31 December 2008

for once the universe agrees

Dearest Pats,

I was about to wish that your every dream for 2009 come true. That you find yourself surrounded by friends, laughter, and good times. I almost wished that your every cup runneth over financially, romantically, spiritually, and creatively. That good health be your faithful companion, peace your guarded ally, and love your perpetual guide. When suddenly, it dawned on me that as an infinite, powerful, fun-loving gladiator of the Universe, with eternity before you and the power of your thoughts to help shape it... it's you Patsy Wanderlust, who will be granting wishes this year.

The Universe

perspective: endings/beginnings

I am feeling much better today. The sadness attached to his leaving has finally subsided and happiness has stepped back on the scene.

I needed a few days to process his holiday, to sort through my feelings. The immediate aftermath is always hard. My phone rang off the hook on Monday. I didn't answer or make a single call as I simply could not talk to anyone after the departure. My emotions were too raw.

A few days of cocooning were necessary for me though. I started writing up our time together. Simply chronicling and recording - seeing it on a page highlighted all the goodness that did occur.

With my perspective sorted, I am so ready for our huge party tonight! I am ready for 2009 to begin as I am sure this year will also be a wild ride... but anything less would be boring. As much as I hate my roller coaster life some days, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Edina has masterminded a brilliant plan for tonight. But paramount is that tonight I end 2008 and begin 2009 with some of the most important people in my life. I will be surrounded by many of the special blessings that Austin has given me. The past two years here have been pivotal in my life. So many of my dreams have come true down here. I look forward to another year of magic.

29 December 2008

goodbye again

I deposited The Southern Gentleman at the airport about an hour ago.

Once again, I felt this pit in my stomach this morning. A gaping empty pit of dread that only grows as the hour of his departure drew closer. I fought back the tears that appeared out of nowhere. I hate that I feel so emotional about his leaving. In the car ride, we were both fairly silent until I told him that this was the part I hated most - his leaving. The Southern Gentleman told me not to be sad in his drawl dripping voice which instantly brings a smile to my face.

But it is the leaving. Leaving with more questions than answers. Leaving with bits of story lines. Understanding of what parts make up the whole. But at the end of it all, he still leaves. The leaving gets me every time.

He confided in me a lot this go-round. He started many stories with "I haven't even told my dad this..." and that is huge coming from him. But even though he can confide me in me, it still isn't enough. Even though The Southern Gentleman told me that he wishes he could have stayed longer, that next time he will stay a week, it still isn't enough.

I am trying so hard not to look through cynical tinted glasses, but it is hard. damn hard. Maybe a glass of wine and a soap opera will make things look a bit brighter.

I will also work on recounting our days together, that always helps a bit too.

22 December 2008


Christmas week. already? I suppose time flies when you're having fun.

During the last week, the ticking clock has become vocal, audible, and all those yummy things that serve as reminders that I prefer not to have on my radar. You see, my full time life here in Austin could be drawing to a close. The lease is up in two months. And two months... eight weeks does not sound like a lot of time.

I have sought and received reprieves in the past. However, I fear my nine lives might be used up. But I can only ask and see what the answer is.

Each time I ask for a bit more time thinking, convincing, fooling myself that I will be ready when the end finally comes. But next month is answer time and I am filled with dread because clearly I am still not ready for anything less than an affirmative response to "shall I renew my lease?"

Will I ever be ready?

Until then, I am going continue enjoying my dream.

18 December 2008

beware the fog

It is foggy here today.

Not just a bit of passing fog. It is heavy, hazy fog. The type of fog that bad horror movies are made of. The same fog that rolls in over the hills into the bay covering the city of San Francisco. I am reminded of the days when I lived in the East Bay.

My days in San Fran were grand fun. However, back then, if I were more outgoing, the sky could have been the limit. Still I enjoyed my time there. It was a fabulous year. I really immersed myself into the city. I knew my way around that area like the back of my hand. I could be to any winery in an hour. I soaked up the sun and the wine. It was a freeing experience.

That year would lay the ground work that would lead me to where I am today. Staying on the work site and assimilating into life in a new city.

Over the past ten years, I have lived in many places. Sometimes the places that are designated as "home" feel the most alien. Other places with no attachments, no memories become the more of a home than I've ever known. Alone, building a life in a strange land fulfills me, satisfies me. While change scares some people, it excites me.

Several years ago with Shelley on one of her psychic hunts, we had our palms read and the woman told me that she saw me in a past life dancing around a fire. I was a gypsy. Recently I remembered her words and realized I still carry a lot of that gypsy life along with me. My urge to roam, to explore is still alive and well. I get restless when I am stuck at my home base for too long. The need for adventure, the unknown feeds me, drives me.

When the fog lifts, this small corner of the world will be clear again. I wonder if everything will be visible? Will my next steps be illuminated? Or do I simply follow my wandering soul trusting I will land precisely where I am meant to be?

16 December 2008

you lost him at hello

As you know, most of the time I don't even make it to hello. The plain and simple truth is that it is rapidly nearing a year since I've had a real first date. My gal pals and I are out about the town regularly enjoying cocktails and looking fab. But rarely anything beyond that.

With my currently empty dance card, I joyfully leapt at the opportunity to review Jess McCann's You Lost Him at Hello. Let's face it, my current dating tactics require improvement. While I love my girlfriends dearly, I would like to have a date that is not gay, married, or geographically challenged.

I will admit my gleeful excitement was tempered a bit when I saw that Jess is a gorgeous leggy blonde that seemed to have Sir Richard Branson in a tizzy.

However, I found her approach to dating refreshing and straight forward. While sales is not my forte in the working world, applying it to my social/dating life seems very plausible and easy to do.

I do like that Jess begins by making you realize that obviously there are some flaws in your current tactics because why else would you be reading her book. But it was her honesty and not the flippant style that annoyed me in He’s Not That Into You.

While I do employ several of Jess’ pointers, she adds a little twist to push it over the top. An example is when taking a lap in the bar to check it out, rather that just looking around, engage in meaningful eye contact. We were at happy hour a few weeks ago, and I did make meaningful eye contact, not just glance and men did check me out more. A few men went so far as to speak to me. It was great how tweaking one small thing created such a dramatic change!

That evening, my girls were surprised at the few men who said greeted me as I am typically the most unapproachable of the group. I decided to share some of the ideas in You Lost Him at Hello with my girlfriends and we have decided we are going to start seriously using Jess’ ideas whenever we are out. So Jess, feel free to come on down to Austin because your following down here is growing!

We are going to:
· Know and Love ourselves, our product, before we “sell” it!
· Prospect away for men
· Read his buying signs
· Fill that Funnel!!
· End encounters at the Height of Impulse
· Create a bit of skepticism
· Have even more fun!

If you are looking to change things up a bit, then definitely check out You Lost Him at Hello. Jess fills it with real life examples and easy steps to incorporate into your cute little bag of tricks. I know I cannot wait. Check back here too because I will be keeping a chronicle on how continued application of Jess' concepts turns out for me and my girls.

You know you want to... so follow the tour...
Wednesday, December 17th: Savvy Verse and Wit
Thursday, December 18th: Life in Pink
Friday, December 19th: Kristabella- Full of Snark Since 1977
Monday, December 22nd: It’s like, I’m…mmmagic!
Tuesday, December 23rd: Cleveland’s a Plum

12 December 2008

insight from the universe

"While I would actually LOVE to help every living soul on the planet remember who they were in the 4th century, why the pyramids were really built, and how their past beliefs shaped their present manifestations, I'd infinitely prefer to help them bust a move here and now, learn some new tricks, get a man, and live their dreams. Which, incidentally, is the only reason anyone ever chooses to come back.

Let's do this,
The Universe

It's easy to get sidetracked, huh, Patsy? It suffices to say, Your Highness, you've always been crazy, sexy, cool."

11 December 2008


as the title suggests... today's topic will be more than you wanted or need to know about me.

i am ravenously hungry today. ravenous.

which only means one thing.

pms is coming to town.


only bright point is that this will be the first time The Southern Gentleman will be visiting while dear aunt flo's visit is impending. the old bitch will been happily on her way out the door for his arrival.

that's the only bright point to my day. and i am clutching it. for dear life.

09 December 2008

Meet The Doctor

Thursday night's medical rendezvous. I was clad in my red ABS dress with full cooperation from my unruly locks. However, the weather was chilly and I wore my mid-thigh length brocade coat. I was overjoyed to be put together nicely.

With eager anticipation promptly at 5:20 PM, he sent me a text message, "Made it! Traffic was bad." I arrived a few minutes after our agreed-to time. He was already seated at an intimate table for two. He was facing the door. Much like a bride watches the groom as she begins her walk down the aisle, I was certain to watch his face as I entered the restaurant. The Doctor leaped out of his chair, his eyes filled with a weird mix of stun and elation.

I sauntered over to our table and was greet by his open arms. The Doctor has already ordered mojitos for us. Pretty slick. Immediately, we toast and I begin to ask about his conference which was the small nudge he needed to segue into his life as a medical student to present day.

He snuck in an off hand statement wrapped innocently in the middle of a paragraph, "so you never got married?" I replied that I had actually tried being married, and The Leech did not. The Doctor was amazed that I got married and did in fact tell me such. This led to the next topic on his agenda, his children. And that is how he brought up his marriage.

Much like I had fully anticipated, his marriage is not a happy one. Medical school, residency and the accompanying time demands it places on a person, and his accompanying family, have broken their marriage. Her sole focus is on their children. His is on medicine. They are merely co-existing. He is hoping that next year when his hours are manageable because he will be actually practicing that they can repair their marriage; if not, time for the big d.

He went on and on about his children. They are the ones he loves. I played dumb when it came time to answer his inquiry regarding if I had seen the kids' photos on the site. Since I hadn't (wink, wink), I was treated to the photos stored on his phone. Lovely. They look like his wife.

Luckily, another drink abruptly stopped that stream. He asked about my wedding. Apologized for losing touch all these years. He also shared with me that he told his mother that he was meeting me and she sent her regards. His mother always liked me best. He inquired about my profession, the traveling I'd done, places I've lived, adventures I've led. At the end of this section, The Doctor told me he was envious because in the past ten years I've done all the things he is still waiting to do.

Best part was that throughout our time, he would complete sentences with compliments. If I had a nickle for every time he said "You look wonderful," "Wow. You look fabulous," "Absolutely radiant," I would be chateau hunting in the south of France. My ego basked in the glory of knowing he regretted his decision.

We made tentative plans to meet Friday afternoon. He was insistent on paying the bill. We walked out and stood in the middle of the sidewalk to say goodbye. We faced each other and he placed his hands on my shoulders and simply stared at me intently. A beat passed. We hugged goodbye and he kissed me on the cheek.

As per my original plan, I was tra-la-la-ing up Colorado at 7:35 PM. Some of the girls didn't think I would be strong enough to leave, but I knew I would be. The history The Doctor and I share is a delicate game of cat and mouse. It is our true nature when we are together. I still know what he wants. And he's not going to get it.

04 December 2008

cocktails, eons, and a red dress

We finally spoke last night. The Doctor and I.

Albeit briefly but still I got a preview.

It is so wonderful to hear your voice again. I cannot wait to see you. Then the record abruptly skipped and it started over again.

Our call ended with This trip changed from boring to wonderful the moment I knew I would see you.

No worries, I have plenty of little airline paper bags to go 'round.

Tonight. 5:30 PM. And I am in the red dress. This will be fun.

I promise there will be stories tomorrow, my sweets.

03 December 2008

technology is amazing

How on earth did we survive as a species before the advent of caller id and google?

Case in point, a few short minutes ago a random phone number flashed across my mobile's display. I did not recognize the number so I turned off the ringer and went about my tasks.

The caller did not leave a message but I was curious about the origins of the phone call.

Cue google. A quick area code search yielded a Florida county, which was suspect to my baby blues.

My interest is now piqued, promptly leading to a reverse number look up. After inputting ten little digits and hitting enter, my suspicions are confirmed.

The caller in question is none other than my ex-mother-in-law. Delightful! The annual phone call from the evil fucking dumb bitch. It is clear she has yet to be informed by her lovely son, The Leech that we are in fact divorced. So very divorced that February 2009 marks 4 years I moved him out of my house and subsequently out of my life.

Oh technology! I love you so!

the wrong flavor of persistence

After an enjoyable evening of Christmastime volunteer work with my girls, we decided to flee the warehouse of coats that the Barbies had built and have a dinner al fresco. Yes, dining outside in December is definitely a perk of life in Texas.

I decide to take a peek at my little mobile phone. Much to my surprise, I see there is a text message waiting for me. There is also a missed call and voice mail. All are from the fair Doctor. He hadn't even landed in Austin yet!

Luckily Coco and Edina were there. I immediately flashed them his message, "Off to austin. get in about 11pm. Up for a nightcap?" Not missing a beat, the are you questions were met with a firm no.

Laughing through dinner complete with battered and deep fried bacon was a wonderful way to end the day. En route home, I discovered that during our heart attack in a paper boat dinner that our hero, The Southern Gentleman had called. However, he neglected to leave a message. I was delighted though that he did call to counteract the married Doctor.

The Doctor is definitely persistent. This morning he already sent me another text message with "Loving the warm weather! How are you?" However, I have yet to respond. Debating how to best handle him. Oh why, oh why isn't this a single, non-attached, well-adjusted man instead of mr. married with children? ! ?

Until then, this shall get even more interesting.

02 December 2008

tuesday blahs

I love the end of the year.

I only wish my sarcasm came across as palpable as it sounds in my head. Of course tons of work tasks to be finished and vacation time around here is use-it-or-lose-it, so I will be doing some creative juggling. Time to whip out the calendar and plot a course!

In dire need of getting on the buy a few small Christmas presents for The Southern Gentleman. Must release my inner Scrooge to the universe.

The Doctor is currently en route to Austin. As Thursday draws closer, my weariness factor grows. I had my outfit chosen but am now rethinking the whole ensemble... does the devil really need to wear the hot red dress?

What do you think?