04 December 2006

Big Sister

Life seems to be coming together, getting closer to a state of peace.

I am not traumatized by the fact I did not get Dream Job. Instead, I am happy about the time it affords me to get life cleared up. I cannot wait to share this with the shrink. I am beginning to truly understand what triggers my depression and the thoughts that push me down the mountain into the black abyss. I am having dreams again - which is so refreshing even though the dreams tend to be a little disturbing.

The gal across the street - my pet sitter buddy - she called on Friday night. Called me rather than calling her piece of shit boyfriend that she'd just broken up with - again. I was happy Pet Sitter Buddy (PSB) called me. We spoke for awhile - she needed someone who gets it - understands the disappointment and hurt of a broken heart. I have lots of experience in that department.

I am ten years older than PSB. At her age, I was in such a different place. Spoofy was my sorta boyfriend - together but never spoke about our status. When Spoofy and I broke up, I was sad for a few days, shed a few tears and poof! the Spoof was done in my heart and head. I was looking forward to grad school, working and making some real cash.

PSB was speaking about "where are all the men?" I had to giggle to myself because the choices are so much better in her age bracket - and all I wanted to say but didn't was "just wait until you hit 32, my dear!" But I am thankful for the life experience I have gained in those ten years since the days of 21. I have seen the world, kissed a lot of frogs, loved a few frogs too. I have worked and had countless adventures. Sure I still care too much - I don't plan on being jaded - and my heart still gets broken - but I keep on hoping, dreaming, and wanting.

PSB has called several times to talk about her breakup. I listen and offer my insight when appropriate. She looks up to me as a big sister - one of the very few who understand what it is like being there, walking in those same shoes. I hope that in that sacred big sister role, I can help PSB to see that life is so much more than getting married by 22 and having kids and it is okay not to follow the traditional role if she choses not to. There is a whole world out there just waiting to have a bite taken out of it. Even on the days when I hate being at my table for one, I wouldn't change a thing. I happy with my choices - those choices have shaped me and granted me the fortune to meet some wonderful (and not-so wonderful) people and experience the essence of life. I have followed my heart and have been true to myself - what more can a girl ask for!!

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