he confuses me. At that moment, decisions will be made by words or the lack thereof. But I need to free myself even if he chooses never to go down that path. No matter what, the bedtime whispers will happen and I will set my course accordingly.
A week.
Ugh.
The house is in a shambles. The kitchen cabinets are in but I am desperately awaiting the counter top installation. I never knew how very much I would miss water and a sink. But - on a side note - I now have amazingly beautiful new kitchen cabinets!
I need to say something to The Southern Gentleman while he is here. Living this life in limbo patiently waiting for him is stifling me. Quite frankly, I can no longer give him that power over me.
The chemistry between us has always been amazing. Nothing I have ever shared with another man. But I worry that I compare every man I encounter to him. Hence the need to finally push the issue... to free myself regardless the outcome.
The Southern Gentleman always swoops in for a few days, we each get our taste of sublime togetherness bliss, then he promptly drops off the radar as the feelings are too intense for him.
It is coming up on 8 years that we have both been single. Almost 13 years that we first met. I still remember the chemistry from our first meeting in May 2000. Somehow I can say that the initial spark still hasn't diminished for either of us. All this time, so many years, spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends... and "us" still feels new and alive with potential.
Maybe it is a case of wanting what I cannot have. Maybe while he is in my bed and I whisper that he confuses me. At that moment, decisions will be made by words or the lack thereof. But I need to free myself even if he chooses never to go down that path. No matter what, the bedtime whispers will happen and I will set my course accordingly.
27 November 2012
a holiday to see old faithful
Guess who has reappeared?!
The Southern Gentleman.
A few months ago, he started calling a bit. I ignored the calls as I am very tired of this merry-go-round. A post card here and there. A birthday card that I found insulting but in dumb man world he believed it "witty". The birthday card contained another hint about a trip to Denver to see me. The card also contained many other clues that made it clear that The Southern Gentleman needs his ego bolstered by "Old Faithful" - that's my new name for myself in this situation; only thing is I am done with being Old Faithful.
Whether it is a geyser or a dog, I am done (and have been for quite some time now) with being the fall-back chick in his world, the girl he can always count on to be there when the chips are down. He no longer gets all the benefits, while he doesn't reciprocate. I go back to this spring when I had the opportunity to work in practically his backyard and he was an utterly indifferent arse about the prospect.
So when I returned his Thanksgiving Day call on Friday, The Southern Gentleman eased into end of the year holiday talk. I happily let him flounder for awhile with talk of Vegas and Santa Fe, then I said the words he had been fishing for: you know, you are always welcome here.
With those words, The Southern Gentleman's pent up ideas and plans came spewing forth at lightening speed. Needless to say, he purchased his ticket early the next morning and immediately forwarded the itinerary. Sunday was a phone call to make sure I received the air itinerary along with talk of what we can do while he is here.
After listening to one too many episodes of Sex and the City this weekend while painting (that is a whole other story for another day), my dim little light bulb flickered on. The Southern Gentleman and I are Mr. Big and Carrie. The years and years of Big and Carrie's roller coaster relationship sounded acutely familiar. Big can be with whomever he wants but wants to keep Carrie to himself rang through my being as I realized this is us. The only differences are neither of us is as vocal about "our relationship" and we've never had sex.
The Southern Gentleman has been looming in my universe for 12 years with the last 7 of those years having both of us single at the same time. After years of skirting around "us", I think in my nicest southern way I am finally going to broach the topic because regardless of the outcome Old Faithful needs to get off our merry-go-round ride.
29 May 2012
disappointment has a name
Within the confines of my current company, I had two choices: Southern Gentleman or exile.
I have struggled with this decision. Struggled greatly. Needless to say, everything moved into high gear when my 2-to-3 week prescribed (and typically longer) wait was trumped with a job offer last Friday. Interview on Tuesday. Job offer on Friday. My head is still swimming.
My choice of jobs - Work-from-home or Southern Gentleman-ville. A difficult choice. Career versus life/love. A phone call with the Southern Gentleman this morning made the answer very clear and simple.
I chose work-from-home. Better for my career path, and clearly from Southern Gentleman's lack of enthusiasm, the choice of choices. My career takes precedence over the Southern Gentleman's forgetfulness of telling me the distance to his city as opposed to extolling the distances of Asheville, Charlotte, and Atlanta. There was no "it would be great to see you more often"; no pleasantries afforded a platonic, casual friend. So easily, my career and long-term success takes the lead.
I did not press or cajole.I don't want to try to force the Southern Gentleman into anything. My days of bright-eyed, blind hope are dead; his jacked-up perception has closed our delicate dance.My months of clarity have obviously been confirmed with gigantic bold exclamation marks.
I chose reality and my happiness over trying to make someone else happy. It looks like I have learned a thing or two.
I have struggled with this decision. Struggled greatly. Needless to say, everything moved into high gear when my 2-to-3 week prescribed (and typically longer) wait was trumped with a job offer last Friday. Interview on Tuesday. Job offer on Friday. My head is still swimming.
My choice of jobs - Work-from-home or Southern Gentleman-ville. A difficult choice. Career versus life/love. A phone call with the Southern Gentleman this morning made the answer very clear and simple.
I chose work-from-home. Better for my career path, and clearly from Southern Gentleman's lack of enthusiasm, the choice of choices. My career takes precedence over the Southern Gentleman's forgetfulness of telling me the distance to his city as opposed to extolling the distances of Asheville, Charlotte, and Atlanta. There was no "it would be great to see you more often"; no pleasantries afforded a platonic, casual friend. So easily, my career and long-term success takes the lead.
I did not press or cajole.I don't want to try to force the Southern Gentleman into anything. My days of bright-eyed, blind hope are dead; his jacked-up perception has closed our delicate dance.My months of clarity have obviously been confirmed with gigantic bold exclamation marks.
I chose reality and my happiness over trying to make someone else happy. It looks like I have learned a thing or two.
15 May 2012
the doctor is in
1:20
An hour and twenty minutes is an awful long time to be on the phone for a Southern Gentleman who proclaims he hates talking on said phone.
But alas yet again, he yammered on and on and on. As if to be told I was his confidant regarding an email he received from his ex-wife. Well, don't I feel special? I listened, offered my insight, my ideas. What I should have done was sent him a bill for psychiatric services rendered.
At first I thought Southern Gentleman's ex-wife's reaching out was the product of her spending some quality time with a shrink of her own. But as the tale continued to unfold, I really believe she is angling to get back with him. While Southern Gentleman told me he'd not entertain a reconciliation, I have my doubts. Serious doubts.
I feel that we should place bets on the Southern Gentleman's future. I'm going all in on the following notion: ex-wife dumps current husband (the man she originally cheated with and dumped Southern Gentleman for) and gets back on the Southern Gentleman train in nine months time.
12 December 2011
popping up on the radar
I swear the man has radar!
Without fail, each and every time I am happy or there is new male prospect, he miraculously resurrects and promptly dials my number. Then he proceeds to talk at great length even though he regularly says he dislikes speaking on the phone.
It is none other than The Southern Gentleman who applied his mad Patsy sonar skills yesterday. Before I would have been over the moon, but not so much anymore. His up-down routine has gotten so very, very old. I am simply amused by his sophisticated tracking system.
He spoke about Lulu a fair amount. Once he found out I was staying in the lone star state for the holidays, The Southern Gentleman started talking about him coming here post-Christmas since the mourning mother needs "cheering up". As our conversation progressed and his wheels began to turn, The Southern Gentleman suggested we meet up somewhere for 4 -5 days. I agreed to entertain the idea. He said he'd figure some things out and call me the following week.
Honestly a getaway would be good for me. I think not being alone for that time away would also be good. At the end of the day, The Southern Gentleman and I are friends.
Without fail, each and every time I am happy or there is new male prospect, he miraculously resurrects and promptly dials my number. Then he proceeds to talk at great length even though he regularly says he dislikes speaking on the phone.
It is none other than The Southern Gentleman who applied his mad Patsy sonar skills yesterday. Before I would have been over the moon, but not so much anymore. His up-down routine has gotten so very, very old. I am simply amused by his sophisticated tracking system.
He spoke about Lulu a fair amount. Once he found out I was staying in the lone star state for the holidays, The Southern Gentleman started talking about him coming here post-Christmas since the mourning mother needs "cheering up". As our conversation progressed and his wheels began to turn, The Southern Gentleman suggested we meet up somewhere for 4 -5 days. I agreed to entertain the idea. He said he'd figure some things out and call me the following week.
Honestly a getaway would be good for me. I think not being alone for that time away would also be good. At the end of the day, The Southern Gentleman and I are friends.
18 July 2011
you and i collide
Thursday night, I returned from my run with the pup to learn I'd missed a phone call from The Southern Gentleman. During our last conversation a month or so before, he'd been a little cagey venting about the careless actions of someone he knew. I had surmised the vagueness equaled a girlfriend. This phone call revealed that the previous story indeed was about a girlfriend.
Why should that upset me? After all, I sorta have a sorta telephone man friend. The Southern Gentleman and I have never openly declared a mutual undying love. But it still hurt hearing about her, the woman who is taking for granted the man that I cannot shake from my being.
Theirs is a long distance relationship that has been in existence about six months. They live on opposite sides of the country. I get the impression he is the one who goes to see her, every four to six weeks. The Southern Gentleman spoke at length about his frustrations, his thoughts, his feelings. The conversation was very one-sided where I merely listened to his inner dialogue being spoken for the first time. He is not impressed with the distance as he said that it has taken much longer to start seeing her more comfortable self. I agreed that there is the rub, whenever the distance is removed for a weekend, it is vacation time. A lesson I learned the hard way and later resulted in a divorce.
She is in her early thirties and lives at home with her parents. He is in his late thirties. The general impression is she is a spoiled brat; while, the main theme was that he is done with her. She flipped that he'd be staying with a female platonic friend when he attended an out-of-town event over the weekend. At that point, the conversation began to incorporate where I fell into the grand picture. He said that he explained to girlfriend that he had long time girlfriends, completely platonic, like me. He went on to say that he has actually spoken about me at great length, on several occasions. That we've shared the same bed together many times. As he really tried to careful select his words, he finally decided to share, "and few times we almost collided."
He then begins my inquisition to determine if I am dating anyone. I did not share with him the story of the shadow dwelling in Georgia. I did share my frustration at being alone despite all the positives.
Before you know it, The Southern Gentleman jumps to speaking of coming to see me and the pup. I wonder where he will sleep when he comes here next. While I tell him that he is always welcome and I would love to see him, on the inside I am reeling from the diametrically opposed messages: talked about a great length but yet nothing more.
I know I shouldn't care. But I also cannot rid myself of the feelings and sparks that I feel when we are together. A connection that has not faded in eleven years. Not for me. Not for him. Maybe I am rationalizing. But he is the self-proclaimed hater of talking on the phone, so why does every call he places to me last a minimum of one hour? Instant responses to email? Even if he is on the other side of the world? Everything he says he won't do, he does with me, for me. Not even my bestest gay friend keeps such close tabs on me.
Mixed messages?
Self-delusion?
Why should that upset me? After all, I sorta have a sorta telephone man friend. The Southern Gentleman and I have never openly declared a mutual undying love. But it still hurt hearing about her, the woman who is taking for granted the man that I cannot shake from my being.
Theirs is a long distance relationship that has been in existence about six months. They live on opposite sides of the country. I get the impression he is the one who goes to see her, every four to six weeks. The Southern Gentleman spoke at length about his frustrations, his thoughts, his feelings. The conversation was very one-sided where I merely listened to his inner dialogue being spoken for the first time. He is not impressed with the distance as he said that it has taken much longer to start seeing her more comfortable self. I agreed that there is the rub, whenever the distance is removed for a weekend, it is vacation time. A lesson I learned the hard way and later resulted in a divorce.
She is in her early thirties and lives at home with her parents. He is in his late thirties. The general impression is she is a spoiled brat; while, the main theme was that he is done with her. She flipped that he'd be staying with a female platonic friend when he attended an out-of-town event over the weekend. At that point, the conversation began to incorporate where I fell into the grand picture. He said that he explained to girlfriend that he had long time girlfriends, completely platonic, like me. He went on to say that he has actually spoken about me at great length, on several occasions. That we've shared the same bed together many times. As he really tried to careful select his words, he finally decided to share, "and few times we almost collided."
He then begins my inquisition to determine if I am dating anyone. I did not share with him the story of the shadow dwelling in Georgia. I did share my frustration at being alone despite all the positives.
Before you know it, The Southern Gentleman jumps to speaking of coming to see me and the pup. I wonder where he will sleep when he comes here next. While I tell him that he is always welcome and I would love to see him, on the inside I am reeling from the diametrically opposed messages: talked about a great length but yet nothing more.
I know I shouldn't care. But I also cannot rid myself of the feelings and sparks that I feel when we are together. A connection that has not faded in eleven years. Not for me. Not for him. Maybe I am rationalizing. But he is the self-proclaimed hater of talking on the phone, so why does every call he places to me last a minimum of one hour? Instant responses to email? Even if he is on the other side of the world? Everything he says he won't do, he does with me, for me. Not even my bestest gay friend keeps such close tabs on me.
Mixed messages?
Self-delusion?
25 April 2010
tonight, tonight
Once again, it is Sunday evening and Super Dad is winging his way into town. It is different this time though, he called before he boarded the plane to secure tonight's location.
It is also different because this is Super Dad's last official trip to the Big ATX for this account. We are booked every night this week having dinner with various groups of people. Tonight is our only 'alone' night. I think suspicion may very well start to swirl this week. Oh well. Speculation is exactly that - speculation.
Super Dad booked my mini-break flight on Monday. The same day when the Southern Gentleman booked his flight for Austin. Yes, you see, a week ago today, the Southern Gentleman awoke from his flowery sleep and called me inquiring about making a visit in May. I am so over the man. Same tape over and over and over and over and over again. This is a platonic trip. A trip to keep his American Airline miles active. A little r and r holiday for him. It is all for him and none for me - validating everything I have been feeling for quite some time.
But back to Super Dad, I am super excited about my upcoming weekend sneak away. He is too as I constantly hear stories of who he has told about my impending holiday. I honestly believe that 3/4 of Atlanta knows I am coming to town. What to pack has caused me some terror as I think I need to over pack in order to be ready for the absolutely anything and everything that will be thrown my way - fancy dress-up to boat slacker.
I have selected my outfit for tonight - black, simple, chic with knock out accessories. Now to get dressed and made up. I plan on having a fabulous time.
Good night, my darlings!
It is also different because this is Super Dad's last official trip to the Big ATX for this account. We are booked every night this week having dinner with various groups of people. Tonight is our only 'alone' night. I think suspicion may very well start to swirl this week. Oh well. Speculation is exactly that - speculation.
Super Dad booked my mini-break flight on Monday. The same day when the Southern Gentleman booked his flight for Austin. Yes, you see, a week ago today, the Southern Gentleman awoke from his flowery sleep and called me inquiring about making a visit in May. I am so over the man. Same tape over and over and over and over and over again. This is a platonic trip. A trip to keep his American Airline miles active. A little r and r holiday for him. It is all for him and none for me - validating everything I have been feeling for quite some time.
But back to Super Dad, I am super excited about my upcoming weekend sneak away. He is too as I constantly hear stories of who he has told about my impending holiday. I honestly believe that 3/4 of Atlanta knows I am coming to town. What to pack has caused me some terror as I think I need to over pack in order to be ready for the absolutely anything and everything that will be thrown my way - fancy dress-up to boat slacker.
I have selected my outfit for tonight - black, simple, chic with knock out accessories. Now to get dressed and made up. I plan on having a fabulous time.
Good night, my darlings!
11 November 2009
Day 11: Resurrection
Last week The Southern Gentleman began attempting a resurrection. It started with a phone call on Thursday evening. As Alexander and I were en route to dinner, I did not answer my mobile.
On Saturday evening at 8:02 PM, I received the following text message from him: "What z up in Austin 2nite?"
To which I replied at 8:34 PM: "In a hot dress celebrating my bday waiting for the spazmatics to start playing."
Then at 8:43 PM he followed up with this: "Sounds like the beginning of a rockin bday time! Wish I was there 2 celebr8 n enjoy ur sexiness. Drink water every other beverage. B safe n enjoy the 80s tunes!"
Upon my resulting silence as I was too busy having fun, The Southern Gentleman proceeded to call me at 10:42 PM.
A man on a mission, he called again on Sunday afternoon. Alexander and I were watching a movie, so The Southern Gentleman spent more quality time with my voicemail.
On Monday night, I decided to return his call. For a man who has explained to me on several occasions that a) he will only call someone - be it friend, girlfriend, total stranger - only once; if the person does not return his call, he will not continue calling and b) he does not like talking on the phone.
Let's do the math, shall we? He called me 3 times and only after 3 times over 5 days did I return his call. Our phone call went for 1 hour 15 minutes and I was the one who tried to several times and ultimately did end the phone call. The Southern Gentleman asked a lot of questions and was genuinely interested. Highlights of our conversation included:
TSG: I didn't remember it was your birthday, but that must have been why I felt such a strong urge to call you.
TSG: I should have started my business in the mid-90s.
Patsy: But then you would have never met me, Just think of how sad and boring your life would be without me in it.
TSG: You do have a point there.
TSG: Spring would be a wonderful time for me to make a trip to Austin. I was there about this time last year, right?
Patsy: Not really. You arrived the day after Christmas.
TSG: Wow, I sure got you a nice Christmas present last year then.
Patsy: You never heard any complaints from me.
After more than an hour, I finally ended our conversation. My heart isn't in it any more; it hasn't been for awhile. His eagerness is only momentary. Maybe he is in between girls right now, so thoughts of me bubble to surface. Maybe it is something else. It doesn't matter though because I don't have time for The Southern Gentleman's reindeer games.
On Saturday evening at 8:02 PM, I received the following text message from him: "What z up in Austin 2nite?"
To which I replied at 8:34 PM: "In a hot dress celebrating my bday waiting for the spazmatics to start playing."
Then at 8:43 PM he followed up with this: "Sounds like the beginning of a rockin bday time! Wish I was there 2 celebr8 n enjoy ur sexiness. Drink water every other beverage. B safe n enjoy the 80s tunes!"
Upon my resulting silence as I was too busy having fun, The Southern Gentleman proceeded to call me at 10:42 PM.
A man on a mission, he called again on Sunday afternoon. Alexander and I were watching a movie, so The Southern Gentleman spent more quality time with my voicemail.
On Monday night, I decided to return his call. For a man who has explained to me on several occasions that a) he will only call someone - be it friend, girlfriend, total stranger - only once; if the person does not return his call, he will not continue calling and b) he does not like talking on the phone.
Let's do the math, shall we? He called me 3 times and only after 3 times over 5 days did I return his call. Our phone call went for 1 hour 15 minutes and I was the one who tried to several times and ultimately did end the phone call. The Southern Gentleman asked a lot of questions and was genuinely interested. Highlights of our conversation included:
TSG: I didn't remember it was your birthday, but that must have been why I felt such a strong urge to call you.
TSG: I should have started my business in the mid-90s.
Patsy: But then you would have never met me, Just think of how sad and boring your life would be without me in it.
TSG: You do have a point there.
TSG: Spring would be a wonderful time for me to make a trip to Austin. I was there about this time last year, right?
Patsy: Not really. You arrived the day after Christmas.
TSG: Wow, I sure got you a nice Christmas present last year then.
Patsy: You never heard any complaints from me.
After more than an hour, I finally ended our conversation. My heart isn't in it any more; it hasn't been for awhile. His eagerness is only momentary. Maybe he is in between girls right now, so thoughts of me bubble to surface. Maybe it is something else. It doesn't matter though because I don't have time for The Southern Gentleman's reindeer games.
08 May 2009
an anniversary of sorts
May 8, 2000.
It was nine years ago today that we first met, The Southern Gentleman and I.
Nine years ago today that we were partnered up in a conference room in the Carolinas.
The attraction was instant and has continued to remain smoldering just under the surface.
Star-crossed lovers.
Fast forward to May 8, 2009.
Nine years and nothing has changed.
I take that back, what has changed is me.
I can see past the attraction; the things I was enraptured with when I was 25. I see that The Southern Gentleman is not going to put one foot in front of the other. He is only continuing to side step, which does not lead to progress.
It makes me a bit sad because together we did make a good team.
But I am also happy that on today, May 8th, exactly 6 months away from my 35th birthday, I do have the clarity to see The Southern Gentleman and I for precisely what we are and what we'll never be. For that, I am grateful.
It was nine years ago today that we first met, The Southern Gentleman and I.
Nine years ago today that we were partnered up in a conference room in the Carolinas.
The attraction was instant and has continued to remain smoldering just under the surface.
Star-crossed lovers.
Fast forward to May 8, 2009.
Nine years and nothing has changed.
I take that back, what has changed is me.
I can see past the attraction; the things I was enraptured with when I was 25. I see that The Southern Gentleman is not going to put one foot in front of the other. He is only continuing to side step, which does not lead to progress.
It makes me a bit sad because together we did make a good team.
But I am also happy that on today, May 8th, exactly 6 months away from my 35th birthday, I do have the clarity to see The Southern Gentleman and I for precisely what we are and what we'll never be. For that, I am grateful.
29 March 2009
Finish Lines
This morning we ran the local 10k. While ran is a strong word, we didn’t take a leisurely walk either. Eddie and I went along at a pretty good clip. In fact, I can feel the muscles in my bum quite well right now. But I did what I set out to do - finish the race.
Afterwards we had some girl time and a lovely lunch at our favorite taco place. Onward home where I enjoyed my bath; clean hair is so fabulous. So I was fully relaxed when the phone rang with its infamous “waiting” ring tone that belongs solely to The Southern Gentleman.
Answering the phone, his Southern drawl greeted me with a low sing-song tone. Upon hearing that I completed the 10k today, The Southern Gentleman snickered a fair amount; I was not pleased. As our conversation progressed, I know I got more agitated with him and it probably came across in my tone. Our phone call ended within 15 minutes.
I wasn’t cross or rude. I am simply tired of listening to the story that is not going to be made into a tv movie. It has been a year and half since The Southern Gentleman made his first trip down here. Not much has changed significantly during that extended period of time; we are still friends – no commitments have been made, no binding confessions of love.
I have given up on him. A significant amount of time and energy were expended and I cannot put any more into a road to nowhere. I ran the race with The Southern Gentleman. He is still somewhere at the start line; I have continued running and made it to the finish line alone. It is time for me find another race to run, another finish line to cross. Hopefully next time I won't be finishing the race alone.
Afterwards we had some girl time and a lovely lunch at our favorite taco place. Onward home where I enjoyed my bath; clean hair is so fabulous. So I was fully relaxed when the phone rang with its infamous “waiting” ring tone that belongs solely to The Southern Gentleman.
Answering the phone, his Southern drawl greeted me with a low sing-song tone. Upon hearing that I completed the 10k today, The Southern Gentleman snickered a fair amount; I was not pleased. As our conversation progressed, I know I got more agitated with him and it probably came across in my tone. Our phone call ended within 15 minutes.
I wasn’t cross or rude. I am simply tired of listening to the story that is not going to be made into a tv movie. It has been a year and half since The Southern Gentleman made his first trip down here. Not much has changed significantly during that extended period of time; we are still friends – no commitments have been made, no binding confessions of love.
I have given up on him. A significant amount of time and energy were expended and I cannot put any more into a road to nowhere. I ran the race with The Southern Gentleman. He is still somewhere at the start line; I have continued running and made it to the finish line alone. It is time for me find another race to run, another finish line to cross. Hopefully next time I won't be finishing the race alone.
25 February 2009
kaput!
In both relationships and life, Patsy, trust begets trust.
Generosity begets generosity.
Love begets love.
Be the spark, especially when it's dark.
Hubba, hubba - The Universe
**************************
I know you have heard me say these words before... but the words are sticking this time as there appears to be a method to the madness, a pattern.
The Southern Gentleman pushed me over the edge yesterday, on a day that was already particularly crappy. I just don't have years of cat and mouse games in me any more.
Yesterday I received an innocent little email from American Airlines with its weekend getaway fares. Oddly, for once, there is a flight between Austin and the South listed... for only $135. Practically free! Considering his last ticket here was over $400.
So off goes a little note with the link through cyber space.
His response, "that flight is pretty cheap......but i don't know if i can come" followed by a litany of excuses.
I have no patience for the excuses any more. He also shared with me a trip to South American that is on the horizon. Our Southern Gentleman could have easily asked me join him. But alas it was all about him and the damn business.
Of course after I make my declaration to the universe that I am done with the man, he called. As if to know I am done. We spoke but my heart's just not it in. Not any more.
It is high time I start casting my net closer to home with emotionally available and willing fish.
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