11 July 2013


And so I sent the little note to Bernard.

Short, sweet and with my phone number.

I have heard nothing. Cue the crickets chirping.

Surprisingly, I am not really disappointed. Of course, I have other concerns that are taking precedence. Silly little concerns like my employment and how to make my current job okay. I don't feel like I can excel in this current role because everything is so status quo... an environment that tells me "do this because that's what we've always done." I need more room to grow and when I expressed this along with a few other things to my boss, he was less than supportive. Now, I have to do damage control until I can figure out the way forward. Right now, damage control isn't going so swimmingly.

I also have to get the home remodel finished. I need to be fully unpacked and organised soon. I just want everything done so I can simply enjoy my surroundings.

Missing Austin has been right up there too. I miss my friends, my Texas life. It is the little things like people aren't as friendly in the shops here... let's be honest people aren't as friendly here in general, which has caused me to close down a fair amount... my former open Texas-ness is slipping away and I am not happy about it.

For the past twenty years, I have been working very hard to leave Colorado. From the moment I applied for university, my sole mission was to leave the state forever. While I successfully leave for short or long periods of time, I always find myself back here.

A few months after I returned to Denver last year, I had an epiphany. After many years and many failed attempts at permanent exodus from Colorado, I realized that maybe I need to learn to be happy here, find happiness here before I can finally be free. The theory makes so much sense to me and forces to me try a little harder every day. Unfortunately, Colorado happiness continues to elude me.

So these are the thoughts and ideas actively swirling throughout my head occupying more space than the sound of crickets from Bernard.

1 comment:

Carla said...

You know I vaguely remember when we were in Colorado it wasn't so friendly. I wonder why that is?? mmm
Texas is for the most part a friendly place unless you live in Conroe. Those folks tend to be a bit clickish or so it seems to me. i don't live there but my Mom does and she hasn't been able to break in the circles after 17 years.
Is coming back to Texas a possibility?