15 August 2006

Taking a Stand

Two weeks from today, it will be a year my divorce was final. This weekend is two years that I decided it was over and there was no way to fix it. What I do not understand is after all this time and all that we lived through, how you both continually rally behind him. While that may not be your intent, that is my perception.

Regardless of how you personally feel about him, he does not want anything to do with you. As far as he is concerned, you are the enemy. He does not care that you did anything for him. All you do is hurt me when you defend him and feel sorry for him.

While you knew things were bad on my Street, life was a nightmare for a long time. You did not have to live with him. You do not understand how he used to treat me. If you lived through it by my side, I do not think you would share glowing memories.

What he did has a name and it is emotional/mental abuse, which is the same as if he would have physically abused me. He beat me up with words. You witnessed the drastic change in me. I was driven to alcohol to dull the constant unbearable pain I was in. I took antidepressants for over a year to cope with that same pain. How can you continually say you feel sorry for the Leech when he is same man who drove me over the edge and would have let me die? When I needed him most, he left me and sat on the couch feeling sorry for himself. You saw that with your own eyes, Mom. I will never forgive him for that and you should be furious too. That was a defining moment that I feel is conveniently overlooked.

The way he treated me when we were married was less than good. You should see that. Am I the same person I was before I met him? No - and that is because he broke my spirit by the emotional abuse he inflicted on me. No, I am not a victim. I accept full responsibility for what I allowed him to do to me. But I will no longer stand by and let you feel sorry for him. He made his choices, he performed his actions, and he does not deserve to be canonized simply because he took you on a few trips.

In light of all the women in our family who have chosen to stay in bad relationships, I would prefer your support of me, the fact that I was brave enough to show him the door, I have successfully made it on my own, moved on, and am finding my way back to my true self, the person I was before all this emotional upheaval occurred.

xoxo - wanderlust gyrl

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