25 December 2010

(two times, two times)

A song can be the best time machine ever. Instantly whisk a girl back to a time, long forgotten.

Killing Me Softly is playing on the radio. The Lauryn Hill version. That I vividly remember from my New York days, the days when I earnestly entered Corporate America complete with my M.B.A.. The nostalgia that coursed through my veins surprised me. The longing to be back in my Manhattan days with today's knowledge. To be fear free. To have shaken the timid college girl free. To have the opportunity to have the Me now in the shoes of the Me then.

But by the same token, I am glad that I found that I could express myself (sometimes maybe too much) here in Austin. Here in the heart of Texas during my thirties. To be safe and secure enough to fly the flag that is me. The good. The bad. The ugly. The fabulous shoes.

Here in Austin, over the course of almost four years, I have learned to be myself again. My true self. I have learned to be 100% okay with myself for who I am down to my very core. The fancy shoes. Dressing to the nines. But at the end of the day being true to myself. And that is all that matters. I have found myself after being dreadfully lost during my married years. Forgetting about the small shards that are essential in making me me. Above all else, knowing that no one else like me will ever walk this earth again. And I stayed true to that drummer who's beat I faithfully follow. Even through the darkness.

While this past year has been filled with an awful lot of downs, challenges, and obstacles, I made it through. I made it closer to being in synch with my true self. Honestly, this year, I lost friends over my work schedule and various perceptions. It has been tough. Sadly, I know that 2011 will commence with awkward friend-loss dynamics coming into play. But somehow the phoenix part of my Scorpio nature reminds me that sometimes death is required before rebirth can occur. And I am a-okay with that!

The best is yet to come!


Anonymous said...

Hell yeah!

Fiona said...

The constant morphing of 'you' is a joyous sight indeed, Patsy :)

'The best is yet to come' is Steve's favourite phrase and we both believe it! And I believe it for you, too, my dear woman.