My Personality
- Intense shyness
- Fear of feeling vulnerable
- Being too independent
- Giving too much of myself to others
My Background
- Stigma attached to being Puerto Rican
- Not being taken seriously because pretty and smart together are not respected
My Physical Appearance
- Fat thighs
- Big ass
- Tummy flab
- Stress acne
- Gray hairs that are starting to join the scene
- Big nose
- Not being able to lose the last ten pounds
- Feeling ugly
Funny that the list I completed first and likewise was the easiest to complete was the physical appearance. While I am always told that I am pretty, I have never seen it. I focus on all my faults and I know that is self-defeating. I want to be better, I want to be more. I have fought my whole life so that I did not end up like my mother, but I feel that it is happening. The events leading up to the divorce caused to me gain weight and the anti-depressants pushed the scale ever upward. While I may look fine to the rest of the world, I feel like a fat pig. I have a closet full of clothes that are a little to tight.
I am tired. I did not sleep well last night. Thinking about the fat is further depressing me, so I am signing off.
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