Last night I indulged in the movie, Love and Other Disasters. It is a Brittany Murphy where she plays Emily 'Jacks' Jackson who is a Brit that works at Vogue U.K. A very cute little flick. But when Jacks was speaking to her gay best friend, Peter Simon about love, their exchange struck a chord with me:
Jacks: Stop living your life like you're in some kind of movie.
Peter: Excuse me?
Jacks: Stop trying to cast your love instead of just meeting him.
Peter: When I meet him, I'll know.
Jacks: I'm not so sure. Love isn't always a lightning bolt, you know? Maybe sometimes it's just a choice.
Peter: Well, that's easy for you to say! You're flying to Argentina to meet the love of your life!
Jacks: That's just it. I don't know that Paolo's the love of my life, but I've decided to give him the chance to be. Maybe true love is a decision. You know, a decision to take a chance with somebody. To give to somebody. Without worrying whether they'll give anything back. Or if they're gonna hurt you, or if they really are the one. Maybe love isn't something that happens to you. Maybe it's something you have to choose.
Peter: So what do I do?
Jacks: Well, you could start by putting all of those fantasies of true love where they belong, into your work of fiction.
The fantasy of love versus love's reality. Truly a view to be pondered. How many times do I dream and ask for the happily ever after, to ride off into the sunset with Prince Charming? But, honestly, love is a choice. While there might be lightening bolts on certain occasions, ultimately I have to make a choice to let love back in.
Lately I have been wondering about when exactly, I chose to push love out. I made that decision somewhere during and between The Leech and Montana Man. Hell, why call it a decision; I shut down completely.
But the problem is that since I successfully accomplished the mission of locking down and securing the perimeter many years ago, re-opening the town for business is difficult. I am so weary and disinterested. The girl who would go on a date with anyone one time isn't bouncing right back. Need to get myself open and willing again. Yes, I need to make a new choice. A choice to be loved.