08 January 2007

Learning: Risk without Fear

The whole MM filling out eHarmony is still bugging me. a lot. more so than it did yesterday.

It must be finality to it all. The fact that 17 January is a year he walked into my life. And that date is right around the corner.

I am torn between saying something and keeping quiet. I always stayed quiet with him and it wasn't a good thing. Maybe I should open my mouth. Speak from my heart. Take the chance on being rejected.

Is this a litmus test on his part? I keep telling myself that men are not that complicated - but MM always proved to be smarter than the average duck and behaved in some ways more like a woman.

Fear of rejection has cost me before. I have to risk without fear. Live fearlessly where men are concerned, where my heart is concerned. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Prepare for the worst, expect nothing.

The more I think about it, let the words fly forth from my fingers without processing, I feel that I should say something to him. Be honest, first and foremost.

I never said enough to him before. Maybe this is how I begin again. Regardless of his answer, I tell him the truth, I am honest with him and honest with myself about how I feeling; I share the vulnerable parts of me.

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