As I frantically try to tie up loose ends and clean prior to my departure tamale, I have to look at (code word for analyze) The Southern Gentleman's "letter."
Before I share the contents with you, I must preface that I see a difference in "a letter" and "a thank you card". The letter I received is some weird hybrid mix of male thinking.
It is a beautiful, simple handcrafted card from this overseas trip prior to coming to see me. Without further adieu, "the letter" (picture it ~ in male chicken scratchish handwriting):
10-1-07
Hey Wanderlust Gyrl,
I wanted to thank you again for the wonderful weekend in SxSW land. I had a great time catching up and taking in SxSW land with a "local". Very nice place (WG: he underlined twice!) I am so glad you have survived the last few years. Much, so much, life to live. Be safe, stay sweet, and don't change. Hope to see you again soon in SxSW land, Mile High, or the South.
Cheer, the Southern Gentleman :-) xoxoxo
So what do y'all think about that??
Then a few days later I stumble across the Southern Gentleman printed handwriting on the back - yes! the BACK of the card! You see, the card had some foreign characters on the front.
IF YOU COULD NOT GUESS....
"THIS MOMENT IS THE PRESENT" IN specific foreign language.
ENJOY... -SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN
So what do y'all think now??
Not quite a profession of love. But still, I have not gotten a card like that before. As if to be a man writing out a blank card.
I need your input!! Talk to me peeps!
20 October 2007
14 October 2007
A Quickie
Got off the plane Thursday AM and it has been non-stop! As follows!
- Airplane seat - Middle! Last Row!
- Work, work, work.
- Take much needed nap
- Babysat Montana Man's gyrls for one night
- Babysitting Montana Man's canine for 4 nights
- Hunt for tile
- My hound gyrls are pissed off because the interloper is here
- Hunt for tile
- Read the much spoken about, much anticipated - "the letter"
- Hunt for tile
- Work!
- Raining insane amounts here. However, unfazed as rain = my entire summer
- Bought tile. A lot of fucking tile
- Called The Southern Gentleman and left message
- Laid a lot of fucking tile
- Picked up too much dog shite since returning home
- Have a lot more tile to lay before getting finished
- To date, no returned phone call from The Southern Gentleman
Later in the week, I will fill in some blanks to the bullet points above.
But for now, I am super duper exhausted. My body is running an hour ahead. Need to finish my glass of vino and head directly to bed!
09 October 2007
Latest Update
Yesterday I received the call. The letter arrived. Not enough time to overnight it and ensure I receive it before I leave. My decision has been made for me based on sheer timing. I must wait until I arrive back home.
Patience.
Right now, Thursday afternoon sounds quite far away.
Patience.
Right now, Thursday afternoon sounds quite far away.
07 October 2007
Because Today The 10,000 Maniacs Can Say It Better Than Me
These are the days
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it, You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you
These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you
These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it, You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you
These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you
These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you
05 October 2007
Yes
Remember the other day - oh maybe Wednesday - I was so thrilled, looking forward to being home and with the hound girls on Friday. Friday?! Well - that would be today, correct?
Yes, it is Friday. Guess where I am? Still in SxSWland. Gonna be here for another week. Yup, plans changed and since I am a tireless slave for The Man, I am still here. My babies are still in lock down. Mail will not be in my hot little hands.
Yes, the mail. Remember back to the other day when I discovered there would be non-bill, personal mail awaiting me? I have been on pins and needles to learn what is contained in "the letter". 768 air miles separate me from my mailbox. Torture! Pure! Unadulterated! TORTURE!
Yes, I am distraught. No patience. Wanting to move to the next level. Needing peace of mind. Knowledge. There are options. Overnight express delivery. Scanning and emailing. Waiting. The alternatives for getting "the letter" to be here with me all have some level of a flaw. Honestly, this is the very last thing that needs to be lost in the mail, literally and figuratively. Scanning - while giving me instant gratification, does not provide me (a) the privacy or (b) the joy of opening the envelope (and yes, silly as it sounds, opening the envelope itself is something I would prefer to do).
Yes, this whole situation sucks. But it is only temporary. I can try to suck it up for a week. Operative word here is try.
Have made some fun plans for the weekend. Need to have some excitement to stave off "the letter" torture I must endure.
Yes, it is Friday. Guess where I am? Still in SxSWland. Gonna be here for another week. Yup, plans changed and since I am a tireless slave for The Man, I am still here. My babies are still in lock down. Mail will not be in my hot little hands.
Yes, the mail. Remember back to the other day when I discovered there would be non-bill, personal mail awaiting me? I have been on pins and needles to learn what is contained in "the letter". 768 air miles separate me from my mailbox. Torture! Pure! Unadulterated! TORTURE!
Yes, I am distraught. No patience. Wanting to move to the next level. Needing peace of mind. Knowledge. There are options. Overnight express delivery. Scanning and emailing. Waiting. The alternatives for getting "the letter" to be here with me all have some level of a flaw. Honestly, this is the very last thing that needs to be lost in the mail, literally and figuratively. Scanning - while giving me instant gratification, does not provide me (a) the privacy or (b) the joy of opening the envelope (and yes, silly as it sounds, opening the envelope itself is something I would prefer to do).
Yes, this whole situation sucks. But it is only temporary. I can try to suck it up for a week. Operative word here is try.
Have made some fun plans for the weekend. Need to have some excitement to stave off "the letter" torture I must endure.
03 October 2007
Moving On
Happy Wednesday !
By this time on Friday (two days away!), I will be half way home. I miss my hounds. Some people may look at them as "just dogs," but they are my darlings. I cannot wait to look into my big girl's eyes. I have been looking at their photos a lot the past few days eager with the thought I will be with them again soon.
************** ******************
I sent The Southern Gentleman a little email yesterday at the urging of Montana Man. Of course, I also threatened Montana Man within an inch of me going Lorena Bobbitt on his ass in the event he chooses to give me bad male interpretation data. I think Montana Man knows this Scorpio has a pretty nasty sting.
Honestly, I feel Montana Man is a little jealous and a little surprised about the whole Southern Gentleman presence. Yesterday I was completely open about The Southern Gentleman to Montana Man. I told MM how TSG asked me the $64,000 questions about my feelings on remarriage and children. Maybe revealing the depth of our TSG weekend and our situation over the years was a dangerous thing, but honestly, I do not care. MM asked for details, so I gave them (within reason). MM wants us to be best friends. Well, best friends hear about my TSG adventures.
Something I did find interesting though. Upon initially telling MM about TSG, I did explain the attraction level that has always been, starting from when TSG and I initially met many moons ago. There was also always a magnet between MM and I, but the magnet is at least 10 times more powerful between TSG and me. That is how I related it to MM. His only statement "wow." Funny thing is that yesterday MM tells me that he and his new squeeze are very attracted to each other. MM even went so far to say that "how you said it is 10 times more powerful between you and TSG. well, that's the same with me and the new squeeze." MM, do I note a hint of the green eyed monster of jealousy?? Funny how MM and the new squeeze went from his self-described "ok" date to a love of epic proportion when MM found out about TSG. Yeah.
************** ******************
I fell asleep on the couch last night. I slept good over all. Felt refreshed this morning. Of course, now here in the dungeon, I feel drained and ready to take a nap. I think not seeing the sun and being trapped in this depressing office has just a little bit to do with it.
Hee hee. I wonder what the rest of today has in store for me...
By this time on Friday (two days away!), I will be half way home. I miss my hounds. Some people may look at them as "just dogs," but they are my darlings. I cannot wait to look into my big girl's eyes. I have been looking at their photos a lot the past few days eager with the thought I will be with them again soon.
************** ******************
I sent The Southern Gentleman a little email yesterday at the urging of Montana Man. Of course, I also threatened Montana Man within an inch of me going Lorena Bobbitt on his ass in the event he chooses to give me bad male interpretation data. I think Montana Man knows this Scorpio has a pretty nasty sting.
Honestly, I feel Montana Man is a little jealous and a little surprised about the whole Southern Gentleman presence. Yesterday I was completely open about The Southern Gentleman to Montana Man. I told MM how TSG asked me the $64,000 questions about my feelings on remarriage and children. Maybe revealing the depth of our TSG weekend and our situation over the years was a dangerous thing, but honestly, I do not care. MM asked for details, so I gave them (within reason). MM wants us to be best friends. Well, best friends hear about my TSG adventures.
Something I did find interesting though. Upon initially telling MM about TSG, I did explain the attraction level that has always been, starting from when TSG and I initially met many moons ago. There was also always a magnet between MM and I, but the magnet is at least 10 times more powerful between TSG and me. That is how I related it to MM. His only statement "wow." Funny thing is that yesterday MM tells me that he and his new squeeze are very attracted to each other. MM even went so far to say that "how you said it is 10 times more powerful between you and TSG. well, that's the same with me and the new squeeze." MM, do I note a hint of the green eyed monster of jealousy?? Funny how MM and the new squeeze went from his self-described "ok" date to a love of epic proportion when MM found out about TSG. Yeah.
************** ******************
I fell asleep on the couch last night. I slept good over all. Felt refreshed this morning. Of course, now here in the dungeon, I feel drained and ready to take a nap. I think not seeing the sun and being trapped in this depressing office has just a little bit to do with it.
Hee hee. I wonder what the rest of today has in store for me...
01 October 2007
Take a Letter, Maria
Tonight as I strolled about town, I called The Southern Gentleman. He sounded slightly surprised to hear my voice. I greeted him in my usual manner. He went on his little road trip. I questioned how the drive went and he said it was good - he had "time to think". I did not question what he was thinking about because I have a pretty damn good idea.
His voice sounded happy at my call. The Southern Gentleman stated he was surprised at my call, especially since he had just finished a letter to me about an hour before. I cheerily say "we've got ESP" and he says "yeah, it looks like it" with a smile in his voice.
We talk about SxSW land. At some point I touch on a harmless topic that he addressed in his letter and he says that is something he touched on in his letter so we wouldn't talk about it as to not be redundant. We discussed his week home and his current excursion. It was good. The Southern Gentleman asks when I head west next, then says "you'll have to watch your post box for the letter."
In that moment, the light bulb springs to life over my dim head. Not an e-mail like I had assumed this previously mentioned letter was, but a real honest to goodness hand written, pen and paper letter. I am believing that any man who would take the time to write a good old fashioned letter only has good things to say.
So now I am on pins and needles, waiting to get home to see what the mailbox holds for me. Some days it is better not to know because the anticipation may very well kill me. Part of me so excited but a small part of me is afraid too. An letter, a note can hold so much or so little. And we've already discussed my lack of patience! OMG! Good thoughts, Internet!
His voice sounded happy at my call. The Southern Gentleman stated he was surprised at my call, especially since he had just finished a letter to me about an hour before. I cheerily say "we've got ESP" and he says "yeah, it looks like it" with a smile in his voice.
We talk about SxSW land. At some point I touch on a harmless topic that he addressed in his letter and he says that is something he touched on in his letter so we wouldn't talk about it as to not be redundant. We discussed his week home and his current excursion. It was good. The Southern Gentleman asks when I head west next, then says "you'll have to watch your post box for the letter."
In that moment, the light bulb springs to life over my dim head. Not an e-mail like I had assumed this previously mentioned letter was, but a real honest to goodness hand written, pen and paper letter. I am believing that any man who would take the time to write a good old fashioned letter only has good things to say.
So now I am on pins and needles, waiting to get home to see what the mailbox holds for me. Some days it is better not to know because the anticipation may very well kill me. Part of me so excited but a small part of me is afraid too. An letter, a note can hold so much or so little. And we've already discussed my lack of patience! OMG! Good thoughts, Internet!
Coming Clean
Today I gave up.
I came clean with Montana Man about The Southern Gentleman. Dear Montana Man cornered me into telling him the truth; going on ad nausium about the sound of my voice when we spoke yesterday. He was dying to tell me about his date too and think he was checking the water on that front too. So I decided fuckit and told him.
Montana Man and I have needed to be honest. We have needed to move forward. Put "us" behind us. I needed to wipe the slate clean, so I can be without a care. So I can be free. Free for me. No more accidentally falling into bed. No more ties to bind us or me. Free.
I felt he was surprised by it to some extent. I do not think he assumed there was the depth there that there is. It did feel good to hear him affirm what I felt were the vibes coming off The Southern Gentleman. Maybe Montana Man and I can truly be friends.
I came clean with Montana Man about The Southern Gentleman. Dear Montana Man cornered me into telling him the truth; going on ad nausium about the sound of my voice when we spoke yesterday. He was dying to tell me about his date too and think he was checking the water on that front too. So I decided fuckit and told him.
Montana Man and I have needed to be honest. We have needed to move forward. Put "us" behind us. I needed to wipe the slate clean, so I can be without a care. So I can be free. Free for me. No more accidentally falling into bed. No more ties to bind us or me. Free.
I felt he was surprised by it to some extent. I do not think he assumed there was the depth there that there is. It did feel good to hear him affirm what I felt were the vibes coming off The Southern Gentleman. Maybe Montana Man and I can truly be friends.
30 September 2007
Oh I wish I were an Oscar Myer Weener...
I feel like I am such a whiner here.
Here in my little corner of wanderlust land.
I cried and whined about Montana Man. The good, the bad, the ugly, the crying, the heartbreak, the denial, the denial, the denial.
Harry Goldenblatt was a small bump in the road.
The Questionable Italian was an even more minuscule bump in the road.
Now The Southern Gentleman is on the scene. And I feel like I am in whiny mode again. Because I have no patience and want The Southern Gentleman. NoW!
I don't want to be whiny. But y'all get what is bubbling at the surface of my brain. And on my brain - straight up - is my future, my life and how that all relates to The Southern Gentleman.
However, Montana Man called this afternoon. Keep in mind that last Sunday night he pinged me with the following -
MM: Hey, you dont return phone calls. geee you must have a man
MM: LOL
WG: hola. I am a busy girl :)
MM: with who? lol
WG: Remember - I had company this weekend. My poor liver.
MM: the guy from alanta
WG: Yes, my pal from the South. We drank our way thru SxSW-land
MM: cool
And on Friday, this is what he said:
MM: i thought you left prom queen (inside joke)
WG: i am home - nibbling on dinner. trying to figure out my night
MM: lol so many places and mmmmm guys. lol. go girl. i am sooo proud of you. you really have made so many great steps in your life
WG: overall, i am not impressed with the men here
MM: so what you will find one. you have a lot of good friends there. sooooo that is most of it silly
WG: honestly the good friends is all that matters to me
MM: and you got some last weeekend sooo you are good for a while
WG: nope - he was a total gentleman
MM: you should have silly
WG: not with him
MM: lol. ok
WG: maybe one day but not now
MM: lol
Fast forward to today...
Montana Man tells me at the end of our phone call, "It was really good to catch up today." Because I could not resist, I inquire "What do you mean?" Montana Man responds "Because we hardly talk anymore. Not like we used to."
I did not go where I could have. I mean after all we did break up - you broke up with me - duh! And I laugh because he is trying to make me jealous that he is going out on dates. His mediocre date on Tuesday has since turned into something fun to do since then - why? - because I am not showing signs of jealousy. I think it is funny.
While I'd love to be able to discuss the Southern Gentleman with Montana Man for a true male point of view - I don't think we are there yet. As evidenced by the above messenger exchange, I honestly do not believe that Montana Man is ready to hear about the next phase in my life.
In other news, no Sunday phone call from The Southern Gentleman. I did not think he would call. But still, secretly in my heart of hearts, I was hoping he would.
Here in my little corner of wanderlust land.
I cried and whined about Montana Man. The good, the bad, the ugly, the crying, the heartbreak, the denial, the denial, the denial.
Harry Goldenblatt was a small bump in the road.
The Questionable Italian was an even more minuscule bump in the road.
Now The Southern Gentleman is on the scene. And I feel like I am in whiny mode again. Because I have no patience and want The Southern Gentleman. NoW!
I don't want to be whiny. But y'all get what is bubbling at the surface of my brain. And on my brain - straight up - is my future, my life and how that all relates to The Southern Gentleman.
However, Montana Man called this afternoon. Keep in mind that last Sunday night he pinged me with the following -
MM: Hey, you dont return phone calls. geee you must have a man
MM: LOL
WG: hola. I am a busy girl :)
MM: with who? lol
WG: Remember - I had company this weekend. My poor liver.
MM: the guy from alanta
WG: Yes, my pal from the South. We drank our way thru SxSW-land
MM: cool
And on Friday, this is what he said:
MM: i thought you left prom queen (inside joke)
WG: i am home - nibbling on dinner. trying to figure out my night
MM: lol so many places and mmmmm guys. lol. go girl. i am sooo proud of you. you really have made so many great steps in your life
WG: overall, i am not impressed with the men here
MM: so what you will find one. you have a lot of good friends there. sooooo that is most of it silly
WG: honestly the good friends is all that matters to me
MM: and you got some last weeekend sooo you are good for a while
WG: nope - he was a total gentleman
MM: you should have silly
WG: not with him
MM: lol. ok
WG: maybe one day but not now
MM: lol
Fast forward to today...
Montana Man tells me at the end of our phone call, "It was really good to catch up today." Because I could not resist, I inquire "What do you mean?" Montana Man responds "Because we hardly talk anymore. Not like we used to."
I did not go where I could have. I mean after all we did break up - you broke up with me - duh! And I laugh because he is trying to make me jealous that he is going out on dates. His mediocre date on Tuesday has since turned into something fun to do since then - why? - because I am not showing signs of jealousy. I think it is funny.
While I'd love to be able to discuss the Southern Gentleman with Montana Man for a true male point of view - I don't think we are there yet. As evidenced by the above messenger exchange, I honestly do not believe that Montana Man is ready to hear about the next phase in my life.
In other news, no Sunday phone call from The Southern Gentleman. I did not think he would call. But still, secretly in my heart of hearts, I was hoping he would.
29 September 2007
And a Side Order of Patience, Please
hmmm... waiting. patience. patience.
Patience is not my strong suit. Never has been.
When I was a child, I'd sneak peeks at Christmas packages. Then got bolder and started finding my parents' hiding places for the presents. To this day, I purchase gifts for people and cannot wait to give them - it is pure torture for me to have to wait. Patience. I ain't got no.
I never fully realized how very ready I am to take the big leap. The big leap into a potential lifetime commitment of love. When face-to-face with reality, I discovered I am. I really am. And that has taken me by surprise. I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.
While I love my freedom, no ties, I am ready to share my life with someone. It's taken me awhile to get here, but I am cool with that idea now. In fact, I embrace it with open arms. When I was married last time, I refused to change my last name. Even when Montana Man and I were chatting up marriage, I did not want to change my last name. It is my identity - I was deeply attached to fighting for it. However, with the Southern Gentleman, I would change my last name in a heart beat. That is a huge step for me - and it says a lot.
But we are now to the wait and see stage of the dance. Which requires patience. I think this is going to be a growing experience for me. Because like everything else in my life, nothing comes easy.
Patience is not my strong suit. Never has been.
When I was a child, I'd sneak peeks at Christmas packages. Then got bolder and started finding my parents' hiding places for the presents. To this day, I purchase gifts for people and cannot wait to give them - it is pure torture for me to have to wait. Patience. I ain't got no.
I never fully realized how very ready I am to take the big leap. The big leap into a potential lifetime commitment of love. When face-to-face with reality, I discovered I am. I really am. And that has taken me by surprise. I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.
While I love my freedom, no ties, I am ready to share my life with someone. It's taken me awhile to get here, but I am cool with that idea now. In fact, I embrace it with open arms. When I was married last time, I refused to change my last name. Even when Montana Man and I were chatting up marriage, I did not want to change my last name. It is my identity - I was deeply attached to fighting for it. However, with the Southern Gentleman, I would change my last name in a heart beat. That is a huge step for me - and it says a lot.
But we are now to the wait and see stage of the dance. Which requires patience. I think this is going to be a growing experience for me. Because like everything else in my life, nothing comes easy.
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