the revolving door

Remember the date I was supposed to have with Potential Suitor #1 last night? Well, it didn't happen. Mid-morning I received an email from Potential Suitor #1 where he babbled on about a contemplative weekend complete with decision that he's not ready to date.

While I sent a brief but gracious response, I can read through the lines of reasons he gave me and boy, was it a sentence packed paragraph! The "it's not you, it's me" boils down to he met someone else over the weekend. No reason to sugar coat anything for this girl!

Tonight I am meeting Potential Suitor #2. I did not think he would be game to meet me in a predominantly gay bar but it was an event I was attending anyway. Much to my disbelief, Potential Suitor #2 agreed (quickly too) to meet me there. We'll see what the story is on this monkey. Honestly kids, I am not expecting much.

This will be a one-hit-wonder that I will be happy to have behind me. A cocktail and a pleasant nice-to-meet-you-but-no-thanks. 

Now to cultivate Potential Suitors # 3, #4, and #5!

theatre nine

More tragedy for the Denver metro area. I don't know how it is outside of Denver, but the theatre shooting is always on television here.

So tragic, those 12 souls, the remaining physically injured, and the rest who lived (miraculously) through such horror. The power that one deranged mind can wield over so many lives. Especially as we know that this effects more than the souls in the theatre, it effects everyone who knows those who were in theatre 9 and beyond.

When Columbine occurred, I was working a project in Connecticut. I never watched anything related to 9/11 because we were consumed working that at the ranch; disaster response was paramount. Besides I knew enough people directly involved that I didn't need to get much closer because it was already too close for comfort. So to be here this time and under non-consumed circumstances makes the experience different.

The television continues to speak and I listen.

date night recap

I had plenty of runway to get ready and somehow I still managed to be late meeting Potential Suitor #1.

He did an excellent job selecting our venue; reminded me a lot of Austin. As for looks, he was a bit different than his photos. Not good or bad, just a bit different seeing a person in 3-D. He was well dressed from his shirt to his shoes, because y'all know I eyeballed the man's footwear.

Conversation flowed very easily. He was upfront, straightforward, and sincere with me. We laughed a lot and any initial meeting awkwardness did not last long.

It was a wonderful change from my last dance down the internet dating lane. He wants to see me again and told me so last night as we parted ways and again in an email this morning.

And I am looking forward to a next time :-)

a dress for every occassion

It was another jam packed weekend. Sadly with all the jam packedness, I still found ways to compare this place to Austin and to be reminded of everything this place is not. I know I shouldn't but I cannot help myself. Well, maybe the only thing that helped were those fried green tomatoes and fried okra. Clearly, I like my help deep fried and served with wine!

Tomorrow is my rendezvous with Potential Suitor #1. I have no idea what I am going to wear!? So many dresses, so many shoes. But what to wear? I hope inspiration will be overflowing tomorrow afternoon.

Potential Suitor #2 called again last night. I didn't hear the phone ring. Honest. When I listened to his voice message this morning, I was annoyed. I think Potential Suitor #2 believes he is being funny with his messages but he simply rubs me the wrong way. I should be giddy after listening to a message as opposed to the recoil I experience.

I sincerely hope I am not horribly disappointed tomorrow night.

disbelief

disbelief  [dis-bi-leef] 

noun

1. the inability or refusal to believe or to accept something as true.

2. amazement; astonishment

This morning I still find myself in a state of disbelief regarding SuperDad's phone call. While the call itself was unexpected, his approach to the conversation and many of his statements simply blew me away as I never thought he, of all people, would be capable of forgiveness and compassion. 

He proudly shared with me that he's lost 40 pounds, going to quit smoking, physical health issues are nearly gone, selling his home, and getting his beach property. I was happy to hear things have turned around for him in the past seven months. He also shared he had been dating someone but broke it off once she wanted something more permanent. 

Then he said he missed me. That he thought we'd been good together. But he also realized that he hadn't made any effort to see me and he shouldn't have expected me to sit at home knitting every night waiting for something that wasn't happening. Then he said, "I just treat it like a dream." 

Never in a million years did I ever think I would hear anything remotely like that. Never.


But that doesn't change anything for me. Strangely enough, I have no desire to go back there. I simply don't want to go backwards. We can be friends just as we had been for some time, but nothing more than that. I genuinely like SuperDad and I do care about him but purely platonic.

and hell froze over

Thanks to my little buddy Skype I had a notification that today was SuperDad's birthday.

I debated and then proceeded to send him a simple "wishing you a happy birthday" text.

Shortly thereafter, the phone rang.

The caller ID read: SuperDad.

We spoke for an hour.

I was not expecting that phone call at all.

In fact, I am still in shock.

radio silence

This is the part of attempting to date that I hate: radio silence.

Communication with Said Potential Suitor #1 has been daily. Yesterday, radio silence. He could be busy. He could be dead. But I don't like the fact that I am disappointed. Combined with frustration about another Potential Suitor #2, who feels like he is being difficult and an arse to boot and I am realizing why I retreat into my comfort zone of no-men-is-a-okay-by-me.

I go into that zone due to the frustration, perceived games, inconsistency. I feel I try to be genuine and honest, but get frustrated when I don't feel that in return. It is "feel" that is the operative word, right. My feelings are based on my perception. What if my perception is skewed? What if I give up too easily? Get frustrated too easily? I worry that I let my inner skeptic take control of the reins at the moment any perceived grievance is lodged.

Maybe the time has come for me to put my big girl panties on and not worry about all this. Not to pick things apart. Not to give away my power. Just roll with it. Yes, that will be my new mantra every time the skeptic tries to barge in.

postponed

So you are eagerly awaiting the details of last night's big date, right?

Well, it did not happen. :(

Said Potential Suitor was struck ill; hence a reschedule for next week.

Yes, I was disappointed but some days shit happens. Potential Suitor was very apologetic and sincere, which was a nice change of pace.

Now to wait for next week's encounter...

and you're not gonna reach my telephone

What a weird week with the holiday plopped right smack dab in the middle. While my pea brain tells me it is Friday, somehow it feels more like a Tuesday or Wednesday to me. Let's simply blame the altitude for it all, shall we?

Things continue on in the realm of internet dating. One guy has proven to be annoying with his texting me to tell me he is calling from his land line. At that time, I was out and away from the phone. He left a voice message; however, he proceeded to follow up shortly there after with a text asking if I was around. Seriously, if I had been around don't you think I would have picked up the phone. That behavior right there has totally turned me off.

I am meeting a man on Monday evening. He writes well, has a good sense of humor, or more accurately a sense of humor that aligns with mine. The banter has been quite fun and I have been surprised at how much I have enjoyed being creative while corresponding with him. Of course, the cynic in me is creeping around the corner because on Monday is he going to look anything like his photos or being anything like what he's presented?? Gotta take the plunge, right!

Here's hoping I have positive things to report to y'all on Tuesday!