Patsy, the Chinese say, "The best time to plant a tree was always 20 years ago. The second best time is always today."
Funny how planting trees and taking action on the life of your dreams are the same that way.
The Universe
30 March 2009
29 March 2009
Finish Lines
This morning we ran the local 10k. While ran is a strong word, we didn’t take a leisurely walk either. Eddie and I went along at a pretty good clip. In fact, I can feel the muscles in my bum quite well right now. But I did what I set out to do - finish the race.
Afterwards we had some girl time and a lovely lunch at our favorite taco place. Onward home where I enjoyed my bath; clean hair is so fabulous. So I was fully relaxed when the phone rang with its infamous “waiting” ring tone that belongs solely to The Southern Gentleman.
Answering the phone, his Southern drawl greeted me with a low sing-song tone. Upon hearing that I completed the 10k today, The Southern Gentleman snickered a fair amount; I was not pleased. As our conversation progressed, I know I got more agitated with him and it probably came across in my tone. Our phone call ended within 15 minutes.
I wasn’t cross or rude. I am simply tired of listening to the story that is not going to be made into a tv movie. It has been a year and half since The Southern Gentleman made his first trip down here. Not much has changed significantly during that extended period of time; we are still friends – no commitments have been made, no binding confessions of love.
I have given up on him. A significant amount of time and energy were expended and I cannot put any more into a road to nowhere. I ran the race with The Southern Gentleman. He is still somewhere at the start line; I have continued running and made it to the finish line alone. It is time for me find another race to run, another finish line to cross. Hopefully next time I won't be finishing the race alone.
Afterwards we had some girl time and a lovely lunch at our favorite taco place. Onward home where I enjoyed my bath; clean hair is so fabulous. So I was fully relaxed when the phone rang with its infamous “waiting” ring tone that belongs solely to The Southern Gentleman.
Answering the phone, his Southern drawl greeted me with a low sing-song tone. Upon hearing that I completed the 10k today, The Southern Gentleman snickered a fair amount; I was not pleased. As our conversation progressed, I know I got more agitated with him and it probably came across in my tone. Our phone call ended within 15 minutes.
I wasn’t cross or rude. I am simply tired of listening to the story that is not going to be made into a tv movie. It has been a year and half since The Southern Gentleman made his first trip down here. Not much has changed significantly during that extended period of time; we are still friends – no commitments have been made, no binding confessions of love.
I have given up on him. A significant amount of time and energy were expended and I cannot put any more into a road to nowhere. I ran the race with The Southern Gentleman. He is still somewhere at the start line; I have continued running and made it to the finish line alone. It is time for me find another race to run, another finish line to cross. Hopefully next time I won't be finishing the race alone.
17 March 2009
I am home this week.
I haven't been home for a sizable stretch of time in 13 months. It feels very odd to be back in my home. Compared to my little Austin hole-in-the-wall place, my home is a mcmansion. The pups are absolutely ecstatic to be home. My depressed little pup has come back to life in the days since returning home. I knew she hated Texas and her turn around only serves to validate that.
If I could pickup my home and plop it down in Austin, everything would be perfect. I could enjoy my wonderful friends and balanced life in Austin while have a comfortable warm living space.
But life is not perfect.
I haven't been home for a sizable stretch of time in 13 months. It feels very odd to be back in my home. Compared to my little Austin hole-in-the-wall place, my home is a mcmansion. The pups are absolutely ecstatic to be home. My depressed little pup has come back to life in the days since returning home. I knew she hated Texas and her turn around only serves to validate that.
If I could pickup my home and plop it down in Austin, everything would be perfect. I could enjoy my wonderful friends and balanced life in Austin while have a comfortable warm living space.
But life is not perfect.
11 March 2009
the universe sez...
Sometimes when you're ready for a change, Patsy, and you kind of know it but won't admit it, when it comes, not only are you surprised, but it hurts.
Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.
Love watching you create,
The Universe
Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.
Love watching you create,
The Universe
04 March 2009
it's practically free
We all have something we are known for. A survival skill, if you will. Something that is simply "your thing" and others are always amazed by. It truly is a hallmark.
Hallmarks can vary. Some people save the world with their kryptonite strength. Others clean parks.
My hallmark is shopping. Specifically bargain hunting tactical shopping. Over the weekend, I successfully scooped up all sort of material goodies that I do not need. But the price was right, the label was good, therefore the price became even better.
My mantra is "it's practically free" and it truly is, so I cannot leave the top/pants/shoes/undies behind.
Now for a point of clarification, I do not simply buy for purchasing sake. I am actually selective and do not rack up the credit card or purchase constantly. It has be marked down several times and then some before an item makes the big trip home with me.
However, I have enjoyed wearing the new items all week. Even got to break in a new dress on Saturday at a birthday party.
The thing is I do get everything at wonderful prices, up to 90% off of retail. I always look good and have a lot of clothing; however, I don't spend near what it looks like I do on all of it. I do believe it has a lot to do with my attitude toward it - the bargains jump at me - and I have realized I think it has a lot to do with my mantra. The more I say "it's practically free," the more of this I stumble upon.
While I do love the clothes and the shoes, I have realized it all about how these items make me feel. They enable me to have confidence in myself. They are the boost to my fragile ego. They make me feel good about myself.
What I don't know is whether that is a good thing or not.
Hallmarks can vary. Some people save the world with their kryptonite strength. Others clean parks.
My hallmark is shopping. Specifically bargain hunting tactical shopping. Over the weekend, I successfully scooped up all sort of material goodies that I do not need. But the price was right, the label was good, therefore the price became even better.
My mantra is "it's practically free" and it truly is, so I cannot leave the top/pants/shoes/undies behind.
Now for a point of clarification, I do not simply buy for purchasing sake. I am actually selective and do not rack up the credit card or purchase constantly. It has be marked down several times and then some before an item makes the big trip home with me.
However, I have enjoyed wearing the new items all week. Even got to break in a new dress on Saturday at a birthday party.
The thing is I do get everything at wonderful prices, up to 90% off of retail. I always look good and have a lot of clothing; however, I don't spend near what it looks like I do on all of it. I do believe it has a lot to do with my attitude toward it - the bargains jump at me - and I have realized I think it has a lot to do with my mantra. The more I say "it's practically free," the more of this I stumble upon.
While I do love the clothes and the shoes, I have realized it all about how these items make me feel. They enable me to have confidence in myself. They are the boost to my fragile ego. They make me feel good about myself.
What I don't know is whether that is a good thing or not.
25 February 2009
kaput!
In both relationships and life, Patsy, trust begets trust.
Generosity begets generosity.
Love begets love.
Be the spark, especially when it's dark.
Hubba, hubba - The Universe
**************************
I know you have heard me say these words before... but the words are sticking this time as there appears to be a method to the madness, a pattern.
The Southern Gentleman pushed me over the edge yesterday, on a day that was already particularly crappy. I just don't have years of cat and mouse games in me any more.
Yesterday I received an innocent little email from American Airlines with its weekend getaway fares. Oddly, for once, there is a flight between Austin and the South listed... for only $135. Practically free! Considering his last ticket here was over $400.
So off goes a little note with the link through cyber space.
His response, "that flight is pretty cheap......but i don't know if i can come" followed by a litany of excuses.
I have no patience for the excuses any more. He also shared with me a trip to South American that is on the horizon. Our Southern Gentleman could have easily asked me join him. But alas it was all about him and the damn business.
Of course after I make my declaration to the universe that I am done with the man, he called. As if to know I am done. We spoke but my heart's just not it in. Not any more.
It is high time I start casting my net closer to home with emotionally available and willing fish.
23 February 2009
anniversaries
yesterday served as the one year mark that the pups and i loaded up the car and headed southeast to begin our austin adventure together. sixteen hours in the car, the pups becoming travelers, arriving to our rental house in the wee hours of the morning.
a year later and the big girl is still as happy as ever down here while the baby girl continues her immense dislike of the surroundings. unfortunately baby girl still looks depressed and missing her obnoxious spunk in all photos. i know she is just a dog, but it still makes me a bit sad that she has not adapted.
in a few short weeks, it will be the two year anniversary of my first trip down here. i am nothing short of amazed when i look back on my life and see the mountains of changes that have occurred since my first trip on march 5th. my world has changed so very much and the best part - all the changes are positive. i couldn't have dreamed this beautiful life any more perfect.
as i reflect on all the good that has come out of one assignment, it makes my heart sing that my girl, sulky is just starting a whole new wonderful adventure of her very own.
how very lucky are we?!!
a year later and the big girl is still as happy as ever down here while the baby girl continues her immense dislike of the surroundings. unfortunately baby girl still looks depressed and missing her obnoxious spunk in all photos. i know she is just a dog, but it still makes me a bit sad that she has not adapted.
in a few short weeks, it will be the two year anniversary of my first trip down here. i am nothing short of amazed when i look back on my life and see the mountains of changes that have occurred since my first trip on march 5th. my world has changed so very much and the best part - all the changes are positive. i couldn't have dreamed this beautiful life any more perfect.
as i reflect on all the good that has come out of one assignment, it makes my heart sing that my girl, sulky is just starting a whole new wonderful adventure of her very own.
how very lucky are we?!!
18 February 2009
been off
i have been feeling rather blah.
a serious case of the blahs is always concerning to me. considering my past track record.
i think it is time for an acupuncture tune up. however, i don't have an acupuncturist down here. and i really don't want to start over. but the time has come for me to suck it up and find a needler.
maybe a tune up. make working out a priority again. doing something - anything- once and for all to get that last ten ugly pounds off my ass.
just let all the shite of the world slide off my back more. all of it is meaningless noise.
meditating regularly too. that helps immensely.
there's the plan... now I just need to work it...
a serious case of the blahs is always concerning to me. considering my past track record.
i think it is time for an acupuncture tune up. however, i don't have an acupuncturist down here. and i really don't want to start over. but the time has come for me to suck it up and find a needler.
maybe a tune up. make working out a priority again. doing something - anything- once and for all to get that last ten ugly pounds off my ass.
just let all the shite of the world slide off my back more. all of it is meaningless noise.
meditating regularly too. that helps immensely.
there's the plan... now I just need to work it...
04 February 2009
good news bears
Last night before the concert, my little text message ringer went off. My new phone was filled with good news! Alexander is officially cancer free!! Pathology reports were clean! Woo Hoo!!
What fabulous news after the past two weeks of hell. No radiation or chemo required either! WOO HOO!!
Life is delicious.
What fabulous news after the past two weeks of hell. No radiation or chemo required either! WOO HOO!!
Life is delicious.
03 February 2009
feeling is returning
A good night of sleep complete with snoring and whining pups made a world of difference in how I feel today. While not at the 100% mark, I am much closer than I was yesterday.
Settling back in, listening to my world a bit differently, it is all goodness. I can feel the subtle but palpable shift as a result of my weekend. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
Even though The Southern Gentleman is making positive steps, I do need to put myself out there a bit more. A lot more actually. Not surrounded by a gaggle of girls either. Just need to find where my motivation is for that endeavor.
Tonight Eddie and I are off... concert bound... been sooo long since I have been to a concert like this! Cannot wait!!
Settling back in, listening to my world a bit differently, it is all goodness. I can feel the subtle but palpable shift as a result of my weekend. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
Even though The Southern Gentleman is making positive steps, I do need to put myself out there a bit more. A lot more actually. Not surrounded by a gaggle of girls either. Just need to find where my motivation is for that endeavor.
Tonight Eddie and I are off... concert bound... been sooo long since I have been to a concert like this! Cannot wait!!
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