disbelief

disbelief  [dis-bi-leef] 

noun

1. the inability or refusal to believe or to accept something as true.

2. amazement; astonishment

This morning I still find myself in a state of disbelief regarding SuperDad's phone call. While the call itself was unexpected, his approach to the conversation and many of his statements simply blew me away as I never thought he, of all people, would be capable of forgiveness and compassion. 

He proudly shared with me that he's lost 40 pounds, going to quit smoking, physical health issues are nearly gone, selling his home, and getting his beach property. I was happy to hear things have turned around for him in the past seven months. He also shared he had been dating someone but broke it off once she wanted something more permanent. 

Then he said he missed me. That he thought we'd been good together. But he also realized that he hadn't made any effort to see me and he shouldn't have expected me to sit at home knitting every night waiting for something that wasn't happening. Then he said, "I just treat it like a dream." 

Never in a million years did I ever think I would hear anything remotely like that. Never.


But that doesn't change anything for me. Strangely enough, I have no desire to go back there. I simply don't want to go backwards. We can be friends just as we had been for some time, but nothing more than that. I genuinely like SuperDad and I do care about him but purely platonic.