31 January 2008

Keeping My Options Open

So y'all know how I was looking forward to the latest blind date set up?


The other half of my blind date decided not to go through with it.

men... shmen.... at what point should becoming a lesbian sound appealing?? :-)

Farewell January 2008

The final day of January. January 2008.

Tomorrow marks the first day of February. February 2008 marks an important milestone. A gate opening. Hopefully, my life changing for the better. I know it is will be for the better. It is only a matter of when. When. I cannot wait.

In honor of this impending kick off, random facts surrounding my birth date:

Your date of conception was on or about 15 February which was a Friday.

You were born on a Friday under the astrological sign Scorpio.

Your Life path number is 4.

Your fortune cookie reads: You will have a very pleasant experience.

You were born in the Chinese year of the Tiger.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Snake

Your plant is Thistle.

As of 1/31/2008 1:43:19 PM EST You are 33 years old. You are 398 months old. You are 1,734 weeks old. You are 12,137 days old. You are 291,301 hours old. You are 17,478,103 minutes old. You are 1,048,686,199 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Jack Osbourne (1985)
Tara Reid (1975)
Parker Posey (1968)
Mary Hart (1951)
Bonnie Raitt (1949)
Morley Safer (1931)
Patti Page (1927)
Esther Rolle (1920)
Margaret Mitchell (1900)

Top songs of 1974
The Way We Were by Barbra Streisand
Seasons In the Sun by Terry Jacks
Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas
Billy, Don't Be a Hero by Bo Donaldson & the Heywoods
Annie's Song by John Denver
The Loco-Motion by Grand Funk

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.75029354207436 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

Your lucky day is Tuesday.

Your lucky number is 9 & 11.

Your ruling planet(s) is Mars & Pluto.

Your lucky dates are 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th.

Your opposition sign is Taurus.

Your birthstone is Citrine -->The Mystical properties of Citrine
Citrine is said to help one connect with Spirit. Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone.

Your birth tree is Walnut Tree, the Passion
Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.

The moon's phase on the day you were born was waning crescent.

What about you?

28 January 2008

Another Blind Date

Last week, I caught up with a co-work, Red who I hadn't spoken with since before "the date." After listening to the debacle in live technicolor, Red and I discussed my dating must have list.

You see, I was never one to have a must have list; a perennial give-a-man-a-try-because-he-seems-like-a-nice-guy kind of gyrl. However, Harry Goldenblatt proved to be the last of one too many losers and hence the list was born. It is merely a list of things I cannot be without or with. The seemingly small things that turn into big things. I have taken note of my patterns and am trying to turn the destructiveness of my past around with this list.

The next day, Red informed me that he told his girlfriend about my less that exciting date. Seems Red's girlfriend works with a man who fulfills the criteria set forth in my list and Red asked if I'd be willing to go on a blind date. If he fits the criteria, why yes, I am ready for a blind date. Bring it on!

Turns out Red also sent my Christmas card photo to work with his girlfriend so the potential blind date could check me out. Suppose he had to be sure I wasn't some hideous monster that should be kept in a closet. Whatever.

So Red is working on sorting out the specifics for a little blind date. This should be interesting.

26 January 2008

Falling Apart

I was having a nice day. Spent some time doing a little early afternoon wine tasting. Enjoyed a bit of chocolate and cheeses too.

Decided to walk 7 miles since the weather was conducive and I continue to feel like a stuffed PMS pig. Half way through my walk, I feel my hands are stiff. I look at my hands only to find they are completely and utter bloated - so bloated as to be about 4 times their normal size!

I think to myself - "Self, are we dehydrated that our paws are gigantic, stiff, and teetering between numb and pain?" Of course at this point I am only half way through my walk so as such, I must really put the gas on to complete my exercise and figure out WTF is going on with my fingers.

I completed my 7 mile loop in 1 hour, 40 minutes and made a call to try to figure out what is going on with my hands. Appears to google up as an allergic reaction. Only thing I had all day was the few samples at the tasting. Must have been something in cheese or the chocolate. I have never had an allergic reaction to anything before. And it sucks.

Here six hours later, the swelling has been reduced significant but the stiff, achy pain still continues. Hopefully everything will be back to normal by the morning. I really do not want to test out my new insurance.

I am falling apart! What is going on? First my blood pressure incident on Tuesday, then coming within millimeters of being a hood ornament on Thursday, and finally today's adventure. No wonder I am exhausted!

17 January 2008

you've come a long way, baby

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Tuesday, January 16, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

I truly hope this finds you a million times happier than today.

What I'd like to hear this time next year is that you are traveling globally for work - having adventures, making some serious cash, and loving life more than ever. The dogs are happy and healthy. Your broken heart has mended and the name Montana Man doesn't bring disappointment - you have learned the lessons you were supposed to from him and accept it with gratitude. The rut you are in right now (2007) is over - work brings you happiness and you bring yourself happiness. You have forged new friendship and have fully embraced the fearless life that I have begun now. Sure there have been failures along the way but you are really coming into your own - confident of where you have been, where you are going and who you are. Hopefully kissed a few cute frogs along the way.

From Jan 16 2006 to Jan 16 2007, so much changed for you. It truly is amazing what a difference a year makes. And I cannot wait until Jan 16 2008 to see how much further I have come in my journey.

Lately I have been reading books and knitting. I have suffered heartbreak at the fact I have to sell the Mercedes - but I truly believe when I read this next year, I will be happy to be Merc free. I hope I am more in tuned spiritually. That my special church is a place I still continue to find refuge in when I need it. That my beloved aunt continues to visit me.

I am happy to be who I am right now but truly look forward the progress I will make in the year to come. To be one step closer to my true self.

So much to look forward to hearing about next year when this arrives. Make me proud Pats - live fearlessly. be brave and I look forward to seeing you this time next year.


I was perusing my mail this morning and saw this had arrived - how apropos for my 200th post.

When I read it, I was immediately struck by how much I had truly achieved the progress I set out for myself. Between the Merc, friends, happiness, loving life, embracing adventure again, I am beyond pleased.

Funny how even though things may not take the form you wish or pursue, the goodness you are seeking does happen. Case in point - traveling globally - never landed that gig; however, this SxSW adventure landed in my lap and I have found more happiness in the good old U.S. of A than I ever imagined. I have found peace and found my home down here in SxSWland and that is an absolutely indescribable feeling. To have that level of "knowing" coursing through my being is freedom.

I am definitely writing up another one of these. I had forgotten about it but am glad I did this. It reaffirmed my every feeling that I am on the right path.

14 January 2008

"The" Date

My long awaited Saturday date.

It was ok.

Our afternoon of outdoors was moved into the evening due to him. I was cool about that as then I would not be forced to rush.

He picked me up at 7. I looked really nice - hair and make up cooperated - I was thrilled. The man looked good until we got to his shoes. He was wearing tennis shoes ~ forever known as disappointment #1.

We went to a nearby place that was to have live music. In the midst of suburban life right off of I-35 was a little place, who's name completely misled as it sounded middle eastern, however, it was a bar chuck full of good ol' boy Texans playing poker, smokin, and drinkin. We had a cocktail and contemplated plan b. Keep in mind I continued to be gracious and friendly, even though this place was a dive; after all, how do you know if a place is good or not if you never walk in the door, right?

Next we headed downtown for another try. Went to a place on the south side of town. The music was good. Drinks weren't bad. I ordered my first drink when he was in the bathroom and I started a tab. Little did I know that at the end of the evening, I'd end up settling the tab. Now it wasn't big but it was the point that he did not pay. We never did get anything for dinner are the music place did not serve food.

We were at my place by midnight. I felt a bit robbed as we could have stayed out a few more hours. Of course, he is probably 12 -14 years my senior and as such staying out until 2 AM might not so much his thing. I feel that when he figured out I was not going to ask him to spend the night, he left. I was kissed good night and told he would call me this week.

Somehow the fun we had on Tuesday night was not there on Saturday night. All evening he called me "baby" and had his arm around me. Not quite sure how I feel about the whole "baby" thing as part of me found it annoying but yet endearing.

Maybe I built it up in my mind too much? Expected more than what's ever been there? Maybe he was having an off day? Maybe I just need to quit analyzing it to death?

09 January 2008

Guess what?

Yes, last night, hell officially froze over.


Because I had a date! woo hoo!! Totally impromptu. Initiated by him. Had a good time.

We weren't going to get together until Saturday but last night sure beat sitting at home. I was thrilled that he actually called me rather than sending yet another text message. Since we do work for the same company, I did let him pick me up ~ trying to be more open. We enjoyed a few beers, a bite to eat and chatted it up. I honestly did enjoy myself. Afterwards, he walked me to the door, drank some vino, talked some more. Late for a school night, but oh well!

We are still on for a fun Saturday, which sounds like fun. Possibly this Thursday too.

I could definitely enjoy this for a bit!

05 January 2008

2007 / 2008 ~ back / forward

I have been contemplating my 2007. While there was a lot of goodness, there is still room for improvement, my dear 2008.

2007 helped to usher in the return of the new and improved Patsy. I want to keep that whole "new and improved" ball rolling in 2008. My self awareness has continued to grow as well as seeing the signs much quicker.

I instituted the must have list for a partner because I learned without being brutally honest with myself, I go off on random, unnecessary man tangents.

While I felt the twinge for a companion, I made so many wonderful friends this year that made my man-twinge go away. For the first time in my life, I made fabulous women friends. My time - thus far in SxSW land - has opened so many doors for me. Doors that I always hoped for but never knew existed. I have a great circle of friends out there. I have a life out there. So many dreams came true in SxSW land of all places. I would have never guessed it in a million years.

With all those things going for me, 2008 is beginning with a huge level of uncertainty. The playing field that initially brought me out there is changing ~ dramatically, drastically. I do not know how much time I will feasibly have out there. There is a big part of me that is saying move out there any way, but the other part of me says no for practical reasons. Hopefully sorting through this uncertainty will be over with quickly. I am ready to embrace the adventure of SxSWland as my home. If only we lived in a black-and-white world where a decision like this would be cake.

Somehow, I feel if I can sort out living/working situation, then the man will follow. After all, at the end of the day, it is all about me.


I am so disappointed in him.






After all this time, you'd think I'd believe the signs. It is a one way street.

Please make this be gone, once and for all. I am so very tired. I've learned my lesson. Make it go away or keep its word.


01 January 2008

Surreal Kickoff to the New Year

Last night, I had a surreal experience. I was lighting the candles on my buffet as I usually do. However, this time was a little different. I was half was through my lighting, when the still air suddenly became windy and my right side felt cold, very cold. On my right side, I felt a presence. The wild part was that although I knew someone was there beside me, I felt no fear. It was bizarre yet cool at the same time. I knew who it was. And it made me very happy. It gives me a lot of hope for next Saturday.