Call me Miss Priss

Considering the events of Monday night, when I saw this at Maison Pants, I just couldn't resist doing it for myself....

So here I am....

The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD) Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss. Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards. Your exact female opposite: The Playstation Random Gentle Sex Master You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing. ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM) CONSIDER: The Manchild (RBLD) Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid

'Cause I wonder, wonder...

So Montana Man is not returning my phone calls.

Which makes me wonder...

• Does he truly want to get back together?
• Did he not agree with my desire to take it slow?
• Is this him taking it slow?
• Is he back with the previous girlfriend?
• Did he mean what he confessed to me?
• Why am I upset over this?

Why am I so upset about this lack of contact? Or should I say minimal contact? I left him a voicemail this morning and stated "I am beginning to develop a complex because for the man who is always on the phone, why aren't you returning my calls?"

I need to get this whole situation cleared up because the see-saw is affecting me. I want to grow something with Montana Man but only if we can be on the same page together.

You know, he always asks me what I want. I think the time has come for me to pose that same question to him. Either we are moving forward or not.

In the case of Harry! I am so over it.

Take The Cake

It's Thursday and I have a constant pain on the lower right hand side of my pelvisy area. Yippee! It is ovarian cyst time once again. Shoot me!

As a direct result, it has been a very long day. How do I chose to wallow in pain that 4 Advil and an Aleve does not make a dent in? I eat this. More than I should eat too.

I have been so sluggish and not sleeping well so I made an appointment for an acupuncture tune up. I cannot wait to relax while the little pins are working their magic.

Today I met up with a pal for coffee. I haven't seen her since Christmas. She was shocked when she saw how thin I have gotten. She met me when I was fat, so she has never known the skinny me. I was excited it was so noticeable.

I am sleepy. I think I am going to take a nap. I have done too much thinking this week. I am looking forward to seeing one of my dearest friends tonight - heaven knows I have so much to fill him in on and I value his insight.

Points to Ponder

Shmuley Boteach has a checklist of questions for marriage in his book, Kosher Sex.

Here is the checklist:

1. Do I find this person attractive?
2. Is this a good person with a good heart?
3. Do they appeal to me, not just aesthetically, but in a deep way that will last well beyond the first wrinkle in their face?
4. Do I respect them?
5. Do they love children?
6. Do they have the capacity to put other people before themselves and empathize with another person's plight?
7. Are they charitable, not just in pocket, but in person?
8. Are they non judgemental?
9. Do they live for something other than the material and transitory?
10. Do they share my core values? And if not, do they at least harbor other fundamental core convictions?
11. Are they humble, or, at any rate, not arrogant?
12. Are they responsive to my needs?
13. Or do they always demand an explanation for the things that make me happy?
14. When they hurt me, are they forthcoming with an apology?
15. Are they slow rather than quick to anger?
16. And if so, are they at least easily appeased?
17. If I were asked to sum them up to my very best friend, would I describe them as a beautiful person, both inside and out?
18. Do they show an understanding for the fact that the very definition of a relationship is the ability for two people to cater to the needs of each other (even if they do not understand each other)?
19. If you decided not to marry them, how would you feel if you heard that they had gotten engaged to someone else? Would this cause unbearable pain?
20. If they don't live up to the above standards, do they at least have the humility and capacity to learn?
21. Do they admit their mistakes?
22. After being told them by others?
23. Or on their own?

In my given quandary, these are points I need to noodle on...

- kisses from the confused girl

Me: A to Z

Stumbled upon over at Lisa's Place in Space....

A- Attached or Single? Single but a little detached here and a little attached there
B- Best Friend: Sparkles and Shell
C- Cake or Pie: Cake without a doubt... red velvet, carrot, chocolate
D- Drink of Choice: Vodka Martini Straight Up
E- Essential Item: My Straightening Iron to do battle against the never ending frizz
F- Favorite Color: Red
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Worms! Sour gummy worms
H- Hometown: The Mile High City
I- Indulgence: Any kind of fattening, bad-for-you-but-tastes-oh-so-yummy item and sleeping in on the weekend
J- January or February: January because everyone is still in holiday hangover mode
K- Kids: My 2 hounds and numerous "nieces and nephews"
L- Life is incomplete without: Laughter and booze
M- Marriage Date: 26 October 2002 aka the beginning of the end - 25 August 2005 was the happy day it was all over in the eyes of the state
N - Number of Siblings: A human brother and a canine brother
O- Oranges or Apples? Oranges
P- Phobias/Fears: Snakes. Just thinking about a snake makes my skin crawl!
Q- Favorite Quote: "life is an adventure" (my personal mantra)
R- Reasons to smile: Wagging hound dog tails, seeing love in a person's eyes, hearing laughter
S- Season: Fall with its golden hues and distinct warm feeling
T- Tag Three: Colleen, Evil Science Chick,
U- Unknown Fact About Me: Way deep down there, I truly am a sappy romantic at heart
V-Vegetarian or Not: I go thru veggie head phases but at the end of the day when I crave a good medium rare steak I am going to gobble it up and enjoy every minute of it.
W- Worst Habit: Caring too much
X – X-rays or Ultrasounds? No preference... either way, both are fascinating to my science geek heart
Y- Your Favorite Foods: Sushi, oysters on the half shell, vodka, dim sum, pretty little nibbley apps, fresh chips and salsa
Z- Zodiac: Scorpio, baby - all the way!

What is Settling?

I started this post with the idea I would discuss my confusion and growing crystallization of where I should go with Montana Man's professions of undying love the other evening.

However, there is more to the picture than I had initially realized. There is a depth to the answer that is even more cavernous than I have even been able to admit to myself. Montana Man's statements have affected me beyond a point that he was aware.

What am I doing with my life? What do I want out of my life? What is the legacy I want to leave behind? What the fuck?!

Tomorrow marks six months until my 33rd birthday. Six months closer to close of another year. Six months of spinning. Six months of questions left unanswered. Six months to change things in this thing that is my life.

At what point do I decide to settle? Do I settle at all? I want a husband, I want a child or two, I want a family that consists of something more than just my job and the hounds. Jobs are not the be all, end all - maybe for some people, and I truly believed I was one of those people but I am not. Not any more. I want to have someone give me a mother's day present purchased from a dollar store or drawn on a piece of construction paper. I want everything I have fought so hard against.

You see, there's the rub. I have always strove to be independent, rely on no one, totally self-sufficient Wanderlust Gyrl. And now I want something besides what I have spent years getting so good at. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of not being needed. I am tired of not having someone to lean on. Not having someone to trust, be vulnerable with. Much like Belle, I want more than this provincial life. While I lead a life that many envy, to me, it is an empty life. Friends are wonderful, so is family, but it is not the same. It is not my own. While the hounds and I share a bond of a pack, I deeply desire the higher bond of my very own family.

Cue: Montana Man.

Of all the men I have ever met, Montana Man is the only one who has ever understood me. He has his flaws. But at what point do you stop looking for the gorgeous Padparadscha sapphire and decide that a pink sapphire can be just as nice? The Padparadscha may never be found and you continue to hunt for it, but then again, there is a decent pink sapphire right down the road. Keep taking a chance or bet on the sure thing? Some would call that settling; others might say it is the smart thing to do. What do I say?

Hence, my current quandary. Do I go into a relationship with Montana Man because he's as good as I have found. Don't get me wrong - he has his faults, he is anything but perfect. But am I going to find better? Time is passing me by. Time is moving quickly. Do I work with what is before me or keep hunting? Only catch is - at the end of the hunt, I may still be empty handed as I am right now.

Of course, Montana Man is not returning my phone calls right now, so maybe the time has passed me by already. And this is all for naught.

Three Strikes

Think I am done with Harry.

Whining. Lack of communication. Sexual performance (aka lack thereof).

Whining. The constant whining - sick, hurt, money - is getting old. First, it was going home for three days. His family time did not sound terrible. Then he got sick and that lasted a few weeks. Now the back pain. Followed by constant money mismanagement talk. Whining has it place and time. Yes, we all do it. But this is becoming a constant.

Lack of communication; otherwise known as a daily e-mail does not count as a valid form of meaningful communication. I do not like that Harry does not call me when I am out of town. We don't talk all week. Not hearing his voice and more importantly him not making any effort to call does not make me a happy girl. When we first started dating, he'd call me daily. Then - poof! - the calls dried up. The other day, Harry tells me about the story he had to tell the scheduler to get the time off for his trip to see me. The key words to strike my blood pressure into the stratosphere "since I didn't know what was going on with your job." To which I replied, "If you would have called me at all this week, you'd have known what was going on." Harry then states "but I email you every day." A daily e-mail does not encompass everything. He proceeded to come up with a litany of excuses about how a daily call is not always achievable. I did not ask for daily. I simply asked for more than weekly.

The lack of sexual functionality is also bringing me down. Harry has had occasional penile stamina issues in the past. However, these occasional issues are becoming a regular occurrence. This girl is not happy. After being without sex for a week, Harry had his performance issues again. I got nothing out of it. Nothing. Let me repeat that. Nothing.

Another item is the constant chatter about his ex-wife. I do not speak incessantly about my ex-Leech and/or any of my past boyfriends, so why his need to constantly mention her.

What am I doing with my life?