I had yet another fabulous weekend in SxSW land. I got an unexpected invite to a Friday night Halloween party, which required obtaining a costume with lightning speed. At home, I could pull this last minute invite with ease; however, being 800 miles from home with limited resources, I had to hit the store, which was a total mad house.
The Friday night party left a lot to be desired. Most notably a party. For some time, the people I was with, well, we were the party. A few more people joined along the way but it was far from a par-tay...
Since it was not a late eve, I made it to the early Saturday morning walk. Six miles at top walking pace early in the morning was surprising easy. Although I did feel my leg muscles. New motto, "firm everything up so I look good nakkid."
Luckily I did not purchase my costume in vain as I had another last minute invite to a real party on Saturday. The location was perfecto - out in the woods by the lake, a shack like structure that contained the booze and a good live band outside where we danced under the trees amid the wind and stars... it was a scene straight out of a good horror movie - unsuspecting partying souls quietly picked off one by one by some psycho as they went back the pink and blue port-a-potties seeking a little relief. It was a good time. The trash can punch was mighty tasty. I preferred the red to the lemonade. The few jello shots were delightful. And I did not get overly tipsy, enjoyed a mellow buzz - yippee for getting my pacing down! Since losing weight and the resulting body composition changes, the pacing has changed.
But Saturday night was fun. Life down here is good. People are kind and welcoming. It was a good kind of party fun that I have not enjoyed since college frat party days.
Reason #648 why I love it here.
29 October 2007
26 October 2007
"You can't call him!"
I went to a girls night in while I was home. Being exhausted as I was from the tile madness, I wasn't quite myself. A little quieter, a little subdued even with wine.
The evening's contingent was made up of about ten women ranging in age from late twenties to late forties. Pretty, plain, personable, masculine, feminine, attention seekers, wholesome, divorced, never married - it was quite a collection of women. However, we all had one thing in common, we are all single.
A collection of self-sufficient women. Successful women. But single. One woman was sharing her tale of woe regarding her latest fun date courtesy of craigslist. When she stated she sent the guy a little email, you could literally hear the crisp night air being sucked furiously from the room. Immediately, several of these wind suckers frantically stated "oh no! you can't call him" and from there the litany of dating don'ts poured forth.
It was then that I took in the room and thought "maybe that is exactly why we are sitting here single."
I know. Men love the chase, they are by nature hunters.... yada, yada, yada.
But still somewhere along the line, dating and relationships turned into the complex creature, where even your best tried and true male road map cannot provide a clear path. Each man is different; requires distinct items for fulfillment. As such, one set of rules works for one and not the other. Where the art lies is in the determining which set of rules applies to each particular man.
Is the fact that we work-successful women so faithfully follow the "rules" found in the myriad of self-help relationship books a major contributor to exactly what is stopping us from being successful in love? I look at my old ladies and their relationships were not full of the turmoil we face today. How did something as simple as love get so damn complicated?
While I know that a real relationship anything but a Hollywood love story, I do not believe there should be this strict list of 10 steps to trap a man. Coyness and all that old fashioned stuff still resides in my heart. I do like being pursued. I love picking up my mobile and seeing my man's name flash on the screen. But to have this delicate dance dictated by "shoulds" and "cannots" of some so-called expert who resides in the self-help aisle may not necessarily be the answer. Maybe blindly following these "shoulds" and "cannots" is a contributor in why the ten of us women remain single in the face of desiring a loving relationship.
Some days, I think I was born too late. While being able to be independent and work-wise successful, I do think my old ladies enjoyed a fuller love life with their husbands. To listen to their stories of courting, I wish I could have that. Maybe I still can. Or maybe the world is just to different now to facilitate that. But this gyrl holds fast to the dream....
The evening's contingent was made up of about ten women ranging in age from late twenties to late forties. Pretty, plain, personable, masculine, feminine, attention seekers, wholesome, divorced, never married - it was quite a collection of women. However, we all had one thing in common, we are all single.
A collection of self-sufficient women. Successful women. But single. One woman was sharing her tale of woe regarding her latest fun date courtesy of craigslist. When she stated she sent the guy a little email, you could literally hear the crisp night air being sucked furiously from the room. Immediately, several of these wind suckers frantically stated "oh no! you can't call him" and from there the litany of dating don'ts poured forth.
It was then that I took in the room and thought "maybe that is exactly why we are sitting here single."
I know. Men love the chase, they are by nature hunters.... yada, yada, yada.
But still somewhere along the line, dating and relationships turned into the complex creature, where even your best tried and true male road map cannot provide a clear path. Each man is different; requires distinct items for fulfillment. As such, one set of rules works for one and not the other. Where the art lies is in the determining which set of rules applies to each particular man.
Is the fact that we work-successful women so faithfully follow the "rules" found in the myriad of self-help relationship books a major contributor to exactly what is stopping us from being successful in love? I look at my old ladies and their relationships were not full of the turmoil we face today. How did something as simple as love get so damn complicated?
While I know that a real relationship anything but a Hollywood love story, I do not believe there should be this strict list of 10 steps to trap a man. Coyness and all that old fashioned stuff still resides in my heart. I do like being pursued. I love picking up my mobile and seeing my man's name flash on the screen. But to have this delicate dance dictated by "shoulds" and "cannots" of some so-called expert who resides in the self-help aisle may not necessarily be the answer. Maybe blindly following these "shoulds" and "cannots" is a contributor in why the ten of us women remain single in the face of desiring a loving relationship.
Some days, I think I was born too late. While being able to be independent and work-wise successful, I do think my old ladies enjoyed a fuller love life with their husbands. To listen to their stories of courting, I wish I could have that. Maybe I still can. Or maybe the world is just to different now to facilitate that. But this gyrl holds fast to the dream....
20 October 2007
"The Letter"
As I frantically try to tie up loose ends and clean prior to my departure tamale, I have to look at (code word for analyze) The Southern Gentleman's "letter."
Before I share the contents with you, I must preface that I see a difference in "a letter" and "a thank you card". The letter I received is some weird hybrid mix of male thinking.
It is a beautiful, simple handcrafted card from this overseas trip prior to coming to see me. Without further adieu, "the letter" (picture it ~ in male chicken scratchish handwriting):
10-1-07
Hey Wanderlust Gyrl,
I wanted to thank you again for the wonderful weekend in SxSW land. I had a great time catching up and taking in SxSW land with a "local". Very nice place (WG: he underlined twice!) I am so glad you have survived the last few years. Much, so much, life to live. Be safe, stay sweet, and don't change. Hope to see you again soon in SxSW land, Mile High, or the South.
Cheer, the Southern Gentleman :-) xoxoxo
So what do y'all think about that??
Then a few days later I stumble across the Southern Gentleman printed handwriting on the back - yes! the BACK of the card! You see, the card had some foreign characters on the front.
IF YOU COULD NOT GUESS....
"THIS MOMENT IS THE PRESENT" IN specific foreign language.
ENJOY... -SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN
So what do y'all think now??
Not quite a profession of love. But still, I have not gotten a card like that before. As if to be a man writing out a blank card.
I need your input!! Talk to me peeps!
Before I share the contents with you, I must preface that I see a difference in "a letter" and "a thank you card". The letter I received is some weird hybrid mix of male thinking.
It is a beautiful, simple handcrafted card from this overseas trip prior to coming to see me. Without further adieu, "the letter" (picture it ~ in male chicken scratchish handwriting):
10-1-07
Hey Wanderlust Gyrl,
I wanted to thank you again for the wonderful weekend in SxSW land. I had a great time catching up and taking in SxSW land with a "local". Very nice place (WG: he underlined twice!) I am so glad you have survived the last few years. Much, so much, life to live. Be safe, stay sweet, and don't change. Hope to see you again soon in SxSW land, Mile High, or the South.
Cheer, the Southern Gentleman :-) xoxoxo
So what do y'all think about that??
Then a few days later I stumble across the Southern Gentleman printed handwriting on the back - yes! the BACK of the card! You see, the card had some foreign characters on the front.
IF YOU COULD NOT GUESS....
"THIS MOMENT IS THE PRESENT" IN specific foreign language.
ENJOY... -SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN
So what do y'all think now??
Not quite a profession of love. But still, I have not gotten a card like that before. As if to be a man writing out a blank card.
I need your input!! Talk to me peeps!
14 October 2007
A Quickie
Got off the plane Thursday AM and it has been non-stop! As follows!
- Airplane seat - Middle! Last Row!
- Work, work, work.
- Take much needed nap
- Babysat Montana Man's gyrls for one night
- Babysitting Montana Man's canine for 4 nights
- Hunt for tile
- My hound gyrls are pissed off because the interloper is here
- Hunt for tile
- Read the much spoken about, much anticipated - "the letter"
- Hunt for tile
- Work!
- Raining insane amounts here. However, unfazed as rain = my entire summer
- Bought tile. A lot of fucking tile
- Called The Southern Gentleman and left message
- Laid a lot of fucking tile
- Picked up too much dog shite since returning home
- Have a lot more tile to lay before getting finished
- To date, no returned phone call from The Southern Gentleman
Later in the week, I will fill in some blanks to the bullet points above.
But for now, I am super duper exhausted. My body is running an hour ahead. Need to finish my glass of vino and head directly to bed!
09 October 2007
Latest Update
Yesterday I received the call. The letter arrived. Not enough time to overnight it and ensure I receive it before I leave. My decision has been made for me based on sheer timing. I must wait until I arrive back home.
Patience.
Right now, Thursday afternoon sounds quite far away.
Patience.
Right now, Thursday afternoon sounds quite far away.
07 October 2007
Because Today The 10,000 Maniacs Can Say It Better Than Me
These are the days
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it, You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you
These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you
These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it, You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you
These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you
These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you
05 October 2007
Yes
Remember the other day - oh maybe Wednesday - I was so thrilled, looking forward to being home and with the hound girls on Friday. Friday?! Well - that would be today, correct?
Yes, it is Friday. Guess where I am? Still in SxSWland. Gonna be here for another week. Yup, plans changed and since I am a tireless slave for The Man, I am still here. My babies are still in lock down. Mail will not be in my hot little hands.
Yes, the mail. Remember back to the other day when I discovered there would be non-bill, personal mail awaiting me? I have been on pins and needles to learn what is contained in "the letter". 768 air miles separate me from my mailbox. Torture! Pure! Unadulterated! TORTURE!
Yes, I am distraught. No patience. Wanting to move to the next level. Needing peace of mind. Knowledge. There are options. Overnight express delivery. Scanning and emailing. Waiting. The alternatives for getting "the letter" to be here with me all have some level of a flaw. Honestly, this is the very last thing that needs to be lost in the mail, literally and figuratively. Scanning - while giving me instant gratification, does not provide me (a) the privacy or (b) the joy of opening the envelope (and yes, silly as it sounds, opening the envelope itself is something I would prefer to do).
Yes, this whole situation sucks. But it is only temporary. I can try to suck it up for a week. Operative word here is try.
Have made some fun plans for the weekend. Need to have some excitement to stave off "the letter" torture I must endure.
Yes, it is Friday. Guess where I am? Still in SxSWland. Gonna be here for another week. Yup, plans changed and since I am a tireless slave for The Man, I am still here. My babies are still in lock down. Mail will not be in my hot little hands.
Yes, the mail. Remember back to the other day when I discovered there would be non-bill, personal mail awaiting me? I have been on pins and needles to learn what is contained in "the letter". 768 air miles separate me from my mailbox. Torture! Pure! Unadulterated! TORTURE!
Yes, I am distraught. No patience. Wanting to move to the next level. Needing peace of mind. Knowledge. There are options. Overnight express delivery. Scanning and emailing. Waiting. The alternatives for getting "the letter" to be here with me all have some level of a flaw. Honestly, this is the very last thing that needs to be lost in the mail, literally and figuratively. Scanning - while giving me instant gratification, does not provide me (a) the privacy or (b) the joy of opening the envelope (and yes, silly as it sounds, opening the envelope itself is something I would prefer to do).
Yes, this whole situation sucks. But it is only temporary. I can try to suck it up for a week. Operative word here is try.
Have made some fun plans for the weekend. Need to have some excitement to stave off "the letter" torture I must endure.
03 October 2007
Moving On
Happy Wednesday !
By this time on Friday (two days away!), I will be half way home. I miss my hounds. Some people may look at them as "just dogs," but they are my darlings. I cannot wait to look into my big girl's eyes. I have been looking at their photos a lot the past few days eager with the thought I will be with them again soon.
************** ******************
I sent The Southern Gentleman a little email yesterday at the urging of Montana Man. Of course, I also threatened Montana Man within an inch of me going Lorena Bobbitt on his ass in the event he chooses to give me bad male interpretation data. I think Montana Man knows this Scorpio has a pretty nasty sting.
Honestly, I feel Montana Man is a little jealous and a little surprised about the whole Southern Gentleman presence. Yesterday I was completely open about The Southern Gentleman to Montana Man. I told MM how TSG asked me the $64,000 questions about my feelings on remarriage and children. Maybe revealing the depth of our TSG weekend and our situation over the years was a dangerous thing, but honestly, I do not care. MM asked for details, so I gave them (within reason). MM wants us to be best friends. Well, best friends hear about my TSG adventures.
Something I did find interesting though. Upon initially telling MM about TSG, I did explain the attraction level that has always been, starting from when TSG and I initially met many moons ago. There was also always a magnet between MM and I, but the magnet is at least 10 times more powerful between TSG and me. That is how I related it to MM. His only statement "wow." Funny thing is that yesterday MM tells me that he and his new squeeze are very attracted to each other. MM even went so far to say that "how you said it is 10 times more powerful between you and TSG. well, that's the same with me and the new squeeze." MM, do I note a hint of the green eyed monster of jealousy?? Funny how MM and the new squeeze went from his self-described "ok" date to a love of epic proportion when MM found out about TSG. Yeah.
************** ******************
I fell asleep on the couch last night. I slept good over all. Felt refreshed this morning. Of course, now here in the dungeon, I feel drained and ready to take a nap. I think not seeing the sun and being trapped in this depressing office has just a little bit to do with it.
Hee hee. I wonder what the rest of today has in store for me...
By this time on Friday (two days away!), I will be half way home. I miss my hounds. Some people may look at them as "just dogs," but they are my darlings. I cannot wait to look into my big girl's eyes. I have been looking at their photos a lot the past few days eager with the thought I will be with them again soon.
************** ******************
I sent The Southern Gentleman a little email yesterday at the urging of Montana Man. Of course, I also threatened Montana Man within an inch of me going Lorena Bobbitt on his ass in the event he chooses to give me bad male interpretation data. I think Montana Man knows this Scorpio has a pretty nasty sting.
Honestly, I feel Montana Man is a little jealous and a little surprised about the whole Southern Gentleman presence. Yesterday I was completely open about The Southern Gentleman to Montana Man. I told MM how TSG asked me the $64,000 questions about my feelings on remarriage and children. Maybe revealing the depth of our TSG weekend and our situation over the years was a dangerous thing, but honestly, I do not care. MM asked for details, so I gave them (within reason). MM wants us to be best friends. Well, best friends hear about my TSG adventures.
Something I did find interesting though. Upon initially telling MM about TSG, I did explain the attraction level that has always been, starting from when TSG and I initially met many moons ago. There was also always a magnet between MM and I, but the magnet is at least 10 times more powerful between TSG and me. That is how I related it to MM. His only statement "wow." Funny thing is that yesterday MM tells me that he and his new squeeze are very attracted to each other. MM even went so far to say that "how you said it is 10 times more powerful between you and TSG. well, that's the same with me and the new squeeze." MM, do I note a hint of the green eyed monster of jealousy?? Funny how MM and the new squeeze went from his self-described "ok" date to a love of epic proportion when MM found out about TSG. Yeah.
************** ******************
I fell asleep on the couch last night. I slept good over all. Felt refreshed this morning. Of course, now here in the dungeon, I feel drained and ready to take a nap. I think not seeing the sun and being trapped in this depressing office has just a little bit to do with it.
Hee hee. I wonder what the rest of today has in store for me...
01 October 2007
Take a Letter, Maria
Tonight as I strolled about town, I called The Southern Gentleman. He sounded slightly surprised to hear my voice. I greeted him in my usual manner. He went on his little road trip. I questioned how the drive went and he said it was good - he had "time to think". I did not question what he was thinking about because I have a pretty damn good idea.
His voice sounded happy at my call. The Southern Gentleman stated he was surprised at my call, especially since he had just finished a letter to me about an hour before. I cheerily say "we've got ESP" and he says "yeah, it looks like it" with a smile in his voice.
We talk about SxSW land. At some point I touch on a harmless topic that he addressed in his letter and he says that is something he touched on in his letter so we wouldn't talk about it as to not be redundant. We discussed his week home and his current excursion. It was good. The Southern Gentleman asks when I head west next, then says "you'll have to watch your post box for the letter."
In that moment, the light bulb springs to life over my dim head. Not an e-mail like I had assumed this previously mentioned letter was, but a real honest to goodness hand written, pen and paper letter. I am believing that any man who would take the time to write a good old fashioned letter only has good things to say.
So now I am on pins and needles, waiting to get home to see what the mailbox holds for me. Some days it is better not to know because the anticipation may very well kill me. Part of me so excited but a small part of me is afraid too. An letter, a note can hold so much or so little. And we've already discussed my lack of patience! OMG! Good thoughts, Internet!
His voice sounded happy at my call. The Southern Gentleman stated he was surprised at my call, especially since he had just finished a letter to me about an hour before. I cheerily say "we've got ESP" and he says "yeah, it looks like it" with a smile in his voice.
We talk about SxSW land. At some point I touch on a harmless topic that he addressed in his letter and he says that is something he touched on in his letter so we wouldn't talk about it as to not be redundant. We discussed his week home and his current excursion. It was good. The Southern Gentleman asks when I head west next, then says "you'll have to watch your post box for the letter."
In that moment, the light bulb springs to life over my dim head. Not an e-mail like I had assumed this previously mentioned letter was, but a real honest to goodness hand written, pen and paper letter. I am believing that any man who would take the time to write a good old fashioned letter only has good things to say.
So now I am on pins and needles, waiting to get home to see what the mailbox holds for me. Some days it is better not to know because the anticipation may very well kill me. Part of me so excited but a small part of me is afraid too. An letter, a note can hold so much or so little. And we've already discussed my lack of patience! OMG! Good thoughts, Internet!
Coming Clean
Today I gave up.
I came clean with Montana Man about The Southern Gentleman. Dear Montana Man cornered me into telling him the truth; going on ad nausium about the sound of my voice when we spoke yesterday. He was dying to tell me about his date too and think he was checking the water on that front too. So I decided fuckit and told him.
Montana Man and I have needed to be honest. We have needed to move forward. Put "us" behind us. I needed to wipe the slate clean, so I can be without a care. So I can be free. Free for me. No more accidentally falling into bed. No more ties to bind us or me. Free.
I felt he was surprised by it to some extent. I do not think he assumed there was the depth there that there is. It did feel good to hear him affirm what I felt were the vibes coming off The Southern Gentleman. Maybe Montana Man and I can truly be friends.
I came clean with Montana Man about The Southern Gentleman. Dear Montana Man cornered me into telling him the truth; going on ad nausium about the sound of my voice when we spoke yesterday. He was dying to tell me about his date too and think he was checking the water on that front too. So I decided fuckit and told him.
Montana Man and I have needed to be honest. We have needed to move forward. Put "us" behind us. I needed to wipe the slate clean, so I can be without a care. So I can be free. Free for me. No more accidentally falling into bed. No more ties to bind us or me. Free.
I felt he was surprised by it to some extent. I do not think he assumed there was the depth there that there is. It did feel good to hear him affirm what I felt were the vibes coming off The Southern Gentleman. Maybe Montana Man and I can truly be friends.
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