One Word on a Monday

Thanks to C for this one....

• After reading my answers, copy and paste the list into your comment.
• Replace my one-word responses with yours.
• Submit your comment.

Your last meal: chocolate
Something on your desk/work area: tablecloths
Your New Year’s Eve plans: undecided
The smallest gift you received this year: candy
The largest gift you received this year: chi
Something you wish you hadn’t eaten so much of during the holidays: vodka
On your feet: nothing
Your hair: ponytail
How many other countries you’ve traveled to: 24
One country you dream of visiting: srilanka
A hobby you’d like to take up/revisit this year: gym
A hobby of yours that died (aww, buh-bye) this past year: renovations
A publication you subscribe to (print): bonappetite
The most embarrassing subscription in your feed reader (if you have one): n/a
One of your favorite stores to window shop dreamily in: tiffany’s
One of your favorite online stores to window shop dreamily on: tiffany’s
A color you love to wear: red
Your bed pillow: multiples
The color of your kitchen counter: grayish-red
What you plan to do when you get up from the computer: shower

away with you

the past few weeks i have felt the small gnawing of depression here and there. random tears. while work stress has been almost unbearable and the holiday hoopla thrown in just to spice things up, i decided to visit my acupuncturist supreme. i decided i needed to go now just as the symptoms were barely surfacing - be proactive this time rather than dwell in the cave denial built.

i made the appointment. acupuncturist supreme said that my trouble pulse was low and good i noticed and came in. finally, i am in tune with my body. finally, i notice the depression symptoms. finally, i have the courage to be proactive so i never go down the rabbit hole again. depression will never run my life again. for that i am beyond proud of myself.

The Grinch

Life is getting weird. Montana Man is attempting a resurgence. I must resist, no matter how fucking tired I am of being alone.

All I want for Christmas is for this to be last Christmas I spend alone.

I am 33 years old ~ the last thing I should be doing is being alone or schlepping it up to my parents to wallow in my aloneness.

I am so tired of this broken record, every holiday alone.

At what point do I say enough is enough, give up and live a partial dream?

Run, Run Rudolph

While I am PMS-ing, bloated, and overall feeling fat, it just takes one little thing to make me forget all that and feel happy from the inside out.

That one little thing is watching my greyhound run out in the backyard. We just got in and my heart is spilling over with love and happiness - to see her fly through the yard, her tail wagging with joy, the brightness of her eyes, and the goofy little devilish smile on her face knowing I can never catch her.

She and I have been through so much together. We've both made it through and can run with smiles on our faces. I love her to pieces. I am so happy I never gave up on her nor she on me.

Just call me B.C.

It has been one hell of a week. Supposed to be holiday ~ as the world as I know it is termed 'use it or lose it' ~ however, been working this entire time. This situation directly results in me turning into one super, over the top, nasty-ass bitch. Let's simply say I am bitter, very bitter.

Moving on.

As I do not possess a fully stocked kitchen in SxSWland and I am at home for a decent clip, I decided to go all Betty Crocker. Are you sitting down? Because. I. made. cookies. As if to start with the ingredients in their natural state. And to every single solitary person who asked what I was doing and I replied "baking cookies", they all had the same answer, "Patsy? Are you sick?" Some went so far to say, "Are you fucking sick?" Yes, baking is something so non-Patsy. However, I did enjoy a few cocktails during the entire process. I mean what else is a girl supposed to do while rolling balls of cookie dough from the bowl of never ending cookie dough? 20 minutes is a long time to sit by the oven waiting patiently ~ drinks were a necessity.

I have to go upstairs and make myself pretty as I am meeting some friends for a late night happy hour. This winter stuff sucks. I find myself missing the Lone Star State's pseudo-winter.

Bald Magnet

Another whirl wind weekend. Not as crazy as last month but definitely keeping me hopping.

Last night though. The Christmas party wine tasting extravaganza. Met a new man who was totally digging me. I don't know what it is with me and bald men. My abundance of hair must be a magnet to those follically challenged.

He immediately sought me out. We chatted for awhile, found out we work for the same company. He asked for my number which I happily provided. He wanted to see me for brunch this morning but I already had plans. He stated he wished he could change his plans for tonight - his birthday dinner with his children. Of course I get on the plane tomorrow morning and will be gone until after the first of the year. Boo.

Other than shaving his head to mask the receding hairline, he was well dressed - even had good shoes on -muscular, but not in the chubby sense, muscular as in the man works out. We talked for quite some time - the party moved from the kitchen to the dining room but I honestly did not notice as we were in our own little world, which was nice for a change. We continued chatting the rest of the evening until I noticed it was 1 AM! Yikes, I had an early morning so I downed my wine and headed for the door, lest I turn into a pumpkin.

He left with me. I got a nice hug good night complete with a kiss on my right cheek. I saw his little sports car zip away up the street. Yummy! a fun little two seater sports car - this definitely has potential fun written all over it.

We will see. He has my number. He seemed interested last night. Hopefully he will call. I could definitely use a little entertainment down here.

TGIF?

It is cold and rainy here. A day to be spent inside snuggling on the couch, getting it on, keeping each other warm rather than relying on the furnace.

So how did I spend this dreary, stay-in-bed day? Slaving away for The Man. Only bright spot was a little cyber sex with Montana Man. Yes, that is just how bad today was. The trenches of hell.

Had a good knitting night with my girls though. That was a definite highlight.

More stories later... as the wine is calling my name and I must,must answer that sexy bottle of merlot!

xoxo

What's in a dream?

Do dreams really hold any messages? Are they merely a manifestation of our unconscious yearnings? Something meaningful? Or a brain uncensored?

I don't know the answer but I did have a delightful little dream last night. I rarely remember my dreams so I am excited when I do have a recollection. This dream was so real that it actually woke me to some extent.

The vivid image that remains, burned in is that of The Southern Gentleman and I walking next to each other, both smiling with a little girl between us. We are each holding her hand, the three of us walking, giving her a bit of a swing along the way. I remember thinking the little girl was so cute. I remember drinking up The Southern Gentleman's sweet smile.

Was that simply my hope revealing itself? Or was it the preview of coming attractions I asked for?

Double Standards

Double standards are everywhere.

It makes me sad that here we are in the 21st century but still these double standards remain in tact with what feels like a iron grip to me.

Montana Man may be a lot of things. But one good thing about the man is the fact that he is a good father. There is a double standard for mothers and fathers who share custody. I see it all the time with Montana Man. The Alec Baldwin voicemail debacle from earlier this year makes total sense after living through a lot the off-balance scale of justice.

I have had my own experience of seeing the double standard in action with my father and fictitious allegations. Same with my uncle. Anyone can fling accusations at will. It is not innocent until proven guilty any more. Guilt is implied regardless.

Then there is the double standard I am wrestling with. Because I dress nice and take care of myself that I somehow asked for ass grab 2007 to happen, I invited it. In fact, I did not; but there lies the double standard rub. That is a fact. However, I cannot do anything about what happened, other than protect myself from it occurring again.

Nope, no hr course of action. Why? I was 25 and fell pray to a man who propositioned me in a very lewd fashion at work and went to boast this proposition with a co-worker. Being a dewy eyed 25 year old, I told my manager and he was required to file it with HR. Nothing happened besides the offender got a talking to. I had to find a new assignment to save my own sanity. Honestly, I do not want a second harassment on MY record. Hence, I have to expect and stop anything like this from happening again myself. Myself.

Double standards. Yeah.

Upset = Missing 1 Day

I missed the last day of NaBloPoMo. In my flood of emotion after the great cop a feel incident of 2007, I forgot the last day of November is not indeed Thursday Nov 29, but in fact November really does have 30 days! Shite. I did so good too.

Closing NaBloPoMo with a Bang

I should have said something last night when he grabbed my ass. But I was mortified. The world slowed and time stopped. The only thought circling in my little pea brain was "did he really just do that".

I had never thought in a million years a manager would do that, any employee at all for that matter. never. ever.

I am immune to the old men talking shit about me. Talk is exactly that ~ talk. But laying a hand on me is another situation entirely.

Of course, he is everywhere I am today. I am not my usual friendly self toward him. He thinks he is a ladies man.

Now I do not prance around the office in short skirts or low cut tops. I dress professionally and try to look good for myself every day. I do not flirt or encourage any level of inappropriate behavior. I work with a bunch of old men, whom I used to see as harmless. I do not look at them like that anymore.

I am not some beautiful supermodel kind of gorgeous. I am pretty, take decent care of myself. I did not deserve to have that manager violate me. The shock is gone, leaving me with anger. It must be visible because a co-worker mentioned that I look haggard and frazzled.

urgh.

never ok

this is gonna be short, kids. i am upset. upset does not do justice to how i feel right now.

i was at a non-sanctioned work function tonight. sanctioned or not, it was still all work peeps all the time. as i was exiting the function, a manager told me good night. said manager hugged me. while hugging me, he proceeded to grab my ass. not once, but twice.

shocked. mortified. disgusted. pissed off. disappointed.

caught off guard

yesterday was a weird one. monday... a monday i am not sure to forget simply because of my being utterly and completely caught off guard.

cue a ping by montana man. conversation develops as i am not leaving town until the evening, whereas, he'd thought i was already gone. i sarcastically apologize for an innocent statement. the zinger hits ~ "i'll have to come over and spank you good" says montana man.

excuse me? i do not play along. he is dating someone else. i am done with him. he does not give up. he keeps sexually slated speak going. as if to tell me he is hard sitting there at his cubicle. he wants us to have sex "for closure." i keep typing no. i use his words against him ~ "you're a taken man" "this is called cheating" "you were upset when you found out your ex had cheated on you when you were married" "no"

montana man had this perfectly reasoned in his head. to him, this proposition would not be cheating. he would not tell her anything. it was only about us. he did not see anything wrong with the fact that he is dating another woman but is hard at his desk thinking about me.

something is rotten in the state of his current relationship.

i finally conceded but not for the reasons you may think. there is an outstanding loan for a considerable amount of cash. he has dodged signing the promissory note for some time now. i conceded knowing he'd be in my home and i'd finally be able to get the piece of paper signed.

some days, a gyrl has to do what a gyrl has to do. yesterday was one of those days. i got that piece of paper signed with more ease that i thought possible.

funny thing was that after we had sex, he did not leave. he stayed and talked for like two hours. i think he missed more than our intense physical connection, he misses our conversations too.

my observations about his new sex life: lacking oral, roll your eyes orgasms, lights are never on. he was eating up the oral portion of the program, even more so than usual. he was not displaying the level of control that he once commanded. his eyes were trained on mine the entire time. he did not blink, he did not look around, his eyes were locked on my eyes the entire time and then some. it was rather unnerving. he talked about the tingle in his toes that he had forgotten about.

this was not like our past fcuk buddy encounters of long ago. this was on par with our fresh days of new relationship sex. it was weird. there were his passionate kisses the nanosecond he entered the door. savoring and caressing my body as clothing slowly came off. he held me long and tight post-coitus. all these things tell me something is not right with his current relationship.

but i do not want to venture down relationship road with montana man again. the mid-morning rendezvous was exactly that - a mid-morning rendezvous where i got a completed legal document with the much needed signature.

i was shocked that after all his expounding of happiness that montana man came looking for sex. i never anticipated this happening. after a break up ~ yes. not during a relationship though.

i am sure there was some or all sorts of motivation, games running though his mind, fueling this entire encounter. i have no time to dissect it nor do i care. i am merely keeping a record to file under wacky things that only happen to me.

Tagged

I gots tagged by KE

The Easy Peasy Rules
Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
Share 7 facts about yourself.
Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 Random Facts

1. My jaw is ever so slightly crooked
2. I did not attend my senior prom
3. Getting divorced was the best thing I ever did for myself. I am proud of my strength to through with it.
4. Late bloomer. I only lost my virginity after graduating from college
5. Vueve is my favorite champagne
6. I hate my thighs
7. Vacuuming. I detest it.

The 7 Victims

1. Going Places
2. Chasing Twilight
3. Jess
4. Outpost in my head
5. Bottles, Barbies, & Boys
6. I am a meme addict
7. So, the thing is... blog

Sunday Phone Call

True to his word, The Southern Gentleman did call me this evening.

Honestly based on his rubber band behavior, I was prepared for him not to call (while we all know I was secretly hoping and praying he would). We spoke for 22 minutes. He filled me in on his weekend and things on his list for the coming week. He asked about some of my statements from my e-mail relating to things I am currently facing ~ cha-cha-changes a la work related.

He said he was hung over today after his fun Saturday. The fact that he likes to have fun, live life is very important to me; however, equally important is that he believes work is important and actually does it too.

Today, the Southern Gentleman sounded like his old self, the same man who used to call me every Sunday like clock work. Hearing that familiar tone made me very happy and also provided me the reassurance I needed that I am not simply making all this up. A la Stuart Smally: He does dig me ~ honestly and truly.

Besides, to ease things in my over analyzing mind, the proverbial 34 is rapidly approaching. I am excited to see what happens when the chime finally rings in early February. Will the tides begin to turn as others have spoken about? A little over 2 months away, I can learn to be patient ~ after all the finish line is so close now ~ finally.

A little disappointed...

... had hoped for a bit of a higher score, but the beer question got me. Damn you, beer!



91%DRUNKARD

Looking for

The Phone Call

"So yes, The Southern Gentleman called me on Turkey Day," she says all giddy with excitement.

I had heard the phone ring whilst at my parents but did not bother to see who it was. You know how it is when you try to speak to someone when at your parents' home. Mom is all ears trying to hear every word while pretending to watch HGTV. Dad comes through and his stumbling around in the background is audible ~ simply chaos and constant potential for disaster for this gyrl.

Later in the evening, I finally checked my mobile only to the missed call was indeed The Southern Gentleman. I am immediately intoxicated with happiness and listen to his voicemail. And it was quite the voicemail. He sounded a little tipsy. He apologized for being MIA for awhile, wished me a happy turkey day, he's had a few drinks tonight, he'd been out of pocket with his father, finally home, got my email, sounds like the birthday was rockin', his schedule is looking better for a December visit, he looks forward to speaking with me. I was jumping out of my skin! The Rubber Band effect is on its way back in!!

I did call him back when I got home. His voice lit up when I said hello. Again more apologies. I told him it was freezing here; in fact, I'd been making my little dog sleep with me. To which he replied, "Well how about I come out there and keep you warm." YIPPEE!! More jumping out of my skin!! He filled me in about what he's been doing. We spoke for 40 minutes. He said he'd call me on Saturday or Sunday. It could be next Sunday and I wouldn't care because the rubber band is coming back toward me; just like the book said it would happen.

Patience. That is all I need. Because once his mind is made up, The Southern Gentleman will move at high speed. I simply know it.

I found my notebook from readings with my beloved psychic. The man she always spoke of is The Southern Gentleman. The references fit ~ not because I am forcing the puzzle pieces ~ but because it actually makes sense now. The small references, things I never understood, make perfect sense now.

Should I be saying this out loud? When I am honest with myself, truly honest, about my feelings for this man all these years, I do not need a psychic or anyone else to tell me this man is the "one". My heart has always known it was him. And being that brutally honest with myself has been difficult. I live surrounded by a brick wall that protects my heart from further damage. But I have always wanted to share my heart with him and he with me. Being honest with myself was the first step. Once day, I will be honest with him too. The point is I look forward to being honest with him about my feelings ~ and I am a gyrl who never tells a man how I feel ~ but this time is different, so very different.

It is all there. It is merely a matter of time. I've waited for a very long time. I will have to learn to wait just a little longer.

Black Friday

It was another cold, cold day here at the ranch. I am tired of being so cold.

Did not do any after-Thanksgiving shopping. Shopping holds no excitement for me here. Did go to the new TJ Maxx and the entire time I kept thinking about all the good shopping I was missing out on in SxSW. I have been jaded toward the shopping here after spending a considerable amount of time in the Bay area and NYC. But when even a town as "small" as SxSW compared to the Mile Hi has hands-down better shopping, it simply leaves my little heart yearning for all things SxSW.

I am still in the dewy mist of speaking to The Southern Gentleman last night. But more on that tomorrow because this gyrl has got to sleep!

Thanksgiving Thanks

WONDERFUL!!! THE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN CALLLED ME !!! Life is oh so yummy good!!!

Blah Wednesday

Nothing hot and spicy happened last night. In fact, happy hour was quite, well, I suppose "dead" would be the proper word.

Today has been snow central. My blood has thinned. I have the furnace cranked and am wearing a jacket inside. I have become such a wimp.

I just sent The Southern Gentleman an email. Thanked him for the birthday card. We'll see what our Southern Rubber Band Man is up to.

Montana Man got on my very last nerve today. My patience is wearing thin with him. I look forward to the day when the books are relatively balanced and I can be free of him. Once. And. For. All. His resistance has been so draining on me. I am tired of his shite. So. Tired. I guess that comes with seeing clearly through all his smoke and mirrors. At least I can see through now.

Woo hoo! I get to sleep in tomorrow! I think that calls for a quiet evening of catching up on Pushing Daisies online and a bit of knitting as Christmas is winging its way toward us.

A Chilly Tuesday

The snow. It. is. coming.

I am bundled up in preparation. My blood has already thinned from my time in the Lone Star state because I have never ever worn a jacket inside all day. And the temperature is only going to d.e.c.r.e.a.s.e. yuck

I had day two with the dentisto. Of course, the first super mega shot of Novocaine does relatively nothing to induce numbness. A second super mega shot was had and only then did twilight numbness ensue. It took longer to get numb than it did for dentisto to drill the little dots.

Tonight I am going to happy hour with my neighbs and her daughter. We are an episode of Absoultely Fabulous. It should be fun sans the frigid arctic tundra!

Hopefully something a little sassy and spicy will happen at happy hour tonight, which will make for a good story. Am definitely going to go upstairs and find some sort of juicy cleavage exposing top... make those boobies work for me!

It's funny but just being home has made me want to do nothing but turn my brain off, do chores and chill....

monday full of answers

it is 12:01 but it is still monday to me. a monday i will never forget.

today, a big prayer of mine was answered. i am so joyful and happy.

Another Theft

1. FIRST NAME? Patsy

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope. My father always wanted a Patsy

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Last Wednesday night ~ tears of joy and happiness, which is a super nice change

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? it is one of my hallmarks

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? it is a toss up between warm roast beef and pastrami

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? You better believe it ~ I add the sparkle

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Yes

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Definitely ~ on my list of must do before I die ~ in SA

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? Does Chex Mix count?

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? I have to untie because i have to tie them tight to begin with due to my narrow feet

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? My strength is another hallmark

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOUR? Pistachio

14. SHOE SIZE? Typically an 8, but anywhere from a 7.5 to a 9... if the shoe fits, I buy it!

15. RED OR PINK? Red. 'nuf said

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? That I am my worst enemy and harshest critic.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my babies, the pup gyrls

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? that would be simply delightful

19. WHAT COLOUR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? black jeans, teal tank top, and my black Fit Flops

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? mahi mahi cevice

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The Killers ~ Sam's Town album ~ Read My Mind

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? Red

23. FAVOURITE SMELL? Hyacinths

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Some random bloke who wants to buy the car

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Shoulders, smile/eyes

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU STOLE THIS FROM? I certainly do

27. FAVOURITE DRINK? a Tito's Vodka martini, dirty

28. FAVOURITE SPORT? hockey, sex

29. EYE COLOUR? deep blue

30. HAT SIZE? Anything that works with the fluffy hair

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? gas perm lenses since I was 11 or 12

32. FAVOURITE FOOD? potato chips, movie popcorn smothered in butter, good green chile, sushi that melts in my mouth

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? depends entirely on the mood and who I am with... both have their ups depending upon the company I am keeping at the time

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer, summer, summer

36. HUGS OR KISSES? kisses... deep... passionate... long... kisses... yummy....

37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? in bed with some whip cream, or no whip cream... but there is a cherry

38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? no one

39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? everyone

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus... because Dixie said so... and The Southern Gentleman truly is a rubber band!

41. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I am a track ball kind of gyrl

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Split Ends

43. FAVOURITE SOUNDS? sweet nothings being whispered in my ear

44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Beatles

45. THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? Australia or India... either way both were a damn long time in an airplane

46. WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? I play piano, and like C ~ bjs

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? 5,280

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I snatched this from C, since I am behind on work... that was due Friday....

Thursday... lost

I wrote out Thursday's post but somehow 15 November 2007 did not stick to Blogger... here it is again... thank goodness I keep a copy in Word!

***************

Worked really late last night. I am exhausted and honestly quite tired of staring into a computer screen. I spoke with a girlfriend of mine who lives in Dixie, so henceforth, she will be known as Dixie in blogland. Dixie inquired as how my beau (her exact words) was. When I informed her that I did not technically call The Southern Gentleman a beau quite yet, I did share with her that he has been rather scarce lately but did send me a birthday card. Dixie has an ability to succinctly size up any given situation and provide the associated, always dead-on advice on absolutely anything; and I mean anything. Dixie first asked if I had ever read Men are from Mars. In fact, I have not. Per the book, Dixie went on to expound that The Southern Gentleman is in rubber band mode. This stretching of the rubber band typically occurs after an intense event – cue our dreamy weekend together. Any chasing on my part during the rubber band stretching would be detrimental – cue why Montana Man’s way to catch a man was not working; damn good thing I ceased that operation. Then after The Southern Gentleman has stretched, he will come back and we will move on to the next level. So sayeth Dixie, therefore it shall be.

Stay tuned! Because if Dixie is right, and remember Dixie is always right, this could become very juicy!

Self-help Saturday

Today I was up early to spring the gyrls. Then off to an appointment on the other side of town. Actually two appointments. Things went surprisingly well on both fronts.

I went to the library and picked up Dixie's book since I have yet to read the men are from Mars thing anyway. So as if freeze again tonight, I will be in my big fluffa bed curled with male knowledge inked on a page.

More tomorrow!

What a gyrl wants

So many times I hear “I want someone to grow old with.”

I simply want someone to be young with, to be vibrant with, and to live this life to its fullest with. I want to live in the now and share the present with someone. Not focus my relationship on having a spare in the back for the days when my hair has whitened and joints ache. What is the fun in that?

I want to experience life with a man who is not afraid to take a big bite. A man who will gleefully scramble to the top of Macchu Picchu and take out the trash ~ in both situations, it will not be a chore for him, merely part of life, our life together.

While I have traveled the world, have done well for myself, I do yearn to have someone to share it all with. However, how the sharing is done is another story, as I will not be any man’s sugar mama. I do not care how cute he is or how good he is in bed; I will not be in a relationship again where the money scales are tipping in my favor.

Where is he? I want to make the memories before the growing old is well on its way, before a hot, steamy night consist of he and I slathering each other in ben-gay. I want to have a colorful tapestry of memories with him, so we can fill in our decrepit swiss cheese memories when we are gray.

Time moves so quickly. I do not want to lose any more time than I already have. I want to be able to enjoy you, Mr. Mystery Meat, sooner rather than later. There are so many wonderful shared memories for us to create.

One Word Wednesday

Snaked from Colleen... because I am uninspired today...

The Day: quick
Your Last Meal: fattening
What You Just Heard: barking
You Can’t Live Without: pups
What You Wish You Could Be: calmer
Your Bed: heaven
Currently Feeling: drained
Word You Hate: indifference
Afraid Of: snakes
Subject You Loved In High School: science
Your Toothpaste: Crest
Unfinished Project: bathroom
Your Hands: Bony
Your Co-Workers: relics
What You Like For Breakfast: mimosas
Who Annoys You: Boobie II
Most Recent Purchase: contacts
Wishing For: love
Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: pistachio
Unsure Of: timing
Last Person You Talked To On the Phone: Mums
How You Relax: bath
Your Shirt: brownish-beige
Where You Were Last Night: home
Where You Will Be Tomorrow: tea

New Moon

Last night, I went to exercise class. Apologized to Red as soon as I saw her. I think she saw that I was still not feeling 100% and eventually warmed up.

Dinner with MJN. The food was delicious. He would not leave. Things got a little dicey when I rubbed my shoulder (totally unintentionally) because it was a little sore due to class and he jumped on that. He just happened to be a professionally trained masseuse. A married with kids masseuse. I did get a much needed deep tissue massage and I can totally feel my left side is stress free; however, he was a little too eager and did get a smidge too touchy... not a lot... but had I been receptive and encouraging of his little advances, the whole thing could have went very, very differently.

As it stood, the evening ended with my falling asleep on the couch. Nothing occurred as he is a married man and I would never go down that path because I would not want some woman to do that to me if it were my husband. Karma is a bitch, so I play nicely with her.

All I can figure is it must be the new moon that is causing random men to want to have a roll in the hay with me at any given moment ~ this is so not my normal life! It is bizarre. Thursday with Ol' Scuba boy, Friday the blind man, last night MJN... what is my world coming to?!?!

Returning from exercise class tonight, I stopped at the mailbox. Yippee! The heavens are smiling down upon me! The Southern Gentleman's card arrived ~ finally! But what the card contained ... well... that's for tomorrow....

Dragging Monday

Today is dragging as I am tired. It is Monday. We have officially entered the firey gates of status report hell. My eyes are itchy. There is pressure building in my sinuses.

I am debating whether or not I feel up to going to exercise class tonight as the urge to scratch my eyes out increases exponentially. Also having to face Red at class, seeing as I slept through her birthday party. Entirely by accident, but still most people are not as understanding or forgiving as I tend to be.

Also MJN (Mary Jane Nerd) is coming over to make dinner post-exercise class. I have misgivings about it, but it is better to get it over with early in the week as opposed to prolonging it.

Here's hoping tonight is decent - overall.

Sunday ~ thinking and resting

Sunday already. This weekend has flown by. I am officially ready for my break next weekend.

The mail man was a huge disappointment for me yesterday. The Southern Gentleman's card was not in my mailbox. And tomorrow ~ Monday ~ oh yeah, a fucking holiday! Yet another day I must wait before I find his card in my box.

Lately though, I have found myself wondering about whether or not I should move. Do I give The Southern Gentleman a little more time or do I go on ahead with my plans to head southeast to SxSWland? Do I seriously alter the landscape of the universe, my universe if I jump in, with both feet, by moving to SxSW? Do I change the future or am I merely (and unknowingly) following my destiny?

The Super Fly Palm woman has made me really think about this move. You see, she was pretty convinced the Mystery Meat dwells just north of my Mile High home, in The Republic. But yet The Republic and SxSWland are always compared to being very similar to each other. I was shocked by some of the things Super Fly was telling me. I point blank asked her if I was moving to SxSWland and she told me "No, why would you move there when he is in The Republic."

However, several of the things she described about the Republic Mystery Meat, occurred when The Southern Gentleman came to see me. Welcome to quandary time!

I will keep going as I see fit. I cannot dictate my life by the words Super Fly shared with me. But y'all, this is so much more complicated than I feel like getting into right now. The Southern Gentleman's visit ~ from six weeks ago ~ still has me in somewhat of a tailspin. I.... I... I think, I feel, within the depths of my soul, that The Southern Gentleman is the man that Super Fly described (even though the geography got her confused), also that my first palmist described.

I don't know. Life is never easy, at least not mine. I am sure I will delve into The Southern Gentleman some more as the month progresses. Because he has been on my brain. Off to see a movie and enjoy the devil popcorn! ta ta

About Last Night...

Last night....

was lots of fun

almost too much fun, if such a thing is possible

yet another late night

fair amounts of alcohol consumed

dancing at the gay bar which is always exciting

a blind man bought me a drink

still cannot text message with any level of efficiency

made new friends

enjoyed late night whataburger onion rings

had a smile plastered on my drunken face all night

life is simply better here for me

reason #333 why I *love* it here

Post-Birthday Evening Stories

First of all, at the Mile High mailbox, there was a mailed birthday card waiting for me from none other than The Southern Gentleman. No phone call but I will take snail any day from that sexy hunk o' burnin' love man. Needless to say, that card has been mailed on to me here because I have no patience.

On to last night. Wow!

This turning 33 ~ in SxSWland ~ certainly something else. something. else. indeed.

Parking was horrendous last night. Nightmare to the Nth degree. Martinis and manicures was fun. Not much of a manicure but for five bucks my nails will look pretty for a bit. Afterwards we went out for one last cocktail. Some dude, hence forth known as Ol' Scuba Boy, came up to us, and asked us to join him and his friends. There was nothing scrumptious in the vicinity, so we joined them.

We went to this club... err... lounge as they called it with a fucking aquarium in the floor. The floor aquarium contained various sharks and stingrays. A pretty cool concept. We had some yummy cocktails. The boys we'd joined were fairly useless. Oh well. We were getting ready to leave and Ol' Scuba Boy was back on us because his chatting up of bedazzler blond girl was done.

This is where things got interesting, if you could call it interesting. Ol' Scuba Boy was very drunk and very horney. Since it was my birthday, I was his chosen target because after all according to Ol' Scuba Boy's logic the birthday girl needed him to go down on her. Yeah. Right.

Ol' Scuba Boy was quite persistent. Very persistent in fact. The birthday girl did not oblige him though. I wasn't up for that. However, the entire situation was quite entertaining and made for a memorable evening.

What a way to kick off birthday weekend!!

Happy Birthday to me!

Actually, dinner last night was not as painful as originally planned. There was wildlife entertainment ~ a raccoon stealing sugar packets off the adjoining tables. That only caused me to have flash backs to the prairie dog debacle.

Today is my birthday. The alarm did not go off, so luckily the phone rang at 7:40 AM. It was Montana Man and the gyrls singing happy birthday. I was not expecting that one.

All the old geezers in the office have been super nice wishing me happy birthday. I am wearing birthday present necklace I purchased a few months ago. It has been a good hair day. What more could a gyrl ask for!

I will tell you what more I am asking for... The Southern Gentleman. Thus far, no call or email from The Southern Gentleman. That has me disappointed. He has dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe he is busy with work and life in general. Maybe he is scared. Maybe he has changed his mind. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Tonight is manicure and martinis downtown. I cannot wait! Birthday stories tomorrow!

xoxo

Dinner Plans

Tonight I am going to dinner with the old guys from my group. Dual birthday dinner. It should be as much fun as a root canal sans Novocaine. Thank God for vodka martinis!

Overall though, today has been some giddy fun. Birthday decorations and such. Have to do something to make the dungeon a little more lively.

I was up ~ bright eyed and bushy tailed ~ at 2:30 AM this morning.... couldn't go back to sleep... until about 5 AM. The alarm goes off at 6:30 AM, however I stayed in bed until 7:30... oh well.

Eggs on My Mind

Today's random thought ~

I was in the loo. I am ovulating. And at that moment of discovery, I found myself wondering if there will ever be a day when I am exciting about ovulating? Sharing it with a man? That my ovulating will be the cue to have sex? lots of sex?

Is that day coming soon? Esp. with my birthday right around the corner.

Good God, man!?! Where the fuck are you?

Color Me Exhausted

Internet, I am past tired, beyond exhausted, plum tuckered out.

It was quite a weekend down here in SxSW land. It started Halloween night and did not stop until about 2 PM yesterday afternoon. I was a zombie at work today. I had a fabulous time and as a result will have fabulous memories of the weekend before I turn 33.

Went to kickboxing tonight, which was good - I don't feel quite so zombie.

I am going to watch last week's episode of Pushing Daisies and call it a day.

Details of Man Magnet weekend tomorrow :-)

I walk for those...

This morning, a Sunday morning no less, when I should be sleeping in after a long weekend of partying like a rock star, I had myself up before the sun to participate in the Race for the Cure.

I have never participated in an event like this before. It wasn’t what I expected at all. With my impending birthday, I have found myself being introspective. I have a feeling this introspection will be found here throughout the month.

I signed up for the walk portion with some of my SxSW buddies. I had no idea that (a.) we had a team captain and (b.) our captain, in her early-to-mid thirties was a breast cancer survivor. I had met our captain before at a party but had no idea that she, only a few years older than me, had lived through this nightmare. This alone proves that you never know where this cancer will strike.

She is married but now she will not be able to have children. Her husband stood by her side through the entire time and he walked by her today. Makes me wonder how I could handle something so terrifying, facing life and death like that – not having a meaningful boyfriend, let alone a husband. There are too many women who go through events of this gravity alone – determination, will-to-live.

So while I sit here and whine about boys and the hiccups in my life, there is so much more out there. I am glad that today I did something that is good for the universe.

Saturday Insanity

Yikes! I got home late last night... then up at the crack of dawn... home only for small bite sized snippets today... off again... and it will not be a late night again... i keep repeating that to myself because I have to up yet again at the ass crack of dawn,,,, too busy a weekend but then again i will sleep when i'm dead!

man magnet powers... only took me like 15 years to learn how to use them but oh so yummy!

xoxo

As promised...

Halloween. My Halloween. It was so much fun. Just one more reason why I love this place so damn much.

The festivities started at 8 PM for me and did not end until 4 AM - yes, that is what I call having a damn good time! Guess I don't turn into a pumpkin after the bell tolls midnight. However, yesterday I was basically a waste of space. But it was worth it.

Had to get over my self-consciousness about having exposed midriff. The liquidy goodness of potato juice helped immensely. Even though the weight is gone, those few years that I was carting around the extra 35 pounds is still there lingering in the body consciousness I feel. I need to start focusing on the 35 pounds that are gone from my body and less on the 5 pounds that remain.

The most amazing part of the evening is the fabulous circle of friends I have here. Everyone is so friendly and it warms the depths of my soul when someone is happy to see me! I have always craved, wished, hoped, desired to have a circle of friends like this - and !poof! my wish has become my reality. I look at the photos from the other night and seeing that smile on my face speaks such volumes. Positive. Volumes.

We danced the night away. My legs were sore yesterday! But had to burn off those luscious vodka calories somehow.

Borat. Dear Abby! I think the last time I randomly made out with some guy had to be in my early 20s. I have been trying to remember the last occurrence of such activity and I seriously think it was Mardi Gras when I was 23 years old. Yeah. Somehow along the way, Borat bought me a drink. Then Borat followed me around mercilessly. The girls and I started dancing. Borat crashed the party - one thing led to another - and Borat kissed me - then a little more - yeah. So I made out with Borat ! of all people! It was Halloween! A good time had by all!

Happy hour fun on the schedule for this evening. Yippee! $3 martinis - what more could a gyrl ask for!

NaBloPoMo Day One

Holy hail storm, batman!

I was reading C's blog and !poof! I had completely forgotten the implications of today - November 1st! Day One of NaBloPoMo!

Off to a rocky start but I will remember from here on out... hopefully. But life is moving pretty fast here. Had the bestest time last night celebrating Halloween... did not get home until a time where a lot of people are getting up and ready to start their day! yea...

More on Halloween for tomorrow! Birthday introspection! Yummy! Boy Updates! And more!

Is that a pineapple on your head or...

I had yet another fabulous weekend in SxSW land. I got an unexpected invite to a Friday night Halloween party, which required obtaining a costume with lightning speed. At home, I could pull this last minute invite with ease; however, being 800 miles from home with limited resources, I had to hit the store, which was a total mad house.

The Friday night party left a lot to be desired. Most notably a party. For some time, the people I was with, well, we were the party. A few more people joined along the way but it was far from a par-tay...

Since it was not a late eve, I made it to the early Saturday morning walk. Six miles at top walking pace early in the morning was surprising easy. Although I did feel my leg muscles. New motto, "firm everything up so I look good nakkid."

Luckily I did not purchase my costume in vain as I had another last minute invite to a real party on Saturday. The location was perfecto - out in the woods by the lake, a shack like structure that contained the booze and a good live band outside where we danced under the trees amid the wind and stars... it was a scene straight out of a good horror movie - unsuspecting partying souls quietly picked off one by one by some psycho as they went back the pink and blue port-a-potties seeking a little relief. It was a good time. The trash can punch was mighty tasty. I preferred the red to the lemonade. The few jello shots were delightful. And I did not get overly tipsy, enjoyed a mellow buzz - yippee for getting my pacing down! Since losing weight and the resulting body composition changes, the pacing has changed.

But Saturday night was fun. Life down here is good. People are kind and welcoming. It was a good kind of party fun that I have not enjoyed since college frat party days.

Reason #648 why I love it here.

"You can't call him!"

I went to a girls night in while I was home. Being exhausted as I was from the tile madness, I wasn't quite myself. A little quieter, a little subdued even with wine.

The evening's contingent was made up of about ten women ranging in age from late twenties to late forties. Pretty, plain, personable, masculine, feminine, attention seekers, wholesome, divorced, never married - it was quite a collection of women. However, we all had one thing in common, we are all single.

A collection of self-sufficient women. Successful women. But single. One woman was sharing her tale of woe regarding her latest fun date courtesy of craigslist. When she stated she sent the guy a little email, you could literally hear the crisp night air being sucked furiously from the room. Immediately, several of these wind suckers frantically stated "oh no! you can't call him" and from there the litany of dating don'ts poured forth.

It was then that I took in the room and thought "maybe that is exactly why we are sitting here single."

I know. Men love the chase, they are by nature hunters.... yada, yada, yada.

But still somewhere along the line, dating and relationships turned into the complex creature, where even your best tried and true male road map cannot provide a clear path. Each man is different; requires distinct items for fulfillment. As such, one set of rules works for one and not the other. Where the art lies is in the determining which set of rules applies to each particular man.

Is the fact that we work-successful women so faithfully follow the "rules" found in the myriad of self-help relationship books a major contributor to exactly what is stopping us from being successful in love? I look at my old ladies and their relationships were not full of the turmoil we face today. How did something as simple as love get so damn complicated?

While I know that a real relationship anything but a Hollywood love story, I do not believe there should be this strict list of 10 steps to trap a man. Coyness and all that old fashioned stuff still resides in my heart. I do like being pursued. I love picking up my mobile and seeing my man's name flash on the screen. But to have this delicate dance dictated by "shoulds" and "cannots" of some so-called expert who resides in the self-help aisle may not necessarily be the answer. Maybe blindly following these "shoulds" and "cannots" is a contributor in why the ten of us women remain single in the face of desiring a loving relationship.

Some days, I think I was born too late. While being able to be independent and work-wise successful, I do think my old ladies enjoyed a fuller love life with their husbands. To listen to their stories of courting, I wish I could have that. Maybe I still can. Or maybe the world is just to different now to facilitate that. But this gyrl holds fast to the dream....

"The Letter"

As I frantically try to tie up loose ends and clean prior to my departure tamale, I have to look at (code word for analyze) The Southern Gentleman's "letter."

Before I share the contents with you, I must preface that I see a difference in "a letter" and "a thank you card". The letter I received is some weird hybrid mix of male thinking.

It is a beautiful, simple handcrafted card from this overseas trip prior to coming to see me. Without further adieu, "the letter" (picture it ~ in male chicken scratchish handwriting):

10-1-07

Hey Wanderlust Gyrl,

I wanted to thank you again for the wonderful weekend in SxSW land. I had a great time catching up and taking in SxSW land with a "local". Very nice place (WG: he underlined twice!) I am so glad you have survived the last few years. Much, so much, life to live. Be safe, stay sweet, and don't change. Hope to see you again soon in SxSW land, Mile High, or the South.

Cheer, the Southern Gentleman :-) xoxoxo

So what do y'all think about that??

Then a few days later I stumble across the Southern Gentleman printed handwriting on the back - yes! the BACK of the card! You see, the card had some foreign characters on the front.

IF YOU COULD NOT GUESS....
"THIS MOMENT IS THE PRESENT" IN specific foreign language.
ENJOY... -SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN

So what do y'all think now??

Not quite a profession of love. But still, I have not gotten a card like that before. As if to be a man writing out a blank card.

I need your input!! Talk to me peeps!

A Quickie

Got off the plane Thursday AM and it has been non-stop! As follows!

• Airplane seat - Middle! Last Row!
• Work, work, work.
• Take much needed nap
• Babysat Montana Man's gyrls for one night
• Babysitting Montana Man's canine for 4 nights
• Hunt for tile
• My hound gyrls are pissed off because the interloper is here
• Hunt for tile
• Read the much spoken about, much anticipated - "the letter"
• Hunt for tile
• Work!
• Raining insane amounts here. However, unfazed as rain = my entire summer
• Bought tile. A lot of fucking tile
• Called The Southern Gentleman and left message
• Laid a lot of fucking tile
• Picked up too much dog shite since returning home
• Have a lot more tile to lay before getting finished
• To date, no returned phone call from The Southern Gentleman

Later in the week, I will fill in some blanks to the bullet points above.

But for now, I am super duper exhausted. My body is running an hour ahead. Need to finish my glass of vino and head directly to bed!

Latest Update

Yesterday I received the call. The letter arrived. Not enough time to overnight it and ensure I receive it before I leave. My decision has been made for me based on sheer timing. I must wait until I arrive back home.

Patience.

Right now, Thursday afternoon sounds quite far away.

Because Today The 10,000 Maniacs Can Say It Better Than Me

These are the days
These are days you’ll remember
Never before and never since, I promise
Will the whole world be warm as this
And as you feel it, You’ll know it’s true
That you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched by something
That will grow and bloom in you

These are days that you’ll remember
When May is rushing over you
With desire to be part of the miracles
You see in every hour
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky
It’s true that you are touched
By something that will grow and bloom in you

These are days
These are the days you might fill
With laughter until you break
These days you might feel
A shaft of light make its way across your face
And when you do
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
See the signs and know their meaning
It's true
Then you’ll know how it was meant to be
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking
To you, to you

Yes

Remember the other day - oh maybe Wednesday - I was so thrilled, looking forward to being home and with the hound girls on Friday. Friday?! Well - that would be today, correct?



Yes, it is Friday. Guess where I am? Still in SxSWland. Gonna be here for another week. Yup, plans changed and since I am a tireless slave for The Man, I am still here. My babies are still in lock down. Mail will not be in my hot little hands.



Yes, the mail. Remember back to the other day when I discovered there would be non-bill, personal mail awaiting me? I have been on pins and needles to learn what is contained in "the letter". 768 air miles separate me from my mailbox. Torture! Pure! Unadulterated! TORTURE!

Yes, I am distraught. No patience. Wanting to move to the next level. Needing peace of mind. Knowledge. There are options. Overnight express delivery. Scanning and emailing. Waiting. The alternatives for getting "the letter" to be here with me all have some level of a flaw. Honestly, this is the very last thing that needs to be lost in the mail, literally and figuratively. Scanning - while giving me instant gratification, does not provide me (a) the privacy or (b) the joy of opening the envelope (and yes, silly as it sounds, opening the envelope itself is something I would prefer to do).

Yes, this whole situation sucks. But it is only temporary. I can try to suck it up for a week. Operative word here is try.

Have made some fun plans for the weekend. Need to have some excitement to stave off "the letter" torture I must endure.

Congrats on The Lemonheads' arrival, Helen!

Happy First Anniversary, ESC!

Moving On

Happy Wednesday !

By this time on Friday (two days away!), I will be half way home. I miss my hounds. Some people may look at them as "just dogs," but they are my darlings. I cannot wait to look into my big girl's eyes. I have been looking at their photos a lot the past few days eager with the thought I will be with them again soon.

************** ******************

I sent The Southern Gentleman a little email yesterday at the urging of Montana Man. Of course, I also threatened Montana Man within an inch of me going Lorena Bobbitt on his ass in the event he chooses to give me bad male interpretation data. I think Montana Man knows this Scorpio has a pretty nasty sting.

Honestly, I feel Montana Man is a little jealous and a little surprised about the whole Southern Gentleman presence. Yesterday I was completely open about The Southern Gentleman to Montana Man. I told MM how TSG asked me the $64,000 questions about my feelings on remarriage and children. Maybe revealing the depth of our TSG weekend and our situation over the years was a dangerous thing, but honestly, I do not care. MM asked for details, so I gave them (within reason). MM wants us to be best friends. Well, best friends hear about my TSG adventures.

Something I did find interesting though. Upon initially telling MM about TSG, I did explain the attraction level that has always been, starting from when TSG and I initially met many moons ago. There was also always a magnet between MM and I, but the magnet is at least 10 times more powerful between TSG and me. That is how I related it to MM. His only statement "wow." Funny thing is that yesterday MM tells me that he and his new squeeze are very attracted to each other. MM even went so far to say that "how you said it is 10 times more powerful between you and TSG. well, that's the same with me and the new squeeze." MM, do I note a hint of the green eyed monster of jealousy?? Funny how MM and the new squeeze went from his self-described "ok" date to a love of epic proportion when MM found out about TSG. Yeah.

************** ******************

I fell asleep on the couch last night. I slept good over all. Felt refreshed this morning. Of course, now here in the dungeon, I feel drained and ready to take a nap. I think not seeing the sun and being trapped in this depressing office has just a little bit to do with it.

Hee hee. I wonder what the rest of today has in store for me...

Take a Letter, Maria

Tonight as I strolled about town, I called The Southern Gentleman. He sounded slightly surprised to hear my voice. I greeted him in my usual manner. He went on his little road trip. I questioned how the drive went and he said it was good - he had "time to think". I did not question what he was thinking about because I have a pretty damn good idea.

His voice sounded happy at my call. The Southern Gentleman stated he was surprised at my call, especially since he had just finished a letter to me about an hour before. I cheerily say "we've got ESP" and he says "yeah, it looks like it" with a smile in his voice.

We talk about SxSW land. At some point I touch on a harmless topic that he addressed in his letter and he says that is something he touched on in his letter so we wouldn't talk about it as to not be redundant. We discussed his week home and his current excursion. It was good. The Southern Gentleman asks when I head west next, then says "you'll have to watch your post box for the letter."

In that moment, the light bulb springs to life over my dim head. Not an e-mail like I had assumed this previously mentioned letter was, but a real honest to goodness hand written, pen and paper letter. I am believing that any man who would take the time to write a good old fashioned letter only has good things to say.

So now I am on pins and needles, waiting to get home to see what the mailbox holds for me. Some days it is better not to know because the anticipation may very well kill me. Part of me so excited but a small part of me is afraid too. An letter, a note can hold so much or so little. And we've already discussed my lack of patience! OMG! Good thoughts, Internet!

Coming Clean

Today I gave up.

I came clean with Montana Man about The Southern Gentleman. Dear Montana Man cornered me into telling him the truth; going on ad nausium about the sound of my voice when we spoke yesterday. He was dying to tell me about his date too and think he was checking the water on that front too. So I decided fuckit and told him.

Montana Man and I have needed to be honest. We have needed to move forward. Put "us" behind us. I needed to wipe the slate clean, so I can be without a care. So I can be free. Free for me. No more accidentally falling into bed. No more ties to bind us or me. Free.

I felt he was surprised by it to some extent. I do not think he assumed there was the depth there that there is. It did feel good to hear him affirm what I felt were the vibes coming off The Southern Gentleman. Maybe Montana Man and I can truly be friends.

Oh I wish I were an Oscar Myer Weener...

I feel like I am such a whiner here.

Here in my little corner of wanderlust land.

I cried and whined about Montana Man. The good, the bad, the ugly, the crying, the heartbreak, the denial, the denial, the denial.

Harry Goldenblatt was a small bump in the road.

The Questionable Italian was an even more minuscule bump in the road.

Now The Southern Gentleman is on the scene. And I feel like I am in whiny mode again. Because I have no patience and want The Southern Gentleman. NoW!

I don't want to be whiny. But y'all get what is bubbling at the surface of my brain. And on my brain - straight up - is my future, my life and how that all relates to The Southern Gentleman.

However, Montana Man called this afternoon. Keep in mind that last Sunday night he pinged me with the following -

MM: Hey, you dont return phone calls. geee you must have a man
MM: LOL
WG: hola. I am a busy girl :)
MM: with who? lol
WG: Remember - I had company this weekend. My poor liver.
MM: the guy from alanta
WG: Yes, my pal from the South. We drank our way thru SxSW-land
MM: cool

And on Friday, this is what he said:

MM: i thought you left prom queen (inside joke)
WG: i am home - nibbling on dinner. trying to figure out my night
MM: lol so many places and mmmmm guys. lol. go girl. i am sooo proud of you. you really have made so many great steps in your life
WG: overall, i am not impressed with the men here
MM: so what you will find one. you have a lot of good friends there. sooooo that is most of it silly
WG: honestly the good friends is all that matters to me
MM: and you got some last weeekend sooo you are good for a while
WG: nope - he was a total gentleman
MM: you should have silly
WG: not with him
MM: lol. ok
WG: maybe one day but not now
MM: lol

Fast forward to today...

Montana Man tells me at the end of our phone call, "It was really good to catch up today." Because I could not resist, I inquire "What do you mean?" Montana Man responds "Because we hardly talk anymore. Not like we used to."

I did not go where I could have. I mean after all we did break up - you broke up with me - duh! And I laugh because he is trying to make me jealous that he is going out on dates. His mediocre date on Tuesday has since turned into something fun to do since then - why? - because I am not showing signs of jealousy. I think it is funny.

While I'd love to be able to discuss the Southern Gentleman with Montana Man for a true male point of view - I don't think we are there yet. As evidenced by the above messenger exchange, I honestly do not believe that Montana Man is ready to hear about the next phase in my life.

In other news, no Sunday phone call from The Southern Gentleman. I did not think he would call. But still, secretly in my heart of hearts, I was hoping he would.

And a Side Order of Patience, Please

hmmm... waiting. patience. patience.

Patience is not my strong suit. Never has been.

When I was a child, I'd sneak peeks at Christmas packages. Then got bolder and started finding my parents' hiding places for the presents. To this day, I purchase gifts for people and cannot wait to give them - it is pure torture for me to have to wait. Patience. I ain't got no.

I never fully realized how very ready I am to take the big leap. The big leap into a potential lifetime commitment of love. When face-to-face with reality, I discovered I am. I really am. And that has taken me by surprise. I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life.

While I love my freedom, no ties, I am ready to share my life with someone. It's taken me awhile to get here, but I am cool with that idea now. In fact, I embrace it with open arms. When I was married last time, I refused to change my last name. Even when Montana Man and I were chatting up marriage, I did not want to change my last name. It is my identity - I was deeply attached to fighting for it. However, with the Southern Gentleman, I would change my last name in a heart beat. That is a huge step for me - and it says a lot.

But we are now to the wait and see stage of the dance. Which requires patience. I think this is going to be a growing experience for me. Because like everything else in my life, nothing comes easy.

Pondering

A quiet weekend.

Thoughts of "this time last week" running through my mind.

Feeling a wee bit sad because time goes by so quickly some days.

1,200 miles separates us right now.

Need to figure out my weekend. Thinking a little happy hour would be good.

Enjoy my time here. Make the most of it.

The Difference a Year Makes

Can't believe it is already coming up to a week that The Southern Gentleman arrived. His trip went by too quickly. I could have used another day with him.

I have been floating around the office all week. Of course, there is only one small wrinkle in it all - I don't know when I am going to see him next. Geographically challenged. That's me.

However, if you would have told me this time last year that I would out here in the land of burnt orange madness, I would not have believed you. Life is fluid - who knows where I will find myself this time next year - the possibilities are endless. I happily embrace each and every one of those delicious possibilities.

That is what I found myself pondering during painful conference calls today. Where I was this time last year. I was falling deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of depression. Montana Man had broken up with me. I was distraught because he was my world. It was an ugly time.

Fast forward to today. I am happier than I have been in a long, long time. I have evolved. My life is full of richness - friends, family, co-workers, warmth of heart, smiles, laughter, compassion, caring, love, excitement - that I am beyond grateful for. I am not the carefree person I was six years ago. The elements are still there, but my life is not as compartmentalized as it once was. I am freer in all aspects of my life. I may not be as goofy with my family, but I am goofy at work where I'd have never done that in the past. Last night, a co-worker came over and we cooked dinner. We had a great time talking and eating until 1 AM. I'd have never been able to pull that off before. I can now and I am proud for those strides I have made. People always smile when they see me in the hallways. I find myself being more open and randomly talking with people in all facets of life. Like last Saturday night, we had a drink at the bar while waiting for our table. Our table buzzer went off, so The Southern Gentleman ran to the hostess table while I picked up the tab on the drinks. A man on a date with a woman told me, "That isn't right that he is getting the table and sticking you with the bill." Old days - I wouldn't have said anything or mumbled something - shy! escape! I told this man, "Actually these drinks are the first and only thing I have paid for all weekend. He has taken really good care of me and this is the least I can do." The man smiled and told me that was good to which I replied yes, he is a very kind man.

The Southern Gentleman is very kind. It isn't about who foots the bill, but the kindness that oozes out of him. The way he told me not to worry, he'd take care of me. The look in his eyes when he spoke those words. He meant it and I believed him with all my heart. The way he took my hand, put his arm around me, the way he kept his word. And after all I have been through, this I know for sure - actions truly do speak volumes louder than words - his actions and words were in sync. And that is of the utmost importance to me.

Southern Gentleman's Weekend

The Southern Gentleman is en route back to his home in the south. Honestly, I am sad he left. I had such a fabulous time and it was only getting better. He is even more amazing than I remembered. Ahh... The Southern Gentleman is simply wonderful.

Let's start at the beginning. Getting dressed for work Friday morning, I had to make the critical decision of what to wear since I would be heading straight to the airport from work. I went with the black and white Steve Madden:

(I hang on the edge of the bath tub for you internet! that's what I call love!)

The day crept by until suddenly it was time for me to leave. I feared I would be late because, well, I left late. Luckily, I arrived on time, was able to park, and be there at baggage claim when he came down the escalator.

He saw me first. I had forgotten or maybe even never realized how tall The Southern Gentleman is. Even in my high heels, he still towers over me. 6' 4" is one tall drink of water.

Off to the car, let the adventure begin! We went downtown and the booze started flowing along with the conversation. We spent time at the Cuban place, then headed off to bbq dinner, back downtown for more cocktails and finally home. At home, he settled into his room. We each got ready for bed in our respective bathrooms and The Southern Gentleman requested I tuck him in. Now kids, take your minds out of the gutter - no horizontal polka ensued. He asked if I was seeing anyone. I replied no and he said he wasn't either. We both remained clothed and seriously nothing happened and I mean nothing. The Southern Gentleman simply held me. During the middle of the night, he did kiss me once in between my shoulder blades, which melted me with its tenderness and delicateness.

We slept in and that felt great. Then yesterday, we had yummy Mexican food for lunch. Did a bit of shopping. Got The Southern Gentleman some burnt orange since last night was a home football game. Along with his new shirt, he picked up some suds and we went home where we lounged around watching telly and chatting. I could lay around chatting and watching football (which I'd never ever do) with this man and be eternally happy. He explained football to me.

We got all burnt orange'd up and headed downtown. Went to a nice bar and enjoyed cocktails while watching the game along with talking life. Talking life in general terms such as second marriage, children and then he asked a few questions about my marriage to the Leech and it was good that I didn't feel the need to rehash it in gory detail - I am healing from that hell. The Southern Gentleman suggested I come to his southern home for a month to see where he lives and see him on his turf.

We proceeded to the next place for dinner. It was marvelous - tapas and homemade sangria. Then we saw my favorite 80's cover band - fab time. I stopped drinking because I felt no pain but seeing as The Southern Gentleman has almost a foot on me, he was able to continue drinking. We danced, sang, smiled big, smoked a few ciggies, held hands, he took gentlemanly care of me as I too looked out for him, and with each passing hour since he landed, I realized more and more about just how happy I could be with this man.

Got home at 2 AM again, watched a bit of telly. I fell asleep at some point and he put me to bed. I awoke early this morning and I patted down the hall where we cuddled. It simply felt nice to be there beside a wonderful man, to feel his strong arms around me, his warmth, his breath. aahhh...

We had lunch today and went to Chinatown. Then it was off to the airport. I was sad to take him. I would have liked another day. The Southern Gentleman said he'd like to come back down again and that would make me very happy.

Since you made it through my poorly structured weekend account, I leave you with this final photo that best sums up our weekend:

Thursday - Yikes!

Kids, I am tired. Sadly, it is only 10 PM here. I am ready for bed and The Southern Gentleman hits town tomorrow. I still need to clean a bit but I only want to go to sleep. ACL this past weekend kicked my ass. You can see the photos here.

I think I am going to wear one of my Steve Madden dresses tomorrow to pick up The Southern Gentlemen. I will try to be good and take photos of said dresses.

Tonight I went to happy hour with my neighbor and her pals. This was of course after having gone to get my eyebrows waxed and minimal food for the frig. The Southern Gentleman must have something to nibble on.

I am excited but not the nervous giddy excitement. I think that is due to my thinking - brain working overtime - that a weekend of random sex is not worth ruining a good, solid, long-standing friendship over. Of course, things can still happen. A girl never knows.

I purchased a fab-o necklace last night. I spent more than I should have but it was one-of-a-kind, i loved it, and it spoke to the depths of my soul. The photos don't do it justice because I am photo inept. Happy birthday a little early!

So tonight a happy hour, the vet came but I felt compelled to say low since neighbs is hott for vet man. That whole girl code/ethic thing is too much sometimes, but I must live by it. As a result, I ended up chatting it up with his pal. Vet Friend ended up telling me the story of his life since the last monthly happy hour. It was a sad story. Made me cry. I was made to be a shrink. I have "I will listen" tattooed on my forehead - I am convinced. It was gut wrenching and reminded me of too much shite - Goofy Buddy, my cousin, and the random AZ accident I witnessed.

Must pick up and prepare house for The Southern Gentlemen! And sleep! because I need my beauty rest!

Signing off! You may not hear from me until Monday. Depending on the climate and situation, I just may drop in a line before then....

Weekend Company - or I am too tired to come up with a decent title

The Southern Gentleman arrives on Friday afternoon. I so need to begin sketching out a high level weekend plan. For some crazy reason, I don't feel the need to have a full tour planned and ready. I think that is because that is not quite how The Southern Gentleman rolls... he is mellow and laid back and quite honestly I think he needs to have input on the schedule of events. I need to work on not being the one in control in a male-female dynamic - offering suggestions to pick from as opposed to a schedule.

Of course, the SuperFly Palm lady had a different opinion on my The Southern Gentleman is it theory. As is, per SuperFly Palm, I don't know who the Mystery Meat is. Which disappointed me. More on that later. But I will definitely capitalize on all opportunities. Because you see, free will is involved and I still have conscious choices to make regarding all of this brew-ha-ha. That I know for certain.

However, the problem lies in my mother's new and constant rant about the whole situation. A rant that over uses colloquialisms in excess. If I hear one more time "a bird in the hand," I am going to spoon my eyes out with a dull butter knife. The more she rants, the more I want to move to The South and be even further away from her.

I was quite distraught when SuperFly Palm point blank told me I was not moving any time soon. When I questioned her explicitly, she told me "why would you move, when the man is in The Republic, so the answer is no." Urgh! But I love love love it out here in SxSW land! This is home and the Mystery Meat is in The Republic - damn him! It may be the point where I say screw the Mystery Meat and go where I am truly happiest of all.

I am going to keep rolling with the punches here. Because that's all I can do and I will make sure I have a damn good time doing it.

Next dilemma, what to wear to pick up The Southern Gentleman from the airport???