11 July 2012

radio silence

This is the part of attempting to date that I hate: radio silence.

Communication with Said Potential Suitor #1 has been daily. Yesterday, radio silence. He could be busy. He could be dead. But I don't like the fact that I am disappointed. Combined with frustration about another Potential Suitor #2, who feels like he is being difficult and an arse to boot and I am realizing why I retreat into my comfort zone of no-men-is-a-okay-by-me.

I go into that zone due to the frustration, perceived games, inconsistency. I feel I try to be genuine and honest, but get frustrated when I don't feel that in return. It is "feel" that is the operative word, right. My feelings are based on my perception. What if my perception is skewed? What if I give up too easily? Get frustrated too easily? I worry that I let my inner skeptic take control of the reins at the moment any perceived grievance is lodged.

Maybe the time has come for me to put my big girl panties on and not worry about all this. Not to pick things apart. Not to give away my power. Just roll with it. Yes, that will be my new mantra every time the skeptic tries to barge in.

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