I am one for calculated decisions. While I have my spontaneous streaks and willing to go any where, any time when someone dials up, big things usually are planned. Unless it is dogs or cars, then all bets are off and I tend to come home with something new and unnecessary. Examples of this are the greyhound, the dashchund, the Element, and the Benz.
Things with Montana Man have been swimming along quite nicely for about a month and a half now with minimal screw-ups from both of us. He is buying a house. Good for him. With his history, this is a proud moment for him. After years and years of certain people telling him that he could never buy a home, MM is doing it in big style and I am proud of him too.
So I should be happy, right? First of all, I am a little jealous. It is a beautiful home, bigger than mine, newer, cool neighborhood. Second, MM wants to live with me. He wants it to be "our" house. I should be giddy and thrilled! Note the key word - SHOULD.
We have been together for seven months and lived through more in that time than I could ever imagine - both good and bad - and we have made it through; however, cautious little me says seven months - not so long. Of course, I learned being married the first time that you don't really know someone. After being with the Leech for two years, he still turned Mr. Hyde after "I Do."
With the Leech experience under my belt, I realize I can never know a person. That kind of knowledge can only come with time, lots of time and even then a human being is too complex. After all, I freely admit I bounce all over the spectrum in a five minute span.
So, I feel that living together will help me to know if MM and I have the potential to run the marathon. I truly believe if the Leech and I lived together, I would have never married him.
Of course, I will make sure everything is kosher legally - what's mine is mine and it will stay that way. I will not allow myself to be vulnerable where money is concerned. I am not worried about that piece of the puzzle.
The other thing I am dreading in this decision is telling my parents. I know, I am a big girl. Been on my own for awhile. Bought the roof over my head completely on my own. Self-sufficient. It is my life. No regrets. Independent. 32nd birthday is looming on the horizon. Can make my own decisions. Yes, I completely understand that. BUT I grew up with the mother that drilled into my little brain that living with a man was PURE EVIL. Everyone who shacked up was BAD. My father never said those words but I know he was on the same page as my mother. In fact, it is what my father DOES NOT say that makes his stance clear.
The Fall Out. I know there is going to be fall out when I drop this bomb. Dread. Both mom and dad have eluded the impending bomb and the tone is NEGATIVE.
Fact. This is going to be an ugly chapter in our family story. I know it. But I have to try and they need to be respect my decision - right or wrong.
I am taking the leap. A leap. A jump. And no matter what happens, I will land firmly on my two feet. I will stick the landing. I am strong. I am woman. Hear me roar.