27 August 2008

waiting game

daily for the past week, i have been anxiously skipping to the mail each evening when I return home. sadly, my return to the house has lacked skipping because the post box's contents were typically bills and/or advertisements. just when i was convinced the southern gentleman had neglected to send his usual postcard from the other side of the moon, the hand written card appeared yesterday!

woo hoo!

however, dancing around the living room cannot commence... because he sent the card to the mile high city! *frustratedly shakes fists in air*

while i am thrilled to pieces, i am not happy that i have to wait until my favorite friend, the us postal service delivers it to my austin post. what is written on the post card has been relayed to me. and i squealed with delight. cannot wait to see it and read it with my own little baby blues!

!! Updated !!

As if to enjoy the wonders of the modern world of scanners and fax machines! Without further adieu...


25 August 2008

pink and cuddly

Last night was a bit spooky. It is was night like any other... dinner, primarily girls - same old, same old, right.

The difference was that there was a relatively new little baby there. She was a day shy of being two months old. I have only known the mother as a pregnant woman, so finally the little girl arrived.

I don't know if it was being surrounded by massive quantities of estrogen plus my raging, seriously raging PMS, but I was totally enamored by that little girl. And for the very first time ever, I found myself... I found myself... *gulp* I found myself wanting one for a few fleeting moments.

Maybe I do have a biological clock of sorts after all. It was truly bizarre. I was entranced by that little twelve pound bundle and even had to go torture her once she awoke. Table full of women and I was the only one who was magnetized toward her. Yikes! What is happening to me?! Hopefully it was simply the perfect storm conditions of too many hormones. No matter what, it certainly scared the hell out me!

21 August 2008

a tidbit

guess who has started calling me and pinging me with increased frequency....

yup, you guess it.... none other than montana man.

as if!

silence is anything but golden

i sent our darling southern gentleman an email on tuesday. i debated between a few different avenues of approach based on his currently deemed bergeresque post it note. options were as follows:
  • * call him on the one liner, asking WTF?
  • * pretend it never happened like an ostrich sticking its head in the ground
  • * avoid holiday talk, in fact, what holiday?
  • * rub it in that i am going on holiday
  • * take the middle of the road
after fighting with my inner vengeful scorpio heart, i decided to walk the middle of the road. it was extremely difficult to not tell him that over the past eight years he has never once sent me an email like that. but i consciously selected a different option this time because obviously my scorpio-driven tactics have not worked so well in past relationships. holiday was discussed but not dwelt upon in detail.

his responses are always quite prompt. even when the southern gentleman is on the other side of the moon. never skips a beat. typically, i am the slacker who takes her sweet time in replying. you know, have to keep a boy on his toes!

but not this time. i am only hearing crickets on the email front.

and no snail mail either.

hopefully he is either on an airplane or dead as those are the only two avenues that receive special dispensation.

20 August 2008

b and c

some days i simply shake my head and realize how boring my life was when i worked from home. during my work from home time, interaction with my work colleagues was limited to conference calls and messaging. there would be some trips to the client site if necessary but basically colleagues were merely voices in la la land somewhere.

fast forward to today. i am back in an office setting where people are real individuals with eyeballs and not just some mystery voice on the other end of the line. there is no mute button, let alone my favorite muted potty breaks. i do enjoy the office because it gives me a wonderful excuse to buy hordes of shoes and clothes.

but being a clothes horse comes with a price when working with a gaggle of dirty old men. for a glimmering moment one week a month, my push-up bra induced b's become actual c's. it is a cleavage moment i strive to thoroughly enjoy.

so i am wearing a cute empire waist dress that only fits best when the c's arrive. now keep in mind, the cleavage portion of the program is not over the top. they are definitely there but not not overflowing. One of the geezers (a quiet one who I have said hello to every day for months now without receiving a response) lumbered over to my cube, darting his eyes back and forth nervously, hesitantly stating, "Patsy, I don't mean to embarrass you but next time you are bending over at the receptionist's counter, don't bend over quite so far. There were too many men milling around the area." He was blushing. Obviously, he got an unintended eyeful, which really isn't much of an eyeful; however, I truly feel is a product of the fact I am the only woman here under the age of 100 and these geezers have long forgotten what boobies look like outside the confines of a gentleman's club. I graciously thanked him for the head's up and all the while he was blushing.

Goodness, if a spot of cleavage was the talk of the office, what would these old guys say if they knew what I wore when I worked from home! Some days I wish I could be a cockroach in the men's loo to hear what else the oldies say about me. But then again, ignorance is probably bliss.

19 August 2008


it is raining here. and rain puts a serious kibosh on my already lacking motivation.

while i am excited at the prospect of the lawn actually surviving the summer heat wave, i am significantly less thrilled with the oppressive humidity. we all know by now that humidity means i bitch about looking like i have poodle hair.

however to battle the poodle blues, i did make an appointment for a cut and highlight after i return from holiday next month. luckily i won't get chastised for my serious root situation along with it's pals the split ends. my drag queen hairdresser from heaven, how he works wonders!

tootles for now, my darlings!

15 August 2008



my primary emotion today. disappointment.

but maybe it is his too?

however, it is not going to stop me from having a wonderful day or for that matter, a memorable adventure.

counting the days...

14 August 2008

the response

I am mixed on how to perceive/interpret The Southern Gentleman's email regarding my upcoming holiday announcement.

Below is his response... the entire email - as if to be only one brief sentence.

buena suerte a tu viaje!

caballero del sur

13 August 2008

breaking the news

I sucked it up today and shared the news of my upcoming holiday with The Southern Gentleman. Via email of course as he is on the other side of the moon this month. I kinda feel like Berger with his post-it note. kinda. Been debating how to do this properly because this is the exact holiday destination he and I were to go to this year. And now I am going with Edina and Magda. Not him. Unsure how the fragile male ego will receive this revelation.

I know The Southern Gentleman and I are not superglued, but still I feel badly for basically saying "I'm not waiting for you sucka." You see, last month he and I spoke and he specifically told me that when he returns from the other side of the moon at the end of August, he is forecasting about 6 weeks of negative cash flow. This screams to me in big, bold letters, 'girl, we are not going on holiday this fall.' So an alternative presented itself and I snatched it up. A fantastic alternative.

But still I hope The Southern Gentleman does not take this development the wrong way. I prefaced the revelation with the fact that I am thoroughly burnt out and desperately need a break and then proceeded to share that Edina and Magda invited me along. However, I did include that I was scouting the place out for us to return there too and I have many more vacation days left for the year too.

We will see how this news is received. I am hoping he understands and does not feel slighted. But we all know boyz are weird. So who really knows. Only time will tell as I already pushed the send button.

I do need this break so badly and that's no lie. I have been working like a hamster madly running the wheel for days on end for a year and half now. This holiday is long overdue. I need to get my mojo back, my wanderlust must be satisfied like a vampire requiring fresh blood to survive. Without a doubt, travel abroad always recharges me. Something about uncharted territory and a language barrier makes me thrive.

Each day now I think about where I will be a month from today... strolling the streets of a new city, speaking bad espanol, drinking wine in lieu of water at all times, and eating steaks, steaks, steaks. Those poor chick-fil-a cows will be very disappointed in me.

11 August 2008

weakened knees

saturday and sunday i found my mesmerized watching the olympic swimmers. male swimmers to be more exact. oh i look at those muscular shoulders those men possess and i get absolutely weak in the knees.

yes, i am a shoulder girl. gazing on the american and australian physics brings fabulous memories of a shirtless southern gentleman to the forefront of my mind. aaaaahhhh.....

got a giggle out of edina spotting southern gentleman reminders at the olympic opening ceremony. over brekkie with edina and magda, we were chatting up our upcoming holiday when edina said she spotted a southern gentleman look-a-like during the march of athletes. she had to immediately call magda to point him out. you see, magda was ill when the southern gentleman rolled into town so she has not fallen under his spell yet. funny part is that the look-a-like was from the southern gentleman's paternal country.

needless to say i will be glued to the telly tonight to get another dose of male muscular shoulder madness!

08 August 2008

timer in my head

I definitely require a sprinkler system that is not named Patsy.

I put the water on the lawn before the big pup and I went on our walk. As we were walking at lightening fast speeds and finished our route in record time, I planned to only leave the water on for another 10 minutes. The damn grass would receive its 30 minutes of watery goodness since it is over 100 degrees here daily and I typically forget to water.

Cue bed time. Mid-meditation I get struck by the grand realization that the water is still on the lawn! Two hours the front yard was watered! Crikey!

Sad part of this is that the lawn still looks like it is ready to die! Thank you, Mr. Sun for burning ever so brightly every single solitary day! This had better not come out of my damage deposit!

07 August 2008

one of those days

Nothing quite sets the tone for your day as about half way through the morning being struck with the grand realization that your knickers are on backwards.

However, the only highlight has been that backwards knickers must have aligned the gods of air travel because I am officially ticketed. It has been quite the ordeal. The credit card company flagged the transaction as suspect so had to deal with all that (which I am glad they are looking out for me!) but seriously should it really take 4 whole days and 6 phone calls to purchase a ticket online?

But it is charged so give me a big Amen!

Because I need this break from reality like nobody's business.

06 August 2008

fan clubs

There is a myriad of fan clubs out there. Some we strive to be a part of, others we abhor. I have a few that are a constant in my universe. Some you slip into because you find your niche.

My preferred niche has always been gay men. Yes, I proudly admit to being a fag hag. Whether it is proclaiming my most favorite movie ever is Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (and thereby subjecting straight boyfriends to watching it under duress) or the fact that I feel incredibly lost with my bestest gay pals being 2,000 miles away, I am a true rainbow hag.

Obviously, my favorite fan club is the land of gay men. To me, it all centers around acceptance. In many aspects, gay men are still viewed as outsiders themselves and as such I have felt most welcome and valued among my (obviously) favorite fan club. My bestest gay pals accept my sense of style and truly accept me. This level of acceptance is something that I have never felt from other women. Typically, other women view as the interloper, the competition, the outsider due to my outward appearance. However, things are very different in Austin. Instead of being subjected to the usual woman cattiness, women here accept me as I am. It has been a wonderful breath of hope that has truly changed my life.

So while the two outer limits of my life have been swapped, there are other changes in my various other fan clubs. Primarily, the male based arena. While The Southern Gentleman is still looming out there with great force, my other boy fan clubs are diametrically opposed. There is the would-never-date-you-but-enjoy-your-fawning-over-me fan club, also known as the Stroke My Ego fan base. Needless to say, I enjoy this particular club immensely. And then there is the dreaded, oh-my-dear-god-get-away-from-me-you-freak, also known as don’t-mistake-my good-manners-for-encouragement, but I most often refer to it as my Glowing Green Loser Magnet (with my finger and my thumb in the shape of an “L” on my forehead) fan base.

Like any girl, my primary Stroke My Ego fan was always a highlight I could count on much like the postman delivering regardless of sunshine or hail storms. I enjoyed watching his eyes light up like a dried out Christmas tree in March that fell victim to a stray flame. Always the unspoken adoration I needed during this desert of a dry spell I’ve been on out here. He is totally not my type but I did live to be atop the pedestal; until he found himself a girlfriend. The usual cheerful hug I’d receive upon walking in the door has been replaced with a handshake. A handshake! For Pete’s sake! Eye lights only flicker with half a flame and insecure girlfriend is glued to his side. My Stroke My Ego fan base has officially dried up out here. Boo hoo!

But the Glowing Green Loser Magnet fan base is alive and well; thriving in fact. What a sorry state of affairs. While I strongly adhere to the code of dating karma, I have had to begin leaving a hunk of my politeness at the door because the GGLM has been working overtime. Just thinking about my last few encounters is making me nauseous. Seriously. Guess I won’t be sharing them. Just imagine your worst stop-hitting-on-me-freak encounter ever, multiply it by 750 and you have my run-ins of late.

Hopefully one day each of the boys occupying the GGLM fan club will find some lonely girl out there who overlook his inner loser and adore his freaky ass persistence. I would not complain if this fan club dried up too.

04 August 2008

ready to strangle the internets

Reason #324 why I hate the internet. ugh!

I am trying to price out a ticket to join my girlfriends on their holiday. Easy, right? I have flight times and cities.

However, no website - orbitz - travelocity - united - american - seems to know the second city i want to fly into. grumble, grumble. only one carrier actually acknowledges that the city exists but cannot get the ticket to price out?!?!

is this the universe's nice way of telling me not to go?

I need a holiday! Please!

02 August 2008

party barge

another day of pure magic here in austin...

of course, i still feel like i am floating along on the boat... but only the remnants of a million jello shots remain.

another day of what makes this place so special....