08 April 2008

TSG Holiday: Saturday

I awoke Saturday mid-morning to the hounds running amuck, The Southern Gentleman zonked on the couch and a decent hangover. I got some water and took The Southern Gentleman back to bed with me. He was completely dressed and I do remember undoing his buttons because I felt bad that he was fully dressed in hot clothing. Nothing of a sexual nature occurred. We actually resurrected ourselves at 1 PM. The Southern Gentleman appeared to be in worse shape than me. Much Advil was consumed.

Upon getting our land legs back while still maintaining a twinge of hungover-ness, we headed out for his favorite barbecue. We had a good lunch without beer and stopped by the Hindu temple on the road home. On the ride back to town, he told me that at one point last night, I was very provocative with him. We picked up a few movies because he was quite intent on a couch day. We like the same movie genres – woo hoo for a man who willingly wants to watch independent films!!

Back at my house, we watered up, settled in on the comfy couch and watched Superbad. We laughed and the simple ease of both of us lying on the sectional was palpable. We took a break between films and The Southern Gentleman gently laughed as he asked me how I wanted my cocktail mixed. He proceeded to return with more water and M&Ms and then lit candles and turned off the lights. As if to set a romantic mood. The circles of mixed messages this man sends to me. Watched the end of No Country for Old Men a few times. I love that we can have discussion about movie endings and the greater meanings. Most importantly, I love that I do not feel any need to mask my true self with The Southern Gentleman. We watched a bit of Saturday Night Live, then The Southern Gentleman asked if I was ready to go to bed because he was.

We climbed into bed. Our last evening together. I was growing sad and at the same time disappointed that we had not had any sort of clear, unequivocal ‘talk’ about us. Lying in bed, I just kept talking to him and asking him questions so our time would not end. I was dreading the morning. I asked particulars about the house he is building. He told me about the various rooms and features he wanted; that his neighbors seem less than nice, that they know he is single and without a girlfriend. He mentioned that sometimes he wonders what his life would be like right now if he had not divorced when they did – if he’d still be doing the same kind of work as me, would they still be married, would he have children. I told him that if things hadn’t happened as they did, then he would not be here beside me at this very moment.

Next we spoke about my house – I told him I will be very happy when it is sold. He stated, “But I thought you loved that house?” I told him that part of my life is over and I am ready to be free of it. He asked where I will go. I shared with him that I have no desire to and will not return to Mile High and that I will not be staying permanently in SxSWland either. “Where will you go?” he asked again. I replied, “I don’t know but I will land wherever I am supposed to be.”

Eventually, I fell asleep first.

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