27 October 2008

oh my pickled liver and the geico lizard chronicles

my social calendar has been non-stop since arriving home from holiday. not a speck of breathing room. i may be growing tired of burning the candles at both ends.

friday night we did a bit of bar hopping. edina, coco, and i enjoyed our libations privately prior to joining the larger group. edina and i ducked out before midnight for our beauty sleep and to ensure we made it to our wine tour.

the wine tour. well, i ended the day being thoroughly snockered. i voiced my opinion to the gigantic ego ass male who ran the tour and of course he is the type of man who hates for anyone to have an opinion, and oh heaven forbid that a woman dare question his supreme knowledge. needless to say he demanded i apologize for having an opinion. i nicely told him to go screw himself.

however, we had a good time. too much wine consumed. i missed the halloween party, but know it was better that way.

sunday i had a break down - amen there wasn't an accompanying hangover. we've established that i grew up with a lack of creepy-crawlies. well yesterday there was a code blue in the house because a chameleon lizard character attempted come inside the house. he bears a striking resemblance to the geico lizard. but even picturing the cheeky little chap did not help.
[lizard + sliding glass door with crappy screen + me = (sheer terror + me)*10,000] - (dogs oblivious)

no, it was not pretty at all. i was a pure, unadulterated basket case crying on the phone to my father to come to Austin now and take care of it! that tactic did not work as all my dear old dad did was laugh hysterically. i could not kill the lizard though. i whispered to the lizard from afar, asking him go back the way he came. finally with a lot of deep breathing, praying, and pleading, the lizard finally did move to the outside facing door pane. I pushed the door closed with the broom handle, lest lizard decide to try coming back in. after hours of terror, the perimeter was secure.

i hate creepy-crawlies. how am i ever going to survive in the south?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well if you leave the South, you HAVE TO take me with you! I swear I will pass out if I ever see one of these scorpions people keep talking about!