25 December 2009

merry christmas

Christmas. A day of quiet filled with bubbly, hound lovin', and BBC.

This Christmas day lies in stark contrast to last year. A year ago today I was frantically getting ready for The Southern Gentleman's visit. Anticipation and hope were overflowing in my little corner of the Austin city limits. The Southern Gentleman's presence in my life has been reduced to the Bela Fleck holiday CD that arrived via the post last week. Quite the change.

But change is welcome here. I'd much rather be tossed about in a sea of change than trapped in the desert of stagnation.

So today amidst the bubbles and BBC, I look forward to the many changes, full of giggling excitement, lurking right around the corner.

20 December 2009

christmas card greetings

I live for mail that is not of the bill variety. Good, old school Christmas cards is the only Christmas-y thing I do for the holiday; other than that, I am the Grinch.

Today, I had a small collection of cards awaiting me. As I shuffled through the envelopes, I notice an oddly addressed one. Odd due to the names inscribed on the envelope - The Leech and Patsy - as if to be the ex-husband's name. To see that name; it looks so foreign, especially so near my own name.

Of course, it is the first card I open. My morbid curiosity is clearly steering the ship today. Christmas greetings from his aunt and uncle wishing us happiness and stating "would love to hear from you, it's been awhile." Duh!

In August, it was 4 years our divorce was final; in February, it will be 5 years that I moved him out of my home. That is an awful long time. Clearly, The Leech still hasn't informed his family that we are done.

Seriously?! A significant amount of time has passed; our divorce is no longer fresh. In fact, we have been divorced longer than we were ever married. So, why does The Leech continue to keep our divorce a secret from his family? Divorce was not an unusual event in his family as even his own parents were divorced. Why continue living under the veil of secrecy?

Since we split, I have maintained it is The Leech's responsibility to inform his family of our demise. However, that time has come to an end as I want to be free from these random surprises once and for all. I will be sending his aunt and uncle a proper Emily Post-esque note stating that they have not heard from us because there has not been an 'us' for quite some time. One less of Ghost of Christmas Past to stumble across in my future.

08 December 2009

the wrong kind of thinning

It is official.

My tough thick hot mountain blood has thinned due to my continual presence the ATX. I am cold! The thermostat is set at a constant 70 degrees F and I am still a popsicle!

I suppose it had to happen; after all, this is my third winter in TX. But that doesn't mean I have to like it! I want the fat resident on my arse to thin in the same manner!

If only Lulu would snuggle her warm bony canine next me at night, it may be bearable. Alas, I am on my own as she wants nothing with bed sharing or spooning. Silly dog, she doesn't know what she's missing!

Okay, am very punchy. Time to say good night !

07 December 2009


Long hours lead to long days. I see no end in sight.

Too much work.

Too little time.

Caring too much.

Wanting much more.

Driven to shine.

I hope one day soon, in some fashion, all these hours I put in (from before sun up until well after sun down) pays off in a spectacular way!

04 December 2009

are men like wine?

The Day Job has become all-consuming leaving me time or energy for much else.

My flying date for early November was canceled due to our friend, Mother Nature ensure a storm surrounded the city; instrument flying only. We all know what happened when JFK, Jr. decided to do a little instrument flying. The jaunt was rescheduled for mid-December.

Clearly, the planets are aligned such that I am an older man magnet. The pilot is a member of the older man club and it appears there is a second older man interested in my world. This second man, Trotter, is handsome and does not look as old as he is. I have decided to overlook the decade-plus difference in our ages and encourage his advances. I am sure this older man fandango will give me a fair amount of writing material.

24 November 2009

insights from the universe

One day it will all be a distant memory, Pats, yet I can tell you now, with the supreme confidence of someone who's gone ahead in time to know, that you'll look back on this life and be so flush with love and admiration for yourself, your journey, and who it made you, that you'll wonder, as I do now, how it could possibly have escaped you then.

Maybe this will help.

Your greater-self,
The Universe

13 November 2009

Day 13: Friday Looking Forward

Tomorrow I am having lunch with a work colleague. I rarely socialize with fellow worker bees. I have drawn a very clear black line between work-Patsy and rest-of-waking-hours-Patsy.

On top of this, it is a male colleague. Cue huge red def-con five lights as any situation like this tends to be a big no-no in my books. However, I agreed to meet him.

He is flying down here as he is a pilot. As if to be the one flying the plane down here himself. Yeah. We are going to have lunch and then he is going to take me flying. How crazy is that?!

Sure he is older than me - probably by a lot more than I'd like to imagine; but it is an innocent afternoon. And I get to go flying in some level of crop-duster!

Maybe I should bring the baby bottles of airline booze with me so I can channel my inner air hostess?

12 November 2009

Day 12: Remembering

Prior to heading out on holiday, you might remember a post about The Queen and her terminal diagnosis. I had planned to head out to see her once I returned. However, similar to her and my traveling companion, Helen last year, The Queen died while I was away.

Of course, I was told while in Amman and felt very helpless. The Queen and Helen spoke so highly of Egypt and Jordan and I thought of their stories often throughout. So in that respect, the many stories they shared with me will always be with me as I travel.

I had so looked forward to talking about my holiday with The Queen upon my return; comparing notes and stories. These two very special old ladies left me way too soon.

11 November 2009

Day 11: Resurrection

Last week The Southern Gentleman began attempting a resurrection. It started with a phone call on Thursday evening. As Alexander and I were en route to dinner, I did not answer my mobile.

On Saturday evening at 8:02 PM, I received the following text message from him: "What z up in Austin 2nite?"

To which I replied at 8:34 PM: "In a hot dress celebrating my bday waiting for the spazmatics to start playing."

Then at 8:43 PM he followed up with this: "Sounds like the beginning of a rockin bday time! Wish I was there 2 celebr8 n enjoy ur sexiness. Drink water every other beverage. B safe n enjoy the 80s tunes!"

Upon my resulting silence as I was too busy having fun, The Southern Gentleman proceeded to call me at 10:42 PM.

A man on a mission, he called again on Sunday afternoon. Alexander and I were watching a movie, so The Southern Gentleman spent more quality time with my voicemail.

On Monday night, I decided to return his call. For a man who has explained to me on several occasions that a) he will only call someone - be it friend, girlfriend, total stranger - only once; if the person does not return his call, he will not continue calling and b) he does not like talking on the phone.

Let's do the math, shall we? He called me 3 times and only after 3 times over 5 days did I return his call. Our phone call went for 1 hour 15 minutes and I was the one who tried to several times and ultimately did end the phone call. The Southern Gentleman asked a lot of questions and was genuinely interested. Highlights of our conversation included:

TSG: I didn't remember it was your birthday, but that must have been why I felt such a strong urge to call you.

TSG: I should have started my business in the mid-90s.
Patsy: But then you would have never met me, Just think of how sad and boring your life would be without me in it.
TSG: You do have a point there.

TSG: Spring would be a wonderful time for me to make a trip to Austin. I was there about this time last year, right?
Patsy: Not really. You arrived the day after Christmas.
TSG: Wow, I sure got you a nice Christmas present last year then.
Patsy: You never heard any complaints from me.

After more than an hour, I finally ended our conversation. My heart isn't in it any more; it hasn't been for awhile. His eagerness is only momentary. Maybe he is in between girls right now, so thoughts of me bubble to surface. Maybe it is something else. It doesn't matter though because I don't have time for The Southern Gentleman's reindeer games.

10 November 2009

Day 10: Excitement of a Different Variety

Work hasn't been inspiring in awhile. Today, in my new role, I received a fabulous complement on my capabilities from an extremely difficult customer. I was shocked when this came out in a public forum. It was flattering yet embarrassing at the same time. I have felt for a long time that what I consider "doing my job" may very well be more than what most others do.

I have never been good as 'blowing my own horn'. I have never been a brown-noser or felt the need to scream my accomplishments from the roof tops. Maybe I am more than I give myself credit for.

09 November 2009

Day 9: Exhausted

Luckily today was a slow day. Alexander's planes were on time. I enjoyed a relatively nice day of work, with the exception of the package fiasco - but I will deal with that frustration tomorrow.

I had dreamed of coming home and taking a nap.

That dream was not fulfilled.

Instead I become very obsessed with labeling my holiday photos. I returned the many calls from The Southern Gentleman. For a man who claims not to like talking on the phone, I finally put a fork in our call when it hit the 1 hour 15 minute mark.

Ah! The tales of the resurgence of the terrible two-some.... The Southern Gentleman and Montana Man.

Yes, you read that correctly. In addition to the many phone calls, I received a birthday card from Montana Man.

Why me?!

Tale to continue in depth tomorrow as right now it is bed time!

08 November 2009

Day 8: Hello 35

Today I am officially 35.

What a wonderful birthday! Last night was soooo much fun! The wine was wonderful and I enjoyed good buzz. No hangover this morning *punching the air*

The music venue was jam-packed; however, we enjoyed the private VIP balcony compliments of another gal named Patsy. It was so fantastic to be surrounded by all my friends; that one aspect alone made this birthday so memorable. I loved that I couldn't take the smile off my face!

This morning Alexander and I met up with some buddies for bunch. Now the rain is on the scene. I have opened my bottle of bubbles and cannot think of a better way to savor this day!

07 November 2009

Day 7: Winos Unite

Woo hoo!! Birthday fun commences in a few short hours. Super huge wine tasting! Apps! The Spazmatics! Fabulous friends!

I cannot wait!

Having a super hair day! Informed Alexander that he must channel his inner Tim Gunn so we can decide which fabulous dress I am going to wear tonight. Was hoping to do costume changes throughout the night but logistics are working against me. Oh well!

T-minus 2 hours and counting until the boozing commences!

06 November 2009

Day 6: TGIF

Trying to focus my thoughts on work as opposed to about the impending weekend fun.

Tonight we will be off to the after hours museum cocktail shindig. Going to be brave and wear a cute little black mini dress with my pretty peacock shoes.

Alexander has been catching up on his sleep. Lulu is loving him to pieces; in fact, she is being a pushy pest. Luckily she is cute and sweet, which makes it easier to digest.

05 November 2009

Day 5: Arrivals

Alexander has arrived for the weekend!

I am so thrilled he made it out here to spend my birthday with me. The fact that he came out here for me is the best present I could receive.

Funny to think that someone I met on a two week bus trip when I was 17 continues to be an important facet in my life as I turn 35.

Our lives have taken us in different directions but we have never lost each other.

04 November 2009

Day 4: Motivation

Being under-the-weather and fresh off the holiday high, my motivation has been lacking.


03 November 2009

Day 3: NaBloPoMo

The battle with the germs continues. I will say it does appear the battle has taken a turn in my favor as the mucus troop seems to have slowed their pursuit. Physical exhaustion continues as here it prime evening hours and I am millimeters from going to bed. So tired as I cannot draw myself a hot bath.

Continuing to give in to the urge to sleep and birthday week festivities kick off tomorrow evening. Must be in party mode! Especially for the one day a year that is all about me!

Bed. Necessary. Now.


02 November 2009

Day 2: NaBloPoMo

The Computer Geek is officially out of my life. Whew!

Now give me an amen!

Prior to my leaving on holiday, I knew I was done with him as he emanated the gigantic red flashing psycho light. I did not say anything before I left because I was afraid of any repercussions during my extended absence. Since coming home, he really hasn't been on my radar until Friday when he finally sent me an email.

During my at-home mucus party, I thought about how to end things peacefully without turning him stalker in between my marathon naps. (Read: little effort). My lack of care ended in The Computer Geek deleting the welcome home note he posted on FB as well as removing me from his friend list.

It was too easy. Needless to say I am happy as the dating karma gods will not punish me for being too honest.

01 November 2009

Day 1: NaBloPoMo


The first day of November is upon us.

How am I spending it?

Sick. On the couch. Sleeping too much.

Did I go to the fun Halloween party?

No. I slept. Coughed. Sneezed.

Being sick sucks. But I have to be well and ready for fun next weekend.

29 October 2009

dreams versus reality

I'm back!

My glorious dream-of-all-dreams holiday is over. It was better than anticipated. As my 35th birthday rapidly approaches, I feel I did an excellent job of marking it with a special memory.

23 September 2009

observations from the universe

I received this earlier this week from The Universe:

Ever wondered why so many people, sometimes virtual strangers, tell you their deepest secrets, Patsy?

It's because when they look into your eyes, they see me.

And sharing their secrets with me, as you, reminds them that no matter what they have to say, my love is so much bigger.

We're quite the team -
The Universe

I was just remarking about this the other day because I do have a big invisible sign across my forehead saying, "Tell me everything. I will listen." People spill their guts without a thought. Clearly, I missed my calling; I should have been a shrink. At least then I would get paid to listen.

Yes, I am grumpy today.

17 September 2009


I have been on a Tyler Perry movie kick. I love watching someone else's roller coaster life get wrapped up pretty with a bow with happiness overflowing in the span of two hours. I really like his stories and perspective - it is very call-it-like-it-is, stating the obvious, but sometimes it is simply good to hear it.

Last night's selection was Diary of a Mad Black Woman. It started me thinking about my attitude towards men because in many respects the movie could have easily been the Diary of a Mad Puerto Rican-Italian Princesa Named Patsy. The line that truly struck a chord was the romantic male lead telling the divorcee lead, "Don't make me pay for his mistakes." The 'his' being referred to is the divorcee's ex-husband.

"Don't make me pay for his mistakes."

I do that. The realization slapped me across the face last night as I watched the film. What I have termed 'cautious', not repeating the same pattern went from simply being knowledgeable to the harder, misguided making him, any him, pay for the past transgressions of the tainted men from my past.



Two simple words.

Two powerful forces.

However, these words play a significant role in making him pay. The cynic in me grows feeding on the fear and inability to trust. Fear of being made a fool again; fear of trusting that someone is who he says; fear of being vulnerable; fear of hurt.

Especially in the Internet sphere, trust is a difficult thing for me. Men use old photos, misrepresent height, weight, professions. Of course, women do that too, but I like to think people should be fairly honest when trying to meet someone. In my profile, I used recent photos and was honest with the likes/dislikes tick boxes. My other fear/trust issue with on-line dating is the 'always looking for something better' philosophy but I remind myself that is present int he real-world dating scheme too.

As a result of this grand realization compliments of Mr. Perry, I have been making an effort to be in the now with The Computer Geek; to cease the cynical voice in my head that automatically plays the punisher soundtrack. The Computer Geek is not his predecessors; he may turn in an arse, but it will be on his own and not because I have made him into those who came before him.

07 September 2009

holiday weekend catch up

Ah! Labor Day.

What a fabulous day to be sipping down gin, leading the fabulous life of a lady of leisure!

I must motivate to head northward to a small party. But I must admit the comfy couch, silly hound dog and gin are very tempting to keep me indoors like a hermit.

It has been a busy week leading up to today though:
  • A much avoided dinner with my friend, the Professor. For the very first time, our time together was not all about her. Somehow my office hell came to the forefront, and The Prof actually admitting never asking and she was amazed at the pressure I am under and how I get it all done on top of being surrounded by dirty old men.
  • Dinner with a co-worker, where the words "I love you" were said at the end of the evening. Were the words uttered in a fatherly manner or was it something else? Much like how many licks it takes to get to the center for tootsie roll pop, the world may never know.
  • Take two with The Computer Geek. In which, I was overly guarded and I really don't think much fun. Thursday was an ugly day of a particularly ugly week. I found out my remaining elderly traveling companion, The Queen, has been ill with biopsy results pending. Thursday night was not one of my finest moments but I thought I had him fooled. However, at the end of the evening, The Computer Geek told me, "I'll leave it up to you if you want to see me again." Clearly, my evening's grand performance was lacking conviction.
  • Friday afternoon I received an e-mail from The Computer Geek.
  • Friday night was a quiet, much needed cocooning. Me and Lulu.
  • Season opener football game. I met The Computer Geek at a sports bar where we took in the game. I did have fun. I have realized that he doesn't get out a whole bunch, not in the ways that I do where I know the city like my closet. After the game, we headed down the road for a change of venue. I had a cocktail, he had a few. But we did laugh. I enjoyed myself. Of course, after my ceasing to worry and his few too many cocktails, our goodbye ended with a few pecks. He would have been more forward, but I put a halt to it. The Computer Geek did tell me that he was very glad we found each other. I have decided to not put much stock into that comment, but merely enjoy it for what it is.
  • Finished off the proper weekend with a wine party. Got home later than planned but we were laughing and having fun. Discovered The Computer Geek sent me a text message somewhere throughout the evening. Bonus that I did not awake with a hangover.
  • Earlier today, late morning, I was told The Queen has inoperable brain cancer. 12 months to live. Same brain cancer as Ted Kennedy. My heart is broken. Cue the afternoon's gin.

Which leads us to this very moment. Gin is dry. I need a bit of makeup. Then on out the door to see a few folks, laugh a bit, and remember why I love this place so very much. This life is short.

28 August 2009

past. present.

Fb is a splendid thing (sarcasm runs deep!) - it has it's ups and it's downs. When some people find you from the distant cobwebs of space and time, it is delightful, others you wish would just stay repressed in the dark recesses of yesterday. Clearly, I have a love-hate relationship with fb.

Random co-workers have found me there - bad. very bad. Then yesterday an acquaintance from my undergrad days emerged onto the radar screen. I was delighted to hear from her. However, she mentioned Spoofy. A name I'd long forgotten; as in my undergrad boyfriend-like character.

Then I start to wonder because my inquisitive mind is always on overdrive and before I know it, google once again has the keys to the kingdom of information. I really should have been a detective. There was a bit of information out there, including a small profile photo of him.

Seeing his photo threw me for a loop. It was about this time of year, 13 years ago that we went our separate ways. Spoofy looked exactly as I remembered him. Much to my surprise, my thinking went directly to how different my life would be if we'd have stayed together. all these years later. I vividly remember laying on the carpeting of the rental house looking through the book of grad schools, dreaming of the future. It was Christmastime and Spoof has just given me my prezzie, Victoria Secret bath stuff. The possibilities were endless, laying directly in front of me contained in the pages of his book.

I was amazed that here, today, I felt that twinge when thinking of him, seeing him. Maybe I'll never forget my first love. At least through all the ups and downs, I remember the good parts of my days with The Spoof (which is something I don't have from The Leech or Montana Man). I still have the antique lab stools he got me. I remember when he called me with a surprise, that would later be revealed as the first of four stools. We had so much fun.

The gravity defying daiquiris. Vinyl clothing. Late night french fries. Amazing pashes. My 21st birthday. Physics class. All these memories flooding my present. A time when life was carefree. I hadn't been hurt and disappointed yet. My heart was open.

Maybe that's why these memories are so overwhelming.

24 August 2009

diving head first

Thursday evening I met my first ATX on-line dating man.

I did require not one, but two pep talks in order to make it to the bar. I tried like hell to grab a drink somewhere else, anywhere else before to calm me because I hate this part. Of course, Blondie and Pat Benetar were having a show downtown, which led to parking being an absolute nightmare and I never did get my pre-meeting chillout cocktail.

I arrived earlier than our appointed hour and proceeded to have a glass of champagne. I was wearing my black and white Calvin Klein modern take on the classic June Cleaver dress. My feet were tired from a week filled with stilettos, but I had chosen moderate heels that morning after much debate and inner turmoil. Little did I know, I really should have placed the kitten heels on my feet that morning. (foreshadowing! foreshadowing!)

So The Computer Geek came up to me at the bar. I was delighted that he did indeed resemble his photos. It was a bit of a rocky start as I hate that whole talking-to-a-person-you-barely-know thing and all the while I am being suspect since people aren't always truthful. The Computer Geek and I shared a bottle of wine and at some point the conversation flowed and before I knew it, time flew and it was late. I ran to the loo. I wasn't tipsy, simply tired and beginning to dread being up at dawn the next morning. Finished the bit of wine that was lingering in my glass. The Computer Geek picked up the check. He was digging me. We got up off the high bar chairs, then somehow I did not put my weight correctly on my right foot and before I know it, I am going down.

Down, down, down as in falling to the floor. I wanted to die. The Computer Geek was super nice and collected me up off the floor including my purse. I had to catch my breath. The bartender informed me that I executed my free-fall very gracefully. Meanwhile, I wanted to die. I thought I could walk on it but a few steps out of the bar door and I had to sit down on a bench. The Computer Geek was very nice, even rubbed my little ankle.

When I felt brave enough, I decided it was time to get this show back on the road. Stood up testing my stability. Then this is where the evening turned. The Computer Geek asked if he could kiss me. I said yes, thinking a small peck since I was injured, right. No, it turned into full-on makeout. Not terribly thrilled with that. Then as we continued walking toward our vehicles, he made a comment that I was a good kisser and he was sure I was good in bed too. That was when the antenna came up. When we went off in our separate ways, he offered to take me to my car but I declined. He also said he wanted to see me again.

Everything was good until that last part where the 'good in bed' comment came hurling out into the night air. Is it worth establishing boundaries? Or let this encounter die a quick and painless death? Of course, Montana Man was curious and when I told him about the comment, he stated the guy was tipsy (as he did have a vodka martini after the wine) and his filter wasn't fully operational, that I should cut him some slack and no kissing next time. I don't know if it is worth it or not. What do you think?

09 August 2009

follies of a hypocrite

Oh my!

Oh My!

This whole Internet dating thing is so terribly depressing.

Terribly. Terribly.

Thinking life on my own with the B.O.B. may be my only option.

Paralyzed men!

06 August 2009

a hypocrite lives here

Yes, this week, I crossed the threshold into the land of the hypocrite.

After swearing off online dating compliments of the debacle otherwise known as Montana Man, I broke down and gave in on Tuesday. Of course, this time I am armed with my highly critical ideals (the list) and knowledge of the traps such as old photographs. Hence, I am very suspect of any and all potential gentleman callers.

Three days into this fun little experiment, I am already disheartened as the frogs have multiplied exponentially. However, I promised to give this experiment one month. Seeing as I have not been on a real date since January 2008, I will remain true to my word.

Due my position as hypocrite, only you, my little adventurers, will know of this experiment. Do fasten your seatbelts for this one!

30 July 2009


I am tired. It has been a very long week. Very long.

Lots of progress on the work front. However, zero progress in the boy department. Ah, to have all facets of my life flowing perfectly. A girl's gotta dream, right?

Need to plan out my weekend with the invaders. As I have been working obnoxious hours, I have done very little in the planning our fun-filled times in Central Texas. Must make entertainment a priority. If it involves booze, even better!

Must get back to non-stop beating my head against the desk. Repeatedly. Yes, repeatedly.

Hopefully exciting stories are around the next bend!

28 July 2009

torn: a blonde's tale

It has been awhile since I spoke about my little pup, Juju. The main reason for her absence is because when I think of her, I miss her obnoxious little barky-self. Why? Because she has been at fat camp at her grandparents since March.

My parents and Juju came down here to the sun for a visit. Juju hates Texas; she especially hates summer in Texas, but alas she is down here to get a taste of 105 degree days that are the norm here.

Juju is a fickle blonde and I wasn't entirely sure how she would greet the mother who abandoned her four long months ago. Much to my surprise and delight, Juju was over joyed to see me, running up to me immediately, jumping into my arms, showering me with licks, and wagging her tail so hard that it shook her entire little body.

My little blonde is madly in love with my father. Very often, she is torn between choosing between me or my pops. She has changed some though. Juju has mellowed a lot. I am torn on that as I have always loved her over-the-top spunk while being simultaneously frustrated by it.

Overall, it is wonderful to have Juju around again. I will be sad to watch her leave but I know she is happier with my parents at this time. Until I am settled into a regular life again, she will have to stay with them for the next 8 months.

27 July 2009

the set-up: outcome

Thursday evening.

Much to my surprise, The Musician was handsome. And tall, and polite, and seemed to dig me. His eyes sparkled a bit when he was introduced to me. When the small group of us when to see the band, The Musician did stick around me, even briefly touched me on a few occasions. Of course watching a show is not conducive to any get-to-know-you conversations but he did ask me a few basic questions. He is working hard playing in clubs every night and teaches music during the day.

The weird part is that physically, both in build and appearance, The Musician resembles The Southern Gentleman. Similar but different. That and a few other interesting little tidbits are throwing me for a bit of a loop. I find myself asking "what if....", but not the frustrated what if thoughts that have been plaguing me for some time; these are the positive, I am ready to try, put myself out there again thoughts.

I sent out a little note to my co-worker letting her know it is okay for her to give The Musician my phone number. I know she will work her magic once she is back from holiday. Until then, maybe I'll stumble across one of his shows throughout the Live Music Capital of the World.

This town is small and I have faith.

23 July 2009

the set-up

It's been a good few days. I can feel my long lost mojo returning, slowly but surely.

My day job has begun turn a corner, a long awaited and much deserved corner. And, boy, have I needed it - the reminder, the recognition, and the praise because it was beginning to feel that my toils here were unnoticed and unappreciated.

A few out-of-towners are here from my office, so I am going out with them tonight for dinner and away-from-office chat. One of these two women stared at my left hand and then asked if I was single. After "wow, that's from out in far left field," I told yes. Then she asked my age. "34." She finally connects the dots enthusiastically, "I have a friend down here, and he is a very nice man and he's 34 too. I want you to meet him." Aha!

So tonight after dinner, we are going to catch the end of his set. He is a musician but I did not inquire as to full-time musico or hobby. These ladies claim he is good looking and has a master's degree. Only one catch - he doesn't drink. Even though I am not a fish, I do enjoy my cocktails... so trying to keep an open mind on the no booze thing.

We will see...

22 July 2009

the many creepy-crawlies of atx

Stepford is under siege; as if to be subject to a succession of invasions. Upon arriving at Stepford after class last night, I entered the master bath only to almost step on a gecko. I only let out a startled little yelp. Clearly, I am becoming immune to creepy crawlies. Rather than go into my typical melt down, I immediately sprung into action to relocate the critter. However, the clacking of my shoes scared little gecko into hiding behind the toilet.

I went about my evening as I knew he would eventually mobilize. Closing down Stepford for the evening, I notice a scurry in the hallway. It is the gecko! I race to the bedroom to fetch my ingenious gecko relocation device, a tupperware container and piece of paper. All the while, my trusty sidekick is on my heels. With a fluid motion, the gecko is trapped under the container. Wiggling the paper under the container proved to be a bit of a challenge because the little gecko was mighty jumpy. I am positive my trusty sidekick's unwavering gaze on the gecko did not help to alleve it's stress level. Scooting the occupied gecko device across the living room floor, we finally made it to the back door where I did my best to secure the device and tossed the gecko out the door into the warm night air. I did not see where the gecko landed as the pesky motion controlled light in the back yard did not register the movement, but then again it rarely registers motion. I was victorious! Pasty - 1, gecko - 0.

Imagine my surprise this morning when I saw something scurry in the master bedroom closet. Yes, there were actually two geckos in Stepford. Only one remains. However, this evening, the sole survivor shall be joining his brother outside via the gecko relocation device. Slowly but surely, I am becoming a Texan.

21 July 2009

weather outlook

It appears an invasion is set to occur here at Stepford. You may find yourself thinking What is this girl talking about? An invasion? in Central Texas?

Yes, an invasion, otherwise known as my parents coming to visit. They arrived last November as a complete and utter surprise. This time I have received prior notice. I am happy with the arrival of 2/3 of the parties - my father and my Juju. However, the other third of the equation, the little black rain cloud, my mother is the one I am dreading.

I am not in the mood for the little black rain cloud to position it's negativity over Stepford. Everything is a complaint. Everything is wrong. The damn glass is always half empty and a bit dirty too. I am not in the frame of mind to deal with it. I have already started laying out the boundaries that she will surely ignore, but I have set the stage.

But how do you tell your mother to stay home as only 2/3 of the family equation is welcome. Just like the age old question of how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop... the world may never know.

13 July 2009

yet another monday on the sun

Sadly, it is once again a hotter than Hades Monday morning here in the Lone Star state. I am tired. Very tired.

This excessive heat that continually looms in the low 100s is draining. My energy level has gone from low to non-existent. However, Miss Lulu loves it, begging to go out and sun herself every twenty minutes. On many occasions, I have found myself pondering if I should put sunblock on my sparely furred hound girl. Then I think to myself that I am over thinking the dog + intense sun equation.

Along with my energy, my motivation is sorely lacking too. I have so much to catch up on from holiday and simply day-to-day life. I did respond to most of the personal emails that have been desperately waiting for me to pay attention to them. Cue FB interestingness in that my Former BFF found me. Took me a week to put together a half-hearted response to her FB note. Former BFF will have her own dedicated post here shortly as she has entered my radar.

Tonight is class two of the bollywood dance class that I am attempting with Edina and Magda. At least I know that will be good for a few laughs tonight! !

P.S. The Southern Gentleman resurfaced a bit last week. Predictable. Typical. But no excitement here.

07 July 2009

back from r&r

Thrust back into cold, hard reality after my week of Mexico holiday bliss.

The week away was exactly what was very much needed. I am relaxed and tan. Enjoyed days filled with pool and ocean tide. Of course, there were cocktails. Oh, were there cocktails. And fabulous espresso as our resort catered to Italians.

Sad to report, I was not wooed by any hot Italian men. Or Texans, or Mexicans for that matter. It was a resort filled with couples along with a smattering of families and honeymooners. But that was quite alright by me as I ran around in a bikini (working on that good old body image stuff) and didn't gain a pound!

So this little holiday was a winner on all fronts!

24 June 2009

Book Review: Sunnyside Blues by Mary Carter

I was delighted to read and review Mary Carter’s third book, Sunnyside Blues, due for release on June 30, 2009.

Summary from marycarterbooks.com: Twenty-five-year-old Andes Lane has spent nine years moving restlessly from place to place as she searches for somewhere that feels right. In the little blue houseboat bobbing on a Seattle lake, she thinks she's found it. But Andes has barely had a chance to settle in before her new life is upended by her landlord, Jay, and his ten-year-old son, Chase. Smart, secretive, and precocious, Chase touches a chord with Andes even as he plays on her last nerve. When Jay needs someone to take care of Chase temporarily, Andes agrees to accompany the boy to Sunnyside, Queens, on a quest she's sure will prove fruitless. But in this new, strange, unexpectedly welcoming city, Andes will confront the secrets she tried to leave behind and the lies that have kept her running. And against all odds, she'll discover a place, a man, and a newfound peace of mind that feel very much like home.

At the onset, I picked up Sunnyside Blues and found myself unable to put it down after a few pages. The novel unfolds with Andes stumbling through a police interview, thus the hook to keep reading is set. As the third chapter opens, the underlying secrets of the characters begin to emerge, bubbling just below the surface. I found myself starting to ask flurries of questions and wanting learn more about the characters, especially Andes. Of course, Andes was truly endeared to me as chapter three closed because even though she fell, Andes ensured none of the champagne was lost! A girl who appreciates and saves her bubbles is my kind of girl!

As Andes’ relationship with Jay and Chase develops, her responsibility grows but so do the questions that surround her and subsequently the other characters too. Secrets become paramount. In fact, secrets are abundant and diverse including hiding the past, discovery, suspicion, protection, and facing the secret. Carter paints a very vivid picture of each character’s secret but weaves the revelations delicately into the plot to keep the reader guessing, thinking, ultimately making this novel difficult to put down.

Delving into the realm of secrets, it becomes clear that Andes’ secrets, as well as those of Chase, Jay, and Andes’ father, have had serious life changing consequences. Secrets come with a price. Some secrets are transparent and easily figured, while others are so deep, so hidden that the secret is much like a dead body lying in a casket covered by a six foot dirt barrier.

This novel is not formulaic, but a well thought out, complex story that rises above the mindless chick lit genre. I enjoyed that Carter allowed for Andes to experience catharsis at the end of the novel. More importantly, it did not finish with the happily ever after fairy tale where boy-gets-the-girl. Instead, Andes was true to herself and her dreams.

Sunnyside Blues reminded me of what I call ‘three universal truths’:
* Everyone has secrets
* You cannot run from your past
* You never know where the day will take you

Did I mention there is a pyromaniac and snakes too?

Snap up a copy of Sunnyside Blues. You will be glad you did.

Mary is having a contest, so enter to win a signed copy of Sunnyside Blues and $25 Barnes and Noble Gift Card! Winner will be announced on August 1st!

16 June 2009

because i am a dork

Yesterday as I was scrambling out of the office building en route to a customer meeting, I notice a woman in the lobby. I recognized her face instantly. I had a small debate with myself about whether or not to yell out "Wetsy!"

Yes, I saw The Pioneer Woman's sister, Betsy. She was as pretty as her photos and rail thin making me very jealous because she had a baby not long ago.

I chickened out and continued on out the door.

Damn, I lost my opportunity for a trip out to the ranch!

08 June 2009

bullet point quickie

Adventure Weekend Summary in no particular order.....

  • Laughed a wicked lot, when I met up with some local bloggers. Of course, Coco and I first knew each other in reality. However, Thursday night, I met Tied Up With A Black Velvet Band and I Pick Pretty. Enjoyed many a cocktail and am looking forward to our next adventure.
  • Met a fairly good looking man at a big wine tasting. However, the planets did not align completely because he does not have my phone number.
  • Lawn mowing in Texas sucks the big one. However, I am thinking that a Patsy-propelled mower combined with intense heat and humidity will ensure a wee bit of weight loss.
  • Made reservations for a week holiday in Mexico. Bring on the swine flu because I would love the express train to weight loss.
  • Can you tell I am very eager for this last 7 pounds to be gone?!
  • The Southern Gentleman called on Saturday. Said phone was timed at 1 hour, 17 minutes. This marathon call from a man who claims to hate speaking on the phone. Keep in mind he was the primary talker in the conversation.
  • The Southern Gentleman stated that he has "neglected several important things in his life as of late in trying to the business started." I think that was his attempt at an apology as he also stated that in a email. Old Patsy would have been happy with this. However, New World Order Patsy feels the old adage "too little, too late" applies perfectly.
  • Had the girls over to Stepford for the first time. There is nothing more that I love than a house full of friends and laughter. It truly makes my heart sing!
  • Montana Man asked me to do some editing for him on Friday. I didn't even look at until Sunday night. Furthermore, did not pour too much energy into it when I did correct it. I am done with it all.
  • Ready for a cleaner slate and fresh start.
  • Capped off the weekend perfectly with some champagne on Sunday evening. Everything is better with bubbles!

Have a sparkling week, my darlings!

03 June 2009


Recently I have been feeling alone. The alone-ness that complements feeling helpless. It is especially troubling to me because I never have felt this way before. I am an overly independent woman who can do anything.

But lately I have been feeling my limitations. Reaching the realizations. It started with moving house coupled with Lulu's adventures in snake charming gone bad. Then trying to wrangle up furniture via craigslist. Toss in Lulu having simultaneous puke and diarrhea fest. Clearly, May was a roller coaster ride in my small corner of the universe.

I learned I don't ask for help and furthermore it is very difficult for me to ask. I have been spoiled to the n-th degree having my father just quick car ride away. He always solves my problems, always helps. He is my rock; the one person I can count on no matter what.

In my many May hours of need, sure, my father was only a phone call away, but he couldn't swoop in and solve the problem because he is 1,000 miles away. That is when the feeling of being utterly alone overcame me.

I realize though that I did live through the roller coaster ride, but it wasn't as easy as I have grown accustom to. There aren't any givens. Particularly when Lulu was spewing out both end, I made too many phone calls to my girls down here trying to find someone who would simply run to the CVS to pick up Imodium for me because even a short car ride was out of the question. No one would do it. At my wits end, I called yet another girlfriend expecting a similar response as the others, but immediately she said yes. I was beyond thankful that someone answered my distressed cries, but at the same time, disappointed in others.

May's lessons were humbling. I have to get better at asking because I cannot do everything by myself. This is uncharted territory.

01 June 2009

where is he?

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know your name, where you live, what you do for a living, how you take your coffee, or what makes you laugh.

Clearly, I know very little about you; however, I do believe I will have some level of inkling when our paths finally cross. Maybe.

But there are a few things I do know about you for sure – you really are out there somewhere (preferably Austin) hunting high and low for me, you accept and appreciate me for who I am – quirks and all, there are no games or ambiguity, and even though happily ever after is only in the movies, we’ll have our own reality-based version of what that is for us.

I have waited patiently for you; I have had a lot of fun along the way. Experiences I wouldn’t give away because each has been instrumental in creating the tapestry that is my life, me.
But even in all the happiness and love that surrounds me now, there is a small piece missing. And that is you. Please hurry.

26 May 2009

anything but a stepford wife

Settling in to the new digs is finally occurring. Life is calming down as Lulu is virtually healed and the move drama is over complete with new furniture. Two weeks of dwelling on the cement floor, even though it is a pretty stained concrete floor, was very draining after a long day at the office. I am finally relaxing as life in Stepford is taking shape.

Yes, the pristinely manicured lawns and families with 2.5 children are indeed reminiscent of The Stepford Wives; hence, the name. But I am blissfully happy in Stepford. I forgot what a wonderful feeling it is to want to go home.

With my home life wrapped up with a pretty bow, time to focus my energy losing the last 10 pounds! I like the feeling that everything is falling into place.

08 May 2009

an anniversary of sorts

May 8, 2000.

It was nine years ago today that we first met, The Southern Gentleman and I.

Nine years ago today that we were partnered up in a conference room in the Carolinas.

The attraction was instant and has continued to remain smoldering just under the surface.

Star-crossed lovers.

Fast forward to May 8, 2009.

Nine years and nothing has changed.

I take that back, what has changed is me.

I can see past the attraction; the things I was enraptured with when I was 25. I see that The Southern Gentleman is not going to put one foot in front of the other. He is only continuing to side step, which does not lead to progress.

It makes me a bit sad because together we did make a good team.

But I am also happy that on today, May 8th, exactly 6 months away from my 35th birthday, I do have the clarity to see The Southern Gentleman and I for precisely what we are and what we'll never be. For that, I am grateful.

07 May 2009

hound dog

Lulu is doing much better.

I took her home last Friday. She continues eat copious amounts of antibiotics, but she is healing quite nicely. Of course, Lulu is not fond of her floatation device (in lieu of a traditional cone) but I remain highly amused with it.

Here's a snap so you can join in my amusement!

29 April 2009

drama mama


that best sums up the past few days.

What started off on Friday morning as an innocent weekend adventure to H-town turned into my pup girl Lulu being hospitalized and me being left with zero answers.

I dropped off my Lulu at 7 AM on Friday to stay at the boutique vet/kennel that she has stayed at before. I figured if I get to have a fun weekend away to eat my way thru Houston, then Lulu should also enjoy her stay at the doggie spa.

Friday night around 6, I receive a call from the vet. A simple call informing me that Lulu received her kennel cough shot and trying to up sell me on blood work services for senior dogs. The entire point here is that at 6 PM my dog was still healthy. Cue me being annoyed at vet for calling for nonsensical reasons while I am on holiday.

Saturday morning, another call from the vet. This time I am informed that Lulu has a cut on her leg, is limping and the vet would like my permission to start IV fluids on her. The vet tells me this is free because the injury occurred while she was in their care. I think the vet is being overzealous as the previous evening they were concerned over ear wax, so I give my consent. Continue eating and shopping through Houston.

Sunday morning, I was not fast enough to the phone and missed the Lulu update call. I listen to the voice message and grow alarmed when the vet states "possible snake bite." My alarm grows and festers. I finally break down and call the vet office only to find that the office is closed so I call the emergency number. The woman at the emergency hospital is understanding and tracks down one of the vets for me. It is the primary vet, the owner of the hospital - where the snake bite concerns are dismissed.

I see my girl on Sunday evening. It was terrible. Lulu's leg looked horrendous. Raw ground beef. Her leg swollen hugely. She had a wild look in her eyes, did not recognize me, an IV in her leg. She was on massive, massive quantities of pain killers and antibiotics.

The vets state that they do not know what is wrong or what happened. The only story I get is they saw her limping, found a puncture wound, and then it manifested into what I found. Personally, the vets are covering up the incident. The more I press, the less interaction they have with me. I believe with all my heart, it was a venomous snake bite.

My girl is doing better. I should be able to take her home in the next few days. We spend about an hour together every day. I have documented everything with photos. I have asked vets back home to evaluate what they see in the photos and in her medical records. The problem is in the mile high city, snake bites are rare.

As if that wasn't enough keep-me-up-at-night drama, I have to move tomorrow. In one day. By myself. Be out of the old house complete with cleaning and into the new place. tomorrow.

When it rains, it pours. But at least tomorrow will be over before I know it. On to greener pastures.

22 April 2009

movin' on up

i am moving. staying in atx but to a newer home.

give me a BIG AMEN!!

i will be out of the ghetto soon. much sooner than anticipated if i have my ways.

i no longer have to be afraid for my safety with that crappy front door.

the puppies will have a real back yard with real grass... no more big pile of dirt and rocks.

i am over the moon that i will have a professional landlord instead of the dumb bitch who got way too greedy and wanted to gouge me. a word to the wise - never piss off a scorpio.

papers are signed. checks written. i am out of the ghetto.

for the first time, in an extremely long time, i slept like a baby in this dump.

08 April 2009

swimsuit season is looming

Since the surprise invasion visit of my parents, I have gained some weight. Not a whole lot but enough to turn fits/smidge loose to smidge tight.

The drinking and eating out are the cause. I know that. Also lack of regular exercise. But I got a full blown shock when I brought the scale home with me. The numbers tell me that the last 5 pounds I was trying to shake have now upped the ante to 15. ugh.

So back on the wagon with this girl. Buckling down on booze and food like the gestapo. Must commence operation awake before dawn to fit in exercise. Some how I must not become sleep deprived.

Must get back to fighting weight. At a minimum, shake off those 10 lovely pounds that jumped on my ass since the invasion.

I know what I need to do. Now I just need to get myself 100% committed to seeing it thru.

07 April 2009


Ugh! It is only Tuesday and I have already put in 20 hours at work. My day is not over yet and my week has only just begun.

But I have a job. So for that I am grateful.

I have neglected this place because I have been so wonderfully busy. ATX weekends are insane. Good insane.

Cherry was in town this weekend. We caught up on life since she left. It made me miss her all the more. Of course, it also made me realize how hard it is going to be when it is my turn to leave this town.

How did I get so lucky to have such a fabulous group of friends down here?!

Snatched up an ACL Festival ticket today. Can't wait for the lineup to be announced. Holding thumbs that it is a great one!

30 March 2009

my little something to ponder today

Patsy, the Chinese say, "The best time to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. The second best time is always today."

Funny how planting trees and taking action on the life of your dreams are the same that way.

The Universe

29 March 2009

Finish Lines

This morning we ran the local 10k. While ran is a strong word, we didn’t take a leisurely walk either. Eddie and I went along at a pretty good clip. In fact, I can feel the muscles in my bum quite well right now. But I did what I set out to do - finish the race.

Afterwards we had some girl time and a lovely lunch at our favorite taco place. Onward home where I enjoyed my bath; clean hair is so fabulous. So I was fully relaxed when the phone rang with its infamous “waiting” ring tone that belongs solely to The Southern Gentleman.

Answering the phone, his Southern drawl greeted me with a low sing-song tone. Upon hearing that I completed the 10k today, The Southern Gentleman snickered a fair amount; I was not pleased. As our conversation progressed, I know I got more agitated with him and it probably came across in my tone. Our phone call ended within 15 minutes.

I wasn’t cross or rude. I am simply tired of listening to the story that is not going to be made into a tv movie. It has been a year and half since The Southern Gentleman made his first trip down here. Not much has changed significantly during that extended period of time; we are still friends – no commitments have been made, no binding confessions of love.

I have given up on him. A significant amount of time and energy were expended and I cannot put any more into a road to nowhere. I ran the race with The Southern Gentleman. He is still somewhere at the start line; I have continued running and made it to the finish line alone. It is time for me find another race to run, another finish line to cross. Hopefully next time I won't be finishing the race alone.

17 March 2009

I am home this week.

I haven't been home for a sizable stretch of time in 13 months. It feels very odd to be back in my home. Compared to my little Austin hole-in-the-wall place, my home is a mcmansion. The pups are absolutely ecstatic to be home. My depressed little pup has come back to life in the days since returning home. I knew she hated Texas and her turn around only serves to validate that.

If I could pickup my home and plop it down in Austin, everything would be perfect. I could enjoy my wonderful friends and balanced life in Austin while have a comfortable warm living space.

But life is not perfect.

11 March 2009

the universe sez...

Sometimes when you're ready for a change, Patsy, and you kind of know it but won't admit it, when it comes, not only are you surprised, but it hurts.

Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.

Love watching you create,
The Universe

04 March 2009

it's practically free

We all have something we are known for. A survival skill, if you will. Something that is simply "your thing" and others are always amazed by. It truly is a hallmark.

Hallmarks can vary. Some people save the world with their kryptonite strength. Others clean parks.

My hallmark is shopping. Specifically bargain hunting tactical shopping. Over the weekend, I successfully scooped up all sort of material goodies that I do not need. But the price was right, the label was good, therefore the price became even better.

My mantra is "it's practically free" and it truly is, so I cannot leave the top/pants/shoes/undies behind.

Now for a point of clarification, I do not simply buy for purchasing sake. I am actually selective and do not rack up the credit card or purchase constantly. It has be marked down several times and then some before an item makes the big trip home with me.

However, I have enjoyed wearing the new items all week. Even got to break in a new dress on Saturday at a birthday party.

The thing is I do get everything at wonderful prices, up to 90% off of retail. I always look good and have a lot of clothing; however, I don't spend near what it looks like I do on all of it. I do believe it has a lot to do with my attitude toward it - the bargains jump at me - and I have realized I think it has a lot to do with my mantra. The more I say "it's practically free," the more of this I stumble upon.

While I do love the clothes and the shoes, I have realized it all about how these items make me feel. They enable me to have confidence in myself. They are the boost to my fragile ego. They make me feel good about myself.

What I don't know is whether that is a good thing or not.

25 February 2009


In both relationships and life, Patsy, trust begets trust.
Generosity begets generosity.
Love begets love.
Be the spark, especially when it's dark.
Hubba, hubba - The Universe


I know you have heard me say these words before... but the words are sticking this time as there appears to be a method to the madness, a pattern.

The Southern Gentleman pushed me over the edge yesterday, on a day that was already particularly crappy. I just don't have years of cat and mouse games in me any more.

Yesterday I received an innocent little email from American Airlines with its weekend getaway fares. Oddly, for once, there is a flight between Austin and the South listed... for only $135. Practically free! Considering his last ticket here was over $400.

So off goes a little note with the link through cyber space.

His response, "that flight is pretty cheap......but i don't know if i can come" followed by a litany of excuses.

I have no patience for the excuses any more. He also shared with me a trip to South American that is on the horizon. Our Southern Gentleman could have easily asked me join him. But alas it was all about him and the damn business.

Of course after I make my declaration to the universe that I am done with the man, he called. As if to know I am done. We spoke but my heart's just not it in. Not any more.

It is high time I start casting my net closer to home with emotionally available and willing fish.

23 February 2009


yesterday served as the one year mark that the pups and i loaded up the car and headed southeast to begin our austin adventure together. sixteen hours in the car, the pups becoming travelers, arriving to our rental house in the wee hours of the morning.

a year later and the big girl is still as happy as ever down here while the baby girl continues her immense dislike of the surroundings. unfortunately baby girl still looks depressed and missing her obnoxious spunk in all photos. i know she is just a dog, but it still makes me a bit sad that she has not adapted.

in a few short weeks, it will be the two year anniversary of my first trip down here. i am nothing short of amazed when i look back on my life and see the mountains of changes that have occurred since my first trip on march 5th. my world has changed so very much and the best part - all the changes are positive. i couldn't have dreamed this beautiful life any more perfect.

as i reflect on all the good that has come out of one assignment, it makes my heart sing that my girl, sulky is just starting a whole new wonderful adventure of her very own.

how very lucky are we?!!

18 February 2009

been off

i have been feeling rather blah.

a serious case of the blahs is always concerning to me. considering my past track record.

i think it is time for an acupuncture tune up. however, i don't have an acupuncturist down here. and i really don't want to start over. but the time has come for me to suck it up and find a needler.

maybe a tune up. make working out a priority again. doing something - anything- once and for all to get that last ten ugly pounds off my ass.

just let all the shite of the world slide off my back more. all of it is meaningless noise.

meditating regularly too. that helps immensely.

there's the plan... now I just need to work it...

04 February 2009

good news bears

Last night before the concert, my little text message ringer went off. My new phone was filled with good news! Alexander is officially cancer free!! Pathology reports were clean! Woo Hoo!!

What fabulous news after the past two weeks of hell. No radiation or chemo required either! WOO HOO!!

Life is delicious.

03 February 2009

feeling is returning

A good night of sleep complete with snoring and whining pups made a world of difference in how I feel today. While not at the 100% mark, I am much closer than I was yesterday.

Settling back in, listening to my world a bit differently, it is all goodness. I can feel the subtle but palpable shift as a result of my weekend. Slow and steady wins the race, right?

Even though The Southern Gentleman is making positive steps, I do need to put myself out there a bit more. A lot more actually. Not surrounded by a gaggle of girls either. Just need to find where my motivation is for that endeavor.

Tonight Eddie and I are off... concert bound... been sooo long since I have been to a concert like this! Cannot wait!!

02 February 2009

the return

I am back home. The trip was short but absolutely hands-down jam packed. I am exhausted, drained on all fronts - physically, mentally, emotionally. I feel like a glob of goo.

I feel very positive for Alexander's future. The surgery was a bear but seeing in the day after surgery and watching his progress made my heart sing.

The mini-retreat was very good. Lots of eye opening, many releases. I think release is going to be my theme word for awhile. The retreat setting was nothing short of amazing. Heaven on earth does exist because I was dwelling in it this weekend.

This morning there was a lovely and long email from The Southern Gentleman waiting for me. Maybe transformation is afoot in the universe?

good night my little chickadees!

29 January 2009

it was time

The Southern Gentleman is still out of the country.

However, a piece of post from him was awaiting me at home.

My postcard.

It was short and to the point.

But my favorite part was the picture on the front of the card. It was a picture of my favorite (almost a patron saint of sorts if you will) Hindu god - Ganesha.

Seeing the picture of Ganesha restored my faith.


I am ...

Off the grid here shortly.

Off to get laptops re-imaged.

Off to the west coast.

Off to see a dear, dear pal.

Off to find a little bit of myself.

Off on an adventure.

28 January 2009

time in hospitals

2009 has definitely started off with a bang!

It has been busier than I'd like with all sorts of medical crap. Everywhere I turn, it seems there is a 911 issue popping up.

First it was poor Edina taking a graceful fall at the rollerskating rink. The evening ended with a broken wrist, which required surgery of pins and plates to put it back together.

Next up, overlapping a bit with Eddie, was Alexander and his gallbladder. It required removal on the same day Eddie's pins and plates were added. Just when we were relieved that the pesky gallbladder was gone and Alexander and I would be on for our vision quest weekend, poof! Alexander's phone rings. His surgeon bore the news that Alexander's gallbladder was full of cancer. Yes. Cancer.

When I received that tidbit via voice mail, I felt all the air leave my lungs and the room itself. Shock, baby. My dear Alexander only just turned 33 at the beginning of the year. Disbelief ran high as Alexander and I have been friends since I was 17 years old. Our lives have taken us all over the space/time continuum but our friendship has only strengthened.

After a weekend of phone tag, we finally had a conversation on Sunday afternoon. We talked about the specifics. His first surgery was scheduled for the Saturday of our retreat. Since it has been moved again to tomorrow. I am happy that I am flying into LAX and will get to see him on Friday, even though he will be post-op.

My Alexander. After our conversation, I know he is going to be okay. I am happy with the timing as I feel it is crucially important that he and I are together, even if only for a few hours, through this. Our bond is one of those indescribable bonds.

He is going to be on bed rest for quite some time. I am going to go visit him and check in on him during that time. A few weekends to Cali isn't much. But more importantly, from the minute I received the news, thoughts of all my missteps with Goofy Buddy came to the forefront. I will not repeat that.

So Friday, I get to continue my court jester duties as I have for Edina's confinement. I cannot wait to see my Alexander and give him lots of grief about the hospital gown and the parts it doesn't cover... which is especially fitting since he is a gay man!

26 January 2009


Nothing makes me crankier than weight gain.

After being on cruise control maintenance, I found myself dumped off into lose it mode again. As I do not have a scale down here, I am going merely off the fact that some of my clothes are tight. And tight clothes push me over the edge.

I can pinpoint with exact precision exactly when this weight started creeping on - the surprise arrival of the parental units. The stress from that, my birthday, nicely followed up by the holidays lead me to this place.

Not helping the situation is my inability to establish any sort of routine at this house. At my home in CO, everything is effortless. In my previous Austin apartment, I had balance. But it is almost a year I have been in this house and I still feel that I am floundering. The imbalance doesn't help me to construct a healthy weight loss environment either.

However, I am resolved to establish balance and a semblance of routine at this place because seriously, a year is long enough. No more excuses! So I am eating regularly - yes, brekkie, lunch, dinner (no more forgetting to eat!). I purchased some exercise DVDs so I cannot be deterred by getting home in darkness. I have also purged all alcohol from the house as well as limiting my happy hour attendance. Booze is my caloric downfall.

I need to get back to my good happy place weight. I need to be ready to go at a moment's notice when the start gun finally goes off.

22 January 2009

a year ago today

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Thursday, January 17, 2008, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

Today I received and read the mail I'd sent us on 16 Jan 2006. It was pretty crazy - while things didn't happen per the plan, everything happened none the less. It blew my mind.

Right now you are tired of being alone. Yes, you are finally ready to settle down and be married - at 33. It did take us awhile to get there but we are ready for that commitment - a lifetime commitment of love. February is rapidly approaching too... and this February is important as per the Asian custom, I turn 34 upon the date of my conception... and I was told I'd meet "him" when I am 34. So next month the possibility of "him" coming into my life is palpable. I am beyond ready for this to occur... beyond.

March 5th will mark the one year anniversary of our first trip to Austin. 3/5/07 - that one day, that one decision has had a powerful impact on all facets of our world - in fact, it has changed our world forever. We found our home, our life, everything we have sought out here in ATX. I am currently working hard on getting us moved down here. I feel confident we will succeed and by this time next year, the dogs and you will be official Texas residents.

You must continue to embrace life as you have this past year. Living fearlessly, making friends, being your true genuine self with people upfront rather than after they know you a bit. Channel you inner Crazy Neighbs more often - make that the standard. You've done a kick ass job breaking your shell open, now simply completely leave the shell behind.

You've lost about all the weight you gained thru unhappy marriage and pills. Continue working on getting rid of the last few remnants - those stubborn 5 pounds. Whenever I walk the Town Lake trail, I think of how much Big dog is going to love being on those walks with you - devour every minute of that experience once Big dog is able to join us.

Be kinder to the little dog. She is not easy going like Big dog but try not to be so blatantly favoring towards Big dog.

Montana Man. Hopefully you are just about done collecting your cash back from him. I certainly hope he kept his word and you did not have to sue him. Either way, you should just about have him out of your life completely. Amen!

Has The Southern Gentleman turned out to be "him"? Part of me hopes beyond hopes that you and he are together, that he is "the one". The Southern Gentleman and you had such a wonderful time together in Sept 2007. Part of me truly feels there is a reason he has remained in contact all these years - that only working together for 6 months but our remaining in contact over the past almost 8 years means something. But who ever it is, I know "he" will be worthy of you - finally.

Enjoy life. Enjoy the adventure. You are getting your "life is an adventure" attitude back; hopefully by the time you read this, you will be back to even better than before... because you are definitely almost there.

Austin has opened you up. You have already established a wonderful, fulfilling life here. You can do that anywhere now. The world is your oyster. I have so much faith in you, Patsy. This year you will flourish like no other. You will be successful - work, life, emotionally, mentally - on all fronts. I know you can and will do it!

Go get 'em girl! xoxo

16 January 2009

10 best

It is enlightening article time once again!

According to the rules of their universe, here are the top 10 cities for men:

1. Madison, Wis.
2. St. Paul, Minn.
3. Salt Lake City
4. Seattle
5. Aurora, Colo.
6. San Jose, Calif.
7. Lincoln, Neb.
8. San Francisco
9. Boston
10. Minneapolis

Reaction in bullet points and no particular order:
  • I find #5 quite frightening
  • For Cherry's sake, I hope #6 and #8 are correct.
  • Don't the #8 boyz like other boyz... primarily?!
  • Clearly men like cold temperatures
  • and being in the middle
  • #2 and 10 mean I have to make to trip to see WhiskeyMarie because she must be surrounded by men!

Happy Friday!

11 January 2009

trying to pull my strings

Yesterday morning as I logged into my instant messenger, this little ditty below from Montana Man popped up in my screen...

Pats, thank you for being my true friend after all we have gone through! I dont know how to express my appreciation so that you understand it. You showed me so much about me and my life i cant explain it to anyone >>>>> I really do love you and have! You have shown me what a true friend means... God bless you and i hope someday i can help you like you have me...

09 January 2009

TSG Visit: Friday I

The Southern Gentleman had called to wish me a Merry Christmas while I was enjoying Christmas dinner at Edina’s. That evening I did not get home until after 11 PM, which was midnight at his home; thus too late to call him back.

I slept in a bit on Friday but was sure to call The Southern Gentleman. His voice sounded a bit frazzled as he told me that he was in line to check in and he’d call me shortly. I went about completing the final touches around the house. With anxious energy still coursing through me, I took the pups on a walk.

Of course, The Southern Gentleman called when he arrived at DFW and I was just completing our walk. We spoke briefly as his connection time was short. He sent me a text stating his flight was delayed 15 minutes. I was relieved because the few extra minutes would ensure my timely arrival at the airport.

Typically, I am running late for airport pick ups, so I was especially proud of myself for arriving on time. In fact, I had to wait a bit; the excitement building until I saw him exiting through security. The Southern Gentleman was a man on a mission headed toward baggage claim so he did not see me at the side of the security. I tapped him on the shoulder as he began his decent down the stairs. He whipped around, grabbed me in the middle of the stairway and put his arms around me. A big hug, but no kiss. We sprinted out of the airport to the parking garage, happily chatting away. At the entrance of the parking garage I noticed something at my feet, stopping before I stepped on it. A small enameled turtle broach. As I picked up that turtle, little did I know it would serve as the metaphor for this trip.

Catch up commenced immediately. It felt more like we were picking up after he’d been on a two week business trip and not the reality that his last visit was 9 months ago. It is simply the leaving part of this equation where I do not excel.

At home, the pups went wild the moment they saw him. Both hounds were dancing and jumping around with their typical over-the-top enthusiasm. My big girl did not leave his side the entire time; the little one was constantly cozying up to him on the couch.

I commenced to making cocktails and The Southern Gentleman emptied his bags proudly taking out a wrapped Christmas present. Green paper neatly wrapped complete with a bow and card. Seeing as he was all about gift time, I retrieved his presents as well. He was so much fun in gift mode as he shook and felt each present trying to guess what each item was. Of course he was dead on with the golf balls, however, he was stumped on the remaining items. I was quite pleased that he did in fact like the pocket watch I selected for him. I opened mine gift which was a bag of m&ms and a beautiful olive green pashmina.

Before we knew it, it was 7 PM and time to head to a birthday happy hour. We arrived to a room full of people and luckily Edina kept empty seats by her so we did a quick shuffle in as I felt all eyes were on me as we walked in. I felt very self conscious, so I ran to say hello to the birthday boy, who immediately inquired, “who’s the boy?” I hadn’t thought that far in advance, mumbling something about male friend while running directly for the arms of Coco. Worlds colliding are not my strong point.

Back in the safety of Edina’s portion of the table, cocktails were ordered and I grew calmer. Edina asked to see my new ring, so I put my hand out to show her. I had to laugh as one of the guys at the end of the table happily chimes in “Congratulations!” and another gal immediate corrected him stating the ring was not in fact an engagement ring because it is was on the wrong finger, on the wrong hand.

Eventually the festivities were to move next door, to the strip club. Our dear Southern Gentleman puts his foot down firmly stating that we are not going. Clearly no amount of peer pressure was going to persuade him either. Edina and a few of the other girls were going to skip the strip portion with us as The Southern Gentleman proudly told the birthday boy that he and his harem of women were headed elsewhere. The birthday boy would have none of that – the interloper swooping in and stealing his women, especially Edina. The birthday boy eventually got his way and the girls went with him to the strip club; TSG and me heading off in another direction.

08 January 2009

the mailman

Yesterday I felt rather tired and beat up from this cold and/or allergy party that is going on in my body. So I left work at a decent time (5:30 PM) and headed home rather than catching cocktails with a coworker.

My evening plans were to drug up and finish the teenage vampire series once and for all. I had not slept the previous night as vampire fights were running through my head. While the pups were outside, I promptly consumed my benadryl and tylenol and headed to the post box.

By now, you should all know what I found in my post box. A card. From none other than The Southern Gentleman. It was a cute thank you card with his manly handwriting sprawling across the paper surface. He was sure to send it the day before he left for his business trip. Sweet, upbeat - all things positive.

Ah, this man.

i hope he's right...

Next time you make a wish, Patsy, wish for what is, because really and truly, things don't get much better than this.

There is a purpose, a plan, and a reason for all things. What doesn't make sense, will make sense. You are exactly where you should be; your challenges are what they should be; your rewards are what they should be; and the best is yet to come. Time has served you well. Love is in the air. And you're looking mighty good in the light that now surrounds you.

A toast to life... to you... to us...
The Universe

06 January 2009

i been sick

gah! little germies has invaded my personal space.

fighting the battle against them has taken precedence but has given me ample opportunity to finish those silly twilight books.

the southern gentleman left on his month long work trip today, but we didn't get the chance to speak before he left. somehow though i am hopeful.

02 January 2009

and now for tonight's half baked theory

most of yesterday and today has been spent reading the third book in the twilight series.

this afternoon bella's incessant whining about wanting to be a vampire irked me beyond imagine... then in a weird sort of way it kicked in....

edward is the southern gentleman. bella, the whiner... me.

like i said, in a weird sort of way.

this parallel may or may not be further probed.

sheesh... i need to get out of the house as i haven't left since coming home after our rock star new years eve celebration!