30 November 2008

addiction

I am beyond excited! !

Today we go see Twilight.

I am not expecting the movie to be as tasty as the book. Honestly there is no way the movie can be. The book primarily focuses in on emotion, which cannot be conveyed in a movie. Besides the kid that plays Edward in the flick is no where as hott as the Edward that dances through my head as I read. None the less, I am excited because a bunch of us girls are going to see it together. Regardless of the film's presentation, we'll have a fab time!

And today is the final day of NaBloPoMo! And I made it! All 30 days I posted something! Woo Hoo!!

29 November 2008

returned

Promptly returned the digital photo frame that I awoke at the crack of dawn for. Yeah, not quite what I had in mind. Oh well,

Today the hound girls and I hit the trail and the little hound really did learn how to walk on a leash while my parents were here. Of course, I also think I walked the poor thing's little paws off, but she is overweight... the way I justify it.

I am remain surprised and somewhat disturbed by the fact that The Doctor called me twice on Wednesday. I did not answer the phone. But calling twice? No phone call was really necessary until he reaches Austin. Yikes, Thursday will be here before I know it!

28 November 2008

the day after

I wanted a silly digital photo frame so I found myself at Kohl's promptly at 4:02 this morning. I picked up the frame and one of a few small presents I had on my list from The Southern Gentleman.

Unfortunately I don't know my way around that Kohl's so I ended up spending 45 minutes in line waiting to check out. I had the Clampets behind me the entire time. They weren't Texas rednecks as they did not have a drawl... must have been from Oklahoma or Kansas.

Slept and lounged around the house for the remainder of the day. Low key, which is exactly what the doctor ordered.

27 November 2008

a holiday

Happy Turkey Day ! !

Yippee for a holiday without family drama... what a nice change of pace!

26 November 2008

bits and pieces

The day before Thanksgiving and the office is a barren wasteland of silence. If only more days here in these hallowed halls of cubicles were like this.

This morning I opened my email to find yet another email from The Doctor. Next Thursday night is going to be very interesting. Very, as the man is too excited. And in my humble opinion, he simply shouldn't be.

The Southern Gentleman arrives a month from today. A month sounds so distant but it will be here in an instant. I don't know what to expect or anticipate for his trip. But I am not repeating his last trip where my expectations were through-the-roof unrealistic. I am striving to go back to where I was for his first visit last September. That was a good place.

signing out for today.

25 November 2008

his intentions

Received the note below from The Doctor. We are scheduled to meet up a week from Thursday. A portion of his note doesn't sit well with me. Can you guess which line?

Pats:
No real snow yet, just cold. Was 13 [degrees Fahrenheit] yesterday at the football game! They say that this weather is nothing yet! OH Boy, I can't wait!
Glad the B-day was good. Looking forward to going on in a few weeks!!
What is your email and cell phone? Would love to chat over the phone.
My cell is: XXX-XXX-XXXX
The Doc

I'll post my answer in the comments later today :-)

allegies + meds

A word to the wise...

If one already has an extremely low tolerance for any type of over-the-counter medication, then taking a sleep-inducing allergy reliever at 8 AM is not a good idea.

Even super potent high octane coffee has not lifted the fog.

Is the day over yet?!

24 November 2008

invaders-b-gone

At 6 AM today, I wished my house guest a safe trip home and quietly reclaimed my home.

It was nice to have my parents here but it certainly was wonderful to walk around in my undies again too! I am thrilled to have my freedom to go out at night and catch up with my friends.

I feel so out of the loop in terms of my social life. I cannot wait to see many of the girls tonight!

Short post as work is killing me today. Why isn't this a slow short week like it is supposed to be?!

23 November 2008

to grinch or not to grinch...

I don't get into the whole Christmas thing. Yes, I am a grinch at heart. I say bah humbug.

But since The Southern Gentleman is coming at Christmas time, do I need to pretend that I like Christmas? Do I need to put up the little artificial tree my landlord left behind in the garage?

Do I show my true grinchness? or do I sugar coat and tolerate a bit of Christmas cheer?

I decorate the every inch of the house and yard for Halloween, Easter, St. Patrick's Day. But I lack zeal for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe because these two major holidays were always surrounded and continue to be surrounded by family drama that I shy away from them?

Is it too much information for him to know how I currently feel about these two holidays?

I don't know if The Southern Gentleman is a fellow grinch or a Clark W. Griswald.

And then, do I have to get him any little presents?! Gah!

Or maybe I simply shouldn't be thinking this deep about the whole thing.

22 November 2008

the pineapple is on the bed

My parents have been here for two weeks now. I am ready for my mother to go. Oh, the rant will come once I have my house back to myself.

Until then, self preservation is key.

21 November 2008

a search

The other evening, I received an unusual call. The woman on the other end of the line was tenuous. Based on her set up, I assumed she was some sort of bill collector/loan shark trying to find the whereabouts of either my brother or ex-leech.

However, the woman asked if my mother was named Judith. I was blind sided by that one, fully prepared to disavow knowledge of either my bro or leech. No, I told her, my mother is not named Judith.

I could hear the disappointment in her voice. Then she proceeded to explain she was trying to help her husband find his birth mother. Yikes - what a search indeed. I proceeded to explain to her that my father's family is not from the mile high city and he doesn't have sisters named Judith. In fact both of his sisters never had any children, and hiding it would not have been possible with my father's mother.

She thanked me for being open and honest about our little family tree. I simply replied that I wish I could have helped, provided a warm trail.

I could not imagine trying to track down a parent like that. With the Internet, it is certainly much easier today. But still, what will he do once he's found her? Will it be a sappy Maury daytime television reunion or will she want no part of him? I hope they find her and no matter the outcome, he gets what he needs.

20 November 2008

as of 7 AM central time, the southern gentleman is officially ticketed.

he arrives the day after christmas.

wow.

19 November 2008

and i'm the bearded lady

Clearly, the carnival is in town.

Because my life feels like a three ring circus.

The Doctor arrives at the beginning of next month. The Southern Gentleman at the end of next month.

And then... Montana Man told me this morning that he might have to come down here on a business trip next month. I am hoping that does not materialize.

December is shaping up to be the polar opposite of November!

18 November 2008

stunned

the southern gentleman is making plans to come down here for christmas.

as if to be sending me dates to approve so he can purchase a ticket.

shock and awe. it ain't just a military operation in iraq.

17 November 2008

once a month

I loathe PMS.

I am tired of being bloated. I hate that this is the only time of the month when I have voluptuous ta-tas. I do not like that water retention makes my pants tight. I already have enough body imagine problems with my thighs, can we not accentuate this while my hormones are on a rampage?

Keeping my fingers crossed that my dear pal Pamprin comes to the rescue.

16 November 2008

you get to play dr. laura, part II

The Southern Gentleman wrote:

yep. be happy about the green you make. the next 15 months for my biz is going to be tough, but i will survive and then move to retail before 2010.

i do have sleep pills and used one last night. that was great sleeping 10 hours.

don't fret about men. be careful what you wish for..........you ladies are just as tough to figure out. i am excited to go to a halloween party tomorrow night!!! that is going to be a good time for sure!

be safe this weekend. bye, TSG

I responded with:

So what are you going to be for Halloween? You know have to be dressed up for the party! Tomorrow is going to be yet another crazy day/night out here as it is the annual Hill Country Wine Tour. We will be on a bus from 10 AM to 8 PM, drinking mimosas on the bus and then going to several wineries. Afterwards a few of us girls have a Halloween party to go to as well. I plan on seriously pacing myself, so I can make it to the party. I have no costume but am sure I will be divinely inspired by tomorrow night.

It isn't really fretting about men. It is simply that I am ready for the next phase of my life to begin. Something with more substance. To truly build a life with someone. And even though I love it here in Austin, I know it is not here. Nor is it in CO. I wish for it every day and I will be very thankful when the timing is finally right.

Here is the link to my trip photos -->
http://www.flickr.com/

Beware... I was channeling my inner Japanese tourist and took millions of photos! Of course my favorites are of the cemetery and food!

Meeting some of the girls after work for happy hour! Must pickle my liver!! Have fun this weekend!! xoxo

Then The Southern Gentleman sent:

wow! nice pix through just the first two pages............i will keep looking for sure. makes me want to travel, but all focus is on work and no play these days.
you have a safe and great weekend too.

bye, TSG

15 November 2008

you get to play dr. laura, part I

Today and tomorrow, I am sharing a few email exchanges between me and The Southern Gentleman. These were from October.

Why am I sharing? So you can tell me what you think. Not so much about him, but how you feel about my responses. Honesty, kids - that's all I am asking from you.

Enjoy!

The Southern Gentleman wrote:

please let me know the pills you started taking. i am usually really happy and excited everyday, but this week has been trying. worried about the economy and went to a trade show in NC City the last 2 days. everybody says it is real slow just like i heard in NY ten days back. ugh. just gotta keep plugging along. My biz did score several new items. i love NC City. that was the best part, the drive up in autumn. i think i should have stayed as it appears to be a very busy two days back here and then a trip to my parent's sunday through tuesday. sleep has been minimal too the past 4-5 days. i need to crash out for awhile too. bye, TSG

My response:

My magic cure was that I switched to a new multivitamin and reminded myself that I enjoy my steady paycheck. However, when bestest gay pal ever was here, I did realize that I am underpaid. significantly underpaid.

I've never been to NC City but you always speak so highly of it that one day I will have to find my way there. In terms of your biz though, maybe part of this is simply the lull before holiday shopping commences. Chin up, as I would assume your patrons tend to be those who are insulated from this economy stuff, right?

Austin seems to be somewhat shielded from the rest of the country and I barely watch telly, so my feathers don't get as ruffled about the economy. Of course a lot of that has to do with the fact that I am staring down 34 and pondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I have a good job, a roof over my head, in decent shape, cute, and have a brain to boot... what more could one ask for, right? Another year is drawing to a close and I continue to live the Company way - (removed). No one has asked me on a date in almost a year. The dirty old guys at work don't count; if anything, they make me feel worse. Edina and Magda had men falling at their feet in BsAs, while I was always odd man out. Where did I miss the dock to board the love boat? However, maybe I haven't reached the dock yet. Selfish introspection can quickly squelch anything the economy can throw around. Money can buy a lot of things (you have seen how many pairs of shoes I own!), but like the song says money can't buy me love.

Talk to me about this specific new item! What other goodies do you have squirreled away in your safe? Get some rest, even with the aid of Tylenol PM for desperate measures. It is tough always being on the go. At least the weekend is almost here. xoxo

14 November 2008

weekend ramp up

I am elated that it is finally Friday. The week o' hell is nearing an end. Of course, we both know that on Monday week o' hell: back with a vengeance will rear its head. But for the time being, let's toss that little snippet of reality aside.

Ah... a week of having the ass grabber sit in the adjoining cube. What a delight! At least there has only been minimal undressing me with his eyes. He is busy trying to dazzle our new admin. However, she is not any sort of hottie or young, dumb thing. As the world turns here.

May make a run down to Houston this weekend for a bit of unnecessary shopping. Like I need more costume jewelry, but I won't be here forever. Hence the rationalizing and justifying has already taken over.

*Clunk* *Thunk* ... oops, there is that pesky glass ceiling again... been hitting my head all week...

13 November 2008

oh where, oh where

I finally broke down and replied to The Southern Gentleman's email that contained the inquiry about my schedule for the remainder of the year. I simply told him the truth - that the rest of my year is fairly clear as I am remaining in Austin for all major holidays.

My motivation has gone missing. I don't if it is claritin/tylenol sinus induced or unchallenged induced. I have a feeling it is a little bit of both. But in happiness, my calendar is filling up quickly for December parties and festivities. Maybe I won't don my grinchness this year.

ugh. That's all I've got for today. It will be interesting to see what The Southern Gentleman does next.

12 November 2008

turn of events

coming down off a caffeine high is never fun. and the resulting headache. that is the part i despise most. ugh.

however, in the continuing saga of The Southern Gentleman, he has sent me emails on both monday and tuesday. normally, i'd be floating around on cloud nine but the loyal old dog has her cynical glasses firmly affixed to her nose.

monday's email tread lightly. tuesday's email had a bit more punch. you see in tuesday's note, The Southern Gentleman has me back on his radar screen and wants for us to rendezvous before year end. in the immortal words of Shelly, the gal from saturday must have been pretty damn bad on more than one front.

i'm not jumping through hoops to reply though. old faithful needs a few more days to stew, nor do i want to make him believe this behavior is okay as to have him repeat it in the future.

realizing the parallel between his behavior and Montana Man's has made my heart sick. plain and simple.

11 November 2008

sunday text and mobile

saturday - no email, no phone call, no card from the southern gentleman.

sunday morning - a text message. I am a bad friend. Happy be-lated Birthday! Alcoholism z a bad thing. Call u later - TSG

sunday afternoon - a phone call. the southern gentleman was extraordinarily apologetic. sent a card to my mile high home as he could not find my austin address. he told me that he thought of me on saturday and meant to call but. yes, the 'buts.' something about tailgating, then a dinner. dinner with 14 people during which he thought of me when the wine was poured. supposedly planned to call me after dinner but was not in any condition to do so. hence sunday's timeline.

normally i would be elated. however, i feel nothing lightly laced with anger, frustration.

it is simple. i want more. i want more than being someone's second choice. the one that is kept in the background like the loyal old dog that is always there.

yesterday i realized that montana man and the southern gentleman both keep me as their old faithful. which disgusted me. whether they share it with me or not, each man goes out into the world searching for miss perfect and when the search reaches a dead end or they need a rest, they come back to me. i also know each is torn, coming to terms with is there better than patsy out there?

but with their question comes mine, do i want either of these men? somehow, i do need to answer that question.

a new day

my birthday was quite fun. i was not without a drink in hand all night. somehow the cocktails magically appeared. but then that led to let's engage our swiss cheese memory!

yeah. pieced together the night. i love love love my girlfriends. they are the bestest ever.

but right now. here today. at this very moment. i am disheartened by the infamous glass ceiling. i want to scream. i am so angry. when will i finally get the opportunity to reconfigure the room design so i can remove the glass ceiling? grrr...

10 November 2008

back in the land of the living after nursing my over boozed little body yesterday.

today must play tour guide as i had some unexpected visitors arrive. and no, not the southern gentleman. the guests are my parents.

back to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow!

09 November 2008

08 November 2008

happy birthday

today.

34.

thirty-four.

i remember being young and thinking 34 was so old.

now that i am here. i see the glass as half full.

i so looking forward to celebrating downtown with my friends tonight!

34 is much better than i could have ever imagined!

07 November 2008

crickets

the title says it all.

here we are - the day before my birthday - and i have heard nothing from The Southern Gentleman. nothing.

no card. no email.

i certainly hope he proves me wrong tomorrow.

but i am not holding my breath.

06 November 2008

scents that linger

i just went downstairs to get a quick cup of coffee. my daily mid-morning turbo boost.

as the elevator doors opened, a man walked off leaving a trail of cologne. ahh, how a man in cologne can perk my dulled morning senses. he wasn't cute. but the cologne definitely woke me up. this man wore the scent i associate with montana man. the cologne remained for my ride up the tower.

speaking of men, the girls came over and we played mahjohngg. it was the first time i played and man, could it be addicting! i loved it. edina was filling me in on what i missed after i left on tuesday evening. she made me laugh because she described the man that was enamoured with me that night as "patsy's future boyfriend." i had to giggle. that descriptor made the rest of the girls' ears perk up, which turned my giggle into a laugh. needless to say, they immediately went to work on figuring out how find out more information about this man with the little information we already had. gotta love my girls!

05 November 2008

tuesday night fun and games

last night, i met edina at a roof top happy hour. at said happy hour, i was approached by a man who was on the same wine tour with us a few weeks ago. the power of wine and a calvin klein dress equated to him hitting on me!

it was quite exciting. at first i though it was purely the fact that edina and i were the only familiar faces in the vicinity. however, it was when he waited in line with me for a glass of vino that i realized he might actually be a bit interested in me. when we finally reached the bar, they were out of wine glasses. we hovered around the bar await the glasses arrival. the beauty of the situation was that when the glasses appeared, he immediately inquired as to which variety i wanted and he got my glass of wine for me. now attentiveness goes a long way with this girl.

edina was taking this all in. she made sure to invite him to my birthday celebration this weekend. he appeared to be committing it to memory, but honestly i am simply happy for the few moments of attention i received last night.

i had to leave early to go to my reiki session. edina urged me to cancel due to male prospects, but i simply couldn't. i come first.

my reiki session was absolutely amazing. it took me awhile to get grounded in my body again, but i feel so much lighter. i am definitely happy with the choice i made last night.

04 November 2008

voids, they're what's for dinner

This past weekend Cherry and I did a bit of shopping. During our spending o' the green, we spoke a lot of our recent gripes and rants. The more Cherry and I talk, the more it becomes glaringly apparent that we lead the same life. The journey of the ex-husbands alone proved that we are one-in-the-same.

Cherry's primary rant was that while Austin is one of the best places in the country to be single, that doesn't necessarily mean that men are just waiting to get hooked by a woman's lure and drug off to white picket fence, happily ever after land. And she is so right. My last date was in January. We're talking January, people! Almost a year! And - for the record - I do not sit at home singing hymns waiting for Prince Charming to beam down to my door step.

Friends. My friends are hands down the best, most wonderful here. Absolutely. But Cherry and I both agree that sadly it's not enough. With a whole, full, magically wonderful life, there still resides a void.

The void tends to become glaringly apparent during the month of November. While I truly love being blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people who love me, the speck of the void grows just enough to be constantly palpable. The taste reminds me of my loneliness. Falling asleep at night with only a ball of fur. Not having someone to kiss me good morning on my birthday and say that he is very happy that I was born.

While everything, for the most part, is perfect out here, the void continues to enjoy its hold on me for yet another birthday.

03 November 2008

it's all the planets fault

from our dear pals at astrology zone...

"Your love life has had more twists and turns than a rollercoaster, and although this month may bring more of the same, you also may get a number of truly encouraging signs that finally your love life is due to change and head in the right direction.

Neptune RULES your house of true love and Uranus is currently traveling IN this same sector. This means that both planets have a large bearing on how your love life will proceed. The problem has been that both Neptune and Uranus have been in lethargic retrograde mode for months, moving backward for a very long time.

If you are single and frustrated with your love life, you know why! You probably felt like you were walking through glue. It was hard to see any progress, even if you tried hard to fix things. If you are in an established relationship, you may have gone 'round and 'round on certain issues, but not really ending up where you wanted things to go. You may have felt that your relationship was either stagnating or worse - that there was no hope you'd ever come to any sort of firm agreement on anything. Be of good cheer, dear Scorpio - now you will! Neptune turns direct on November 3 and Uranus turns direct on November 27, so this is all good news for you, and a signal you should try, try, try again. "

Well, duh!

If it could only be so easy that two plants go straight.

but I do maintain a wee bit of hope in my cold heart...

02 November 2008

Day Two

Read this story

and while good for him....

It simply makes me want to slit my wrists.

a girl with it all - good job, cute, in decent shape, smart, witty, a dresser - and I am alone.

Universe... you have some explaining to do!!

01 November 2008

Day One

November is always my favorite month. It is for many Americans because it marks fall, Thanksgiving, and the start to Christmas shopping. While I enjoy fall, I don't care for the holiday trappings. Never been fond of turkey and over the years Christmas has waned as well.

The reason I love November is simple - it's my birthday month! And since my day is early in the month, I always attempt to milk it for as long as possible.

Shortly I will be greeting 34. And I could not think of a better place to do it. Here. In the land of heat, humidity, and obligatory creepy-crawlies. But most importantly surrounded by my friends. My friends in a place where I have been the happiest ever.

Happy November!