25 November 2013


For the past month or so, weekends have been jam-packed with activities. So much so that when Monday rolls in, I feel a sense of relief that my dull little routine will allow for some very necessary rest. This weekend proved no exception.

Continually busy, I simply rolled from commitment to commitment. While it was fun, I do need to be better about ensuring I do carve in weekend down time. I head out to wine country for a long weekend and think that will be just what the doctor ordered to help me establish balance once again.

Things with Nelson continue to be good. We went out on Friday evening and saw each other again on Saturday evening. Sunday morning he made pancakes for breakfast. He is super sweet but part of me fears that he is gearing up to get to serious once the turkey day festivities are over. A case in point is the conversation of his puppy and introducing said puppy to my girls, followed up with bringing the travel crate over. It is the travel crate portion that scares me because I don't want another dog, let alone a spastic puppy running around my house full time on the weekends. I suppose it all about the negotiation, right?  There is also a part of me that thinks I am simply looking for any excuse to cut bait, because when serious comes knocking at the door, this girl bolts.

We have fun. Time flies when we are together. He genuinely cares about me. I love that there aren't any games. Everything is straight-forward and honest. All characteristics I haven't known for an extremely long time. Maybe all I need is to breath deep, calm down and work my angst out here.

20 November 2013

a pleasant surprise

This evening marks my sixth date with Nelson. This encounter has caught me by surprise as on the surface Nelson is not what I typically go far, specifically, he isn't tall. But oh is he nice, kind, and so sincere. Conversation flows so easily and time passes so quickly when we are together. It is wonderful.

I feel so at ease with him. There is none of the angst that I had clearly gotten so used to with the weirdness of The Southern Gentleman. I didn't realize how stifled I felt around The Southern Gentleman until this freedom became palpable with each conversation I have with Nelson.

On our first date, he arrived at my door with a pair of soft, fuzzy blue socks in hand. A little joke present for me since he endured my cold feet. He said he saw them at the store and knew I needed them. 

The night before the anniversary of Lulu's death was another of our dates. I found myself overcome with sadness and seriously considered cancelling on Nelson but decided against it. I got myself composed in time for his arrival, but he knew something was up as he inquired as soon as he walked through the door. I was able to live in the moment with him as opposed to remain in "that time" two years prior and we had a lovely time. When we returned to my house, I lost it a bit and the Lulu stories simply started flowing out of me. He was so wonderful throughout that as he understood because he lost his hound girl recently. With most people that would have been a last date, however, he continued to tell me he was so happy I shared that with him. He even sent me a lovely email and poem about it the following day.

Tonight, we are going out again. The second time this week and not the last. I am looking forward to seeing Nelson again tonight.

05 November 2013

follow though, otherwise known as a refreshing change

This weekend I attended a few Halloween parties. I knew relatively no one at either, but I felt the need to get the sewing machine out and concoct a costume. Ah, how I love sewing. Especially when I have an idea and simply construct without a pattern. The perfect synergy of creativity and problem solving!

Because I wanted to wear my fabulous blue wig, there was only one costume choice: Katy Perry. I had a great time recreating her California Gurls' candy land dress. Luckily more people recognized who I was this year as opposed to my awesome J-Woww from last year.

During the second party, a man approached me. We talked for awhile and then I felt the need to circulate. During my circulation period, I later discovered that Nelson was busy obtaining G2 on me as well as imploring our mutual friend, Lonnie for assistance because he was not "looking for a hook up but wants to date her [me]." Nelson also expressed concern to Lonnie when he saw one of our married friends grab my bum. Lonnie explained it was one of out harmless marrieds.

Around 2 AM, I had to ditch the costume because the wig was simply making my head hurt and it was getting cold.  Nelson was back on it and we did have nice conversation. We ended up staying up until just short of 6 AM and then retired to the guest room.

I had no intention of sleeping with him, but I was surprised I didn't have to say anything because he beat me to the punch declaring that "there would be plenty of time for that later." I did a double take. While there was a bit of kissy face, there wasn't anything else. Poor guy even let me wear his socks to bed as I was fully clothed and still frozen, especially my feet.

He left mid-morning, delicately retrieving his socks. I stirred long enough to say good-bye and eat a few ibuprofen.  Since Lonnie and I had planned on post-party brunch and she was still dead to the world, I went back to bed.

I didn't stir again until the early afternoon. Lonnie and I enjoyed a thorough debrief of the events of the entire party. During this time, I received a few text messages from Nelson. Clearly, this man does not let any grass grow under his feet.

On Monday, I received more text messages from Nelson. One of which was inquiring if I was available on Wednesday or Thursday this week. Holy cow! I am not used to such behavior! When I told him that Thursday worked better, he replied that he would call me tonight to hash out a plan. A phone call?! Again, holy cow!

And Nelson did call. Of course, I missed it because I turned off the mobile ringer when I was at the gym and forgot to turn it back on afterwards. I snatched up my mobile to look up a word that was in a book I was reading and poof! I saw the missed call notification. He thought I lived on the south side of town and had a whole plan for that, so he was thrown for a curve ball when I clarified I lived on the north end, which is near him. So he will be picking me up at 7 PM on Thursday.

And the adventures continue...

04 November 2013

thirty days have november

Holy cow! November is here. Sadly, that means a whole bunch of things in my world and only one of them is that the year is almost over.

November marks my birthday and the anniversary of Lulu's death. Two big things that make me realize how fleeting life truly is. Especially since this will be my last year in my thirties. Now that is a scary thought!

Since all my friends are in Austin, this birthday won't be much simply because I will be in Denver. I reminisce about my fabulous birthday last year; I was in Austin surrounded by all my amazing friends. An evening filled with laughter and love. Happiness was actually palpable.

It is those type of memories that make everything feel so off here. But I remain steadfast in my belief that the correct next step will present itself when I am ready for it.

Once the calendar changed to November, I experience a profound sadness that had lessen in previous months as the second anniversary of Lulu's death stands out prominently. Two years that my darling left me. Unfortunately, it feels as if much more time has passed. I have finally figured out that this hole in my heart will never be filled.

On to happier topics tomorrow!