One Word on a Monday

Thanks to C for this one....

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Your last meal: chocolate
Something on your desk/work area: tablecloths
Your New Year’s Eve plans: undecided
The smallest gift you received this year: candy
The largest gift you received this year: chi
Something you wish you hadn’t eaten so much of during the holidays: vodka
On your feet: nothing
Your hair: ponytail
How many other countries you’ve traveled to: 24
One country you dream of visiting: srilanka
A hobby you’d like to take up/revisit this year: gym
A hobby of yours that died (aww, buh-bye) this past year: renovations
A publication you subscribe to (print): bonappetite
The most embarrassing subscription in your feed reader (if you have one): n/a
One of your favorite stores to window shop dreamily in: tiffany’s
One of your favorite online stores to window shop dreamily on: tiffany’s
A color you love to wear: red
Your bed pillow: multiples
The color of your kitchen counter: grayish-red
What you plan to do when you get up from the computer: shower

away with you

the past few weeks i have felt the small gnawing of depression here and there. random tears. while work stress has been almost unbearable and the holiday hoopla thrown in just to spice things up, i decided to visit my acupuncturist supreme. i decided i needed to go now just as the symptoms were barely surfacing - be proactive this time rather than dwell in the cave denial built.

i made the appointment. acupuncturist supreme said that my trouble pulse was low and good i noticed and came in. finally, i am in tune with my body. finally, i notice the depression symptoms. finally, i have the courage to be proactive so i never go down the rabbit hole again. depression will never run my life again. for that i am beyond proud of myself.

The Grinch

Life is getting weird. Montana Man is attempting a resurgence. I must resist, no matter how fucking tired I am of being alone.

All I want for Christmas is for this to be last Christmas I spend alone.

I am 33 years old ~ the last thing I should be doing is being alone or schlepping it up to my parents to wallow in my aloneness.

I am so tired of this broken record, every holiday alone.

At what point do I say enough is enough, give up and live a partial dream?

Run, Run Rudolph

While I am PMS-ing, bloated, and overall feeling fat, it just takes one little thing to make me forget all that and feel happy from the inside out.

That one little thing is watching my greyhound run out in the backyard. We just got in and my heart is spilling over with love and happiness - to see her fly through the yard, her tail wagging with joy, the brightness of her eyes, and the goofy little devilish smile on her face knowing I can never catch her.

She and I have been through so much together. We've both made it through and can run with smiles on our faces. I love her to pieces. I am so happy I never gave up on her nor she on me.

Just call me B.C.

It has been one hell of a week. Supposed to be holiday ~ as the world as I know it is termed 'use it or lose it' ~ however, been working this entire time. This situation directly results in me turning into one super, over the top, nasty-ass bitch. Let's simply say I am bitter, very bitter.

Moving on.

As I do not possess a fully stocked kitchen in SxSWland and I am at home for a decent clip, I decided to go all Betty Crocker. Are you sitting down? Because. I. made. cookies. As if to start with the ingredients in their natural state. And to every single solitary person who asked what I was doing and I replied "baking cookies", they all had the same answer, "Patsy? Are you sick?" Some went so far to say, "Are you fucking sick?" Yes, baking is something so non-Patsy. However, I did enjoy a few cocktails during the entire process. I mean what else is a girl supposed to do while rolling balls of cookie dough from the bowl of never ending cookie dough? 20 minutes is a long time to sit by the oven waiting patiently ~ drinks were a necessity.

I have to go upstairs and make myself pretty as I am meeting some friends for a late night happy hour. This winter stuff sucks. I find myself missing the Lone Star State's pseudo-winter.

Bald Magnet

Another whirl wind weekend. Not as crazy as last month but definitely keeping me hopping.

Last night though. The Christmas party wine tasting extravaganza. Met a new man who was totally digging me. I don't know what it is with me and bald men. My abundance of hair must be a magnet to those follically challenged.

He immediately sought me out. We chatted for awhile, found out we work for the same company. He asked for my number which I happily provided. He wanted to see me for brunch this morning but I already had plans. He stated he wished he could change his plans for tonight - his birthday dinner with his children. Of course I get on the plane tomorrow morning and will be gone until after the first of the year. Boo.

Other than shaving his head to mask the receding hairline, he was well dressed - even had good shoes on -muscular, but not in the chubby sense, muscular as in the man works out. We talked for quite some time - the party moved from the kitchen to the dining room but I honestly did not notice as we were in our own little world, which was nice for a change. We continued chatting the rest of the evening until I noticed it was 1 AM! Yikes, I had an early morning so I downed my wine and headed for the door, lest I turn into a pumpkin.

He left with me. I got a nice hug good night complete with a kiss on my right cheek. I saw his little sports car zip away up the street. Yummy! a fun little two seater sports car - this definitely has potential fun written all over it.

We will see. He has my number. He seemed interested last night. Hopefully he will call. I could definitely use a little entertainment down here.

TGIF?

It is cold and rainy here. A day to be spent inside snuggling on the couch, getting it on, keeping each other warm rather than relying on the furnace.

So how did I spend this dreary, stay-in-bed day? Slaving away for The Man. Only bright spot was a little cyber sex with Montana Man. Yes, that is just how bad today was. The trenches of hell.

Had a good knitting night with my girls though. That was a definite highlight.

More stories later... as the wine is calling my name and I must,must answer that sexy bottle of merlot!

xoxo

What's in a dream?

Do dreams really hold any messages? Are they merely a manifestation of our unconscious yearnings? Something meaningful? Or a brain uncensored?

I don't know the answer but I did have a delightful little dream last night. I rarely remember my dreams so I am excited when I do have a recollection. This dream was so real that it actually woke me to some extent.

The vivid image that remains, burned in is that of The Southern Gentleman and I walking next to each other, both smiling with a little girl between us. We are each holding her hand, the three of us walking, giving her a bit of a swing along the way. I remember thinking the little girl was so cute. I remember drinking up The Southern Gentleman's sweet smile.

Was that simply my hope revealing itself? Or was it the preview of coming attractions I asked for?

Double Standards

Double standards are everywhere.

It makes me sad that here we are in the 21st century but still these double standards remain in tact with what feels like a iron grip to me.

Montana Man may be a lot of things. But one good thing about the man is the fact that he is a good father. There is a double standard for mothers and fathers who share custody. I see it all the time with Montana Man. The Alec Baldwin voicemail debacle from earlier this year makes total sense after living through a lot the off-balance scale of justice.

I have had my own experience of seeing the double standard in action with my father and fictitious allegations. Same with my uncle. Anyone can fling accusations at will. It is not innocent until proven guilty any more. Guilt is implied regardless.

Then there is the double standard I am wrestling with. Because I dress nice and take care of myself that I somehow asked for ass grab 2007 to happen, I invited it. In fact, I did not; but there lies the double standard rub. That is a fact. However, I cannot do anything about what happened, other than protect myself from it occurring again.

Nope, no hr course of action. Why? I was 25 and fell pray to a man who propositioned me in a very lewd fashion at work and went to boast this proposition with a co-worker. Being a dewy eyed 25 year old, I told my manager and he was required to file it with HR. Nothing happened besides the offender got a talking to. I had to find a new assignment to save my own sanity. Honestly, I do not want a second harassment on MY record. Hence, I have to expect and stop anything like this from happening again myself. Myself.

Double standards. Yeah.

Upset = Missing 1 Day

I missed the last day of NaBloPoMo. In my flood of emotion after the great cop a feel incident of 2007, I forgot the last day of November is not indeed Thursday Nov 29, but in fact November really does have 30 days! Shite. I did so good too.