27 September 2007

The Difference a Year Makes

Can't believe it is already coming up to a week that The Southern Gentleman arrived. His trip went by too quickly. I could have used another day with him.

I have been floating around the office all week. Of course, there is only one small wrinkle in it all - I don't know when I am going to see him next. Geographically challenged. That's me.

However, if you would have told me this time last year that I would out here in the land of burnt orange madness, I would not have believed you. Life is fluid - who knows where I will find myself this time next year - the possibilities are endless. I happily embrace each and every one of those delicious possibilities.

That is what I found myself pondering during painful conference calls today. Where I was this time last year. I was falling deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of depression. Montana Man had broken up with me. I was distraught because he was my world. It was an ugly time.

Fast forward to today. I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. I have evolved. My life is full of richness - friends, family, co-workers, warmth of heart, smiles, laughter, compassion, caring, love, excitement - that I am beyond grateful for. I am not the carefree person I was six years ago. The elements are still there, but my life is not as compartmentalized as it once was. I am freer in all aspects of my life. I may not be as goofy with my family, but I am goofy at work where I'd have never done that in the past. Last night, a co-worker came over and we cooked dinner. We had a great time talking and eating until 1 AM. I'd have never been able to pull that off before. I can now and I am proud for those strides I have made. People always smile when they see me in the hallways. I find myself being more open and randomly talking with people in all facets of life. Like last Saturday night, we had a drink at the bar while waiting for our table. Our table buzzer went off, so The Southern Gentleman ran to the hostess table while I picked up the tab on the drinks. A man on a date with a woman told me, "That isn't right that he is getting the table and sticking you with the bill." Old days - I wouldn't have said anything or mumbled something - shy! escape! I told this man, "Actually these drinks are the first and only thing I have paid for all weekend. He has taken really good care of me and this is the least I can do." The man smiled and told me that was good to which I replied yes, he is a very kind man.

The Southern Gentleman is very kind. It isn't about who foots the bill, but the kindness that oozes out of him. The way he told me not to worry, he'd take care of me. The look in his eyes when he spoke those words. He meant it and I believed him with all my heart. The way he took my hand, put his arm around me, the way he kept his word. And after all I have been through, this I know for sure - actions truly do speak volumes louder than words - his actions and words were in sync. And that is of the utmost importance to me.

No comments: