change of plans

As I watch Lulu peacefully sleeping, I think about the months long plans for today.

This morning I was supposed to get on a plane bound for New York, then on to Delhi reaching my final destination in Colombo, Sri Lanka.  After eight days seeing all there is to see and experience in Sri Lanka, I would head back to India to explore the country's southern half for a few weeks. I would completely disconnect from the world. Immerse myself in a magical country. Recharge after a long hard year. Once again celebrate my birthday in a foreign land.

Those plans and plane tickets were cancelled shortly after Lulu broke her leg. I knew I could no leave her while she was still recovering. I cancelled the trip not knowing the road would get more complicated with the amputation and subsequent brush with death.

Would I change my decision? Hell no. I need to be here with my little girl. This morning she sneaked into the office closet where her treats live and helped herself to two big bones. Striding from the office to the great room, Lulu kept her eyes straight ahead walked by me like she was invisible. Those are the antics of my perfectly healthy Lulu.

So while my heart isn't swelling with the anticipation and excitement of getting on a plane to destinations unknown, I am filled with happiness and true joy that my little hound girl is finally back to herself. Sri Lanka and India will always be there, my time with my baby hound girl is finite (Lord knows this was a huge reminder) and I rearranged my priorities based on that understanding.

nine years ago today

This morning as I looked at the calendar, I had a nagging feeling trying to remember why 10/26 felt like a day I should remember. Nothing came to my coffee deprived brain and physically sore body.

Later in the morning as I literally stared into the calendar trying desperately to remember the importance of today, the lightening bolt finally struck.

October 26th. The day I got married. Nine long years ago. Wow, a date that was once so important is now nothing more than a fleeting memory. I am actually and honestly surprised the significance of the date escaped me. I did not think that could actually happen, especially to me with my date and face steel trap mind. Repression is a wonderful thing, I suppose.

But looking back, shortly before 10/26/02, I knew this union was doomed. Deep within my soul, I knew without a doubt this relationship was not one of equality. At the time, I chalked it up to pre-wedding jitters. Now I know differently. Without a doubt.

Nine years later, I can say that I enjoyed my wedding day. Loved that I shared a special moment with my dearest family and friends, especially since several of my extra special dear ones are no longer on this earthly journey with me. I loved my dress. But I keep coming back to sharing that special time with people I loved, creating special connections with so many family members that I didn't previously know. For the relationship building alone, I would not trade that day for the world.

If it weren't for getting married, I would not have my precious Lulu and Juju. My world would be so pale if it weren't for those two dogs. The same dogs I would do anything for because they are an integral part of me.

I don't look back on today with bitterness and anger. Today's memories are filled with a gorgeous dress and love for my family and friends. Maybe the Beatles are right... all you need is love...

conflicted

Let's walk back in time, about four years ago. Remember how thrilled I was to be down here. How I was so sure this place, Austin was where I was meant to be.

Sadly, that feeling, that powerful feeling of knowing has left. In fact, I have become very restless. For some time now, I have been overcome by an intense feeling that my time here is done. With each passing week, that feeling is amplified.

But I know this place is going to be so hard to leave. My friends, the lifestyle, constant activity. Austin has been so special and I know I will be leaving behind so many wonderful people. Saying goodbye is going to be so difficult. But at the same time, I know I need something, some place new.

Conflicted feelings. Stay or go. However, I know I have to follow my heart and my heart is telling me that the end is near.

leaps and bounds

Lulu is making great progress!

On Tuesday, we had an appointment with her internal medicine doc. The appointment was filled with great news! The doc was thrilled and amazed at her progress. No further surgery required at this time! Yippee! No exploratory surgery! Finishing up pills to get to the point where Lulu will only be on one super heavy duty antibiotic. She gained two pounds in a week! Our next appointment is in two weeks.

While she was recovering from her first surgery when the metal plate and bolts were installed, my only prayer was that my baby would be able to play and be active again. Even though not in the way I had envisioned, God answered my prayers.

Right now, Lulu is actively playing with her toys. Playing like she did prior to August 23rd. She is learning how to compensate for the missing back leg, but Lulu is playing again. She is running a bit again. The smile on my face is so wide that my cheeks hurt.

the sun is peeking through

I am ever so exhausted on all levels.

Finally, I feel that I can breath because Lulu had a good check up at the internal medicine doc's.

While I felt I was seeing great progress, I felt so much better when all the doctors and staff's comments mirrored my own.

She is better. Lulu is an amazing little girl.

We have finally turned the corner and are on the road to recovery.

Tomorrow marks week six.  An anniversary of sorts around here. Six weeks since our lives changed in a brief second when Lulu broke her leg.

During my terror of a Sunday, Lulu had responded well to treatment and was showing signs of improvement on Monday morning. Last Wednesday, Lulu was released from ICU. A very happy day. While she was very, very thin, Lulu was finally home with me. 

Friday we had a check up with her internal medicine doc. Saturday morning, her internal medicine doc called with the results of Lulu's culture. The big, bad bacteria we have to battle is MRSA. My heart sank when the internal medicine doc said that horrible word. New, super antibiotics were prescribed and I made sure Lulu was eating them immediately.

Upon coming home from the antibiotic pickup, a new development presented itself - muscle coming through a draining hole. Dying tissue and a phone call to the emergency vet yielded a road trip to the ICU office. The hott emergency vet took care of us. Dead tissue removed, both Lulu and I happy.

Sunday morning, I awoke to find more dead tissue coming out of the drainage hole. My heart sank once again; this time with the thought of surgical intervention looming. Calls again to the ICU. Another trip to the ICU.

Due to the MSRA issue, we were sequestered to an exam room and had to wait until the place was cleared. Hott doc took care of us again. He was pleased with the amount of tissue removed. Several hours later, we were back home.

This morning I braced myself for more dead tissue. But Lulu was all clear and had rosy pink skin. Hopefully we are finally turning the corner. I am especially hopeful since we walked to the mailbox and Lulu handled the walk better than she did after three weeks of a broken leg. Maybe the worst is finally behind us.

Thank you for all your prayers for my sweet little girl.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.