09 May 2007

Points to Ponder

Shmuley Boteach has a checklist of questions for marriage in his book, Kosher Sex.

Here is the checklist:

  1. Do I find this person attractive?
  2. Is this a good person with a good heart?
  3. Do they appeal to me, not just aesthetically, but in a deep way that will last well beyond the first wrinkle in their face?
  4. Do I respect them?
  5. Do they love children?
  6. Do they have the capacity to put other people before themselves and empathize with another person's plight?
  7. Are they charitable, not just in pocket, but in person?
  8. Are they non judgemental?
  9. Do they live for something other than the material and transitory?
  10. Do they share my core values? And if not, do they at least harbor other fundamental core convictions?
  11. Are they humble, or, at any rate, not arrogant?
  12. Are they responsive to my needs?
  13. Or do they always demand an explanation for the things that make me happy?
  14. When they hurt me, are they forthcoming with an apology?
  15. Are they slow rather than quick to anger?
  16. And if so, are they at least easily appeased?
  17. If I were asked to sum them up to my very best friend, would I describe them as a beautiful person, both inside and out?
  18. Do they show an understanding for the fact that the very definition of a relationship is the ability for two people to cater to the needs of each other (even if they do not understand each other)?
  19. If you decided not to marry them, how would you feel if you heard that they had gotten engaged to someone else? Would this cause unbearable pain?
  20. If they don't live up to the above standards, do they at least have the humility and capacity to learn?
  21. Do they admit their mistakes?
  22. After being told them by others?
  23. Or on their own?

In my given quandary, these are points I need to noodle on...

- kisses from the confused girl

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