08 July 2010

Balancing Act

Welcome to the world of introspection. 

Latest topic swirling around in my brain is balance. Not inner ear, vertigo balance. I am talking about work-life balance. Particularly the fact that I have none. All work. No life. Where is the balance in that?! 

Work and various other little health issues (to be discussed later) have meant that is has been six weeks since Super Dad and I have seen each other. My life centers around work these days and the drain is truly getting to me. 

I basically picked up my little non-existent Colorado life over three years ago and planted myself in Austin. All prompted by my job, seeking a land of opportunity. While things have been super peachy in the job realm, my personal life has suffered since the fall. Prior to and since coming down here, I have not had a proper relationship with a man. There was the delusion of The Southern Gentleman for awhile. But I haven't met anyone down here. 

Then enter Super Dad stage right. Because of our profession, work related travel is a necessary evil. But with that understanding, that I am on the road, how do I have a "normal" relationship? How do I have a relationship that is not long distance? And no, the answer is not 'find a new job'. 

I sit here realizing I have and continue to give my whole self to a company. That is pretty messed up. I need to start reclaiming my life without sacrificing my hard earned success. And that is the hard part - tempering my drive for success without paying for it with my blood and little pieces of my soul. 

I don't know to accomplish this; it is a road I've never traveled on. But there is more to me than the life sucking vampire project. I would love to see if Super Dad and I could make a go of it. I would love to be able to come home to him and ask "how was your day?" - in person and not over the mobile phone. 

Maybe this means I am finally ready to settle down and be a touch domesticated. Or maybe it is just the random musings of a physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted girl. I just know there has to be more to life than work - sleep - repeat. I need to remember what balance looks like and find it again.


Fiona said...

Nodding. Yup I can relate. For a while work can be the driver, the motivation for so much, it can be everything. But the moment you realise you want more, damnit you deserve more, the 'all' starts to grate and wear away at you.

I can only recommend that you start taking pieces of your life back, slowly, and that the pieces you do get back, go towards something wonderful for you, hon.

Good luck with it, I know how hard it can be, and to be honest I'm still struggling. Especially now that it's not just me and work. It's me and work and a husband and a dog and a cat. Sometimes there's not much left for me!

You go girlfriend :)

patsy said...

you are the bestest, fi! xo