deep blue

This week I was fortunate to work in the southeast. Ah, the view from my hotel room is amazing as is the view from the office. I look out the window and see nothing but water. It is beautiful. I have always wanted to live by the sea. Always.

Even though Austin is land locked, the Colorado River runs through the middle of town, so I constantly received my fix of moving water. I loved that it was so accessible. I truly do miss not having that option so close.

Needless to say I planted myself by the window so I could soak in the endless blue. While the mountain view of home is nice, my soul resonates with the lapping of water.

back on the air

While I am delighted to be back home, I thoroughly enjoyed my Peruvian adventure. The country, the people were so much more than I had expected and anticipated. Being able to speak broken Spanish made the adventure all the more enjoyable, especially when bargaining for costume jewelry at the ferias.

I returned home to Texas realizing all that I take for granted on a daily basis; all the creature comforts that surround me. But then I look at life in the Sacred Valley; a simple life devoid of the manufactured stressors that give me gray hairs. Maslow's hierarchy in motion before my eyes. Which is better? From the smiles on the locals faces and the warmth of heart that emanated from them, I think they may have an advantage.

I am slowing slipping back into every day life; however, I am attempting to keep a reign on the work-life balance stuff. The work will always be there; other fleeting life moments may not. Luckily I have several hundred memories to transport me back.

dreams versus reality

I'm back!

My glorious dream-of-all-dreams holiday is over. It was better than anticipated. As my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, I feel I did an excellent job of marking it with a special memory.

Bon Voyage!

Operation Get The Hell Out Of Dodge is in full, forward movement.

Of course, work has been insane. Add to it deciding on what clothes to bring, especially when faced with this dreaded 50 pound weight limit and taking into account estimated oversea purchases weight... ugh! it is just too much math for one tired girl's brain!

I think I am set on clothing and just need to pack it neatly in the suitcase. Next up, packing the carry-on with books, cameras, contact lens supplies, and eye glasses.

And tomorrow, I board the plane for two and half lovely weeks away from reality. I can't wait but can't believe it is here already too.

Add to all this fun the fact that The Southern Gentleman has called me on Saturday, Monday, and today. He also mentioned numerous times that I must keep in touch via internet cafes while I am down there. Delighted he is super supportive of this trip, telling me during each phone call that he is happy I am going because I deserve the break. But he has yet to directly respond to the flame fanning libido email. Of course, then again he has called me three time since the email so maybe I have received his response after all.

Bon voyage for this girl. See ya in a few weeks... and don't do anything I wouldn't do! xo

breaking the news

I sucked it up today and shared the news of my upcoming holiday with The Southern Gentleman. Via email of course as he is on the other side of the moon this month. I kinda feel like Berger with his post-it note. kinda. Been debating how to do this properly because this is the exact holiday destination he and I were to go to this year. And now I am going with Edina and Magda. Not him. Unsure how the fragile male ego will receive this revelation.

I know The Southern Gentleman and I are not superglued, but still I feel badly for basically saying "I'm not waiting for you sucka." You see, last month he and I spoke and he specifically told me that when he returns from the other side of the moon at the end of August, he is forecasting about 6 weeks of negative cash flow. This screams to me in big, bold letters, 'girl, we are not going on holiday this fall.' So an alternative presented itself and I snatched it up. A fantastic alternative.

But still I hope The Southern Gentleman does not take this development the wrong way. I prefaced the revelation with the fact that I am thoroughly burnt out and desperately need a break and then proceeded to share that Edina and Magda invited me along. However, I did include that I was scouting the place out for us to return there too and I have many more vacation days left for the year too.

We will see how this news is received. I am hoping he understands and does not feel slighted. But we all know boyz are weird. So who really knows. Only time will tell as I already pushed the send button.

I do need this break so badly and that's no lie. I have been working like a hamster madly running the wheel for days on end for a year and half now. This holiday is long overdue. I need to get my mojo back, my wanderlust must be satisfied like a vampire requiring fresh blood to survive. Without a doubt, travel abroad always recharges me. Something about uncharted territory and a language barrier makes me thrive.

Each day now I think about where I will be a month from today... strolling the streets of a new city, speaking bad espanol, drinking wine in lieu of water at all times, and eating steaks, steaks, steaks. Those poor chick-fil-a cows will be very disappointed in me.

fingers crossed

i am also crossing my toes and eyes! even my legs!

the cosmos is aligning...

and i hope to be one big step closer in physical proximity to the southern gentleman in the very near future...

it is happening...

Work and Play

Work has been so incredibly draining. It feels like I never leave this place. I constantly remind myself that this is what it takes to make it to the next level - that I have busted my bum and deserve this opportunity - but it does come with a price. I have to earn it. Plain. And. Simple. But that will not stop me from complaining!

So pulling my hair out at work is directly proportional to less writing opportunities. I have all these wonderful thoughts in my head that want to be formulated onto the screen.

In other snappy funness, I am so looking forward to this weekend! It is Edina's birthday and a gaggle of us girls are going away for the weekend. Sun, Fun, and Vodka! Not in that particular order... will more likely resemble Vodka! Vodka! Fun! Vodka! Sun! Vodka! Vodka! VodkA! Fun! Vodka!

The pups are even getting their own little private holiday too. Booked them at a doggie day care hotel for the weekend. They have been absolute troopers with the move to The Capitol of Bugs, so I am treating them too.

I can't stand the wait for Friday. Of course, there will be obsessive FURminatoring until then!

Up, Up, and Away

I am off for a long weekend. Heading to the land of "Hills, that is. Swimmin pools, movie stars"... yes, if you found yourself suddenly singing the Beverly Hillbillies theme song - then you know I am heading to Cal-i-forn-i-a!

Can't wait! Catching up with my bestest gay pal ever! Dining at a new trendy spot in the Hollywood hills, communing with the sea!

Unfortunately, I must fly at dawn and enjoy a connection. Hopefully there will be just enough time to enjoy a bloody mary between flights.

Ah... California dreamin... so nice after living on the surface of the sun :)

Off the grid

I have been off the grid due to moving. Yup, pulled a Beverly Hillbillies, loaded up the car and headed southeast. The pups were splendid on the drive. Did one long push. Arrived in one piece and we are currently settled.

Life is grand because I have my girls with me again. Somehow we will make our way through fleas and ticks alive. But they are here with me. A huge weight has been lifted.

More later... ta-ta for now :)

My life...

Only my life. I am beyond blessed and grateful on so many fronts. Yesterday - actually this whole weekend - is one of those moments when I find myself saying "damn you are one lucky gyrl."

This weekend is ACL Fest. For three days, I am surrounded by good music, good friends, and great experience/memories.

Life is grand! And it is only getting better with each passing year. What a wonderful change - tears of true joy and happiness as opposed to the despair that consumed me this time last year.

Yesterday - Queens of the Stoneage, Joss Stone, Kaiser Chiefs, The Killers, new friends, old friends, the Great ACL Fire, dancing like no one was watching...
Today - Blue October! Paulo Nutini! Muse! and more...

Overall, Mexico

In reading my holiday post, it reads like I spent most of my time being agitated. Aside for the momentary annoyance blips, I had a thoroughly relaxing time and enjoyed myself.

My vision of this little jaunt was fulfilled. I spent lots of time at the pool and ocean, basked in the sun to the point of deep lobster redness, which has left me tan; overall, I was one pleased girl.

I learned my independence is a good thing and I have to start looking at it as such. I realized not many of the people I was with were actually okay with just being by themselves - they needed to do everything in a pack. Being able to follow my own drummer and not have to be with peeps 24/7 is something I need to take more pride in than I do.

Of course, I looked like a poodle the entire time as the fatal recipe of naturally curly hair, water, and intense humidity was in full motion. But I was even okay with my poodle-ness. I am what I am. But lipo on the thighs still sounds very tempting.

Overall, Mexico remained Mexico in my books. I am not fond of those types of holidays but for cheap and close, it works. I enjoyed the much needed time away. Got the batteries recharged a bit. And I still have lots of holiday time to burn...

Rants on Mexico

I am ready to fill y'all in on my little jaunt to Mexico. My traveling partner, Sparkles flew in the day before and we of course went out for cocktails. Here is where my fears came to the forefront - Sparkles inability to go home at a reasonable hour and inability to control her drinking. I had to play the adult since she wasn't going to and after enjoying Mexican Martinis, I had to work really hard for an hour to get her ass out of the bar. Ugh! Foreshadowing, foreshadowing...

Now I have made it perfectly clear to Sparkles what exactly my intentions were for this trip, namely doing nothing besides enjoying sitting/splashing at the beach and/or pool with the occasional cocktail to keep me cool while basking in the sun. No excursions, no waking up early, no nothing. Pretty clear, don't cha think.

Sparkles informs me that she plans to drag my ass parasailing, swimming with dolphins, and snorkeling. I begin to believe that Sparkles truly does not listen to a word I say because I have been making my trip intentions clear for months now. I say no, to which she responds "I figured you'd be afraid to parasail." Fuck that bitch, I am not afraid and if she paid half a lick of attention to anything I've ever told her, she'd know I am anything but afraid, which really torqued me. That was piss-off number one. Let's keep count, shall we?

Piss-off number two came in the form of determining the time to leave for the airport. She wanted to be there three hours before the flight. Yes, you read that correctly - three hours. She was insistent, which sent my blood pressure through the roof due to it being (a) unnecessary and (b) her level of insistence. She cited returning the rental car, checking luggage and security screening as taking days. This is a small airport, where everything soup-to-nuts takes maybe 20 minutes on a busy day and oh perish the thought that I fly out of said airport regularly so maybe I know a little something about this. I told her so and we left based on my timetable. Imagine my joy when everything happened exactly as I described and I reminded her of it. The plane was late, so we sat and waited and waited and waited.

The Mexican Customs and Immigrations forms seemed to baffle Sparkles. Rather than ask me, the girl who has flown a half million miles, entered and exited numerous countries, she insisted on asking one of the snotty gals from our group. Snotty gal assumed we were both as clueless as Sparkles, which made my blood boil. Snotty gal will learn of my various sojourns when the opportunity presents itself.

Food was also an issue. All Sparkles wanted to do was eat. I am not much of a recreational eater. I am hungry so I eat. Buffets do not mean pile the plate sky high. My buffet philosophy is that I'd rather keep a single layer of chow on my plate and make three trips than hoard feet of food all slopped together on one plate. Sparkles is a piler and had to make comments on my "scant" plate. The one that got to me is "You hardly eat anything. I would think you'd be thinner than you are." Blood pressure rose with that one. I bit my tongue because there was still another few days to go on this adventure. That was piss-off number four.

Clothing became an unnecessary drama. We are at the resort for virtually a ten minute trip. We are not going to meet our soul mates and if we do, they are our soul mates, so they don't care what we are wearing because it is gonna happen if it is meant to happen, right? No, Sparkles had to change at least seven times to determine her outfit. We went through this process at least twice a day. Who are we going to impress? The dorks we came with? With each fashion show, I came one step closer to gouging my eyeballs out with a dull grapefruit spoon.

Then I had to endure her tantrum because her little excursions were not what they seemed. We all know the drill in Mexico. You have your little representative who sells you all the activities, yada, yada, yada. Sparkles missed her parasail appointment. Swimming with dolphins was a misnomer as there was no "swimming" but briefly being in the water with them and a $10 photo op. Finished by her opting to take a taxi back to the hotel as opposed to riding the bus, which was a $15 ride as opposed the $1 bus - you can imagine the complaining about that alone. Bitched and bitched and bitched. You'd think the sushi at our all-inclusive could soothe things - oh no - she was bitching there was too much octopus and not enough tuna - WTF do you want for free? The sushi was fresh, I was delighted and I am a sushi snob.

Sparkles was also annoyed by the fact that my frig at home was sparse. I don't keep lots of food. Again, I am not a hoarder; I buy on demand. She was pissed I did not have regular coke in the frig. I do not drink regular coke... hello, anyone, calories??

Needless to say, I was ready for her to go home. I realized that she does not have enough real world responsibility in the adult world. The childish behavior and everything being all about her all the time has been getting tiring and this pushed me over the top. I need adult friends - not dull boring adult - but fun adults who get the real world.

Final count on piss-off items is 7. However, we need to make that final count 8. When speaking with her earlier this week, Sparkles complained that our little trip was very expensive. WTF?!?! Yeah, everyone I told about the trip price and what we got for it was amazed at the price. Of course if you count the $15 cab ride, $110 dolphin thing, countless frivolous purchases maybe so, but then again if you don't have a mortgage or any real bills, what does it matter?!?

Random Run-in

Found out that the older woman in the wheelchair that I met at the B-Scene event in June was no other than Lady Bird Johnson's best friend. Who knew?!

Lady Bird and Me

Austin truly has this magical charm about it. I have had adventure while working for money and emotional health. There has definitely not be a lack of wonderful events which have left an indelible impression on my soul.

Last night I got to participate in a once in a lifetime event. The UT clock tower was aglow in orange light. Unbeknown to me, the tower is rarely lit in the home town color. Last night the clock tower was ablaze in remembrance for Lady Bird Johnson.

After enjoying the UT Moonlight Prowl, I proceeded to the Lyndon B. Johnson Library to say hi to this dear town's Lady Bird. Even though it was late at night, the news vans were present in full force and there were many Austinites milling around. Made my way through the library and up the stairs where Lady Bird lay. The casket was closed and covered in a beautiful thick brocade blanket. The blanket consisted of an intricate design - very colorful, and everything was outlined in a thin gold thread.

I got to see a First Lady as she lay resting. What struck me most last night was that Texas is so steeped with presidential history and I have been surrounded by it, reminded of when out here. Last summer, every night I left the office, I drove past the DFW book depository and the exact spot where President Kennedy was assassinated. Now I was in the presence of the next phase of American history after President Kennedy died there in the LBJ Presidential Library.

Last night on my way home, I began to reflect on my life and just how extremely fortunate I am. I was a witness at President Clinton's first inauguration. I have been around the world - figuratively and literally. I have a job, house, and closet full of clothes and shoes. I am making my peace with the past transgressions and with each day am closer to being healed.

Now I can add to the list that I spent a little time with a former First Lady before she headed West.

... life is but a dream

I was at a barbecue on Saturday evening. It was lovely made wonderful by the company. I was amazed by the collection of women present. Ages ranged from late-twenties to late-thirties. We all shared a common factor – we are all single. Fabulous women, but single women. While it was great to be surrounded by my peers, women who get it, it made me wonder what else we have in common that got us to this point. I was actually an exception because I was a divorcee surrounded by never-marrieds. We were all fairly successful and own our own homes. Confidence was thick in the air. It felt good to be in that environment.

What endears me to this new city is I have met more women like me than I ever have in Mile High. Yes, I have toned down my flamboyant dressing and jewelry. While the toning down has helped in my quest for female friends, the something special I have continues to shine through. Now while I am not drop dead gorgeous, I am more attractive than the average bear. I used to shy away from that fact, but now I am learning to embrace the beauty, to appreciate myself just the way I am.

Even though I never acknowledged myself for who I was, I have always had a “like-me-or-leave-me” attitude. I had to. Girls, women never liked me due to being pretty, thin, funny, smart and as a direct result my female friends were few. My few female friends have always been women who were strong and secure. They were not intimated or jealous of me because they were content with their own lot.

However, as I grow older (yes, the ripe old age of 32 ;-) ), I am discovering more women who are in the same boat as me and a few more actually want to row with me. I am delighted in the new sisterhood I have found here. It is so much easier when you do not have to row alone.

Carolinas Calling?

I spoke to Golf Champ today to verify when his television appearance would be. Golf Champ wants me to come out to the Carolinas at the end of December. Speaking to him brings back this flood of the unknown, feeling ever so cosmically linked. I left the Carolinas in late 4Q 2000 and we've always kept in touch. His marriage ended the exact day mine began. We've always, always been drawn to each other like powerful magnets - a strong, Herculean pull that cannot be denied.

I was hesitant to meet up for Thanksgiving. But what am I waiting for? Why am I hesitant? What's the worse that could happen? We remain friends - I would not complain or be disappointed. BUT I would know.

Things that make me hesitant:

1. This was the only man that I would have cheated on my ex-Leech with when I was married
2. This is the only man I kissed while I was married
3. I don't want to be faced with deciding whether or not we sleep together
4. I don't want to be left hanging while he goes and does his thing and I mine
5. He is my male sounding board

But, I have nothing to lose if I approach this as what it is - we are friends visiting. Nothing more, nothing less. This has nothing to do with MM and all to do with me.

Golf Champ and I worked together closely for a year. We were partners, a team, the dynamic duo of the bunch. The dynamic duo that was strongly attracted to each other but never acted upon those feelings.

Like I need anything else to ponder, but I will. I am thinking me in the Carolinas at the end of the month might be a good thing.

Where I've been

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41 states (80%)


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