23 July 2008

making her list, checking it twice

Recently, my list of must-haves for a potential suitor has garnered a fair amount of scrutiny. Even Edina thinks I am a bit hung up on a few points, but over the years I have come to know myself and the things I have tried to overlook but no amount of overlooking can stifle my true, raw, honest feelings. Yes, my list looks rather superficial on the surface – but if anyone knows how many frogs I have kissed and how much benefit of the doubt I have bestowed on these frogs, they would know that my list consists of brutal honesty.

It was extremely difficult for me to get to the point of even considering writing up a list. I have always been anti-list because a person is not on par with a gift registry. A person is so much more than a list! Besides I have faithful lived my life with a “don’t judge a book by its over” mentality because I know how I come off to new people. I am painfully shy in a new setting (although that has lessened some) but because I am well put together, my shyness is typically interpreted as aloofness and quite frankly women think I am a stuck up bitch, so never give me a chance.

Another important facet of my list avoidance is my father. He is a brilliant man even though he never went to college and he provided very well for his family. If my father could be so much more than his credentials, then other men could be too, right? I embraced life and men with that in mind. Sure I’ll go out with you at least once! Up to three times because those first few dates are always a little jittery.

Reality is far different than the utopia of sunshine and happiness I have floating around in my mind and heart. Last spring as my relationship with Harry Goldenblatt was waning, I was struck by the lightening bolt that clearly told me, “Girl! Wake up! It is time for you sit down, be painfully honest with yourself and write up your must-have list so you stop wasting your time on men who will never fulfill you.”

And thus, the list was born… based on my experience, my relationships, and being true to myself. I refuse to sell myself short any long.

An example – A man must possess a mortgage (or outright own his property). A mortgage is a commitment. If a man cannot commit to a payment, he certainly cannot commit to me. Also, if he cannot make his payment that also plays into his priorities; therefore, if ensuring there is a roof over his head is not high on the list, we are not going to be compatible.

After last week’s happy hour with Coco and Curly Sue, I realized this list was created long before The Southern Gentleman strolled into my life in a suitor capacity. Imagine my surprise and delight when I ran him through my list and he checks out on all fronts – straight up and sticking to the guidelines. So much for the naysayers.


Whiskeymarie said...

I think lists are worthwhile for big things like this.
And grocery lists.

Because, while it's one thing to forget to bring home cat food, it's another entirely to forget that you can't stand a guy that chews with his mouth open, or whatever.

patsy said...

amen, whiskey! your're my kind of girl!