Oh I wish I were an Oscar Myer Weener...

I feel like I am such a whiner here.

Here in my little corner of wanderlust land.

I cried and whined about Montana Man. The good, the bad, the ugly, the crying, the heartbreak, the denial, the denial, the denial.

Harry Goldenblatt was a small bump in the road.

The Questionable Italian was an even more minuscule bump in the road.

Now The Southern Gentleman is on the scene. And I feel like I am in whiny mode again. Because I have no patience and want The Southern Gentleman. NoW!

I don't want to be whiny. But y'all get what is bubbling at the surface of my brain. And on my brain - straight up - is my future, my life and how that all relates to The Southern Gentleman.

However, Montana Man called this afternoon. Keep in mind that last Sunday night he pinged me with the following -

MM: Hey, you dont return phone calls. geee you must have a man
MM: LOL
WG: hola. I am a busy girl :)
MM: with who? lol
WG: Remember - I had company this weekend. My poor liver.
MM: the guy from alanta
WG: Yes, my pal from the South. We drank our way thru SxSW-land
MM: cool

And on Friday, this is what he said:

MM: i thought you left prom queen (inside joke)
WG: i am home - nibbling on dinner. trying to figure out my night
MM: lol so many places and mmmmm guys. lol. go girl. i am sooo proud of you. you really have made so many great steps in your life
WG: overall, i am not impressed with the men here
MM: so what you will find one. you have a lot of good friends there. sooooo that is most of it silly
WG: honestly the good friends is all that matters to me
MM: and you got some last weeekend sooo you are good for a while
WG: nope - he was a total gentleman
MM: you should have silly
WG: not with him
MM: lol. ok
WG: maybe one day but not now
MM: lol

Fast forward to today...

Montana Man tells me at the end of our phone call, "It was really good to catch up today." Because I could not resist, I inquire "What do you mean?" Montana Man responds "Because we hardly talk anymore. Not like we used to."

I did not go where I could have. I mean after all we did break up - you broke up with me - duh! And I laugh because he is trying to make me jealous that he is going out on dates. His mediocre date on Tuesday has since turned into something fun to do since then - why? - because I am not showing signs of jealousy. I think it is funny.

While I'd love to be able to discuss the Southern Gentleman with Montana Man for a true male point of view - I don't think we are there yet. As evidenced by the above messenger exchange, I honestly do not believe that Montana Man is ready to hear about the next phase in my life.

In other news, no Sunday phone call from The Southern Gentleman. I did not think he would call. But still, secretly in my heart of hearts, I was hoping he would.

And a Side Order of Patience, Please

hmmm... waiting. patience. patience.

Patience is not my strong suit. Never has been.

When I was a child, I'd sneak peeks at Christmas packages. Then got bolder and started finding my parents' hiding places for the presents. To this day, I purchase gifts for people and cannot wait to give them - it is pure torture for me to have to wait. Patience. I ain't got no.

I never fully realized how very ready I am to take the big leap. The big leap into a potential lifetime commitment of love. When face-to-face with reality, I discovered I am. I really am. And that has taken me by surprise. I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.

While I love my freedom, no ties, I am ready to share my life with someone. It's taken me awhile to get here, but I am cool with that idea now. In fact, I embrace it with open arms. When I was married last time, I refused to change my last name. Even when Montana Man and I were chatting up marriage, I did not want to change my last name. It is my identity - I was deeply attached to fighting for it. However, with the Southern Gentleman, I would change my last name in a heart beat. That is a huge step for me - and it says a lot.

But we are now to the wait and see stage of the dance. Which requires patience. I think this is going to be a growing experience for me. Because like everything else in my life, nothing comes easy.

Pondering

A quiet weekend.

Thoughts of "this time last week" running through my mind.

Feeling a wee bit sad because time goes by so quickly some days.

1,200 miles separates us right now.

Need to figure out my weekend. Thinking a little happy hour would be good.

Enjoy my time here. Make the most of it.

The Difference a Year Makes

Can't believe it is already coming up to a week that The Southern Gentleman arrived. His trip went by too quickly. I could have used another day with him.

I have been floating around the office all week. Of course, there is only one small wrinkle in it all - I don't know when I am going to see him next. Geographically challenged. That's me.

However, if you would have told me this time last year that I would out here in the land of burnt orange madness, I would not have believed you. Life is fluid - who knows where I will find myself this time next year - the possibilities are endless. I happily embrace each and every one of those delicious possibilities.

That is what I found myself pondering during painful conference calls today. Where I was this time last year. I was falling deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of depression. Montana Man had broken up with me. I was distraught because he was my world. It was an ugly time.

Fast forward to today. I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. I have evolved. My life is full of richness - friends, family, co-workers, warmth of heart, smiles, laughter, compassion, caring, love, excitement - that I am beyond grateful for. I am not the carefree person I was six years ago. The elements are still there, but my life is not as compartmentalized as it once was. I am freer in all aspects of my life. I may not be as goofy with my family, but I am goofy at work where I'd have never done that in the past. Last night, a co-worker came over and we cooked dinner. We had a great time talking and eating until 1 AM. I'd have never been able to pull that off before. I can now and I am proud for those strides I have made. People always smile when they see me in the hallways. I find myself being more open and randomly talking with people in all facets of life. Like last Saturday night, we had a drink at the bar while waiting for our table. Our table buzzer went off, so The Southern Gentleman ran to the hostess table while I picked up the tab on the drinks. A man on a date with a woman told me, "That isn't right that he is getting the table and sticking you with the bill." Old days - I wouldn't have said anything or mumbled something - shy! escape! I told this man, "Actually these drinks are the first and only thing I have paid for all weekend. He has taken really good care of me and this is the least I can do." The man smiled and told me that was good to which I replied yes, he is a very kind man.

The Southern Gentleman is very kind. It isn't about who foots the bill, but the kindness that oozes out of him. The way he told me not to worry, he'd take care of me. The look in his eyes when he spoke those words. He meant it and I believed him with all my heart. The way he took my hand, put his arm around me, the way he kept his word. And after all I have been through, this I know for sure - actions truly do speak volumes louder than words - his actions and words were in sync. And that is of the utmost importance to me.

Southern Gentleman's Weekend

The Southern Gentleman is en route back to his home in the south. Honestly, I am sad he left. I had such a fabulous time and it was only getting better. He is even more amazing than I remembered. Ahh... The Southern Gentleman is simply wonderful.

Let's start at the beginning. Getting dressed for work Friday morning, I had to make the critical decision of what to wear since I would be heading straight to the airport from work. I went with the black and white Steve Madden:

(I hang on the edge of the bath tub for you internet! that's what I call love!)

The day crept by until suddenly it was time for me to leave. I feared I would be late because, well, I left late. Luckily, I arrived on time, was able to park, and be there at baggage claim when he came down the escalator.

He saw me first. I had forgotten or maybe even never realized how tall The Southern Gentleman is. Even in my high heels, he still towers over me. 6' 4" is one tall drink of water.

Off to the car, let the adventure begin! We went downtown and the booze started flowing along with the conversation. We spent time at the Cuban place, then headed off to bbq dinner, back downtown for more cocktails and finally home. At home, he settled into his room. We each got ready for bed in our respective bathrooms and The Southern Gentleman requested I tuck him in. Now kids, take your minds out of the gutter - no horizontal polka ensued. He asked if I was seeing anyone. I replied no and he said he wasn't either. We both remained clothed and seriously nothing happened and I mean nothing. The Southern Gentleman simply held me. During the middle of the night, he did kiss me once in between my shoulder blades, which melted me with its tenderness and delicateness.

We slept in and that felt great. Then yesterday, we had yummy Mexican food for lunch. Did a bit of shopping. Got The Southern Gentleman some burnt orange since last night was a home football game. Along with his new shirt, he picked up some suds and we went home where we lounged around watching telly and chatting. I could lay around chatting and watching football (which I'd never ever do) with this man and be eternally happy. He explained football to me.

We got all burnt orange'd up and headed downtown. Went to a nice bar and enjoyed cocktails while watching the game along with talking life. Talking life in general terms such as second marriage, children and then he asked a few questions about my marriage to the Leech and it was good that I didn't feel the need to rehash it in gory detail - I am healing from that hell. The Southern Gentleman suggested I come to his southern home for a month to see where he lives and see him on his turf.

We proceeded to the next place for dinner. It was marvelous - tapas and homemade sangria. Then we saw my favorite 80's cover band - fab time. I stopped drinking because I felt no pain but seeing as The Southern Gentleman has almost a foot on me, he was able to continue drinking. We danced, sang, smiled big, smoked a few ciggies, held hands, he took gentlemanly care of me as I too looked out for him, and with each passing hour since he landed, I realized more and more about just how happy I could be with this man.

Got home at 2 AM again, watched a bit of telly. I fell asleep at some point and he put me to bed. I awoke early this morning and I patted down the hall where we cuddled. It simply felt nice to be there beside a wonderful man, to feel his strong arms around me, his warmth, his breath. aahhh...

We had lunch today and went to Chinatown. Then it was off to the airport. I was sad to take him. I would have liked another day. The Southern Gentleman said he'd like to come back down again and that would make me very happy.

Since you made it through my poorly structured weekend account, I leave you with this final photo that best sums up our weekend:

Thursday - Yikes!

Kids, I am tired. Sadly, it is only 10 PM here. I am ready for bed and The Southern Gentleman hits town tomorrow. I still need to clean a bit but I only want to go to sleep. ACL this past weekend kicked my ass. You can see the photos here.

I think I am going to wear one of my Steve Madden dresses tomorrow to pick up The Southern Gentlemen. I will try to be good and take photos of said dresses.

Tonight I went to happy hour with my neighbor and her pals. This was of course after having gone to get my eyebrows waxed and minimal food for the frig. The Southern Gentleman must have something to nibble on.

I am excited but not the nervous giddy excitement. I think that is due to my thinking - brain working overtime - that a weekend of random sex is not worth ruining a good, solid, long-standing friendship over. Of course, things can still happen. A girl never knows.

I purchased a fab-o necklace last night. I spent more than I should have but it was one-of-a-kind, i loved it, and it spoke to the depths of my soul. The photos don't do it justice because I am photo inept. Happy birthday a little early!

So tonight a happy hour, the vet came but I felt compelled to say low since neighbs is hott for vet man. That whole girl code/ethic thing is too much sometimes, but I must live by it. As a result, I ended up chatting it up with his pal. Vet Friend ended up telling me the story of his life since the last monthly happy hour. It was a sad story. Made me cry. I was made to be a shrink. I have "I will listen" tattooed on my forehead - I am convinced. It was gut wrenching and reminded me of too much shite - Goofy Buddy, my cousin, and the random AZ accident I witnessed.

Must pick up and prepare house for The Southern Gentlemen! And sleep! because I need my beauty rest!

Signing off! You may not hear from me until Monday. Depending on the climate and situation, I just may drop in a line before then....

Weekend Company - or I am too tired to come up with a decent title

The Southern Gentleman arrives on Friday afternoon. I so need to begin sketching out a high level weekend plan. For some crazy reason, I don't feel the need to have a full tour planned and ready. I think that is because that is not quite how The Southern Gentleman rolls... he is mellow and laid back and quite honestly I think he needs to have input on the schedule of events. I need to work on not being the one in control in a male-female dynamic - offering suggestions to pick from as opposed to a schedule.

Of course, the SuperFly Palm lady had a different opinion on my The Southern Gentleman is it theory. As is, per SuperFly Palm, I don't know who the Mystery Meat is. Which disappointed me. More on that later. But I will definitely capitalize on all opportunities. Because you see, free will is involved and I still have conscious choices to make regarding all of this brew-ha-ha. That I know for certain.

However, the problem lies in my mother's new and constant rant about the whole situation. A rant that over uses colloquialisms in excess. If I hear one more time "a bird in the hand," I am going to spoon my eyes out with a dull butter knife. The more she rants, the more I want to move to The South and be even further away from her.

I was quite distraught when SuperFly Palm point blank told me I was not moving any time soon. When I questioned her explicitly, she told me "why would you move, when the man is in The Republic, so the answer is no." Urgh! But I love love love it out here in SxSW land! This is home and the Mystery Meat is in The Republic - damn him! It may be the point where I say screw the Mystery Meat and go where I am truly happiest of all.

I am going to keep rolling with the punches here. Because that's all I can do and I will make sure I have a damn good time doing it.

Next dilemma, what to wear to pick up The Southern Gentleman from the airport???

Whew! Somehow I am still alive

I am tired. Bone tired. Moving in slow motion. Thinking how deliciously tempting a nap sounds. How the industrial carpeting could be oh-so cozy.

ACL was good. Dylan was bad, bad, bad. He did not sing; he simply grunted things that I am assuming sounded like lyrics and a song in his head. His handlers need to take him off the road. Because, well, he didn't sing nor show his face. Overall, I'd rather listen to a CD and pretend that last night's debacle did not occur.

I am truly happy I did attend. But am paying for the days on end in the sun today.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day here at the ranch. Meetings after meetings after meeting - all on-site meeting too - so I will be driving all about town. I am tired just thinking about it!

Early to bed tonight!

My life...

Only my life. I am beyond blessed and grateful on so many fronts. Yesterday - actually this whole weekend - is one of those moments when I find myself saying "damn you are one lucky gyrl."

This weekend is ACL Fest. For three days, I am surrounded by good music, good friends, and great experience/memories.

Life is grand! And it is only getting better with each passing year. What a wonderful change - tears of true joy and happiness as opposed to the despair that consumed me this time last year.

Yesterday - Queens of the Stoneage, Joss Stone, Kaiser Chiefs, The Killers, new friends, old friends, the Great ACL Fire, dancing like no one was watching...
Today - Blue October! Paulo Nutini! Muse! and more...

The Pretty Man in the Republic

Saturday night. My third journey to The Republic. I talked Sparkles into deviating from our norm with the young children downtown, especially since I am now on a mission (but more on that later), and head northward toward peeps our age. When Sparkles arrived at my house, she whined that The Republic was too far. I told her to get in the car because we were going to Marg-land. Remember – girl on mission. The Republic or Bust!

So we got to Marg-land, wandering our way to the roof top and settled into a drinks-only table. There were three drinks-only tables and two were steadily filling as Sparkles and I chatted at the third table. Eventually, we swap sides of our table because the two tables have overfilled and this big group wanted to sit together. We no sooner move seats and our table is filled.

Two men sit on either side of us. The man who sits next to Sparkles immediately locks eyes with me and the sparks of instant attraction are firing between us. Holy cow! He is beautiful and he keeps looking at me and looking at me while speaking. Ah, some days it is good to be a girl. He had beautiful blue eyes, a cute face, and oh! the smile! And the best part was he was intent on me. In speaking to these two, they were from the area of the Cali East Bay where I worked for a year. Boom! That blew one of the major criteria, so I knew the pretty man was not it. Still had a wonderful time chatting with them. Of course, discovering both were married was a not a disappointment (see not currently living in The Republic = bad). Sparkles and I bid them adieu and the pretty man pulls me aside to inform me that I am an attractive woman and he was very attracted to me. Talk about good for the ol’ bruised ego.

On the way back to the car and all the way home, Sparkles kept telling me how much she enjoyed The Republic and we need to go there all the time as opposed to downtown. Trust me, I will be in The Republic lots more.

Holiday, Smoliday

Whew! Last week. What a whirl wind. I took some holiday time, even though I did not go to any exotic locale. Since it was holiday time, I banished myself from the computer, so as to not be tempted in any, shape, or form to engage in work related activities. This past four days was all about complete and total disconnect from all things work. I was successful at that.

Of course, the main object of focus was to finish the bathroom. By finish, I mean specifically tile. Tile the shower and tile the floor. And over my mini-break, guess how much got accomplished? 33%. Yes, that does not read 100%. Because. You. See. I. Am. Missing. Three. Yes. Three. Boxes. Of. TILE!

I never under buy. Never. Especially if something is on clearance. Never. I measure and do my calculations several times. I distinctly remember having a loaded cart of tile at Home Depot many years ago. But yet, I am missing 88 tiles. How could so many tiles magically disappear? I have pondered that only coming to one clear conclusion. The Leech. As vindictive as he was moving out, the Leech took the tile. I know it. Now to pray the tile men find the identical tile that they were so sure of. My anger has ceased substantially since Friday. Damn you, Leech!

To top off the grand tiling adventure, my parents’ bionic pup on death’s door became seriously ill. Read: the poor dog was dying. He was 122 in dog years. Poor guy, it was time for him to go. Finally, my mother realized it was time for him to go too. So near the end of the business day, the three of us piled in the car with poor poochie and headed to the animal hospital. Dad and I went back with poochie. It was sad because we’d had him for so long. I clearly remember the day we got him. We got him primarily due to me, followed closely by my father. It was sad but yet relieving because as far as I was concerned poor thing suffered much longer than he needed to but my mom would not let him go. I was surprised by how my stoic father lost it once we were behind the closed doors – just me, him, and the pooch. He was a good little poochie who loved us dearly as we did him.

Palm-o-rific!

Yesterday. Oh. Boy!

I could be coming face-to-face with destiny today. If not today, it will be soon, very soon.

Some days you never quite know where life is going to take you.

More later. Have to start my day!