28 April 2007

What a Week!?!

This week has been a weird one. Highs, lows, and every fucking emotion in between.

This week I learned that Karma really does exist and Karma is definitely my type of girl. When you do evil things to a person you supposedly love above all others, Karma does keep count and strikes when you least expect and in a way even my most nasty, vengeful scorpion heart could never have hoped for. Karma truly is a bitch and I am so thankful she was watching all the hell you put me through - you are finally getting yours.

This week I discovered I am the keeper of secrets. My friends tell me their secrets and I must keep these small but significant items to myself. I have found myself pondering why I get to be the trusted one with such knowledge.

This week I learned that the Harry relationship is still on an unsure path. While things seem to be better, I do not feel that he is back in the game 100-percent. We had a good Thursday and Friday. But then I am out of town again next week, so it is any one's guess.

This week I learned I am so lucky to have my girlfriend. Wednesday night was happy hour with my girlie pal was fab - we had excellent girlie chat over fab martinis. I asserted my inner passionate feminist when the female bartender was getting trashed by the arrogant male wait staff. I could not sit by and let the injustice go without saying something.

This week I learned I am a compassionate person. As I pulled into the driveway after cocktails, I got a phone call. Yes, it was Montana Man. Something sounded off in his voice. Not drunk, something else, something not quite right. After much soul searching and contemplation, I went over there to check on him. It was much worse than I could have imagined. I had to hunt for the dog. I found out the story of how he arrived at such a state. Yet another secret I must keep because he trusts me with his inner most thoughts; because he knows I completely understand.

I learned more than I could have ever imagined... once again, my girl Karma was on the scene. MM told me things I would have killed to hear months ago, pre-therapy, pre-moved on to happier place in life. Tasty tid-bits I learned, in no particular order:
  • MM has had three girlfriends since he broke up with me
  • Of said girlfriends, he has lost all of them because of me - no one can compare to me
  • I am the only person in this world who cares about him no matter what
  • Of said girlfriends, all were upset because he spoke of me - his best friend - and all wanted me out of the picture, to which he refused
  • MM has always wanted to marry me, his life is with me
  • According to him, we fit perfectly together in all aspects
  • MM has been sad in the house all along because it was supposed to be our home
  • His friends call him the 3-month wonder because he cannot have a relationship that survives beyond 3 months, but his friends all remember me as the only one to go the distance with MM

I learned that MM wants to try again. Slowly. Dating. Slowly. While I consented, I remain unsure. I do not feel the time is quite right. MM's life is falling apart and that equates to more stress. I do not want to enter the scene when stress is high.

This week I learned that I am so much stronger and my mind is clear in the face of the above confessions. For that clarity, I am thankful. Deep within the recesses of my soul, I know MM and I are entwined with some level of destiny. We both have known that. Always. With us it is always a timing issue. Now I am cognisant of the timing and will work with that conscious knowledge. I am closer to being a whole person, true to myself. MM needs to get there too on his own.

This week I learned a lot. Whew!

23 April 2007

hoping for empathy

i have been working my ass off... i only wish the pounds would be disappearing too. the every other week travel is kicking me around. then the obligations on the home front. trying to keep balance has not been easy.

i hope things on a personal front do not fall apart. a regular, rather aggressive traveling schedule is difficult for a person who has never done such travel himself to understand. until you have walked in my shoes, how can one understand?

i hardly heard from harry last week, which concerns me. i don't think he understands. and what he does believe from his experience is so not me - - he saw this before in the form of a workaholic, which i am so very not. there is a difference between a workaholic and doing what is expected of you. there is a line and i have not crossed to the workaholic side. just because i am surrounded by workaholics does not mean i am one. i don't enjoy the long hours and all that is entailed some days. a comment from harry last night got me feeling a need to clarify that.

wonder if i will see harry tonight. honestly i am not entirely sure right now... i know i have been a little standoffish since i got home on friday night. i have to work through that, probably need to acknowledge it... i have just been really tired...

more tomorrow...

10 April 2007

Birthday Wiki

Snagged from Emily...

1. Go to Wikipedia and type in your birthday (month and day only): November 8

2. List events that occurred on that day of interest to you:

  • 1519 - Hernán Cortés enters Tenochtitlán and Aztec ruler Moctezuma welcomes him with great pomp as would befit a returning god.
  • 1793 - In Paris, the French Revolutionary government opens the Louvre to the public as a museum.
  • 1864 - U.S. presidential election, 1864: Abraham Lincoln is reelected in an overwhelming victory over George McClellan.
    1889 - Montana is admitted as the 41st U.S. state.
  • 1917 - People's Commissars gives authority to Lenin, Trotsky and Stalin
    1923 - Beer Hall Putsch: In Munich, Adolf Hitler leads the Nazis in an unsuccessful attempt to overthrow the German government.
  • 1989 - Hong Kong's MTR Lam Tin Station came into service.
3. List a few birthdays:
  • 1656 (N.S.) - Edmond Halley, British astronomer and mathematician (d. 1742)
  • 1836 - Milton Bradley, American game manufacturer (d. 1911)
  • 1847 - Bram Stoker, Irish novelist (d. 1912)
  • 1900 - Margaret Mitchell, American author (d. 1949)
  • 1961 - Leif Garrett, American singer
  • 1966 - Gordon Ramsay, British chef
  • 1968 - Parker Posey, American actress
  • 1975 - Tara Reid, American actress
  • 1985 - Jack Osbourne, American television star
4. List a death:
  • 1978 - Norman Rockwell, American illustrator (b. 1894)
5. List a holiday or observance (if any):
  • Saint Michael's Day in Greece and Cyprus and to those of Greek Orthodox faith worldwide
  • Saint Demetrius Day (Mitrovdan) in Bosnia and Herzegovina