saturday - no email, no phone call, no card from the southern gentleman.
sunday morning - a text message. I am a bad friend. Happy be-lated Birthday! Alcoholism z a bad thing. Call u later - TSG
sunday afternoon - a phone call. the southern gentleman was extraordinarily apologetic. sent a card to my mile high home as he could not find my austin address. he told me that he thought of me on saturday and meant to call but. yes, the 'buts.' something about tailgating, then a dinner. dinner with 14 people during which he thought of me when the wine was poured. supposedly planned to call me after dinner but was not in any condition to do so. hence sunday's timeline.
normally i would be elated. however, i feel nothing lightly laced with anger, frustration.
it is simple. i want more. i want more than being someone's second choice. the one that is kept in the background like the loyal old dog that is always there.
yesterday i realized that montana man and the southern gentleman both keep me as their old faithful. which disgusted me. whether they share it with me or not, each man goes out into the world searching for miss perfect and when the search reaches a dead end or they need a rest, they come back to me. i also know each is torn, coming to terms with is there better than patsy out there?
but with their question comes mine, do i want either of these men? somehow, i do need to answer that question.