07 November 2006

Material Gyrl

trying on clothes has always been something i loved to my core. i loved my figure, could wear just about anything. wore things form fitting.

that all changed a few years back. i have never had a weight problem until after i got married. it was more than the fresh-married 15. it was depression, unhappiness, hollowness caused by a marriage that should have never been.

the weight problem got compounded by medication. i became fat. everything i never needed for my self-esteem. clothes were tight, then stopped fitting all together.

since returning from asia last fall, i have been losing the weight. recently, the weight loss has been very slow, but yet life changing. i am close to my old weight - the weight of fitted clothes and feeling like i am gaining my self back.

i have been trying on clothes i have not worn in four years. some fit, some don't. but it is progress and i am finally starting to actually see my new found thinner self.

i always love to dress up special on my birthday and with the big day rapidly approaching, i tried some items on. i found myself reveling in the fact that this time last year, i was no where near fitting into the majority of these things.

my bum is flatter. my legs look like the legs i used to know. seeing that - being able to truly see it - is liberating. it gives me hope that while i am making progress on the physical side, i am making baby steps on the emotional side too.

it has taken a year for the weight to come off, so the emotional healing will take awhile too. thirty-two is around the corner.

i am becoming whole again. my body is about healed, my mind is getting better, and soon my soul will be whole again. i can do this.

1 comment:

Teena said...

Gaining weight sucks but it happens to us all. Congrats on getting it off!