21 March 2007
However, how do you "just know?"
Is it because I haven't met that "just know" person yet? Or is it a myth perpetuated by our society?
In my ski adventure with Harry, there were many statements made on his part about the cosmic coincidences that we share. His "you just knows" ever so slightly veiled. But how do I know? I thought I knew twice but once ended in divorce and the second ended in utter heart break. So how do I know?
I do not trust words any more. I do not read anything into the deep professions of undying love. I enjoy it but do not bank on it. But there is a deep, genuine vibration that rings from Harry's words and actions that I cannot deny. And that vibration attracts me, speaks to my soul.
Harry shares his thoughts with me. Harry speaks his heart to me. Harry. Harry is willing to make himself vulnerable with me. While I cautiously give my heart, I still wonder how will I know?
Have you ever just known? And has it worked out?
14 March 2007
I guess I am shocked at myself for truly liking Harry.
Let me explain because that sentence does not sound very good standing alone up there.
After living through hell and back with Montana Man, I am surprised at how easily I opened myself up to the possibility of a relationship again. And it was easy with a seemingly good person. It was so easy because my therapy worked. To me, feeling 'fixed' and living 'fixed' are different. While I have felt fixed, with Harry, I am seeing in action that I am truly, honestly living fixed. My mind and actions are in sync. And I am truly delighted, overjoyed, and eternally pleased.
Harry. Just maybe I could be Charlotte. At least for a little while.
I am happy to hear his voice on the other end of the phone. I look forward to receiving his emails. This weekend, it will be a month that we first met. In talking this weekend, there were numerous aspects of him that truly appealed and endeared me to him.
I have found myself wanting to share the silly little pieces of my day with him. And in that respect, I have never been much of a sharer. Harry laughs and that alone ever so delights me. He can joke.
I am looking forward to seeing him tonight. In fact, I cannot wait!
12 March 2007
Harry. Harry Goldenblatt.
My feet remain planted on terra firma; however, it is wonderful to be twirled around. To have someone gaze at me with stars twinkling in his eyes. Wanting to touch my hand. The security of being held.
Conversations that would have immediately thrust me into sabotage mode did not phase me. The shrink would be so proud because I most certainly am. We covered a lot of territory over many hours. He slept in my bed for two nights and no horizontal shenanigans ensued... not because he did not try.
He left stating that he feels so much closer to me now. Both days, he did not want to leave. It makes me happy when people feel so comfortable in my home.
I looked at him to figure out where my attraction for him stems... and it is his eyes. His kind, gentle eyes and what appears to be his genuine gentle heart.
He's a doer, doesn't believe in solely sitting in front of the television for entertainment. I am actually looking forward to hiking this summer. He is making plans for us and I am embracing those plans.
I learned about Jewish wedding traditions. His family's philosophy about marrying outside the religion. My desire to live somewhere else and possible locations. How he got to where he is today - the many facets of that simple yet complex question.
After our weekend of togetherness, Harry shared with me that he spoke at length about me to his family.
Harry Goldenblatt likes me. And you know what? I like Harry Goldenblatt too.
08 March 2007
I started my new gig in SXSW land this week. Of course, I am going to miss SXSW by a day but I am learning to move beyond that. I have had my hard drive die not once but twice. Funny what the emotional toll is when one's hard drive goes bonkers.
I haven't done much exploring this week. I have been rather tired. Also, I am going to be out here a lot so maybe I am not OD'ing on the place right away because I do need to string my adventures out a bit.
I am brain dead. I am calling today quits.
03 March 2007
You are red. You are impure, but noble. You are precious and true to yourself and others. When you love, you love entirely, and will do anything to make your love happy. You are sure of your identity, therefore, you cannot change others or be changed. You are a true prince, you may be forgotten, but without you, none of us could go on.
What inner color are you?
01 March 2007
It was one of those lightening bolt moments that hits - !poof! - words that define a thought, a feeling, or an emotion. That bolt hit me with the line " 'Cause I don't shine if you don't shine."
Those few words are exactly what I am looking for in a relationship. Montana Man would love to ask me what I wanted in our relationship and "I don't shine if you don't shine" is what I want. Shining is a two way street. And I want to shine brightly with someone else. Not just my shining or his shining but our radiating together.
My realization has put me one step closer to finding what I want... and for that I am shining a little brighter.
You have a logical hand. Your mental agility is dizzying. You are an extremely meticulous and organised person. Of course, this makes you the 'planning' maestro. Seems like holidaying is not your primary form of recreation. You are a stickler for perfection, but you can be a popular team player.
Your index finger is short. This makes you a dependable team player. A position of command is not for you. But you do have a keen eye for detail. You can be impulsive; not all your moves are quite rational. Look out! Stress could get the better of you. Your index finger being longer than your ring finger points to you being realistic but aggressive at the same time. Yet, you are not able to stand your ground at times. Your sense of judgement is finely balanced. Your middle finger being longer than the adjoining fingers in length signifies an even view towards life. You are extremely organised; seldom ever do you 'come apart' in any situation. You seem to have all stages of your life worked out to the last detail, and possess an unbiased and sagacious personality. You evaluate and analyse all your actions towards achieving your goals in life and get there through sheer dedication and will power. Your ring finger does not reach the base of the nail of your middle finger. You make an excellent team player and are able to operate effectively from a blueprint. Try to use your imagination more often. Your little finger is set evenly at the base with the middle finger. The scrupulousness in your personality is your finest asset. It leads you to take rational decisions. Your little finger does not reach the first flexure line (joint) of your ring finger. You are a shy introvert and speak only when spoken to. You are intelligent and knowledgeable, yet uncommunicative.
you have a logical hand. Your mental agility is dizzying. You are an extremely meticulous and organised person. Of course, this makes you the 'planning' maestro. Seems like holidaying is not your primary form of recreation. You are a stickler for perfection, but you can be a popular team player.
You have the twilight years to cherish. You have a long life span and will live to be at least 70. You are a wanderer and are comfortable about dwelling away from the family. You are farsighted and know exactly what to do with your life. Innovations fascinate you as long as they are positive.
Your headline is totally in contact with your lifeline. Your childhood was hemmed in due to your dominant parents. This could result in repercussions in times to come. Your headline ends in a fork. You contemplate deeply before executing plans. This trait is usually inherent in lawyers and authors. Your headline is medium straight. You are a highly rational individual. You are thought oriented and never act before thinking it through.
You are a solid person with fantastic reserves of energy. A doting parent and loyal friend, you are very protective towards those whom you love. Make sure you don't overdo this. The commitments you make are for keeps.
Since your fateline begins from your lifeline, your thoughts are congested, and your reaction to change is very hostile. A strong sense of heritage is entrenched in you.