02 November 2006

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Today - second interview day - big day.

Interview went less than thrilling. In fact since I hung up the phone, I am quite depressed. It did not go well. I don't think he liked my answers. I don't feel he liked me nor thought myself capable even though I stated otherwise. At the end, I got myself into the cocky consultant state of mind and ended it with lots of positive, sure of myself and my ability.

But then again, he is an old geezer who thinks he walks on water. My "this is a sure thing" vibe has waned.

With this dreadful interview behind me now, I have to full throw myself into the realm of kicking ass on my current project. Have to start settling into reality more and a little less with my eye on the dream. Don't get me wrong - I will still have an eyeball on the prize, but need to apply myself to the current work at hand because I may be here for awhile longer after all.

Let's hope deliverables save the day!

My bubble burst though. Distorted thinking, negative thoughts - out, out damn spot - out of my head. Today I cried for the first time in a week and a half. But I cannot dwell in this. Need to use the tools my therapist has given me. In the interview, I tried my best. I cannot read the man's mind. I cannot assume what he thinks. This is not the end of the world. I cannot blame myself, I cannot take it personally. I tried - gave it my best shot - and I must be content with that. No more beating myself up. That half hour conversation does not define me or destroy me. Either way, life goes on. And I have to continue on my ride. No more roadblocks or stale red lights. Always moving forward, not dwelling in the past. No longer a prisoner to the negative and distorted.

The life I embrace now - live with no regrets, know I tried and be happy with that. If it is meant to be, it will happen. I cannot worry about it.

Don't worry, be happy!

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