16 December 2006

At Last!

Thanks to some tv commercial, Etta James' At Last! has taken up full time residence in my head for several days now. Playing over and over and over again.

"At last... my love has come along... my lonely days over... and life is like a song..."

Do we ever find that sweet spot Etta croons about? Or do we find the closest thing we can to that and call it a day?

"Ooh At last.. the skies above are blue... well my heart was wrapped up in clover... the night I looked at you..."

Days go by and I find myself contemplating this question. I understand perfection does not exist but at the same time is there someone, a few people that I could possibly find happiness with. I know that I have to find happiness on my own, but I am speaking of the Double Mint Twin happiness that two people share. The inside jokes, the small glances that mean something, things that only two people know. Does compromise kick off the entire notion of compromise in the relationship?

"I found a dream that I could speak to... a dream that I could call my own... I found a thrill to press my cheek to... a thrill that I have never known..."

Here I am at 32 and I have certainly kissed a lot of frogs. Where the fuck is my prince? When do I get my time in the sun? I still have growing up to do and certainly have growing old to do - and I want more than anything to do that with someone. I have learned how to live and live well on my own. I want to learn how to live and live well with someone.

"You smile... you smile... oh and then the spell was cast... and here we are in heaven for you are mine at last..."

I found two more gray hairs. Right in the front this time as if to mock me in the duo powers of reminding me that time is passing. I look at this life I've built - it is wonderful but it is also very lonely. I want to build a life with someone. I want a house filled with laughter again - I had that once and miss it ever so much.

"You are mine... you are mine... at last... at last... at last..."

I know I have work to do on myself. I know there are skeletons in my closet that must be sorted, acknowledged, and released. All that comes with time and I understand that. Patience, however, is not my forte. I want to be there now, but the journey is the bulk of the battle. And only then will I be able to say proudly with a loud voice, "At last!"

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