it was time

The Southern Gentleman is still out of the country.

However, a piece of post from him was awaiting me at home.

My postcard.

It was short and to the point.

But my favorite part was the picture on the front of the card. It was a picture of my favorite (almost a patron saint of sorts if you will) Hindu god - Ganesha.

Seeing the picture of Ganesha restored my faith.

off

I am ...

Off the grid here shortly.

Off to get laptops re-imaged.

Off to the west coast.

Off to see a dear, dear pal.

Off to find a little bit of myself.

Off on an adventure.

time in hospitals

2009 has definitely started off with a bang!

It has been busier than I'd like with all sorts of medical crap. Everywhere I turn, it seems there is a 911 issue popping up.

First it was poor Edina taking a graceful fall at the rollerskating rink. The evening ended with a broken wrist, which required surgery of pins and plates to put it back together.

Next up, overlapping a bit with Eddie, was Alexander and his gallbladder. It required removal on the same day Eddie's pins and plates were added. Just when we were relieved that the pesky gallbladder was gone and Alexander and I would be on for our vision quest weekend, poof! Alexander's phone rings. His surgeon bore the news that Alexander's gallbladder was full of cancer. Yes. Cancer.

When I received that tidbit via voice mail, I felt all the air leave my lungs and the room itself. Shock, baby. My dear Alexander only just turned 33 at the beginning of the year. Disbelief ran high as Alexander and I have been friends since I was 17 years old. Our lives have taken us all over the space/time continuum but our friendship has only strengthened.

After a weekend of phone tag, we finally had a conversation on Sunday afternoon. We talked about the specifics. His first surgery was scheduled for the Saturday of our retreat. Since it has been moved again to tomorrow. I am happy that I am flying into LAX and will get to see him on Friday, even though he will be post-op.

My Alexander. After our conversation, I know he is going to be okay. I am happy with the timing as I feel it is crucially important that he and I are together, even if only for a few hours, through this. Our bond is one of those indescribable bonds.

He is going to be on bed rest for quite some time. I am going to go visit him and check in on him during that time. A few weekends to Cali isn't much. But more importantly, from the minute I received the news, thoughts of all my missteps with Goofy Buddy came to the forefront. I will not repeat that.

So Friday, I get to continue my court jester duties as I have for Edina's confinement. I cannot wait to see my Alexander and give him lots of grief about the hospital gown and the parts it doesn't cover... which is especially fitting since he is a gay man!

routine

Nothing makes me crankier than weight gain.

After being on cruise control maintenance, I found myself dumped off into lose it mode again. As I do not have a scale down here, I am going merely off the fact that some of my clothes are tight. And tight clothes push me over the edge.

I can pinpoint with exact precision exactly when this weight started creeping on - the surprise arrival of the parental units. The stress from that, my birthday, nicely followed up by the holidays lead me to this place.

Not helping the situation is my inability to establish any sort of routine at this house. At my home in CO, everything is effortless. In my previous Austin apartment, I had balance. But it is almost a year I have been in this house and I still feel that I am floundering. The imbalance doesn't help me to construct a healthy weight loss environment either.

However, I am resolved to establish balance and a semblance of routine at this place because seriously, a year is long enough. No more excuses! So I am eating regularly - yes, brekkie, lunch, dinner (no more forgetting to eat!). I purchased some exercise DVDs so I cannot be deterred by getting home in darkness. I have also purged all alcohol from the house as well as limiting my happy hour attendance. Booze is my caloric downfall.

I need to get back to my good happy place weight. I need to be ready to go at a moment's notice when the start gun finally goes off.

a year ago today

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Thursday, January 17, 2008, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

Today I received and read the mail I'd sent us on 16 Jan 2006. It was pretty crazy - while things didn't happen per the plan, everything happened none the less. It blew my mind.

Right now you are tired of being alone. Yes, you are finally ready to settle down and be married - at 33. It did take us awhile to get there but we are ready for that commitment - a lifetime commitment of love. February is rapidly approaching too... and this February is important as per the Asian custom, I turn 34 upon the date of my conception... and I was told I'd meet "him" when I am 34. So next month the possibility of "him" coming into my life is palpable. I am beyond ready for this to occur... beyond.

March 5th will mark the one year anniversary of our first trip to Austin. 3/5/07 - that one day, that one decision has had a powerful impact on all facets of our world - in fact, it has changed our world forever. We found our home, our life, everything we have sought out here in ATX. I am currently working hard on getting us moved down here. I feel confident we will succeed and by this time next year, the dogs and you will be official Texas residents.

You must continue to embrace life as you have this past year. Living fearlessly, making friends, being your true genuine self with people upfront rather than after they know you a bit. Channel you inner Crazy Neighbs more often - make that the standard. You've done a kick ass job breaking your shell open, now simply completely leave the shell behind.

You've lost about all the weight you gained thru unhappy marriage and pills. Continue working on getting rid of the last few remnants - those stubborn 5 pounds. Whenever I walk the Town Lake trail, I think of how much Big dog is going to love being on those walks with you - devour every minute of that experience once Big dog is able to join us.

Be kinder to the little dog. She is not easy going like Big dog but try not to be so blatantly favoring towards Big dog.

Montana Man. Hopefully you are just about done collecting your cash back from him. I certainly hope he kept his word and you did not have to sue him. Either way, you should just about have him out of your life completely. Amen!

Has The Southern Gentleman turned out to be "him"? Part of me hopes beyond hopes that you and he are together, that he is "the one". The Southern Gentleman and you had such a wonderful time together in Sept 2007. Part of me truly feels there is a reason he has remained in contact all these years - that only working together for 6 months but our remaining in contact over the past almost 8 years means something. But who ever it is, I know "he" will be worthy of you - finally.

Enjoy life. Enjoy the adventure. You are getting your "life is an adventure" attitude back; hopefully by the time you read this, you will be back to even better than before... because you are definitely almost there.

Austin has opened you up. You have already established a wonderful, fulfilling life here. You can do that anywhere now. The world is your oyster. I have so much faith in you, Patsy. This year you will flourish like no other. You will be successful - work, life, emotionally, mentally - on all fronts. I know you can and will do it!

Go get 'em girl! xoxo

10 best

It is enlightening article time once again!

According to the rules of their universe, here are the top 10 cities for men:

1. Madison, Wis.
2. St. Paul, Minn.
3. Salt Lake City
4. Seattle
5. Aurora, Colo.
6. San Jose, Calif.
7. Lincoln, Neb.
8. San Francisco
9. Boston
10. Minneapolis

Reaction in bullet points and no particular order:

• I find #5 quite frightening
• For Cherry's sake, I hope #6 and #8 are correct.
• Don't the #8 boyz like other boyz... primarily?!
• Clearly men like cold temperatures
• and being in the middle
• #2 and 10 mean I have to make to trip to see WhiskeyMarie because she must be surrounded by men!

Happy Friday!

trying to pull my strings

Yesterday morning as I logged into my instant messenger, this little ditty below from Montana Man popped up in my screen...

Pats, thank you for being my true friend after all we have gone through! I dont know how to express my appreciation so that you understand it. You showed me so much about me and my life i cant explain it to anyone >>>>> I really do love you and have! You have shown me what a true friend means... God bless you and i hope someday i can help you like you have me...

TSG Visit: Friday I

The Southern Gentleman had called to wish me a Merry Christmas while I was enjoying Christmas dinner at Edina’s. That evening I did not get home until after 11 PM, which was midnight at his home; thus too late to call him back.

I slept in a bit on Friday but was sure to call The Southern Gentleman. His voice sounded a bit frazzled as he told me that he was in line to check in and he’d call me shortly. I went about completing the final touches around the house. With anxious energy still coursing through me, I took the pups on a walk.

Of course, The Southern Gentleman called when he arrived at DFW and I was just completing our walk. We spoke briefly as his connection time was short. He sent me a text stating his flight was delayed 15 minutes. I was relieved because the few extra minutes would ensure my timely arrival at the airport.

Typically, I am running late for airport pick ups, so I was especially proud of myself for arriving on time. In fact, I had to wait a bit; the excitement building until I saw him exiting through security. The Southern Gentleman was a man on a mission headed toward baggage claim so he did not see me at the side of the security. I tapped him on the shoulder as he began his decent down the stairs. He whipped around, grabbed me in the middle of the stairway and put his arms around me. A big hug, but no kiss. We sprinted out of the airport to the parking garage, happily chatting away. At the entrance of the parking garage I noticed something at my feet, stopping before I stepped on it. A small enameled turtle broach. As I picked up that turtle, little did I know it would serve as the metaphor for this trip.

Catch up commenced immediately. It felt more like we were picking up after he’d been on a two week business trip and not the reality that his last visit was 9 months ago. It is simply the leaving part of this equation where I do not excel.

At home, the pups went wild the moment they saw him. Both hounds were dancing and jumping around with their typical over-the-top enthusiasm. My big girl did not leave his side the entire time; the little one was constantly cozying up to him on the couch.

I commenced to making cocktails and The Southern Gentleman emptied his bags proudly taking out a wrapped Christmas present. Green paper neatly wrapped complete with a bow and card. Seeing as he was all about gift time, I retrieved his presents as well. He was so much fun in gift mode as he shook and felt each present trying to guess what each item was. Of course he was dead on with the golf balls, however, he was stumped on the remaining items. I was quite pleased that he did in fact like the pocket watch I selected for him. I opened mine gift which was a bag of m&ms and a beautiful olive green pashmina.

Before we knew it, it was 7 PM and time to head to a birthday happy hour. We arrived to a room full of people and luckily Edina kept empty seats by her so we did a quick shuffle in as I felt all eyes were on me as we walked in. I felt very self conscious, so I ran to say hello to the birthday boy, who immediately inquired, “who’s the boy?” I hadn’t thought that far in advance, mumbling something about male friend while running directly for the arms of Coco. Worlds colliding are not my strong point.

Back in the safety of Edina’s portion of the table, cocktails were ordered and I grew calmer. Edina asked to see my new ring, so I put my hand out to show her. I had to laugh as one of the guys at the end of the table happily chimes in “Congratulations!” and another gal immediate corrected him stating the ring was not in fact an engagement ring because it is was on the wrong finger, on the wrong hand.

Eventually the festivities were to move next door, to the strip club. Our dear Southern Gentleman puts his foot down firmly stating that we are not going. Clearly no amount of peer pressure was going to persuade him either. Edina and a few of the other girls were going to skip the strip portion with us as The Southern Gentleman proudly told the birthday boy that he and his harem of women were headed elsewhere. The birthday boy would have none of that – the interloper swooping in and stealing his women, especially Edina. The birthday boy eventually got his way and the girls went with him to the strip club; TSG and me heading off in another direction.

the mailman

Yesterday I felt rather tired and beat up from this cold and/or allergy party that is going on in my body. So I left work at a decent time (5:30 PM) and headed home rather than catching cocktails with a coworker.


My evening plans were to drug up and finish the teenage vampire series once and for all. I had not slept the previous night as vampire fights were running through my head. While the pups were outside, I promptly consumed my benadryl and tylenol and headed to the post box.

By now, you should all know what I found in my post box. A card. From none other than The Southern Gentleman. It was a cute thank you card with his manly handwriting sprawling across the paper surface. He was sure to send it the day before he left for his business trip. Sweet, upbeat - all things positive.

Ah, this man.

i hope he's right...

Next time you make a wish, Patsy, wish for what is, because really and truly, things don't get much better than this.

There is a purpose, a plan, and a reason for all things. What doesn't make sense, will make sense. You are exactly where you should be; your challenges are what they should be; your rewards are what they should be; and the best is yet to come. Time has served you well. Love is in the air. And you're looking mighty good in the light that now surrounds you.

A toast to life... to you... to us...
The Universe

i been sick

gah! little germies has invaded my personal space.

fighting the battle against them has taken precedence but has given me ample opportunity to finish those silly twilight books.

the southern gentleman left on his month long work trip today, but we didn't get the chance to speak before he left. somehow though i am hopeful.

and now for tonight's half baked theory

most of yesterday and today has been spent reading the third book in the twilight series.

this afternoon bella's incessant whining about wanting to be a vampire irked me beyond imagine... then in a weird sort of way it kicked in....

edward is the southern gentleman. bella, the whiner... me.

like i said, in a weird sort of way.

this parallel may or may not be further probed.

sheesh... i need to get out of the house as i haven't left since coming home after our rock star new years eve celebration!