19 December 2006

Graduation Day

Today was a day full of surprises. Today was a joyful day. While the door shut on me many months ago, today I found the window. I jumped out of that window and I stuck the landing.

This afternoon, I proceeded to the shrink's office with my little green notebook by my side - like always. The first wonderful surprise was that the stuck navigation CD magically ejected en route. Then for my appointment, we talked about my realizations, my epiphanies, my discoveries, my revelations, my new understandings, my new truths.

We delved further. We questioned and answered. Dialogue was wonderful - further solidifying my findings. Replacing the negative thoughts and learning to live by the new thinking was clear. Progress. Strides. Clear. Leaps. Bounds.

Shrink asked what was next. I told her I wanted to work on my severe commitment phobia. She stated that was merely a symptom of other deeper issues. Deeper issues I have explored, acknowledged, and am working toward making but a distant memory. Shrink believes my next relationship will not have the undertones of my past symptomatic deeper issues as a result. And you know what? I believe her. Breaking the pattern.

Shrink told me that I have reached the point where she can set me free. She'll still be available if I stumble. She knows I know the tools, she trusts that I will continue on the path of positive enlightenment. She has faith in me to continue living what we - she and I - worked so hard on. And I do too because I can't ever go back.

I was so happy that I cried. It was a lot of work. Going to a lot of places I didn't want to. It is amazing how scary your mind can be compared to a dark alley. But I made it. Sure, the work never stops, but the ugly stuff has been addressed.

I am proud of myself. And thrilled that I found the window and successfully jumped. Risks do pay off.

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