21 August 2010

is this the end?

I sit here tonight wondering if my time with Super Dad is over. I find that I am no longer concerned when he does not call. My heart doesn't go pitter-pat when phone does ring. I am simply lukewarm.

Maybe my attitude is due to the illness. Maybe because we haven't seen each other in three months. I don't know. I find myself wondering about my intense love of travel and his seeming indifference. I am over the moon regarding my upcoming South America and North Africa adventures; Super Dad hasn't said about either.

Of course, at the ranch, various ranchers discuss their marriages and I find myself thinking "I wouldn't respond to that in that manner" and often times find myself saying "that's why I am alone." Fast-forward to the very thought of Super Dad and I cohabiting and I can see danger flares. Our approach to our dogs is vastly different. My Lulu is my baby, my child that passionately protect and care for; Super Dad's dog is exactly that - a dog, who is on a rigid schedule in all aspects of his boring little canine life. Flower Children versus Military Lock-down. Two vastly different worlds that are fairly comfortable in their separate worlds.

I think between the Mayo stuff, the Edina Debacle (to be discussed later), truly looking at what life is like in Atlanta, and simply being exhausted has me honestly second guessing the Super Dad affair. Maybe everything will become clear when I am oxygen deprived in Andes.

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