25 August 2007

An Anniversary of Sorts

Today is two years that my divorce was final.

In so many ways, it feels like an eternity ago. Another lifetime.

I know I made the best decision possible when I decided it was time to file the papers. Skipped the separation, headed directly to my get-out-of-jail card by paying the county a mere $200 to legally free me from my hell with The Leech.

I know The Leech never believed I would go through with it. He left items behind. He never thought I would end it. But I did. And I cannot tell you how happy I am because of my decision. Sure I am 32 and alone, but I would much rather be happy and alive today than still attached to that 200 pound anchor that was dragging me deeper and deeper into the depths of liquid despair.

Since I have been in SxSW land, I feel more and more like my true self again. You see dear Internet, my true self was someone that The Leech suppressed and I honestly lost for quite awhile. I am back, but not in completely the same way. You know how when you glue a broken plate back together somehow not all the pieces fit perfectly again. It changes the appearance ever so slightly, but I feel those little changes are for the better. When I told my mother that I felt back together, she replied that The Leech took my carefreeness away. That opinion I do not share because back then I literally was carefree - no mortgage, no bills, no household responsibility - I simply worked and had a great time traveling the country. My carefree isn't in the forefront any more because I do have all those responsibilities now; I have grown up. The carefreeness still exists - it manifests itself when Montana Man's girls and I play, when I meet up with a good friend and my silliness pours out, when the old guys in the office laugh hearing my after-work adventures. I am still willing to jump in with both feet and do, but it is not in pole position any more.

I am happy to celebrate that I obtained myself again on this day. I was brave enough to take the steps to free myself from a toxic marriage. Because I knew I deserved to be better to myself. And I am elated I did.

~ Cheers ~

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